Sia

 

I pulled my truck in front of Lilah and Ky’s cabin. My hands squeezed tightly on the wheel. I hadn’t spoken to my brother since Mexico. We hadn’t had a chance to talk at the Diablos’ place in Laredo, and then I came straight home with Hush and Cowboy and had been with them ever since.

I wasn’t sure if he was still pissed at me. But I needed to speak to him. After Louisiana. After seeing Hush so broken over his family, then so different . . . happy. As he told me about his grandmother, all I’d been able to think of was Ky.

He was my only family.

The door to the cabin opened. Lilah narrowed her eyes as she tried to see who was at her door. The second she saw me, a wide relieved smile pulled on her lips. Nerves swarming in my stomach, I got out of the truck. “Hey girl,” I said and waved. I walked to the cabin, immediately hearing the other old ladies inside. Lilah pulled me to her harder than ever before.

“Hey,” I said softly and kissed her cheek. “I’m okay.” Lilah drew back her head and looked me over. Then she turned me around, and my heart started slamming against my ribs. I closed my eyes, bracing myself. I had worn a low-backed top on purpose. I wouldn’t be ashamed of my back any longer. Of the carving that, to many, was a sign of inferiority. I decided to take ownership of that shit and wear it with pride. And I wasn’t ashamed of the acid burns. It was time to embrace them as being a fucking part of me.

“I am very proud of you,” Lilah whispered. I turned and saw the scar on her face. The one that had given her a sense of peace only she could truly understand.

“Thank you.” I took Lilah’s outstretched hand, and she led me into the house.

I rounded the corner and saw her sisters and Beauty and Letti. I waved again. “Sia!” Old lady after old lady came up to me, hugging me. I hugged them back, a huge lump in my throat. I sat down and observed these women. All different, from different walks of life, all sweet. It was funny; I’d always wanted to stay away from this club, firmly believing it to be a toxic hedonistic hell. But with these women, or at home with Hush and Cowboy—in our bed, doing fucking mundane tasks like cooking, riding—I realized I’d just been plain wrong.

Like I’d overheard Crow say when I was listening from the motel bathroom in Louisiana, it was a family. One I had missed, been denied.

No matter what Ky said, I wouldn’t let that shit happen anymore.

“How you doing, girl?” Beauty asked as she walked over to me. I liked Beauty. Out of all the old ladies, I felt a kinship with her. She’d seen some shit in life, but she was happy and filled with sass. She was my fucking inspiration.

Beauty checked around to see if anyone was looking. Not really giving two shits if they were. She took the coffee Lilah had just placed in my hand and poured in a couple of shots of bourbon from the hip flask she had hidden in her “Property of Tank” cut. I looked at Lilah to see her scowling. A loud laugh slipped from my lips.

“I’m good.” For the first time in a long time, I meant it. “It’s been one hell of a rough road, but I’m getting there.”

“And Hush and Cowboy?” Bella asked. I saw the sympathy in her eyes. Like me, she was with a man, or in my case, men, who the club had deemed traitors, or as going against the club’s rules. Yet she loved Rider to death. She loved him fucking proudly.

I smiled. “They’re good.” That was true too. Cowboy was his usual cocky self again, almost fully recovered from his injuries. Hush was still a little bruised and battered. But the biggest change in him had been . . . him. He was smiling and, fucking stealing my heart, he was talking.

He would always be quiet; that was just his nature. But he talked to me. They were always kissing me, making love to me . . . loving me. I’d never been so happy in my entire life. I only wished the club would welcome them back. There had been nothing but radio silence on that front since Mexico.

“They’ll come around.” I lifted my head. I’d been lost to my thoughts, eyes fixed on the coffee in my hand. Mae had been the one to talk. She was cradling her belly, rubbing her pronounced bump. It wouldn’t be long before Styx became a father.

