My hands roam to his hair, sliding to the back of his head and I push into the kiss. It's been so long since I've been kissed like this I almost don't remember how to follow along.
A familiar ringing sound makes me jolt and I pull away, remembering why I shouldn't be kissing the man that could easily be making me fall for him all over again.
“That's my phone,” I pant, my forehead pushed to his chin.
“That it is.” His voice is gravelly. He pushes my head up and smirks at me. “It can wait, don't you think?” His thumb traces my lips and his eyes narrow. “This is too good to walk away from, Beany.”
He's not wrong. But this isn't right. I'm not in love with, and I feel no love toward my husband. But I'm legally committed.
“Shit.” I pull away and shake my head. When I look at him, he looks hurt and that makes me feel worse. “Just...give me time.” I nod to my own request, begging him in my head to help me through this. Whatever this might be.
“Yeah.” He drops his hands from me and shoves them in his pockets. “I understand. I'm a fairly patient man, Bean. Not sure if you knew this but I once waited three days outside the Kum and Go for the new flavor of Doritos.”
I snort out a laugh, not surprised he makes me feel the way he does. Like everything's going to be okay.
“Was it worth it?” I ask and start loading the dishwasher.
“Every last second.” He leans down and stops me, putting his hand on my arm. “You cooked. I clean.”
“Team work?” I offer and walk to the table, helping to clear it.
I'm not sure what to do, or say, but I don't want anything to ruin our evening. It's like there's a loaded gun between us and when it fires, all of this could end, and I don't want that. But I'm not sure what I want.
After he turns on his favorite country station, we move in sync like we've been doing this for years. We haven't said much in the past hour, but everything's cleaned and he's pouring me more wine.
“So Ginnie.” I stare outside at the lone goat. “Why only one?”
“I had plans on adding another one. It was all lined up.” He shrugs and takes a seat at the table next to me. “But other things came up that were more important than goats. She needs a friend though. Brandt's got a doe that's about ready to give birth. Maybe I can talk him out of one of those.” The grin he's wearing is genuine, like he actually loves his job and the animals.
I can't help but laugh and when he cocks his eyebrow, I feel bad and reach across the table, taking his hand. “I think it's adorable you love animals. And you're a goat dad.” I rub his hand before sliding mine away again.
“Should I get a shirt? Would you still hang out with me if I wore a Goat Dad shirt around town?” He takes a drink of his beer and laughs at the expression on my face.
“I still hung out with you when you rocked that mullet and creep stache the year you graduated. That was fucking rough.” I laugh hard remembering how hard he tried to look like a creep.
He barks out a laugh and groans. “That was such a bad year. So many regerts,” he says in a dumb voice. The room falls silent and when I glance over at Tommy he's staring out the window.
“Hey.” I grab his hand again and hook our pointer fingers. “What's on your mind?” There are a million things on mine.
I really hope he knows what he's doing when he admits the feelings he did earlier tonight. If there's one thing I'm guilty of doing when it comes to Tommy, it's that I go along with damn near everything he thinks is a good idea. And I'll be the first to admit, he had a ton of bad ideas when we were kids, but I was right there alongside him.
“You wanna get out of here?” He finally looks over at me. “It's a beautiful summer night. Let's teach you how to be a country girl again.”
“What do you have in mind?” I pop up, ready for an adventure.
“Want to take the truck for a spin in Kenshaw's field?” He wiggles his eyebrows. “Test the ropes a bit, see how much it's like ridin' a bike?” His eyes go wide. “Or we could take a ride on my bike!” His smile's somehow bigger now, like a kid on Christmas morning.
I chuckle and stare toward the front door. “I haven't been on a bike since your dirt bike fifteen years ago.” I glance at him and outstretch my hand. “If you really think my ass will fit.”
He lets out a growl and lust fills his eyes. “Fuck yes it will.” He takes my hand and pulls me through the house but I stop him and jog into my room, grabbing a pair of shoes instead of sandals. At his bike, he says, “Here,” and tosses the helmet at me and watches me inspect it. “You gotta put it on. It's my only rule.”
I cringe and pull it over my head. “How many people have worn this besides you?” I grimace.
“That's only a month old,” he says, tapping on the helmet. “So just my nasty head, I guess.”
“That's nasty enough.” I reach up and ruffle his hair. “Can I get some help? It feels like it's gonna fall off.” I wiggle my head and he laughs.
“You're worse than a kid, you know that?” He reaches up and pulls the strap a little tighter before his lips lift into a grin. “You're pretty fuckin' hot with this on, Bean.”
“Really? I think my hair's killin' the image I'm goin' for. This messy bob doesn't scream biker bitch.”
“It's the nose.” He taps my nose. “Adorable and sexy all at the same time. How does she do it, folks?”
“Plastic surgery.” I wink before throwing my leg over the bike.
“Shut up.” He laughs. “You did not have plastic surgery. Right?” He crosses his arms in front of me and refuses to get on the bike. I stare up at him and motion for him to sit down but he shakes his head. “Smile,” he demands.
“Do I have lipstick on my teeth?” I rub my finger over my front teeth. “This is sixteen hour.” I push my lips together.
“Beany, focus!” He snaps his fingers. “Smile for me, please.”
I study him a minute. “Know what will make me smile? Get on the bike. That makes me smile, as much as I used to tell you I hated you riding, it's kind of sexy. Get on the bike and I'll smile.” I rub the seat in front of me, hoping he has enough room.
