My jaw is sore, but all the bruises are hidden under concealer, foundation, and contour. I used to be so proud of my makeup skills, now I’m embarrassed that I’m a pro at hiding abuse. Three glasses of wine got me this bruise. I had some liquid courage inside me and I talked back. I couldn’t even tell you what it was about, but I remember being hit.
“Uh, Affton,” Diamond says and glances behind her like she’s checking for someone.
“Hey, what’s up?” The look of worry on her face makes my heart rate pick up. If I screwed something up, Corey will not be happy.
She partially closes the door and scurries toward my desk. “Pull up your social media account,” she insists.
“Why? What is it? Trolls again?”
“Pull it up!” She waves her hands and glances toward the door again. “I didn’t want to delete it before you—” With an annoyed huff, she pushes my hand out of the way. I’m not moving fast enough for her apparently, but my wrist is still sore. “Before you saw it,” she whispers, going into my DMs.
Tommy Barns: Your birthday’s in three days. You’ll be thirty-five. It’s about time for you to move back here and make good on that deal we made fifteen years ago. I miss you Beany. Please just call me.
“He’s an old friend,” is the first thing that blurts from my mouth. My wide eyes shift to her and the smile on her face makes my cheeks heat up. “Delete it! Oh god, don’t delete it! He’s just an old friend I haven’t talked to in a really long time.” I stare at the screen until she chuckles.
“You prob should delete that message. Want me to monitor that account closer…before someone else does?”
“Yes. Please.” My nodding head won’t stop and I probably look unbelievably guilty but I’m not! I’m a faithful wife.
When she walks out of my office I take a few deep breaths. I have to tell him not to contact me on here. If Corey saw this, I’m sure my broken wrist would be nothing compared to what he’d do.
My long fingernails fly over my keyboard as I respond.
Affton Hart: Tommy, you CANNOT message me things like that. I do not manage my own social media!
The fact I get an immediate reply makes me reel back before quickly glancing toward my door.
Tommy Barns: Trust me, I know. On multiple occasions your 'assistant' has lied to me. Thanks for telling me you have an assistant by the way. And happy early birthday Beany.
I huff and groan then lean forward to make sure Corey's not coming. I scroll up to see what Tommy’s talking about. I never got another message. Then I see it.
Tommy Barns: I need you to call me. Code red Beany.
Code red? I look at the date he sent that and my heart drops. He sent that message around the time I miscarried five years ago. He couldn't have known though. I quickly delete all our messages then sign out of my profile. Finishing my workday when all I can think about is Tommy is more painful than the sting in my jaw. I wish I could tell him. I need him to help me, but the only thing I’d be doing by asking for his help is possibly putting his life in danger. I hate to say I don’t know what Corey’s capable of. I know most of it, but I don’t think it’s the extent of everything.
On my drive home, I sit in traffic and grab my phone. I log out of my Affton Hart profile then log back into a profile I haven't used since I was a teenager.
Country girl at Hart: Message me here, okay?
Again, I get an immediate reply and it makes a small smile flit to my lips.
Tommy Barns: Yeah, cool. So how's the soon to be birthday girl doing?
I bite my lip and shake my head. Why I still get giddy over Thomas Barns’ attention is beyond my comprehension. I'm a married woman. I'm a much older woman from the last time I saw him, hell even talked to him.
Country girl at Hart: I'm old : (
Tommy Barns: That shit happens Bean. How's the blue hair and cats treatin ya?
Country girl at Hart: HA! I miss your stupid face.
So fucking bad. I tear up and quickly, carefully wipe at my face, moving forward in traffic.
I see that he's read the message, and those small dots show me he's typing something, but then they stop. I stare at the screen forever, waiting for that reply to come through and a horn honks behind me because I’ve left a big enough gap to let two cars in. I speed forward and almost rear-end the car that just cut in.
“Shit!” I huff but my phone beeps.
Tommy Barns: Last I heard, you didn't like my stupid face. Beard's become one with my face.
Country girl at Hart: Pics or it didn’t happen.
I don't know what the fuck I'm doing flirting with my old best friend. Corey would literally kill me, but he has no idea this account exists and I know how to cover my tracks. I had to hide shit from my parents when I was younger.
Tommy Barns: Or you could just come home and see it in person.
Country girl at Hart: Yeah right, you boot wearing, chew spitting southern boy. I'm sitting pretty in California, nowhere near dusty sunsets.
Tommy Barns: California. Everyone around here's been saying you were living in Paris. Decide to stay a little closer to home?
Country girl at Hart: You know I've been in California since I left, Tommy. How's home? You wouldn't happen to know if my crazy brother's ended up six feet under yet, would you?
