Colin

It took me an hour to get everyone settled so I could get out from underneath their prying grasps. This was the juggling act I had done ever since Murphy, Inc. took off. It was a treacherous balancing act between living my own life and pleasing those who supported my endeavors. It wasn’t just about impressing investors and taking on new clientele. I had created an entire social media platform geared towards entrepreneurs of all ages, races, and success levels. And part of being in the social media world is being, well, sociable.

But Abby hadn’t turned back up and I was beginning to worry about her.

I got why she was angry. I understood that completely. But I could only do so much. I could only fend off the paparazzi to a certain degree, and the rest was a part of our life she simply had to accept. I rushed for the elevator and went up to our floor, hoping to hell she was in our room.

That was where I found her. Curled up on the bed with red eyes and puffy cheeks.

“Hey there,” I said.

Her sniffle broke my heart as I settled down next to her.

“Talk to me,” I said. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m just—disappointed,” she said.

“About what?” I asked.

“I thought that we could escape them for once.”

“Who’s ‘them’?” I asked.

“Them, Colin. Your fans. The people who want to meet you. The paparazzi. Them! I hate it. I hate every second of it. The cameras flashing in my face so much I can’t even see where I’m going. Their constant need to follow me and break down what I’m wearing. We live in Los Angeles for Christ sake, one of the freest cities on this planet. And yet I feel like a prisoner. I feel like I’m being held by my throat. We’re sailing on the open fucking sea, Colin. Yet they’ve still got us by our throats!”

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t realize you felt that way. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“All of this is so overwhelming, Colin. How could you not know?”

“Because you won’t talk to me,” I said. “I’m not a mind reader. I can’t always tell how you’re feeling simply by looking at you. You have to open up and talk to me.”

“Well, I’m talking now. It’s stifling and overwhelming. Can’t you do something about it? Don’t you feel that way, too?”

“It can be a bit much sometimes, but I have ways of coping. It comes with the territory I’m afraid. I am in the business of bringing people together to learn and to socialize. If I’m not a sociable person myself, no one will support my endeavors.”

“I get that. I do. Trust me. But—how in the hell are you not pissed off by it all?” she asked.

“It’s something you just—have to get used to. In the beginning it was a bit frustrating, but I also didn’t try to run from it. It’s also a symbol of my success in a way, so maybe I’m more patient with it. One strategy that has worked for me was that I created my own bubbles of privacy. Like my apartment and all of its lavish areas. Renting out the back sections of restaurants so I can go enjoy a good meal. Private cabanas in Bora Bora that aren’t surrounded by other bungalows. I create my own privacy. It’s one of the things my money can do for me.”

Tears were leaking from Abby’s eyes and it broke my heart.

“Come here,” I said.

I reached out for her but she scooted away from me. She sat up on the bed and I watched her face slowly morph. The sadness gave way to contriteness, and that contrite expression twisted itself up into anger. She was angry with this situation, and I understood. But being angry about it wasn’t going to change it.

She would have to find a way to cope just like I had to—otherwise our relationship wasn’t going to work.

And that thought terrified me.

“Why are you so overwhelmed right now?” I asked. “We’re in our private room with our private balcony. There is room service and there are private hot tubs on the spa level of the building.”

“This was supposed to be a romantic getaway, Colin. Now, everyone’s fawning over you, like you’re some superstar or something. We’re already cooped up on a boat in the middle of the sea, but now you want to confine me to a room and a private hot tub?” she asked.

“It isn’t ruined, Abby. But your mindset will going to ruin it for us,” I said. “Look, I’m going to talk with the security team on the boat and tell them what’s going on. They’ll keep the crowds at bay and we can continue to enjoy our cruise. No one else will come up to us. Look, Bernie and Doris didn’t know who I was, and didn’t really care once they found out. Maybe they’d like to come to our room for a movie and some drinks.”

“You can’t put a Band-Aid on this, Colin.”

“I’m not trying to,” I said. “This trip isn’t spoiled, Abby. You just think it is.”

“Oh, so this is all in my head now?” she asked.

“No, it’s not. That isn’t want I said. It is definitely real and it’s here. Nobody knows that better than me, but you have to find ways to cope. You have to find ways to enjoy life despite an aspect of it that you might not like.”

“This was supposed to be for us, Colin. And now I’m being forced by you to change the way I view it because of them. I’m having to tailor my life because of them.”

“What do you want me to say, Abby? You were aware of the press and the fame I had before I proposed to you. Did you think that getting married would change any of that?”

“Well, maybe we shouldn’t be getting married, Colin! Did you ever think about that!?”

I felt the blood drain from my face as Abby tossed herself into bed. She wiggled under the covers, her shoulders heaving with silent sobs. I felt like utter shit. I knew she was struggling and upset, but she was struggling and upset over the one fucking thing I couldn’t control. I could keep her safe. I could keep her connected. I could keep her employed. I could keep her warm and loved and sexually satisfied and wanting for nothing in her life.

But what I couldn’t do was control the paparazzi.

What I couldn’t control was my fame.

What the hell was I supposed to do with this? What was I supposed to tell her? I sat on the edge of the bed, my heart bleeding out into my legs. I felt my body growing heavy with guilt and sadness. We had the perfect start to this cruise and I genuinely thought she was onboard for marrying me. I genuinely thought she was beginning to see how good the two of us were together.

And now, we were back to square one. Back to where we were before this damn cruise happened in the first place.

I waited until Abby was asleep before I slipped in bed beside her. I rolled over onto my side, my back to her as I watched the waves undulate in the distance. The boat was due to pull away from the port at any second, whisking us away to our final destination before sailing home.

But I didn’t want to go home. I didn’t want to go back to L.A. If we touched ground in California with things still this tense between us, I wasn’t sure we were going to make it.

At this moment, I wasn’t at all sure that Abby and I were going to make it to the altar.