“I can't see your smile if my back's to you!” He's actually flustered right now. “No smile. No bike ride.”
“Come on!” I groan and wiggle my ass. “I'm straddling your motorcycle and I want to go!” I give him a goofy smile. “There. Happy?”
He leans down, tapping just to the right of my nose. “So fucking happy you don't even know. And you didn't have plastic surgery,” he whispers, inches from my face. “Because I've been in love with that dimple since high school.” He winks at me, then swings his leg over and starts it up.
I rub the dimple he's talking about, never thinking anyone noticed that. When he revs the engine, I quickly grab his sides and hold on tight. I can't say I love this, but being with Tommy makes me feel more at ease. As we get closer to town, I wonder where we're going until he pulls up to the tattoo shop he works at.
He kills the engine and hops off, smiling.
“Up for some new ink?” He wiggles his eyebrows.
I stare at him wide eyed before getting off the bike. Unstrapping the helmet, I think it over, but the answer's no. I've never wanted a tattoo.
“I think I'm okay. Is it a turn off I'm not tattooed?” I mutter, wondering why the hell I even asked that.
“Nothing you do is a turn-off, Affton,” he says then nods to the front door. “Just wanted to show you the other side of Tommy. You've met cowboy Tommy. But have you met badass tattoo artist Tommy?” He grins.
I laugh at him. “You're a cocky dick. You're lucky you can actually draw or I'd call you out.” I follow him inside. The second we enter I hear a laugh that will forever be imbedded in my head and I cringe. Sarah. God I hated this girl in high school and I'm not surprised she looks like a washed up gutter slut. “Oh god,” I groan, not giving a shit if she hears me. This girl tortured me for my weight for years.
“Chase!” Tommy yells, heading up the stairs so I follow. We make it to the top and he stands there with his arms crossed in front of him. “You let her back in this place? After everything she caused?”
Chase is on the couch with a video game controller in his hand, staring at us more confused than Tommy is right now. “Who?” he asks, not dropping his controller.
“Sarah,” Tommy hisses. “Why the fuck's she back here?”
“Grant brought her in for a quick session. I told him to double charge her and I'm hiding up here till she's gone.” He shrugs. “Money's money, Tommy. Hey, Affton.” His eyes flit between the two of us like he knows there's something going on here. “You guys want a drink? It's in the fridge.”
I walk toward the refrigerator he gestured to. “What'd Sarah do?” I ask before holding up a beer in question for Tommy.
“No thanks, I'm driving.” He smiles at me, not even trying to hide it when his eyes travel to my tits. “She was a royal bitch to Chase's wife before they got engaged.”
“Kay put her in her place though,” Chase says, grinning like a lovesick pup.
“Yeah. And spent the night in jail for it!” Tommy laughs.
“Kaydence?” I blurt, laughing my ass off, not able to picture that. “I'll go kick Sarah's ass again if she deserves it,” I claim, wondering what the hell I'm talking about. I'm not kicking anyone's ass.
“Calm down there, killer,” Tommy says, giving me a weird look. “No one's kicking anyone's ass.” His eyebrows push together but he recovers almost immediately. “Anyway, I just wanted to bring Affton by to show her the shop. It's way different now than before you left.”
“You mean to say it's not a shit hole anymore?” Chase laughs, hopping up from the couch. “Stay as long as you want. I've got a client coming in soon so I need to make sure that bitch is out of here before then.” He heads down the stairs.
“Want to play?” I grab the controller he abandoned and sit down.
I haven't let loose in years. I haven't played a video game. Casually drank a beer. Hung out in a tattoo shop. I haven't been this person since I was in my early twenties and I just want to let go for a while.
“Sure,” he says, falling to the couch next to me. “Just so you know I'm a master at this too. You can pretty much accept that I'm a master at everything I do.” He shrugs, starting the game up.
I laugh at him and shake my head. When the game loads, I smack the controller out of his hands and kill his character. “You suck so bad it's embarrassing!” I have no idea what this game even is but I managed to kill him while he scrambled for the controller.
“God, you're right I do!” He groans. “Let's just give up and fuck.”
Beer shoots out of my nose as I was in mid drink. I quickly stand, trying not to choke to death. Holding my hand over my mouth and nose, trying not to die, I glare at him. “What is wrong with you and that dick?” I ask like I'm shocked he's horny. He was always horny!
“Nothin's wrong with magic dick, Beany.” He stands. “It's way more fun than playing video games, though.” He steps closer to me. So close I can smell him.
“I mean...yeah.” I nod in agreement. “Probably.” My eyes flash toward the stairs Chase just headed down. Am I really going to do this? Why the hell wouldn't I? I step closer to him.
“Glad we agree.” He grabs my hips and pulls me to him, his lips slamming to mine and his hands grabbing my ass.
He walks us backward, to the couch, his lips never leaving my skin. Our tongues dance, our bodies push against each other, and when he sits, I straddle his lap. I have no idea what the hell we're doing. Anyone could walk up those stairs, but it's not stopping me. I don't want to overthink anymore, I just want to feel. Tommy. All of him. I pull at his shirt, yanking it off when he adjusts to help. His fingers move to the button on my jeans and my hips start to rock, grinding his hard length right where I've been dying to get him since we exchanged those pictures.