Tommy Barns: Your brother? Beany do you really not talk to ANYONE from here anymore?
I huff and swipe at my cheeks that have had steady tears rolling down them. Traffic breaks up at my exit and I try to type out my response before I make it home but the tears are already making me drive erratically so I don’t get it all typed out until I’m in my driveway.
Country girl at Hart: Haven't talked to anyone at home in a long time. Miss you! Maybe talk soon!
I sit in my car a minute longer, waiting for Tommy’s response, but pretending I’m looking for something, just in case Corey watches the surveillance footage.
Tommy: That's sad. Your brother's good. He's been through shit, but he's good. We work together at the ranch. He married a while back, not sure if you knew about that. Chase is married. Felder's married and divorced and fucking gone LOL. Brandt's married with a football team of kids running around. Grant's still a drunk. Hey, remember that pact we made when we were younger?
Of course I knew my brother got married...I never made it to the wedding. I shake my head at myself. But hearing everyone else's life events, it’s a little shocking for all those southern boys. No surprise about Felder though. I always told Tommy he would only bring him down.
I read his last question three times before signing out and quickly deleting all traces of that account. I don’t know if Corey is home and I don’t want him coming outside to see where I am. I get out of the car and slam the door, thinking over my response to Tommy’s question about our pact.
Yeah, we said we'd get married when I turned thirty-five if I wasn’t married. But, I'm married, and abused, and probably going to see an early grave if I don't come up with a plan.
“What were you doing out there so long?” Corey asks the second I open the front door.
I jump. ”I didn’t know you were home.”
“I’ve been waiting for you, Af. What the fuck took you so long to come in the house?”
“I dropped my gloss.” I hold up the tube I pulled from my purse before I opened the door. “I was trying to find it.” My smile is set, but it’s hurting my sore jaw.
Putting out his palm, he tells me, “Give me your phone.”
I immediately hand it over then walk around him, playing it cool while I go about what I normally would when I come home from work.
After almost ten minutes, he snickers. “Why would you let Diamond post this picture?” Walking toward me, he holds up my phone, displaying a picture of me in Denmark.
“You know I don’t control what she does on my accounts,” I mutter.
“You look like a fat whore. Your midriff is exposed like you’re a fucking teenager. You don’t look appealing.”
If I don’t look appealing, why am I working for Trenton!
“I’ll delete it,” I offer immediately.
“Leave it. I want people to see how fat you are,” he snickers and walks away with my phone. “Af, did Charles Gold contact you today?” he calls from the kitchen and I bite my lip.
Charles Gold is an old friend of Corey’s and he’s also a photographer. I couldn’t get him off the phone today while he begged me to let him take my picture. He went into explicit details of what sort of pictures too. Apparently Charles Gold can appreciate my body, but if Corey found out he talked to me like that, I’d pay for it. I don’t know if this is a test for me to admit Charles’ harmless advances.
“I spoke to him. The shoot with Adam’s girls went well and you’ll have them for publication Monday.” I open the refrigerator door but it slams as he leans against it.
“I know that.” The look on his face makes me shiver. I know what this look means. “He mentioned wanting to shoot you. He tell you that?” Not leaving his spot, his heavy gaze holds me in place.
I force a chuckle and roll my eyes. “He mentioned it, but I blew it off.” And then he mentioned it over and over in detail.
“Why’d you blow it off?” His finger trails down my arm and I briefly close my eyes. “You’re a sexy woman. People would pay tons to see my beautiful wife.” Lips I’ve grown to hate lean for my neck and I tilt my head like I’m trained to. His hands trail over my curves and he pulls me against him. “You’re better than any pussy I’ve ever had.”
Words like this would never turn me on. Especially not coming from this man. I haven’t gotten aroused from him since the first few times we slept together years ago.
I giggle because I’m supposed to and I let my hands roam his sides. There are no options for me when it comes to having sex with him. It happens when he wants it, or I regret trying to turn him down. We move to the bedroom and I uncomfortably undress. He always cuts me down, builds me up, then cuts me back down and I know a negative comment about my weight is coming.
I hate myself.
*
Sitting at my desk I stare at my phone while pushing on my neck in a spot Corey bit me hard enough to draw blood. The pain is supposed to convince me not to go through with what’s on my mind, but Corey's in Italy, it's safe to talk to Tommy...I think. Picking up right where we left off, I reply to his random question.
Country girl at Hart: Pact? What pact? You buying eighty goats?
I don't expect an immediate reply, and don't get one, but the good thing is I don't have to log out of this profile immediately.