Styx as a father. I was still trying to wrap my head around that. I gave a weak smile. “I hope so.” I looked out of the window, looking out for any sign of Ky. “They belong to this club. It’s their life.” A sudden protective rush of anger took over me. “Just because they’re with me shouldn’t mean jack shit. So fucking what? I want both of them. Love both of them. Who cares? Why should anyone care as long as they treat me right? And they do. So fucking good. I can’t believe how lucky I am.” I stopped talking when I felt my blood pressure rise. I laughed without humor. My voice went croaky, but I still managed to say, “I love them. So fucking much it hurts. I . . . I don’t wanna be the reason their club, their family, the reason they live, gets taken from them.”

The room was silent, until a small voice said, “You asked me weeks ago what it felt like.” I lifted my head to see Maddie across the room. She had a flush on her cheeks, her green eyes wide from being in the spotlight. “What it felt like being with Flame.” A small smile echoed on her lips, one that made my heart fucking swell in my chest. “Peace.” She sighed and gently nodded. “I cannot describe it as anything other than peace. With him, together, I am at peace after years of being so desperately unhappy.”

Maddie got up from her seat and came across the room. She hesitated as she reached for my hand. Then she laid her palm over the back of my hand and squeezed. “If that is how your men make you feel, then you must fight for them.” Her huge green eyes bored into mine. “What is love anyway? It is never simple, and never plays by exactly the same rules as for other people who are in love also. Mine and Flame’s love may, to many, seem unusual. But he saved me.” Her breathing hitched. “And I saved him. If you have saved your men and your men have saved you, then you belong together.”

“Thank you,” I said, my eyes shimmering and bottom lip trembling with gratitude. Maddie returned to her seat. Mae held her hand and squeezed.

Beauty slapped her chair. “And fuck, darlin’, it’s the friggin’ twenty-first century! Tell the club to get out of the fucking dark ages and join the new dawn where”—she mock gasped—“a woman can be with two men.” She covered her mouth and put on her best southern-belle accent. “Oh, my Lord! May you strike my ménage-à-trois ass down where I stand.” She rolled her eyes. I laughed. “Stick with your Cajuns.” She waggled her eyebrows. “They’re gorgeous. Many a bitch would wanna be wedged between those hard chests.”

“For us,” Phebe said and gestured to the ladies who’d survived the cult, “the idea of one man and one woman was actually more shocking than what you are living. Love is subjective, no?” She smiled. “I would say that this life is very different from the world outside these Hangmen lands. We are already living an alternative way of life. Your love life is not that strange within these walls.”

“And it helps that the brothers, and bitches like me, would literally kill anyone who had an issue with it.” I laughed at Letti when she shrugged like killing someone was just a daily occurrence in her life.

Beauty seconded her comment by singing, “Hallelujah, sister!”

“Sia?” The sound of Ky’s voice behind me made me jump. I turned to see my brother standing in the doorway.

I got to my feet. “Hey.” I dropped my eyes. I didn’t know what the hell else to say. It was as awkward as shit.

The room was silent. Then, “Come with me.” I lifted my head to see Ky walking out of the cabin. I glanced back at Lilah. She gave me an encouraging smile.

I walked out of the door. Ky was getting on his bike. He tapped the saddle. “Get on, sis.” I climbed on the back of the bike, inhaling the smell of leather. It always reminded me of Ky. When I was younger, he would take me out for rides on his bike. Sometimes for hours, just out on the open road.

We rode around the mass of Hangmen acres until we came to a stream. Ky back-heeled the kickstand and killed the engine. I got off the bike and stretched my arms and legs. Ky sat on the bank of the stream. The sound of the trickling water was soothing as I took my place beside him.

Before we even said a word, Ky turned me to look at the bottom of my neck. I heard the small angry sound that left his throat. I pulled back and got my retaliation in first. “I’m not ashamed.” I met my brother’s furious eyes. “I’m proud to be with him.”

