Sia

 

Hush’s breathing evened out, his beautiful face slackening slowly from the tension which had gripped him. He was asleep, but I couldn’t leave him alone. I couldn’t stop touching him, making sure he rested. His cheek was still damp from the few tears that had fallen . . . tiny tears that, though shed in silence, had screamed his pain as loudly as a police siren on a still night.

Cowboy was silent behind me. He didn’t tell me to leave his friend alone or to let him sleep. He let me have this time. Touching the other man who had, like himself, completely captured my shredded heart. A man who had pushed me away, kept me at arm’s length . . . and now I knew why.

“Epilepsy?” I asked.

“Yeah,” Cowboy replied. My heart ached with sympathy for Hush. I pulled up the blanket over his wide chest. Blood still stained his mouth from the fight at the rodeo. When I looked at his face again, stroked the dusting of black stubble that decorated his chin, I heard that dickhead’s slurs as loudly as if he were in the room. Please tell me you no longer have anything to do with that fucking mongrel . . . half-breed . . . manipulative cunt . . .

“How could someone say such fucked-up things?” I felt a powerful wave of anger and intense sorrow that Hush could ever have those words aimed at him.

Cowboy was silent. I turned my head to look at him. I slid my hand into Hush’s though. I couldn’t seem to let him go. Cowboy was tense. His eyes lost to the fire. Without looking at me, he said, “Where we’re from . . . it’s a tiny little bumfuck town in Louisiana.” He sighed, jaw clenched. “You know the type. Don’t like anyone who don’t fit in. Good ole white, old-money kinda place. Until Hush’s mamma met his daddy. They moved away, knew they couldn’t stay in our town if they wanted to be together. But then, years later, they returned. With Hush  . . .”

“And people weren’t happy.” I looked back at Hush, gripping his hand tighter.

“Yeah.” Cowboy went silent. He was watching me and Hush with a strange look in his eyes. He shook his head. “I ain’t saying anything more, cher.” He pointed to Hush. “It’s his story to tell . . . one he never ever talks about.” I got what he was saying. That I may never know. But I knew it was bad. That much I could tell.

“So he’s not just closed off because of the seizures?”

After a few thoughtful seconds, Cowboy said, “No.” I wondered if he hesitated because he didn’t want to betray his friend. Honor, I thought. Cowboy was an honorable man. I hadn’t met too many of them in my life.

“How often do they happen?” I asked, smiling fondly at Hush. His big body was relaxed in sleep. I couldn’t help but stare at our joined hands. His skin was beautiful. Its color a deep caramel. Tattoos covered his arms, but when I ran my hand over them, every so often I would feel roughness. In those places, the ink of the tattoos was patchy and faded. I found several similar patches on his arms. Then I froze . . . because, to me, they were more than familiar.

“Whenever he’s stressed, mainly.” Cowboy’s answer to my question ripped me from my thoughts. “If he gets angry too.” He glanced at Hush. “His leg bouncing is the first giveaway. It tells me he’s stressing out about something. He gets dizzy, and usually right before it happens, he gets a metallic taste on his tongue.”

My gut clenched. “He’s on medication?”

“What we get on the black market. He needs to be looked at properly, but he won’t because . . .” Cowboy stalled. He scooted to the edge of the couch and really looked at me. “The seizures get bad . . .” The vision of Hush hitting the floor and jerking, arms and legs thrashing, sprang into my mind. The nightmarish picture was enough to flood my eyes with tears again. “But it’s what those seizures represent to him, cher. That’s what has him so closed off. I ain’t saying what that is. I’m hoping, fucking praying, that he’ll tell you one day. The physical side of the seizures he can cope with. It’s the mental side that’s harder to handle.”

“And they’ll stop him from riding, won’t they?” I added, remembering there was some rule about Hangmen not riding if something was wrong with them, something that caused obvious health issues.

Cowboy shrugged. “I don’t personally think Styx will give two shits. Figure if you wanna take your life in your hands like that, then that’s your deal.”

My stomach rolled. “But Hush could be killed.”

“In this life, cher, we could be killed at any minute. You know we deal in some dark shit. But Hush, he’s got used to the signs.” He sighed. “So have I. It’s how we’ve lived so far without incident. He feels off, he don’t ride.”

“It’s why you haven’t moved onto the club’s land. Why y’all don’t live out there like the rest of them.”

“Yup.”

I found my fingers tracing a rough patch on Hush’s skin. “Cowboy . . . these patches on his arms . . . where the ink of the tattoos hasn’t taken well . . .”

“Are not my story to tell,” he said firmly. Cowboy sat back on the couch. “He’ll sleep for a while, cher. He needs to get his energy back. He needs to get his body warmed back up.” I knew I should move away from him. Let him sleep. But I couldn’t move. Seeing him like that on the floor, Cowboy jumping in and staying beside him until the seizure subsided, was the only thing that filled my head.