When I get home, my entire body feels like something’s weighing me down. I should have tried to contact my brother sooner, but Corey always makes comments about how it’s convenient I don’t have family or friends outside of him. The reasons are obvious, and if I were suddenly to have contact with them, he wouldn’t stand for it.
“Hello?” Bo answers and I smile at the sound of his voice.
“Hey, what’re you up to?”
“Affton?” he asks like he doesn’t believe it’s me. I don’t have my twang anymore, but it’s still my voice.
“Yes, nerd.” I laugh.
“What the right fuck, girl?” he screams and I balk at the sound.
“What?” I ask in the same tone I adapt when talking to Corey.
“I’ve been trying to call you for years! Goddamn years! What the hell is wrong with you? I understand you not wanting to have much of a relationship with Mom and Dad, but shutting me out is low!”
“I never got your calls, Bo. You dialing the right number?” I chuckle but I can hear him breathing into the phone like the angry bull he is.
“Don’t you—” He abruptly stops his words then groans. “I don’t know what’s goin’ on with you, but if this is the person you’ve become, I’d prefer if you didn’t call me.”
Wow…
“Bo, I’m sorry. Life’s been busy. With work and everything. I’m always stalking your pages online. I’m just really busy.”
“Yeah, alright. I hope your job’s a better brother than I was. And I hope your job will be there for you when you need it most. And I hope your job will always have your back. I hope—”
“Fuck! I get it!” I shout into the phone and gasp at myself. I haven’t gotten mouthy in a long time and it felt good.
“I tried callin’ on your birthday. Don’t lie, Affton. I know you blocked my number. I get voicemail immediately each time.”
“I didn’t block your number.” I laugh but a terrible feeling turns my gut. Did Corey block my brother’s number? I’ve never paid attention to something like that because I didn’t think I had to.
“Yeah, alright. Why are you callin’ me, Affton?” The hurt in his voice makes my eyes fill with tears.
“I miss ya.” I chuckle, trying to keep this conversation light, but my brother’s usually too stubborn to be able to pull him from a bad situation immediately. He needs time to think about it all, and I don’t have time. This might be the last time I talk to him.
“I miss you too, Affton. I’m fixin’ to…do something. I have to go.”
“Okay,” I mutter. “Love you, Bo.”
“Love ya too, girl.” He hangs up and my tears burst through.
I check my phone numbers and see Corey has blocked everyone that isn’t someone we mutually know or a client. He’s even blocked my parents’ numbers. I have no idea when he did that because I hadn’t even made an effort to contact any of them.
“Oh god,” I whimper. I can’t unblock them or he’ll know.
Like the diligent wife I am, I clean the clean house and as I’m preparing for bed around midnight, I call Corey because he’ll be awake by now. I was tired at nine and could have slept the whole night through, but I didn’t want to call him too early and chance pissing him off.
I put on my fake tone that drips with lies of being in love and obedience while he keeps me on the phone for twenty minutes, mainly talking to someone else.
“I love you, Af,” he says and I roll my eyes.
“I love you too. Sleep well.”
“You too. I hate when you have bags under your eyes.”
If there aren't bags, there are bruises...
I force a chuckle. “Night.” I lie back in bed and slide my phone away from me until it chimes with a message notification. My heart skips a beat and I quickly grab for it, remembering I never logged out of my old account.
Tommy Barns: Sorry, was at work. With all the goats. Look, this is Ginnie. She's mine. But I'm getting more soon.
He sends a picture of a tiny grey and black goat that looks like it's smiling.
That's adorable and it makes the southern roots deep, deep inside me tingle.
Country girl at Hart: That thing is adorable! And when you say she's yours...?? Your? Child? Girlfriend? Your what? Only goat, I'm hoping, but knowing your crazy ass, you treat this goat better than you've treated anyone else. I hope your girlfriend doesn't get jealous.
I've seen the pictures of him and his girlfriend, Rachel. Cute girl. I hope she’s treating him right.
Tommy Barns: I’ve only treated one person better than Ginnie. See where that got me? #forgotaboutthemagicdick. And no, she doesn't get jealous because I don’t have a girlfriend currently. Ginnie and I can tear the house up without anyone bitchin.
No surprise. Tommy settling down was never in the cards. Apparently he's settled with a goat.
Country girl at Hart: I could only imagine what your living conditions are like. I noticed a few years back you were remodeling a house. Still live there?
Tommy Barns: You're stalking me.
Country girl at Hart: I've stumbled upon your social media occasionally.
Occasionally = daily for the past week. Not to mention the years I’ve spent missing him through the pictures and goofy posts he makes.
Tommy Barns: I finished the house. It's on a few acres outside of town. Best thing I ever did, but I'm sure you saw that from the pictures.