“What if Chase or Grant come up here?” I whisper, panting heavily while our mouths continue to explore.
“I don't care enough to stop and think about it,” he breathes. His fingers rake their way under the hem of my shirt and he groans. “Fuck, Beany.”
His lips connect with my neck and he pushes his hands up my shirt, lifting it as he goes, then grabs the cup of my bra and tugs it down. His lips press kisses on my skin as he moves his mouth to my tits. He moans when his mouth wraps around my nipple. I shudder under his touch, closing my eyes and letting the feeling control me. My hands move to his belt buckle and I work it like I used to when we were kids. Sliding my hand over his cock that's restrained in his jeans, I moan.
“Fuck, Bean,” he pants, his mouth still exploring my tits. ”You’re better than any pussy I’ve ever had.”
I flinch like he just slapped me as those exact words play through my head in Corey's voice. I scramble away from him, falling to the floor but quickly getting to my feet, adjusting my shirt as my heart tries to slam out of my chest. My mouth flaps, but I don't have words as that memory starts to fight off every ounce of lust I was just feeling for Tommy. The reminder why I don't deserve this and don't deserve to be able to let go and just feel is internally beating away my happiness. The look on Tommy's face almost makes me burst into tears so before I do, I bolt. Not thinking straight, I run from him like he's the man haunting my thoughts. I just need a breath of fresh air. Before I get to the bottom of the steps, I hear him behind me, but I don't stop moving. When I get outside, I hunch over and take a deep breath of country air. I'm not in California. In that house. I’m not with Corey. I’m with Tommy.
When his hand touches my back, I squeak his name, feeling humiliated and almost as worthless as Corey used to make me feel.
“Shhh,” he whispers, pulling me up and wrapping his arms around me. “I'm here. You're here.” He curses under his breath and holds me tight. “I'm sorry, Bean. I know you said slow. It's so fucking hard to go slow with you,” he mutters into my hair as he holds me against him.
“I'm sorry,” I start to repeat in a panic. I don't know if I should hold him tighter, or push him away. I know he wouldn't hurt me. I think I know that. But in my head, every man will physically make me hurt. “I'm so sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for.” He smooths my hair down before letting his hands rub down my back. “It's okay, Bean.”
I need to look at him, focus on who I'm with. Tommy would never hurt me. I keep telling myself this. As I push out of his protective hold, I flinch before looking at him because I've been hit too many times for trying to search Corey's eyes for some semblance of compassion.
“I'm sorry,” I whisper and my tears break through as I stare into his blue eyes that are clear as day. “I—” I don't get my words out because the shop door opens.
“Hey, what's up, you two?” Grant cluelessly asks.
I bite my lip and shift my eyes to Tommy's hands, waiting to see a fist but he's completely relaxed and I chide myself for mentally turning Tommy into something he's not.
“I'm sorry,” I whisper one more time before finding my full height again, not needing to cower. I'm not going to be hit here.
Tommy's eyes don't leave mine. “Grant, tell Chase we're headin' out, okay?”
“Y’all just got here! I finally finished Sarah up if you guys want to hang out for a bit.” The guy's clueless but why would he be anything else?
“Maybe another time, man.” Tommy nods. “I'll see ya later.”
Grant mumbles something and heads back inside, leaving us standing alone out here.
“I'm sorry,” I blurt when Tommy walks us toward his bike. I need to stop saying that, but I don't know what else to say.
“Can you stop apologizing, Bean?” Tommy rests the helmet on my head, his eyes locked on mine as he snakes the strap on. “You've got nothing to apologize for. At all.” He softly pushes his lips to mine, lingering a moment before pulling back. “This helmet may have just found a new owner. It looks way too good on you,” he whispers.
I push a smirk onto my face while searching his expression. I'm not used to this. I keep waiting for Tommy to come back and scream or hit me for what I did and it makes me sick these thoughts are in my head because Tommy is not Corey.
I get on and hold him tight for the ride, almost afraid to go back to his place because if he wants to continue what we started, I don't know if I can. I'm just not ready. I thought for a brief second my head was sorted out but after all that, I'm not.
He takes the helmet and my hand, walking into the house without words and we head straight for his bedroom. His hands aren't as urgent as he pulls his shirt over his head. He's looking at me with an emotion I haven't seen directed at me in a long time. Love.
“Can we snuggle?” His voice is full of unspoken thoughts. Worries. “You can leave your clothes on. I just... I need you close, Bean.”
When he turns for his dresser, I grab his arm. “I want you, Tommy. Really. I want...this.” I point between us. “I want it to work and I want to explore what could have been, and mainly I just...want you...inside me.” I bite my lip and look away from him. “But I don't think I'm mentally there,” I whisper. “And I don't know when I will be so I morally can't put you through a waiting process that may never get better.” I don't want him to pull away, but I have to be honest with him. With myself.
He steps closer to me, his hands cupping my face, and looks at me like he's looking straight to my soul. ”I know. But I'm here, Affton. I've always been here and I'm not going anywhere.” I can tell he wants to kiss me. His eyes flash down to my lips then his eyebrows push together the slightest. “Slow. We take it slow, like you said.” His hands drop to mine and he backs up to the bed, bringing me with him. “So let's lie down. I'll massage your feet and you can tell me everything about this place that makes you love it so much, because I just know you do.” His tone is light and the way his face looks so carefree makes me the tiniest bit jealous that I can't just turn it off and stop worrying that things will never get better.