Leaning closer to Hush, I whispered, “You can trust me, baby. Please just let me in.” I laid my head back against the couch cushion and kept hold of his hand, kissing each finger in turn. I was determined to show him that he could let me in too.

He seemed so lonely . . . and so was I.

Maybe we could be a little less lonely together.

 

*****

 

The sound of murmuring voices pulled me from a deep sleep. I was too hot. I kicked my leg out from a blanket someone must have placed over me. I rolled over, realizing I was lying on a couch. When I opened my eyes, I saw Hush was awake on the other couch. Cowboy was sitting on the chair beside the fire.

“I fell asleep?” I asked. It was dark outside. The fire was still burning. My eyes moved from the fire to Hush. He met my eyes briefly, and then looked away. My heart sank. No . . . He was going to push me away again. I could see it. The hard mask he had shed after the seizure was again firmly in place, a scowl on his face and his eyes frosted over.

His protective shield.

I looked at Cowboy. But before he could even meet my eyes, he got up off the couch and stormed out of the room. The door that led to the porch slammed shut. I hadn’t been able to hear the conversation they’d been having as I awoke, but I could guess at the topic.

Me. Hush’s rejection of me, once again.

Hush’s attention was back on the fire. I got up and went into the kitchen. I poured myself a large glass of water and one for Hush. I took the water to him, but I didn’t look at him. I wasn’t sure I could, not right now. My stomach was in pieces at the thought of him never letting me hold his hand again. Or kiss his soft lips.

I had no idea what the hell it would take for me to get through to him.

I went upstairs into the bathroom and started the shower. The fire in the living room mixed with the warm weather had made the house a friggin’ sauna. I didn’t care because that’s what Hush had needed. Still needed to help him recover.

I stepped into the shower and let the cool water run over my head. I reached for the body wash and began soaping up my skin. As my hands ran over my shoulders and the sides of my back, I thought of Hush. For once I thought of something else but Juan in these moments. I let my fingertips ghost over the marks that I’d only ever kept to myself.

I heard the scream in my head. I felt the blazing heat, followed by the rapid onset of excruciating pain. I replayed it all in my head, a pair of dark midnight eyes watching on. Teaching me a lesson, he’d called it. So no man would ever want what was his.

My palms flattened on the tiled wall. I turned up the temperature of the shower to counterattack the shivers that had broken out along my skin. But as I stood there, shaking my head and gasping for breath to rid my mind of that night, of the night he forever ruined me, I thought of Hush. I thought of him on the floor, body shaking from the racking seizure. And I thought of the scars on his arms. So similar to mine.

I lifted my head, tipping my face up to the shower. My tears mixed with the stream and washed down the drain. I wasn’t sure how long I stayed under the spray—enough time to help me decide what I would do next. I got out of the shower and went to the mirror. I rubbed the steam off the glass and stared at my reflection. Blue eyes met mine. My wet hair ran down my back and over my shoulders. Even after all this time, it was still hard to face this. Face . . . me . . .

Mine, bella. You belong to me now . . . Don’t you know there’s no leaving me now I’ve got you? I will give you a good life. One worthy of a queen . . .

The skin on my back crawled in disgust. Swallowing the nervous lump that had lodged itself in my throat, I slowly turned, never taking my eyes off my reflection. I hadn’t looked at my back for months and months. So when the red scars came into view, I couldn’t contain the whoosh of breath that fell from my lips. I didn’t know what I was thinking . . . what I expected to find this time, every time. It was always the same: the ugliness, the mottled and broken skin textured into lumps and bumps that would forever remind me of the time I’d placed my trust in the fucking devil himself.

The devil who was now searching the length and breadth of the country to drag me back to hell.

I didn’t even blink at that thought. I was numb as I stared in the mirror as if studying the ruined flesh would somehow reverse the damage.

I let my instincts lead me. Reaching for the thin pink towel on the floor, I wrapped it around my body and opened the bathroom door. Steam escaped, colliding with the fresh air from the hallway. I walked downstairs, turning toward the living room. I heard the cracking of the fire and my footsteps padding on the wooden floor as I followed my feet to the room. I kept my eyes straight forward, blocking the stifling fear that was trying to claw its way up my throat.

“Sia?” I heard Cowboy call. He was sitting on the couch where I’d fallen asleep. He shuffled to the edge of the couch, but I held out my hand for him to stay still. Looking to my right, I met Hush’s ice-blue eyes. His forehead was lined in confusion and his full lips were pursed as he looked at me. My vision shimmered as the tears I’d known would fall began to drip over my cheeks. Clearing my throat, I let my lips move. “When I was seventeen, I ran away,” I announced, my voice broken with the pain this memory brought out each time I relived it. Hush stopped breathing. His large body was a statue under the blanket that kept him warm. I absently noticed that he once again had color in his cheeks and life in his stunning eyes.