I laugh, the first real laugh I've had in too long. I can’t even remember the last time I was actually happy. My job makes me happy, but where my job came from makes me incredibly sad. I wouldn’t be in this position right now if it weren’t for my job.
Country girl at Hart: Yeah…that's what I saw from the pictures. Best decision in Tommy's life. Country living.
Tommy Barns: Best life there is. When're you coming back?
Country girl at Hart: No thanks.
I quickly delete the response I was typing out of when he's going to come see me, because that's not a possibility. Ever.
Tommy Barns: I think you forgot how much you loved it here ; )
Country girl at Hart: That is not what I forgot
I forgot my dignity and livelihood. I forgot how to be strong and independent. I forgot how badly I've needed Thomas Barns to protect me.
Tommy Barns: Oh I know that too. Hey, I'm hitting the hay. Got an early morning tomorrow. Talk soon? How about not letting it go so long this time. Okay?
Country girl at Hart: You got it ; )
I don't plan on talking to him again, but I also don't log off this profile, and I can't bring myself to. Corey won't be back for three more days. Maybe Tommy will message me before then.
*
I’ve thought about calling Bo again, but he was so angry and the past few days without a brooding man around has been peaceful. I love my brother, but I don’t want to deal with his attitude. Corey comes home today and I should get out of bed and get the house cleaned up, but I haven’t slept in in years.
I spread out and smile into my pillow. This was the life I wanted. Single. All the bed space I need. If I pretend Corey isn’t my boss, I’m in heaven right now. There are a few things I regret. Like a ‘magic dick’ I wouldn’t mind having every now and then. But none of this is my real life and I need to remember that, especially because Corey comes home today. I start to sit up and my phone chimes that noise I’ve been dying to hear since the last time Tommy messaged me. I need to remember to sign out and delete all traces of this account today.
Tommy Barns: I trimmed.
Along with the text there’s a picture of his trimmed beard. The bed-head and rumpled sheets around him tell me he’s enjoying sleeping in too. The smile on my face shouldn’t be there. I have no right to look at this picture and enjoy it as much as I am. I’m a married woman. Unhappily, and with no options to change it, but I’m still married. That blue-eyed stare with long dark lashes and thick eyebrows he doesn't over pluck because he's not a metrosexual living in California...it does things to me. I huff and cover my face. At what point did my life spiral so far away from what I actually wanted?
Country girl at Hart: You look as cute as you did when we were kids waking up on an early morning after a late night of drinking
Tommy Barns: Except I'm old. And these tired eyes are solely from the horse I was taking care of at one in the morning. Addict's sick and Jo's about to lose her shit over it. Headin back over soon actually.
Country girl at Hart: Addict...is the horse? And Jo? He's the horse’s owner?
Tommy Barns: Damn, I always forget you don't know this town anymore. Jo's Brandt's wife. Addict is her horse.
Country girl at Hart: I don't remember a Jo being in little Brandt Kenshaw's life when we were younger. New girl? Last I remember of Brandt Kenshaw was letting him put his hand down my shorts in his daddy's barn.
Tommy Barns: His step sister. She's a city girl but he changed her real fast
Country girl at Hart: STOP! I...got nothing. Brandt Kenshaw has a step sister? And he married her? And she's from the city? Wasn't his step mom a HUGE country singer? Where's the city sister come from? I'm so confused and I think I want to stay that way! Lol
Tommy Barns: It's probably a little confusing for an outsider. They're just a big happy family. Maybe one day we’ll talk it all over with drinks ; ) How you doin today? Plans?
I look toward the window that's bringing in light brighter than it's ever seemed to before. My room looks different. It all together feels different. And I like it. Today’s the first day I don't feel like I'm hiding. Today’s the first day that old Affton is clawing her way out of this body to be seen again.
Country girl at Hart: Today's my first day off in three months and I don't plan on leaving bed until I have to.
I probably shouldn't have sent that and as my heart begins to pound, I quickly pull up my texts with Corey and shoot him a good morning text. While I text Corey, I think about Tommy, things about Tommy that I shouldn’t. The thrill of thinking about fucking Tommy while texting my husband has my heart racing in fear and excitement. I don’t get off on cheating, but to be able to stick it to Corey before he vanishes from my life forever is a fantasy I’ve had for a while.
Tommy Barns: Pics or it didn't happen.
I bark out a laugh and my stomach does a somersault. It's been years since I've felt this. At the beginning of mine and Corey's relationship there were some flutters, but I haven't felt this happy since I was in my early twenties.
