Jasper
She’s got it all wrong.
I didn’t know just how wrong until tonight.
I didn’t realize the extent of how much I’d hurt her until this evening, and now I don’t know if it’s too late.
The truth is that I didn’t just walk away from Odessa. Who could? No one in their right mind would be able to walk away from that gorgeous fucking woman. She’s too incredible, too perfect.
I guess I should have thought about that sooner.
When she walks out of Anchored, my heart sinks. I know I’ve messed up. I know she’s never going to forgive me. If I could just talk to her, just explain what happened, then maybe she’d give me another chance, but I don’t really think Odessa is the type of woman to give second chances. She’s been hurt too many times for that, and now I’m just another guy who fucked up with her.
Shit.
The thing that hurts the most is the knowledge that I’ve caused her pain. I like Odessa. I like her a lot, but I didn’t realize she cared that deeply for me. As a member of the military, I’m used to being sent on missions with short notice. I didn’t think Odessa would miss me or even notice that I was gone. At least, that’s what I told myself since I wasn’t able to contact her while I was away. I should have told her I was leaving, that I wouldn’t be around, but I thought it was a fling.
And I missed out.
The next morning, I left, and there are so many things I didn’t get to do. There were so many things that I wanted to do.
I wanted to take her out to lunch.
I wanted to go to the movies with her.
I wanted to spend an entire afternoon just making love to her.
I wanted to date her, and I still want that.
Only the moment is gone, and she’s moved on. I thought that to her, we were just a one-time thing. Olivia has been at Anchored for a long time. As far as I know, she doesn’t typically date her Doms, so I was worried that if I talked to her too much, she’d feel like I was getting clingy.
Now I see the opposite is true.
She thought I was blowing her off.
But oh, I could never, ever blow her off.
She’s unforgettable, and I will never, ever get over her.
I stare at Odessa as she waltzes out of Anchored, determined to get away from me as fast as possible, and my heart sinks lower than it ever has before. For a minute, I think I might be sick. I didn’t know if I’d see her tonight, but I think it’s safe to say our reunion didn’t go too well.
In fact, it couldn’t have gone worse.
Odessa is the perfect woman, and I’ve lost her.
“Rough night?” I don’t recognize the voice, and when I look up, I don’t recognize the face, either.
“You could say that,” I say slowly.
“She’s a beautiful woman,” the man says.
“I quite agree.” I reach for my drink and slam it down, ignoring the way the alcohol burns.
“You know, you shouldn’t try to drink away your problems. Even if you think you’re doing it to help yourself in the present, eventually, that pain just comes barreling back.”
“Great advice, Mom.”
“I’m Edgar, actually.” The man sits beside me.
“Nice to meet you.”
“I didn’t catch your name,” he says, and I roll my eyes like a little child. I shouldn’t be rude to a fellow Dom. Not at Anchored. The club is all about respect and kindness and treating each other right, but at this moment, I’m feeling a little stressed and a little frustrated and more than a little bit salty.
“Jasper,” I finally manage to grit out.
“Pleasure,” Edgar says. He doesn’t call me out for rolling my eyes. Small mercies, I assume. It’s not like I’d get punished or chided for rolling my eyes at a fellow Dom, but it was disrespectful, and I do feel a little bad. This guy hasn’t done anything wrong. He’s just caught me on a really bad day.
“So, how long have you been coming to Anchored, Edgar?” I ask. I should make small talk with him. I really should. It would be polite and it would make him feel better about being here. Being a new person in a new place is never easy, not even when it’s a sex club.
“First night,” he says with a smile. Edgar is quite a handsome man, and like me, he’s wearing a suit instead of leathers. Any other night, I’d feel an instant camaraderie with him, but right now, I’m much too busy feeling sorry for myself.
“Welcome to the club,” I say. “First time at a kink place?”
“Not at all,” Edgar says. “I just moved here, but I’ve been a Dom for quite some time.”
“What made you realize you weren’t vanilla?” Somehow, I find myself growing interested in what this man has to say. Maybe it’s because I don’t actually want to drown my sorrows in alcohol tonight.
“A girlfriend got me into it, actually,” Edgar says. “She wanted to try tying me up.”
“And you let her? How open-minded of you.”
“As it turns out, neither one of us liked it very much, but then I suggested we trade roles.”
I chuckle. “And how’d that go?”
“Well, I’m here now,” he says. “And I’ve been trained in just about every aspect of BDSM.”
“Just about?”
“We all have our limits.”
“Isn’t that the truth?”
We’re quiet for a few minutes, just looking at all of the scenes happening. From our space at the bar, we can see a couple of the stages. Almost everything is Christmas-themed, including the naughty Santa and the Mrs. Clause who happens to be a dominatrix. June really outdid herself tonight.
“So, spending Christmas at a sex club,” Edgar says. “I take it you’re not with anyone at the moment.”
“I’m single.”
“As am I,” he says, but Edgar sounds a little sad about that.
“Are you okay?” I ask. Maybe I’m not the only one having a rough night. “I realize I’m being kind of a dick, and I’m sorry, but if you want to talk, well,” I motion to myself. “I’m here, man.”
“That girlfriend I mentioned?”
“Mmhmm.”
“We got married,” Edgar says.
“Okay.”
“She recently passed away,” he tells me quietly.
Then it all sinks in. He just moved to a new place and it’s his first holiday without his wife. It’s his first time in a club without his submissive. It’s his first time being a single Dom.
And it’s Christmas.
“I’m sorry, Edgar. That sucks.”
I wish there was more I could say, more I could do.
“Me too,” he says. “I miss her terribly.”
“She sounds like a really wonderful woman.”
“She was,” he tells me. Then Edgar lifts his own glass, and despite his earlier admonishment about drinking too much, orders us each other drink.
“To Christmas,” I say when the drinks come.
“To forgetting,” he says.