“I'll never turn down your foot massages.” I manage to smile. “Let me change, and take my makeup off.” When he nods, I slip from his room.
After changing, I stand at his partially closed door, almost talking myself into going back to my room. I can't do this and I hate to say it but if I mentally put myself in limbo and then find out he's sleeping with other women, I’d be ruined. This is a healing process that’s going to take a long time, but learning that will not be healing.
“Hey.” I stop when I enter his room and he's in bed without a shirt on, his blue sheet pulled up to his hips and I'm not sure if he's got any clothes on. Immediately my body reacts. If I could just get in that bed and stop thinking about anything but him for a minute, I could get through this. I'm making sex a chore! I can't do this. “Hey,” I mumble again.
He shifts in bed, pulling the sheet back a bit for me and I get a glimpse of his red boxers.
“Come on,” he says, patting the bed. “I never realized how big and lonely this bed was until about a month ago. It's nice having you here.” He smirks and when I crawl in next to him he takes it upon himself to shift and grab my legs, pulling them onto his lap. “Much better,” he mumbles.
“Yeah.” Words are trying to fight their way out but I'm having a hard time and I don't know why. I used to be able to say anything I wanted to him! “What's up?” It tumbles out of my mouth and my stomach flips because I feel like an idiot for how random that was.
His chuckle warms me. ”Oh not much,” he says, letting his fingers find that spot in my foot he was always so good at finding. The one that melts tension away. “Just chillin' in bed with this pretty awesome chick. Not fucking,” he says, then gives me a small glance with a smile playing on his lips before his focus goes back to my feet. “Doing something I was starting to think I'd never get to do again. So all in all things are pretty fantastic. What's up with you, Affton?”
I roll my eyes. “Getting the best foot massage I've ever gotten. Hanging in my best friend's bed. While he wishes we were fucking, but I'm pretty damaged goods and I'm scared to death he's going to get sick of me soon. So all in all, pretty lame.”
He sighs heavily, shaking his head. “Well this best friend sounds pretty amazing if you ask me.” His fingers dig into my foot and I let out a moan. “If you think he's going to get sick of you, though, you've got another thing comin'. Especially if you keep making noises like that.” He shifts a bit, adjusting himself, then goes back to showing my feet more love than they've seen in years.
I pull my legs from of his lap and shift to straddle him. If I want him to want me, I have to get through this. I push my lips to his, and try to tame the shaking in my body that's not from the good kind of nerves. I can't let him slip away and I know he wants this.
“Hey,” he whispers on my lips, pulling back slightly and resting his forehead on mine. His hands have found their way to gripping my ass. “Bean, I meant snuggles tonight when I said it. I'm not pushing you to do this. You gotta do this on your time. And I think tonight you need my arms around you more than you need me inside you.” He groans, pushing his lips to mine again briefly. “Sorry, little buddy. It'll happen,” he says, talking to his dick.
I smirk not sure if I feel relief or stupid, but I slowly get off him. “What are we doing?” I stare at his ceiling. “Does this feel forced? I'll be honest, when you said you loved me back then, it was not anything I ever expected to hear.” I glance over at him. “But I really need you to be honest with me. Are you doing this because of what I've been through and you're trying to save me? Because you forcing something like that...that's only going to fuck me up more.” I rub at my face but only because I want to hide right now. I shouldn't have to have this conversation in my life. I should just be a normal woman but I ruined all chances of that when I lost myself to Corey.
He scoots closer to me so our knees are touching and he takes my hands in his. ”The only thing about us that's ever felt forced for me was the fifteen years where we drifted apart. Beany, you've been it for me my entire life. No, I may not know everything about the girl you've turned into, but I know enough to know I still love her as much, if not more, as the girl I fell in love with when I was a teenager.” His eyes lock on mine. “You're not a fucking charity case. You're my girl, and you've been my girl for as long as I can remember. Even when you weren't.” He shrugs. “Stop overthinking this. Us. Because I know it doesn't feel forced to you so the only thing that's making you say these things are the insecurities that have been shoved in your head for the past five years.”
This is what I need. He's exactly what I need but is it normal to move on from an abusive relationship so quickly? Is there a norm for this type of thing? I sigh and drop my head to my hands until he touches my leg.
“So then you're going to stop sleeping with other people?” I find this almost laughable. I'll admit I have no idea what his sex life is like now, but if I remember correctly, it was always go, go, go, with multiple people. “Even if we're not having sex? I can't do fuck buddies again, Tommy, I'm too old. I know we both said that earlier, but I need some clarity here.”
He laughs a deep laugh and lies back on the bed, pulling me down with him. “Bean, this magic dick hasn't seen action from anything other than my fist in almost a month.” His hand smooths over my arm. “There's no one left in this town that I want to be with if it isn't you. I'd wait years if I knew the end game would be right where I've wanted to be this whole time.”
I get comfortable lying over his chest. I haven't cuddled anyone except Tommy in years. “I don't know what's going to happen in the future. Where I'll end up, but where ever it is, I want it to be with you.” That flowed effortlessly because I've always meant those words.
“We'll figure something out.” He holds me tight and sighs. “I can't let you go again. I've barely gotten you back, Bean.”