Wearing no makeup, I take eight pictures because they all look awful, then I remember Tommy's known me with a full face of makeup, and a naked face, and he'd fuck me both ways. I send the picture of my tongue out and eyes crossed. My long hair is wild and my boobs are bulging out of my white tank top. I quickly delete all those photos from my phone, then go into my recently deleted photos and delete them from there. Then I clean them out of my Cloud drive, then empty my trash.
Shit. My life shouldn't be this hard. I could just put my phone down and stop flirting with death, but us Harts are known to be adrenaline junkies.
Tommy Barns: More pics. Or it didn't... I mean fuck Beany you're not allowed to send me those then tell me you're never coming home!
Country girl at Hart: Ha! You're still as horny as you were when we were kids!
I groan and rub my face while my heart pounds. This isn’t like me anymore and the old me trying to resurface is going to get the new me murdered.
Tommy Barns: Not all the time. Only for the right people.
Tommy Barns: Want to play a game?
Is it…see-how-long-I-can-keep-this-up-until-I-become-a-missing-person? God, because that’s where I’m headed if I don’t end this immediately. There’s a battle going on within me. Docile me that lives in fear is trying to push the person I used to be back into her dark corner.
Country girl at Hart: What kind of game?
Tommy Barns: A piece of me for a piece of you. It's been fifteen years Affton. You gotta give a man something more to go on than a hot bed-head selfie.
What am I doing? I exhale a few calming breaths. After today, I'll never talk to Tommy again. I can't! This shouldn’t be happening right now, but it’s reminding me I’m alive. I haven’t lost my entire soul to fear. I wish this person could stay because I know she could defeat Corey. But the second I get around him, I’m like a little girl, looking for a place to hide.
I send a picture of my painted toes and start to laugh.
Tommy Barns: You've been cheating on me this whole time. I knew it. I do a much better job.
Country girl at Hart: My nail artist Kelly is amazing! But your massages were better. Gotta take what I can get around here. PS, you could have been making $60 a foot for the treatment you used to give my feet.
Tommy Barns: I'd never take money from you Bean. I'm glad you found someone all the way out there in the promised land, but it's still better here. And here you go, as promised. Tit...for tat.
He sends a picture of his right arm, full of tattoos and defined muscles I don’t remember him having. He was always fit, but there’s a lot of dedication going into those muscles now. And the tattoos…the tattoos only make my old best friend fill me with more regrets than I already have.
Country girl at Hart: You get a lot of sun and workouts I see
Tommy Barns: It's hard work but someone's gotta do it. I'm waiting for my picture.
I bite my lip and think over my options here. When my phone chimes with a text, I jump and drop it, my heart falls into my stomach and a feeling of sickness washes over me. It’s a response from Corey that simply says ‘Busy. I’ll be home today.’ I need to delete this whole conversation with Tommy then see if I can delete this account all together. While I frantically go through the account settings, looking to permanently delete this account, I get another DM from Tommy.
Tommy Barns: Beany?
He sends another shot, this time it’s bolder, showing the nice view of a cut stomach and hips, partially covered in a dark blue sheet on his bed. From what I can tell, he’s naked in that bed.
Tommy Barns: You owe me two now. I'm a patient man.
I stare at his picture for almost five minutes, studying every single definition, hair, and tattoo I can see.
“Fuck, fuck,” I start to pant nervously. “Oh god, shit. I hate being a Hart.” I'm actually shaking from fear, but sickly enough I love this feeling.
I kick down my stark white sheet then wiggle out of my shorts. I breathe out through my mouth and inhale through my nose, trying to calm my nerves building up from the dangerous path I’m headed down. But I don’t want to stop this little game…and Corey’s not home yet.
Lifting my arm, my other hand pulls at the bottom of my tank in an attempt to hide my underwear.
I send the picture without looking because if I start to inspect it, there will be a million flaws and I won’t send it. I haven't loved my body in years and I want to be that girl again. When I was younger I proudly flaunted my curves. I still do, but the pride is gone. I only do it now because it’s what I’m known for. Being plus sized and proud, and if I suddenly stopped promoting body positivity, I would lose my job.
Country girl at Hart: As you can see, I don't get a lot of sun or workouts. Still chubby Affy.
Tommy Barns: That's not what I see Affton. I see a fuck ton of spank bank material. Thank you! That was only one though. You owe me another, and it better be more like that second shot and less of your toes.
Tommy Barns: But I do like your toes...
Country girl at Hart: More toes? You got it!
I send another picture of my feet, but it's a shot spanning down my legs.
Tommy Barns: I'll take it.
He shoots me the same style picture of him, but it's from the chest down...and the sheet that was covering parts of him I haven’t seen in years is now only covering a thin sliver of that member.
Tommy Barns: Your turn Affton.