Ky blew out a long breath from his nose. He ducked his head and ran his hands through his long blond hair. When he lifted his head, he remarked, “Fucking two of them, Sia?” I had to keep my mouth from pulling into a smirk. Because there was no malice in his tone. Ky looked at me from the corner of his eye. He shook his head. “I will say that they fucking took up for you.” I listened as I watched a duck land on the stream. “Cowboy, defending you until he was taken too.” He took a deep breath. “And Hush . . .” He laughed. “Came in here like Hades himself, demanding we go after you.” He tensed, then said, “Told me I didn’t want you to be with them because he was black. Or mixed race or whatever the fuck he said.” I closed my eyes, imagining what must have been going through Hush’s head. “Told him it wasn’t. Couldn’t give two shits about that.” Ky clenched his fists. “It’s the thought of those fuckers double-teaming you that makes me see red.”

“Ky!” I sputtered and slapped his arm.

“What?” he continued in all seriousness. “You’re my baby fucking sister. Now you’re in bed with not one but two brothers, who quite honestly could be fucking each other too. All I see in my head whenever you three are mentioned is a conga line of pussy, cocks and assholes. It’s fucking with my head!”

“Ky, I fucking love you. But you ever bring shit like this to me again, and I’m gonna cut off your tongue when you sleep.”

“You can’t do that, sis.” He shrugged. “Li couldn’t live without this tongue.” I rolled my eyes and made a gagging sound. Ky put his hand on my wrist. “Seriously. I’ll never mention the conga line again if you never make that sound. Now I got a fucking soundtrack of what you’re like sucking dick.”

I laughed, and it felt real fucking good when Ky laughed too. I laid my head on his shoulder, the leather scent drifting into my nose. I’d missed this. I hated being on the outs with him. “How’s Lilah?”

I looked up to see Ky smile. “She’s better. Fucking strong.” He ran his hands over the thighs of his jeans. “She had a blood test last week. She’s early in her pregnancy, but they wanted to check for a shitload of things.” He cleared his throat. “Asked if we wanted to know what we were having.” My eyes widened. He blew out a long breath, then added, “She’s having a boy.” I snapped my head up, smiling big. “And a girl.”

My mouth dropped. “Twins?”

“Yeah. Li said they run on her father’s side,” he breathed, eyes wide like a deer in headlights. “Another fucking girl. I’ll be gray before I’m thirty-five.” His head fell into his hands. “And a boy. Shit,” he said. “I can only imagine the fucking slut that kid’s gonna be.”

I nudged his arm. “Well, you are his father.”

“Yeah.” He nodded. “And with an aunt fucking two men, he’s gonna think he’s entitled to all the pussy he can get.”

I breathed out, then said seriously, “Ky? What are you gonna do about Cowboy and Hush and the club?”

“Club business, Sia. You know that.”

I stared out along the bubbling stream. “I was in Louisiana this past week.” Ky looked at me, a puzzled look on his face. “I met Crow.”

“Okay,” he said slowly.

“I need to tell you a few things. And I’m kinda going behind Hush and Cowboy’s backs here to tell you. But I want you to know. I want you to understand why Hush is the way he is. Why he’s so broken.” Ky licked his bottom lip, turning to stare out at the stream. But I knew he was listening to my every word. “And there’re some things about the New Orleans prez I think you should know about.”

His eyebrows pulled down as I started telling him about Hush and Cowboy. How they met, what happened to Hush’s parents, how he never got a chance at goodbye, and why he never let the Hangmen truly be his family. Then I told him about Titus, what he did to Hush in the past and then only a few days ago. And what I heard Crow and Hush telling Cowboy when I wasn’t supposed to be listening.

When I finished, Ky was a statue on the bank. I sighed, feeling the heaviness of everything we’d gone through lift off my shoulders. “If you send him away for something as stupid as falling in love with me . . .” Ky snapped his head to me. “They love me,” I whispered. “And I love them so much.” I gave him a wry smile. “It’s the first time any of us have truly felt it, Ky. I’m . . .” I thought of Maddie. “I’m at peace now. With them. I’m finally happy, and I’ve found peace.”

I stood up and brushed the dried dirt from my jeans. Ky waited a few minutes more, no doubt thinking shit through. Then he got his feet. I went to walk to his bike, when he grabbed my arm and yanked me to his chest. I grunted in surprise, but then I felt my heart melt as Ky’s big arms went around me and squeezed me tight. I felt tears start to form, only worsening when he kissed the top of my head and rasped, “I wouldn’t have fucking coped if Garcia had stolen you away from me.”