“It's so much different this time,” I mumble, tracing a tattoo on his chest. “We're not kids anymore and there's so much that has changed.” I shift to look up at him.
“So we've already done all the stupid shit we need to do, that's all that means.” He turns to his side and faces me, his hand on my hip. “There's a lot that hasn't changed, Affton.”
“Like what?” I challenge because I'm far from the person I used to be.
“Your ass is still one of my favorite things about you,” he says, chuckling and pulling me closer to him, then snaking his hand around and giving my ass a squeeze. “Second come the ladies.” He nods toward my chest. “And then I guess what's in here.” His hand rests over my heart. “That, and I still have mad love for goats. You think Ginnie could be a city goat?”
I laugh. “I think Ginnie would be happy anywhere with you.” My fingers rub over the beard on his face. “And you haven't changed a bit. Never change.” I kiss his lips.
“Never shave the mountain man beard,” he mumbles on my lips, “Got it.”
“Never.” I release a moan but clamp my lips. I like the beard and the one hundred percent country boy. “Tommy, I don't want to tell people about us yet.” I close my eyes, ready for him to get pissed.
He sighs, pulling me into his chest and wrapping his arms around me after he groans. ”Yeah,” he says. “I get it. Whenever you're ready, Beany.” He falls quiet then chuckles. “You know everyone's going to know though, right?”
“How would they? Control your hands on my ass and they won't have a clue.” I smile into his chest.
“Bean, one look at the smile on my face and they're going to know. Those assholes know me better than I know myself some days.”
“They can know.” I yawn. “The girls pretty much know,” I admit and close my eyes. “People know, but we don't have to say it yet. I'm still married,” I whisper with regret.
When I get no response, I close my eyes. I can’t believe this is happening. The hardest thing to believe is Tommy actually wants me like he says he does. I know he wouldn’t lie to me but I’ve been conditioned to be cautious about everything anymore so throwing caution to the wind is difficult. My gut tells me Tommy has always been real and he always will be. And my gut tells me I’m in love with this man and always have been. It’s really not hard loving someone that promises safety and happiness but my love for him is way deeper than promises.
“Hey, can we go muddin' tomorrow?” he asks, his voice gravelly with sleep.
“Right after we go see your dad.” I press a kiss to his chest as he pulls me closer.
*
A married woman waking up in bed with her best friend...boyfriend. Holy shit, what have I gotten myself into? All I know is it feels good, but the nagging feeling that I'm still married threatens to undo everything Tommy makes me feel. Part of me wants to latch onto him and not let go, the other part wants to push him away and not let him close. My brain has chosen to start pushing him away and I'm trying to fight it. He keeps giving me weird looks because of it, but I woke up in the best mood I have in a while and can't stop feeling guilty for it.
“Are you ready?” I force a smile and hate it.
“Why do you look like that?” He pulls a hat on backward and my stomach flutters. I’m attracted to men, but nothing like Tommy makes me feel. “Those flip flops aren't going to last out there, Bean.” He nods to my feet and chuckles. “What happened to those old boots you used to love so much?”
Remembering that I threw them away, a frown pulls on my lips and I shake my head. “I don't have them anymore. I need to go shopping if I'm going to be living out here for a while.” I smirk at him and his face looks like he just won a victory. A tiny one, but the grin's there.
“So first stop the store, second the fields?” He wiggles his eyebrows. “Grant's meeting us out there. Said something about watching Stella find her groove again or something.” He laughs, walking toward the front door.
“Oh god,” I groan. “All I can picture is his dick in your butt.” I quickly pinch his ass and run out of the house.
“Hey!” He barks out a laugh. “We never touch, Bean. That fantasy of yours can stay a fantasy. It's not like that.”
I bite my lip, pulling the helmet onto my head while watching him. “We're going to get you a new helmet too, right?”
“You're makin' all these long term plans, Bean.” He shoves his hands in his pockets and looks at me.
“We're not long term?”
His eyebrows shoot up and a smile so big that it almost reaches his eyes slides onto his face.
“We're so fucking long term, Affton. Blue hair, crazy cats, and all. And goats. Do cats and goats get along?” He bites his lip, trying to suppress a grin.
I laugh and move closer, pulling him in for a kiss. “We'll skip the cats and just make it goats.” Lifting my chin, I move in for his lips, closing my eyes.
“Mornin',” a voice says and I jerk away like we were caught doing something we shouldn't be. I drop my head, trying to hide my face.
“Hey, Stan,” Tommy hollers, his hand still on my hip. “How's the walk today?”
“Nice day for it. You and your friend goin' for a ride?”
I glance over and he's studying me. All I want to do is go hide in Tommy's house before news spreads around this small town he's shacking up with a married woman. This man doesn’t know I'm married, but I, for some reason, can't forget it.
“Yep. You have a good one! Tell Margie I said hi!” Tommy's grinning from ear to ear when he glances at me, lifting my chin and forcing me to look at him. “Hey there,” he says.
I chuckle because I have no idea what else to do. “Well, Stan and Margie are the first to know in town.”
“Good thing Stan and Margie rarely get into town. The man walks these roads just talkin' to the animals all day,” he says laughing. “Let's go get you all cowgirl’d up. Whaddya say?” He wiggles his eyebrows and reaches over, clicking the helmet tight on my head.
That's a no. But if I'm going to be on the back of this bike as often as I plan to be, I need some boots.