The loudest, most obnoxious giggle squeals from me and I pull the sheet over my head, dying in laughter. How the hell are we in this situation right now? And how the hell am I going to get out of it? Easy, I just won't speak to him again. Block all contact after today. Easy. Safe. Corey will never find out.
I move quickly and pull my tank top off, leaving it right next to me, then pull the sheet up to block anything that could be deemed too much, but expose enough that he gets the idea. I don’t respond with text. Just the picture.
Tommy Barns: Fuck Beany. This is the best game I've ever fucking played.
He sends another picture and I gasp when I open it.
There's no blanket anymore. Just his hand holding himself.
My shaking hand raises my phone closer to my face so I can rekindle my memory with his anatomy. Shit, why'd I leave that dick? Because it was in the south.
Country girl at Hart: I like your sheet.
I hit send then groan at my panicked response.
Tommy Barns: I'm waiting Beany. It's your turn, don't chicken out on me now.
Moving slowly, I push down my underwear, knowing how wrong this is, but I can't find guilt for cheating. The only thing I feel is an underlying fear of what he'd do to me if he found out. I wouldn't be in this relationship if I had other options that would guarantee my safety.
My right hand slides over myself and I gasp when I feel how wet I am. I knew I was turned on, but I didn't realize I was drenched. Hooking my two middle fingers between my lips, I quietly moan and close my eyes briefly. Opening them, I snap the picture that hides most of my naked pussy but shows I have two fingers inside myself.
Tommy Barns: Fuck Affton. Fuck!
He's still typing so I wait eagerly, wondering how far we’ll take this. I shouldn’t take it any further, but I can’t seem to stop.
Tommy Barns: Jo just called, I gotta run to the ranch. I'm so fucking sorry. Can we do this again?
Not a chance in hell.
Country girl at Hart: ; ) lol
I delete that conversation then log off before deleting all traces of those pictures. I shove my phone away from me and recoil to the woman in my head chastising me like I’m insane. She knows what could happen if Corey found out, and the old Affton feels sorry for her. The old Affton is long gone and she needs to stay there because I will end up dead if she doesn’t. I usually have more control, but Tommy has always been able to bring out my wild side. Damn him for it because he doesn’t even realize how dangerous that side is acting right now.
This can never happen again.
I slowly dress and the second I pull my shorts up, the front door opens. My eyes spring wide and my heart goes wild, feeling like it’s crushing my lungs.
“Af?” Corey calls out.
“In bed!” I yell back, trying to calm the fluster in my voice.
“What the fuck are you doing in bed?” he scoffs as he enters the room.
“I’m feeling a little under the weather,” I lie because I should have been up at least two hours ago.
“You’re being lazy.” He rolls his eyes but when he looks at me, the annoyance on his face shifts.
Sickness washes over me and all trace of lust I was feeling is gone, but that won’t stop Corey, especially because he doesn’t know what I was feeling ten minutes before he got home. When he stalks toward me, I want to cry, run and hide, but I diligently smile and prepare for the act.
When he finds me wet already, I squeeze my eyes closed as they fill with tears. I haven’t been aroused for him in a long time, and I haven’t allowed him to find me aroused over personal fantasies. The way he pauses, breathing heavily as he holds me down to the bed, I prepare to get hit. I can’t see his face right now, but I don’t want to. I just start to reel back. He doesn’t hit me though, he rips at my clothes, tearing them from my body. He ravishes me, and the entire time, I think about Tommy. Keeping my eyes closed and my hands twisted in my messy long hair, I picture it’s Tommy fucking me hard and fast.
I fall to the bed next to him, completely satisfied and that hasn’t happened since the beginning. Looking over at him, I smile, pushing my hair from my face. I barely get time to gauge his expression before he wraps his hand in my hair and pulls me from the bed. I’m dragged into the bathroom and he opens the medicine cabinet.
“I hate all this fucking hair!” his voice booms right before I hear the scissors attack my beautiful long hair. “What had you so wet, Af?” he screams at me, chopping at my hair. “Why did I come home to find your disgusting cunt drenching our fucking sheets?” He’s chopping and pulling and I know his fists are going to follow. He stops cutting at my hair and he swings. The scissors gouge into my shoulder and I let out a scream. “Tell me!” He swings again and the scissors slice across my breast.
“Please!” I run for the bedroom.
I’m terrified of his fists, but he’s never used a weapon before! I jump onto the bed and scramble away from him, but he lunges for me. I try to throw myself off the bed but his body weight holds me down and he keeps swinging. He’s abandoned the scissors and it’s only his fists now. I block my face as much as I can but my nose is pouring blood along with the scissor slices.