The sincerity lacing his deep voice cut through me. I held on to Ky with all I had. “I love you,” I whispered and meant every word.

“Love you too, sis.” He gripped on to me for a few seconds more.

When we parted, I was sure I saw his eyes glistening, but as we got on the bike, I couldn’t tell if I’d imagined it or not. I wrapped my arms around his waist. “Wanna go for a real ride?” he asked.

I smiled, feeling like the kid sister I really was. “Yeah.” I held on tight as we hit the open road. I didn’t know if it was a sign from above, maybe from my momma, but I felt a stillness settle in me that I hadn’t ever felt before. And I knew it was because her two babies had found their way back to each other. With that thought in my head, I closed my eyes as the city lights of Austin whizzed by . . . and I just held on.

 

*****

 

I walked into the apartment to find Cowboy stretched out on the couch. He got to his feet and came straight to me. He lifted me in his arms and clutched me to his chest. “Missed you, cher,” he said into my hair.

I laughed. “I was only gone an afternoon.”

Cowboy put me down. He laid a hand on his chest. “Cher, that’s way too long for me to be without you,” he said in his best dramatic accent. I laughed in his face.

“You’re so full of shit,” I said and pressed my mouth against his. Cowboy groaned, his hands gripping my waist. He may have been joking before, but this kiss showed me he’d meant every word. When he broke from my mouth, we were breathing fast. I felt his hard dick against my thigh. I swallowed. I looked up and saw Hush over Cowboy’s shoulder. He was fresh from the shower, watching us as he leaned against the doorway. A towel was loosely wrapped around his waist, his toned tattooed body on show. Drops of water ran over his abs and disappeared under the waistline of his towel.

Cowboy had moved, his mouth on the back of my neck. My eyes stayed on Hush’s, the ice-blue of his irises narrow around his dilated pupils. Cowboy’s warm breath sent shivers down my spine. My skin burned with heat. I clenched my thighs together just to find some kind of fucking relief.

Hush slowly lifted his hand out to me. “Go to him,” Cowboy whispered. My feet obeyed, crossing the kitchen until I wrapped my hand in Hush’s. As always, he stared down at the joined fingers. But before, I’d seen fear on his face, anxiety about the different colors and what that could mean for us. As if his past would spontaneously erupt into the present. Now, when he looked at our fingers—white and brown—I saw only love and affection in his stare. I knew there would always be a part of him that would worry. But I hoped the happy years ahead would slowly break down his fears.

I moved closer to Hush, my free hand running down his pecs and abs. Another drop of water ran down his chest. Leaning in, I licked the drop with my tongue. Hush hissed and cradled the back of my head with his hand. I looked up, our eyes colliding, and he crashed his mouth to mine. I moaned, breathless as his tongue slipped in to meet mine. He took my mouth, hard and fast, yet so incredibly sweet at the same time. I moaned louder when two more hands slipped around my waist. Cowboy’s mouth kissed along the side and back of my neck. My eyes fluttered at the feeling of so much affection. I reached behind me to find Cowboy naked. My hands ran over his cut hips and muscular thighs. Cowboy pushed his hips against my ass, pushing me toward Hush, who was hard too. I broke from his mouth and gasped for air.

Cowboy guided me forward, toward the bedroom. My hands found the towel around Hush’s waist just as my mouth found his lips again. We were a sea of mouths and hands and skin as we entered the bedroom. I had barely taken a breath when Cowboy lifted my top over my head. Hush unbuttoned my jeans; he dropped to his knees as he pulled them down and off my feet, dragging my panties with them. Cowboy’s hands made quick work of my bra . . . and then I was bare, scars and all . . . and I had never felt more beautiful in my entire life.