“We have to go to the city. Rural Mart doesn't have the attire I'm looking for.” I cringe and he rolls his eyes.
“Beany, the city's an hour from here one way,” he whines. “Plus the local shit is way cheaper.” He grins. “And if we go we gotta take the truck. I'm not taking a city girl on a shopping adventure on that motorcycle or we'll have no room to put all your damn bags.”
“Better get in the truck then. I am not cheap, Tommy. You can bet your ass I will never wear something from Rural Mart. It's quarter to ten in the morning. I'll be done shopping by noon. Promise.” Taking the helmet off, I head toward his truck.
“My shirt's from Rural Mart. Glad to know what you think of me,” he mumbles, climbing in and starting the engine. “You're not about to spend five hundred bucks on a pair of boots you're goin' mudding in, are you?”
“Shush.” I silence him in laughter. “If I want five hundred dollar mudding boots, I'll get them. Not like your paying. I can financially take care of myself.”
“That's good.” He nods, his face falling as he pulls out of his driveway. “You know... Long term... You make a hell of a lot more money than I do.” He glances over at me, wearing a mask full of worry and uncertainty. “I can provide...but I can't provide like you're used to. You sure you're okay with that?”
“Well, I'm unemployed, and soon will probably have to get a job at Rural Mart, so I better lower my standards, huh?” I laugh taking his hand because this subject of money is making him really upset.
“So then we're starting today?” He smirks over at me but it doesn't last. “I'm serious, Beany. How the hell's this going to work if I can't give you what you want?”
“Why can't I give you what you want? Why is it a man's responsibility to take care of the woman? Don't tell me you have the same brain my narrow-minded brother does.”
“I never said you couldn't. Just...” He sighs. “It'll take some adjusting. I just worry you're going to get tired of this small town veterinarian real fast.”
“So, just for sake of argument, you're one hundred percent against becoming a big city veterinarian?” I look out the window, not wanting to fight over this but I'm not certain I'm going to plant myself in this town for the long term. He's my long term goal, but I'm not sure staying in the south is.
“Bean...” He curses under his breath. “I don't know.”
“Hey.” I wiggle his hand. “Let's live in the moment, okay? We're here, we're happy, and we're together.” I laugh and shake my head with an eye roll. We were always together, but never like this and it's so strange in the best way.
“Sounds good to me.” He gives my hand a squeeze. “So we're seriously goin' to the city?”
“To the city!” I point, realizing I'm pointing in the wrong direction. Laughing, I gain my bearings, remembering everything about this town. “Fast.” I kiss his hand. “Promise.”
I was as fast as I could be and he was miserable the whole time but my wardrobe is now country sufficient.
When we stopped in at his dad's for a quick lunch, I've never felt so awkward around the man. He's always been a step ahead of us even though we thought we were pulling the wool over his eyes. When Tommy went to the bathroom and he started asking how long we've been a couple, I clammed up. When I laughed it off, denying my feelings for his son, I've never felt shittier, but he knows I'm married...thanks to Tommy.
I didn't think our afternoon could be saved after my embarrassment at Tommy's dad’s but I let loose and let my best friend...boyfriend, show me the good times we always used to have. By the time we finish tearing up Kenshaw's field, we're caked in mud and I love it! I love the fashion world and always trying to look primped, but I missed this country living.
“I need an hour long shower. There is mud in places I really wish there weren’t.” I scratch mud from my cheek as we walk toward the house.
“I haven't had that much fun muddin' since we were kids,” he says, laughing. He walks toward the back porch and strips his shirt off before he opens the door, kicking off his boots and unbuckling his jeans in the process. “Strip. Those floors in there are too expensive to cover with mud.” He grins at me and his eyes fall to my boobs, currently caked in mud.
“You...” I glance around at the dense woods surrounding his house. “You're serious? You want me to get naked out here?”
“I want you to get naked everywhere, Affton,” he mumbles, finally dragging his eyes off my chest and back to my face. “But yes. Right now. I need those clothes off you. No one's out here watching.” His eyes fall to my tits again. “I mean, no one but me.” His lips curve upward.
I stare at him a second before pulling my shirt off. “Tit for tat. Pants.” I gesture to his unbuttoned jeans.
“This is hardly fair. But your tits look way too good right now.” He shoves his jeans down and kicks them off. “Tit for tat, Beany.”
I slide out of my boots then glance around before taking my pants off. “Boxers.” I stare at his hardening dick.
His eyes travel up my body and he groans aloud. ”Fuck, Beany,” he mutters, his eyes hitting mine. “Why you gotta look so good covered in mud like that?” His thumbs slide under the waistband of his boxers and he smirks at me.
“Why you gotta look so good in a pair of boxer briefs like that?” I stare at his fit body and wonder what the hell attracts him to me. I used to think I was hot shit, but I know better now. “Drop 'em.”
“You're gonna let me help get that mud off you, right?” He pushes his boxers down, letting them drop to the deck and he kicks them off. “Please fuckin' say yes, Bean.”
My body is saying yes and my hardening nipples are answering him.
“If you make it to the bathroom before I do.” I turn and bolt through the back door but he blows past me and is waiting in the bathroom with arms crossed before I make it. I'm laughing so hard I can't talk.