My beautiful white bed set is now stained with blood, and the crisp, sunny feel my room had this morning is tainted with so much hatred and pain.
*
I dress accordingly to hide the bruises on my body. He hasn’t beaten me that bad in almost a year. It was the first time he actually beat me and didn’t only hit me once. His fists rained so much hell onto my face, I couldn’t hide it with makeup. I had to take the week off before the swelling and bruises faded sufficiently to hide them. This time around, I was smart enough to block my face as much as possible, and though I’m hiding bruises, the swelling and nasty marks are mostly covered from the neck down.
“Affton!” Diamond blurts, running into my office and she stops short. “You cut your hair! Love it!” she squeals and I touch my messy chin length bob.
After Corey hacked at my hair, I trimmed it off enough so my hair stylist wouldn’t question what the hell happened, then I covered my bruises and went to see her for an emergency fix. It’s cute and flirty, but it’s not my hair that I absolutely loved. Everyone used to tell me my hair was so long and pretty. Tommy used to twirl it around his fingers when…
“Thanks.” I smile.
“Affton, look at this message,” she whispers and rushes my desk with a tablet.
The second I see her pull up a DM from Bo, my heart sinks. He’s probably bitching me out for not being able to contact me again since we last talked.
Bo Hart: This is fucking unbelievable Affton! You’re a real piece of work, you know that? I thought after you called the other day, maybe you realized how much of bitch you’d been and I’d be able to get ahold of you without having to get online. I shoulda known better.
Mom died and God knows you ain’t gonna rush on home to help with the funeral but I’d hope you have enough decency in your bones to come pay your respects. We’re planning on the funeral being next Wednesday. If you ain’t here, have a nice life sister.
I reread that whole thing twice, thinking I’m misreading it. My mom’s dead. My mom was only sixty-five. All the stress she endured from Bo and my dad probably did this to her. Not that she was guilt free of creating her own stress. My mom loved drama and anywhere she could stir it up, she would. I get goosebumps thinking about how miserable my mom used to make my life because she lived for causing havoc. But now that she’s gone, guilt punches me in the gut because I haven’t talked to her in almost two years, and when we talked last it was for her to tell me her sister died and she wanted to know if I’d come to the funeral. I declined because I didn’t know the woman; my mom always hated her.
“Shit,” I whisper and look at Diamond.
“You want me to book a flight to… Where are you from?”
“No.” I stand. “Thank you. I’ll…I’ll figure this out.” Corey won’t let me go to that funeral without him, and I can’t allow him to come home with me. “Diamond,” I say as she takes the tablet. “Please don’t tell Corey,” I whisper, the expression on my face pleads with her.
I think Diamond’s picked up on something not being right between us, but she’s never stepped in to meddle or said anything.
With a sorry expression, she nods and leaves my office.
My entire body starts to shake while I devise my plan to get home without Corey tagging along. I can’t fly because he’ll see where I’m headed, so I have to drive. There are a few clients that he has no contact with because they’re not mighty enough for him, and I’m terrified right now, but I’m going to use one of them as an excuse to get away for two and half days. I’ll show up the day before. It’ll take almost a day to drive there but I’ll still have enough time for a few hours of sleep. Then I can leave straight from the funeral.
“Corey,” I quietly say as I enter his office. Stopping in my tracks, fear makes me go pale. I didn’t realize he had people in his office.
“This, gentlemen, is my beautiful wife, Af.”
The three men all bob and nod, muttering hello and smiling, and I do the same.
“I’m very sorry. I didn’t realize you were in a meeting.” When I turn for the door, Corey speaks up.
“Nonsense, Af. Come in, join us.”
Join us? What the hell for? He never has me join him.
Walking toward me with his arm out, he wraps it around me and his fingers dig into my side, right where he knows is the worst bruise he delivered. I grit my teeth to keep from yelping and I allow him to pull me farther inside his office.
“This is Jonathan, Nick, and Drake from Cultured Relief.”
Cultured Relief is much larger than Trenton, and that happened within the past year. Corey’s been dying to sit down with these men to talk merging, but no company would be so stupid. Trenton’s been around much longer. That’s like sitting on your pervy grandpa’s lap because he asks you to.
“Nice to meet you, gentlemen.” These men are much, much younger than I’d expect from that company. The fashion they promote, create, and sell are all geared toward the younger generation, but these three guys seem smarter beyond the years they appear to be.
“Af handles public relations here at Trenton. If there’s something I want, I sick her on it.” Corey laughs and the men all smile.
“Ah, you have beautiful women do your dirty work. Probably works like a charm.” One of the men winks at me as he stands and I quickly look at Corey, but keep a smile on my face.