“Je t’aime,” Cowboy whispered into my ear as his mouth ran over the length and breadth of my neck. I lifted my hands above my head and wrapped them around Cowboy’s neck. I cried out as Hush’s tongue began trailing up my thighs, moving closer to the center. Cowboy held my wrists as Hush parted my legs and licked along my pussy. “Hush!” I shouted and arched my back, giving myself to him. I broke a hand from Cowboy’s hold and moved it behind me until the backs of my fingers ran over the length of his cock. Cowboy groaned into my ear, pushing himself against my palm. I gripped him softly, stroking the length up and down.

My eyelashes fluttered, trapped between the two men who had stolen my heart. Heat raced over my body like wildfire. I gripped Cowboy’s hair as my other hand worked him slowly, building him gently. His teeth nipped at my neck, my shoulder, my ear.

Hush lifted one of my legs and placed it over his shoulder, opening me up further to his mouth. I’d barely taken a breath before he was back, tongue lashing at my clit, his finger pushing inside me. I screamed as the sensation of their touches everywhere on my body overwhelmed me. Cowboy groaned in my ear. Hush groaned as he licked me between my legs. Pressure gathered in my thighs. I closed my eyes and lost myself to the feel. When Cowboy’s hands circled me to find my breasts, that was all it took for me to burst apart. Flames and heat and steam seemed to pour from me as Hush took every moan I had to give him.

My legs buckled. Cowboy lifted me, placing me on the bed before I fell, two big bodies plastered to my sides. Mouths took a nipple each, neither giving me a second of reprieve. But I craved it, needed their mouths and their hands caressing my skin. Everywhere, owning me, telling me who I belonged to. I felt hands move to my pussy, rolling over my clit. I didn’t know who it was, and I didn’t care. Like this, this free in bed, we were one. I climbed higher and higher until I shattered apart again. I kicked my legs, unable to take any more.

Lips descended on mine. I didn’t need to open my eyes to know it was Hush. Their lips felt different. Their tastes unique. Hush broke from my mouth, only for Cowboy to take his place. I rolled away from Cowboy, moving to my knees. Cowboy moved behind me, his hands rubbing over my lower back. “Gonna taste this pussy,” he said, voice husky. I moved over Hush, his blown ice-blue eyes watching like I was a gift he struggled to get used to having in his life.

I felt the exact same about him.

About them both.

I bent down and took hold of Hush’s length. I kissed the tip, rolling my tongue around its head. Keeping my eyes fixed to Hush’s, I took him into my mouth as Cowboy ran his tongue along my clit. I cried out as Hush rolled his hips, wrapping his hand in my hair.

“Älskling,” he murmured, over and over again. “Älskling, älskling, älskling . . .”

I took and took from him until he pushed my head away. His cheeks were red and his breathing was labored. I pressed my forehead to his thigh as Cowboy tasted me, as he licked me and licked me until I couldn’t speak, couldn’t think. His finger entered my pussy, making me lose my mind. Then when another moved to my ass and slipped inside, I broke apart. I fell on Hush, feeling his protective arms wrapping around me and pulling me against his chest. He peppered kiss after kiss over my face. “I love you,” he murmured, bringing tears to my eyes. There was no more hiding behind stoic silences. His words were freely given and so fucking welcome to my heart.

I’d barely had time to open my eyes when Cowboy parted my legs, sitting me up slightly. Hush reached between us, keeping his eyes on me, and placed himself at my entrance. There were no condoms now. There was no need. I was it for them, and they were it for me. I choked on a cry as Hush began to fill me. Cowboy’s hand ran down my spine, leaving a track of fire in its wake.

Hush groaned, running his thumb over my bottom lip when he was fully seated. Needing to feel the delicious fullness of Hush, I rocked my hips, goosebumps breaking out over every inch of my skin. I heard a bottle opening. Then I felt cool liquid on Cowboy’s fingers as he pushed them into my ass. My lips parted when I felt him enter me. Hush held still, keeping me in place, letting me feel every moment with his best friend. No selfishness. No jealousy. Just love.