“Beat ya,” he says, that cocky crooked grin on his face. He reaches behind him and turns on the shower then steps closer to me. He's so close but he feels so far away because he's still not touching me. Slowly, he leans forward and just when I think he's going to touch me, he reaches around me and grabs a washcloth from the shelf. “Time to get clean, Affton,” he whispers, backing up and pulling the shower curtain back.
My eyes flit down to his dick that's proudly pointing toward the shower. I step forward and wrap my hand around him. “It can wait a minute, can't it?” I ask, slowly pumping my fist.
“Fuck,” he huffs, his jaw tense. “Beany,” his forced whisper breaks through his groan.
“What?” I smirk and lower to my knees before looking up at him. I'm probably a sight right now covered in mud on my knees in front of him. “We should get clean before we get dirty?” I pump, breathing over the tip of his cock.
“Goddammit, Beany,” he moans, his hand resting on my head as he gazes down at me. “I like this plan a hell of a lot better,” he growls.
“I do too.” I slide my tongue over the beading precum and his hand hits the wall.
“God,” he huffs, his hips pivoting toward me. He groans again and his head falls forward while his eyes watch me with intensity. He's breathing heavy and his hand tightens in my hair. “God, Affton,” he groans. “I'm not going to last with this mouth of yours... Fuck!”
I laugh before sliding down his dick, pushing him as far back as I can manage. Keeping my eyes on his face, I move faster, moving my hand to his balls while I suck harder. He locks his eyes on me and I would normally look away but I want to see this. I've wanted to see this since the last time we were in this position. When my finger softly rubs over soft skin behind his balls, I can't help but smirk that he's well groomed. When we were younger he cared less, and I didn't mind, but I like this new discovery.
“Goddammit, Bean,” he groans, his whole body tensing and he forces his eyes to stay on mine. “God, fuck!” Watching him come undone is simply the sexiest thing I've ever watched. “Shit, fuck!” He pumps into me, his fist tight in my hair, and when he comes he lets out a groan that echoes through the house. His arm on the wall is bracing him, his muscles are tight, and he takes a few deep breaths as he slowly lets go of my hair. “Fuck, Affton.”
“Now we can get clean.” I stand and reach my hand into the shower before stepping in.
He laughs behind me, running his hands through his hair and letting out a loud sigh. ”You're amazing. I... I think I just lost some brain cells.” He steps in behind me slowly. “My legs won't work!”
“Magic lips.” I pucker at him before pushing my face under the water stream, needing to get this mud off me.
He hums his response and I hear the bottle click closed behind me right before his hands are on my shoulders. He washes my back slowly, pushing his lips to my skin as the water washes the dirty away.
“You're beautiful, Affton,” he whispers, nuzzling my neck.
I haven't believed those words in so long but it's hard to doubt him when he uses that tone.
*
The only way to get by is to forget what's going on at home, and Tommy makes it so damn easy. I've been here a few weeks and I'm starting to feel like a restored woman. There are some hang-ups I have and reminders of my reality hit me hard at times, but I'm trying like hell.
I glance over at Tommy. “Ready?” This is the first time we'll be around everyone as a couple.
I'm not going to lie about it, but I'm not ready for this to come out. They'll think I'm insane. I am insane! I'm married and trying to get out of an abusive relationship, while jumping into an amazing relationship with my oldest friend.
“More than ready. And even more ready to see the suit you picked out.” His eyebrows wiggle and I roll my eyes. I wouldn't let him see me try it on when I bought it last week and I'm not even sure if I'll take the cover-up off today, but he's been very vocal about how excited he is to see it. “I think Bo said they're bringing Bobby so you'll be able to spend some time with him.”
I smile and nod, not sure why I'm nervous. The ride's quiet and when we get to the lake, he whips his truck around and reverses all the way to the water.
“God, I miss this life.” The words tumble from my mouth, but before he can comment on them, I quickly get out.
The afternoon couldn't be more perfect. After an hour, my nephew's calling me Auntie Affy and the other kids have joined him. I love it. I love the idea of family again. Replacing my family with work was a huge mistake, but I love being a hard worker too. Not until now did I realize there are benefits to both.
I've avoided Tommy for the most part, and he hasn’t pushed either. I don't know if it's necessarily avoiding, but we've kept our distance. I watch him a few minutes and when I see Kinlee watching me, I quickly head to the cooler.
“Why aren't you in a suit?” Bo stops me. We've been here a few hours and I haven't taken my cover-up off yet.
“I am.” I show him my shoulder strap and he cocks his eyebrow.
“Why you wearing that ugly thing?”
I gasp at my Versace wrap. “This cost four hundred dollars, Bo.”
“No one said the rich have good taste.” He shrugs. “And you're stupid for paying four hundred bucks for some cloth. What're you hiding, Affton?” He's starting to lose patience and I know he thinks I'm hiding scars. It's not that though. I'm trying to hide I have little to no confidence anymore.
I look over as Tommy walks up, handing me a beer. “Thanks.” I smile at him.
“Bo, Kenshaw's over there teaching Bobby how to hide snakes in his pockets to get 'em home. I feel like the kid needs better male role models.” He glances at me then back to Bo.
“So get your ass back over there.” He nods, not done with our conversation.
Tommy glances at me. “You doin’ okay?”
“Yeah.” I grin. “Let's swim them to the other side of the lake.” When I turn to walk away, Bo grabs my wrist.