While they say goodbye, I keep my sight on my husband because I don’t want to be accused of flirting. I briefly shake their hands and when one of them lingers too long, I start to sweat and quickly yank my hand away. He doesn’t notice because he’s distracted talking to Corey, but I hope Corey doesn’t blame that on me.
“Thank you for coming in. Please close the door on the way out.”
The youngest looking one of the three gives Corey a knowing grin, probably thinking my doting husband wants to enjoy his wife in private for a moment. The only thing he wants to enjoy is making me hurt, guy.
“I’m so sorry, I didn’t know you were in a meeting,” I begin to apologize when the door closes.
“It’s fine. Hopefully you’ll be seeing more of those men. I need your charm to reel them in, Af. They’re hard to crack,” he goes on muttering, pinching his bottom lip and I hate this calculating idiosyncrasy he does. I used to find it cute, but nothing about the man is cute anymore.
“I’d be happy to try.”
With a scowl, he pulls himself out of his thoughts and looks at me. “I’m sure you would.”
“Not like that, Corey,” I insist and move closer, reaching out to touch him. “You’re the only man I need. You know that.” I drag my fingernails over his jaw, knowing how to tame the devil sometimes.
“Some days I think you hate me.” He moves closer and positions me to lean against his desk before boxing me in. “I don’t want to hurt you, Af, but you’re so naïve and I just want to teach you.”
“I know.” I drag my hand down his tie. “And you have taught me so much. I love you, Corey.” The acid from my stomach begins to creep up my throat, but lying is better than getting hurt.
“I know you do.” He grins and grips the back of my neck, his fingers digging into a bruise and I close my eyes, inhaling a breath, but he kisses me anyway. Pulling back he wipes his lips then checks his hand for lipstick, but it’s set. “What’d you come in here for? I’m sure a different reason than to tempt me in this outfit.” He looks me from head to toe and grabs the erection in his slacks and grunts. “I would like to bend you over this fucking desk.” His hand begins to stroke through the fabric and I need a way to get out of this situation without me turning him down.
“You know I’m too loud for office sex.” I bite my lip and nonchalantly move away from him.
“I do make you squeal like a pig.” He starts to laugh.
“Oh! That reminds me.” I use his words as an opportunity to get his mind off sex. “Pilar Vasquez needs me in Vegas next Wednesday.”
“Who?”
“Pilar. He’s the client that has a designer line for farm animals. He likes pigs.”
“Ah, the French fuck that thinks he’s a fucking hick. I don’t think even the confederate boys in the south would want his ass. Southern people may be dumb as fuck but they know a traitor when they smell his expensive cologne made out of pig piss.”
With no idea what he’s even insinuating, I start to laugh so I don’t piss him off. Pilar’s not a traitor. He’s never wronged our company. And his profit isn’t large enough for Corey to notice, but I know without the small-end clients, we wouldn’t be where we are.
“What’s he need you for? He gonna put you in a new design he’s made for his pigs?” He laughs and I drop my head. “Come on, Af, I’m kidding.” He walks toward me and pushes my chin up. He’s in a rather good mood today. Normally he’d dismiss me from his sight. “You know you’re beautiful. That’s why I married you. Does it look like I marry pigs?”
“Then why do you always call me one?” I ask in a small tone I have to force because my head wants me to shut the hell up.
He wasn’t prepared for me to talk back and he steps away from me. I see his eyes flash to the window in his office that oversees the entire floor and I thank God the blinds are open.
“Next Wednesday until when?” he snaps at me.
“I’ll leave Tuesday and be back Thursday. No need to fly me. I’ll just drive so I don’t have to rely on taxis while I’m there. Won’t be longer than two and half, three days.”
“And it’s a necessity you go? You can’t just handle whatever the situation is over the phone?”
“Well, Verde clothing—”
“I don’t give a shit about the man’s problems, Af. Just handle them so we can continue to look like we don’t favor big names over all the small charity cases.”
Beany Designs was a small charity case, but at the beginning Corey made me think he was actually proud of my hard work…
The bruises on my face have faded some, but not enough to not use makeup to hide them. Not until I’m a few hours into my drive do I start to get nervous. I can’t stay with Bo…he fucking hates me. I refuse to stay with my father. I’d sooner sleep in the Kenshaw barn. The only person I can ask is Tommy, and I know if I tell him to keep this visit sweet and simple he will. Meaning, I’m not here to catch up and rekindle our friendship or lust for each other.
Shit…I should have told him I’m married before we did what we did. But he can find out now, and maybe he won’t persistently flirt with me.
I hit dial and both my hands tightly grip the steering wheel while the phone rings loudly over my speakers.