“Cher,” Cowboy groaned, his hands on my hips. I cried out when he filled me completely. His chest was flush against my back. I turned my head, and Cowboy captured my mouth in a soft kiss. Hush moved first, then in an alternate rhythm, so did Cowboy. There was no time to catch my breath. No break, just feeling after feeling of such an impossible high that I never wanted to come back down to earth. I was passed between mouths, lips swelling and tongues tingling as deep kisses were given without condition.

I was adored.

I was worshipped.

I was made to feel worthy.

I whimpered as I felt I couldn’t take anymore. My skin was slick with sweat, slipping like butter between two heavy, ripped bodies. Caged by the two men I loved. Two men who went to the ends of the earth to save me. Risked their lives so they could have me.

The pace increased, breaths coming hard. My pussy and ass started to tighten, ripping rabid groans from both of my men. My arms shook, my hands on the mattress on either side of Hush weakening as the pleasure built. “It feels too good,” I murmured, my voice breaking on a cry. “I’m . . .” I gasped, searching for air. “I’m coming,” I yelled and then stilled, Hush and Cowboy quickening their rhythms as I splintered apart. Two low groans sounded one after the other, then I was filled with warmth, such heat that I felt alive with flames. Hush’s and Cowboy’s grips on my body tightened as they groaned and breathed, coming within me.

I collapsed on Hush. He threaded his hands through my hair, keeping me close to his damp skin. I breathed and breathed until my racing heart began to slow. Cowboy curved around my back, his hands over my waist.

A comfortable silence reigned, wrapping around us like a cocoon. Like I had said to Hush in Louisiana, within these walls, there was no shit talk from anyone about how we loved. No judgment or censure.

This world was ours. Our very own bit of heaven, here on earth.

Breaths evened out, but I knew none of us were asleep. Hush and Cowboy were still stroking my body. They never left me alone, one or both always holding me or kissing me or running their fingers along my skin. I didn’t know such a love could exist. And I had no idea what I’d done to deserve it, but I would never take it for granted. We’d all walked a dark road to get to this place of light.

I smiled, body heat surrounding me. I closed my eyes, content to just be . . . then Hush, with his fingers in my hair, said, “The first whore I ever screwed was at the Hangmen, when we were prospects in New Orleans.” I opened my eyes and took a deep breath. Hush was opening up again. He’d done it frequently over the past few days. Every time he did, I felt another weight lift from his shoulders. When he’d exorcised whatever clawed to be free from his soul, more smiles would grace his face. More laughs would spill from his lips.

And more of my heartbeats would skip.

“I . . . I couldn’t do it.” He let out a self-deprecating laugh. “I was fucking racked with worry about my seizures. Panicked that I might have one mid-fuck and then the prez would find out and kick me the fuck out.”

I kissed his hot skin. “Go on.”

Hush sighed. “Cowboy found out, of course. He knew something was wrong and wouldn’t fucking shut up until I cracked and told him.” He laughed, this time for real. “And just like the Cowboy we all know and love, he picked a slut who’d been eye-fucking him all night and dragged me into the room with him. The whore was down for it.” He shook his head. “I was fucking dumbstruck. But . . .” He sighed. “I did it. Managed it. And at the time, to my eighteen-year-old self, it was like a personal victory.” I held him tighter, reaching down to take Cowboy’s hand in mine. I brought it to my mouth and thanked him with a kiss.

“I was never able to do it again after that. It was my cross to bear. But again, Cowboy knew it, and never let me fly solo.”

Cowboy shrugged against my back. “The more the merrier,” he quipped. But I knew it really was because he was a good man. And no one would ever find a greater friend than him.

Selfless. Cowboy was the most loyal person I’d ever met.

“I’m glad.” I nestled closer. “Because it brought you both to me. And I would never have been able to choose between you.”

Cowboy moved over me and kissed my cheek. “You’ll never have to.”

I looked up at Hush. His eyes shone with happiness. “You never will.”

I wasn’t sure what the future held for us, but as I held two hands in mine, hands that were scarred, bruised, yet filled with so much light, I knew it was going to be our kind of perfect.

Because it would be lived . . . together.