Tommy looks between the two of us but waits for me to smile at him. “I'm going to go save Bobby. We'll swim shortly. Let me finish this beer.” He wasn't going to say that, I can tell, but there's one person in this town Tommy won't cross. It's just weird it's my little brother.
I huff and pull my cover up off. “Happy? I don't know why you're being so weird about this. All my bruises are gone if that's what you're looking for.” I scowl up at him.
“That ain't what I'm lookin' for. I'm lookin' for my sister. So when you're ready to return her, I'd appreciate it.”
I roll my eyes. “Your sister's been gone for almost seven years, Bo,” I whisper so no one hears us. “A month in the south isn't going to change anything.”
“Tommy Barns has seemed to change a lot in a few weeks.”
I look away before he sees my smirk. “Then maybe that's what I need.”
He follows me as I walk away. “And he probably needs the old Affton back.” He shoves me, so I punch his gut and run toward the kids.
Luckily the Kenshaws have a good range of ages with their kids so they're each able to help in one way or another while I swim them across the lake without Tommy. After my brother pretty much let me know he knows about me and Tommy, I started to clam up. I can't shake the thought that everyone also knows I’m married.
As Jo starts rounding up her army of kids, I jump onto Tommy's back in the water. We've spent the day avoiding getting too close and we wouldn't even act like this as just friends.
“Hey, stranger. I missed you today but you looked like you've been having fun with the nephew.” He holds onto me tight, walking us around the lake.
“I love that kid.” I grin and kiss his cheek before getting off his back. “All those kids. So many freaking kids.” My eyebrows are high on my forehead while I watch them get ready to leave.
“Another generation,” he mumbles. “There was a time I used to think this place wouldn't last past us, but it seems to be doin' just fine.” He chuckles as Brandt screeches at one of the kids. “Never thought I'd see the day Kenshaw became a dad to a fuckin' city of little people.”
“Me either.” I laugh. “You plan on having a city of little people?” I casually ask, but if Tommy's my long term goal, I need to know the answer.
He stops and cocks his head to look back at me. “I think my plans are all kinds of up in the air right about now. I’m not against much anymore. Only one thing I'm planning on.”
Turning around, I walk backward to the shore while he follows me. “What's that?” I quietly ask, wanting our conversation kept private.
He catches up with me and his hands go to my hips. “Making sure the girl I love knows it,” he whispers, pushing his lips to my neck. “Every damn day. Long term, Bean.”
“Fucking called it!” Grant screams and when I look, he's pointing at us. “Kenshaw! You owe me fifty!”
“Grant! Watch your mouth!” Jo yells, ushering her kids into their Chevy.
“Someone owes me fifty bucks,” Grant bitches, laughing and jogging over to us.
I pull away from Tommy and say goodbye to all the kids. I thought we were leaving too, but it looks like Grant has other plans when he pulls out a fifth of whiskey and I realize only Jo's taking all the kids home. Bo and Brandt start a fire while Kinlee and Kaydence force me back into the water.
“I just peed,” Grant says, interrupting us and the girls groan, swimming away.
“You're never going to grow up.” I laugh and splash him in the face, but he stops me from swimming away from him and pulls me close enough I wince.
“Some of us just don't have a stick up our asses about growing up,” he says, grinning at me. “Don't act like you hate me, Affton. I'm the cool best friend of the guy you're in love with.”
“Shut up, Grant.” I try to push away from him. Grant was always around when I'd hang out with Tommy, and yeah he's a friend, but he's always been immature and he'll never change.
“So you decide to stick around here, then?” He floats to his back and closes his eyes. When he lifts a bottle of whiskey out of the water I start to laugh as he unscrews the cap.
“You've got so many issues.” I push on his stomach, making him sink, but I take the bottle when he offers it. I glance toward the shore where Tommy's laughing with the others and I smirk. “I don't know if I'll stick around. You guys kind of fucked up my plans.” I float to my back and he grabs my legs, keeping me from drifting away.
“So? Make new plans.” He shrugs and takes the whiskey bottle back. “And anyway, this place and all of us in it are way more interesting than your jackass people back in Cali.” He takes a long drink and hisses after he swallows it. “Y’all have to drive me home tonight, too. Last time Bo did and he scares me.”
“Stop being a pussy.” I laugh at him and try to get away again because chatting with Grant isn't really a favorite past time, but he's not letting me. Strangely enough, I'm comfortable with him, so I don't fight it. “I hope Tommy's sober enough to drive.” I grab the bottle and take another gulp.
“One of us will be. Or looks like we'll be camping under the stars tonight.” He grins and his eyes move to the sky. “I'm glad you came back, Affton. And I hope you stay. For his sake, at least.”
“Yeah,” I mumble and crawl onto his back because I'm getting too drunk to stay afloat. “I hate the country though.”
“No you don't,” he laughs, swimming us deeper and not letting go of me. “You just like the city too. Ain’t nothin' wrong with liking both.” His hands grip my thighs as he floats us around the lake, his fingers doing more than just holding me against him. He's caressing my skin, and I should probably make my way back to shore.
“The hell you two doin' out there?” Tommy yells from shore, wearing a knowing smirk. He walks into the water and swims out to us. “Jesus, this is fucking cold!” He laughs as he approaches us. “You guys look awfully...comfortable.”
I let go of Grant and swim past them to shore. “We should go.”
I should never trust Grant Matthews.