My hands shook on the towel as I gripped it tightly over my breasts. But I had to keep going. “I . . . I was broken.” I lowered my eyes to the floor, focusing on the grains in the wooden floors. “I didn’t have a close relationship with my aunt. And I was always pissed. Pissed that I never got to know my momma, who had died so many years before.” I winced as those feelings drove themselves to the forefront of my mind. “My poppa was non-existent in my life. Ky . . . Ky came and saw me as much as he could. But the war with the Diablos was building and occupied most of his time.” A teardrop hit my lip and fell into my mouth, the salty water the perfect allegory for the bitterness that dripped from my soul in those days. “My aunt was a kind woman but had no real love for kids. She was gone a lot, and I . . .” I sniffed and let my wet hair hide my face. “I was lonely.”

“Cher,” Cowboy said. “You don’t need to go there right now.”

I held out one of my hands and ran my finger down Cowboy’s handsome face. He was beautiful, achingly so. His eyes were so open and kind. I wasn’t sure I had ever seen such kind eyes before. My hand dropped away. “I had a friend, Michelle.” I sucked in an agonized breath. I shook my head, like I could erase her pretty face from my mind. Rid myself of the guilt I felt whenever I thought of how she was left behind. But I managed a smile as I thought of her wild ways. “She hated where we lived. She was always getting me to do crazy things . . .”

There was a knock on my window. I kicked back my comforter and drew back the curtains. Michelle’s face was smiling up at me. I pulled up my window and she climbed through. The second I turned around, she whispered, “You. Me. Mexico. This Friday.”

I blinked in surprise. “What—”

“You wanna leave this place. So do I. I got us passports.” I opened my mouth to ask how, but she waved me off. “Those photobooth pictures we took weren’t just for shits and giggles, girl. As for the rest . . .” She shrugged. “Forging your shitty scrawl weren’t hard. The rest was a piece of cake.”

I burst out laughing, my heart begging to race in excitement. Michelle dragged me to the bed. “It’s all organized. All you need now is your bikinis and your sunglasses.”

I thought of my poppa and how he couldn’t give a fuck about what happened to me. Ky almost never saw me now, and my aunt was away with work more than she was here. I had my horse . . . but when I thought of getting the hell away . . . thought of the sandy beaches, and the fact that it wasn’t fucking Texas, my decision was made.

“I’m in,” I said. Michelle squealed and launched her arms around me.

“You won’t regret it, Sia. It’ll be the best fucking thing we ever do!”

“We ran to Mexico.” I closed my eyes, remembering crossing the border and feeling so fucking high with freedom. With the idea of a new beginning away from the club. Then I remembered—

“I met Juan Garcia two days into our trip.” His face flashed into my head. His dark eyes, olive skin, and beautiful black hair, short at the sides and perfectly styled on the top. I laughed a single humorless laugh. “I was smitten the minute I saw him.” I pictured his toned, lithe body in shorts, walking across the beach to where we sat sunbathing. “I was seventeen; he was twenty-five. I had never been in love before. I’d barely even had a boyfriend before. I hadn’t really come to grips with who I was as a person. At how I’d been kept from my father and brother all my life. And I wasn’t really ready to face the shit I knew would be waiting for me at home. So when Juan swept me off my feet, I went willingly.”

My hand shook as it fought to keep its grip on the towel. “It was obvious that he became as obsessed with me as I did him. We were never apart. He took me to dinners in restaurants I could only ever have dreamed of eating in. The locals worshipped the ground he walked on . . . and in no time at all, so did I. I loved him to death . . . until . . .” I shook my head. Just remembering that day made me nauseous. “Only a week after I’d met Juan, Michelle left me a note to say that she’d moved on to where we were supposed to travel next. She understood I’d found Juan and she wanted me to stay with him. She said she would see me again in a few weeks.” I blinked, seeing the letter so clearly in my head. It was her writing. I recognized it. “It was just like her. Leaving me to get laid while she flitted to the next thing she wanted to do. It was typical Michelle, so I never doubted it.” A quick sob came from my throat, catching me off guard. “Only she never came back. I asked Juan for help. He was a businessman, a rich man with contacts. But there was nothing we could find about where she’d gone.” I took a deep inhale. “That was, until I went looking for him one day at his work.” I smiled humorlessly at my own stupidity. “And found . . . found . . .”

“Enough, cher.” Cowboy got up from the couch. “You’re fucking shaking. Don’t do this. You don’t need to tell us.” I turned my face to look at Hush. His jaw was tight and he was gripping the blanket so hard I thought it would rip apart.

“I couldn’t leave,” I continued, voice croaking just remembering all the shit he’d put me through. “He kept me in his home. I . . . I didn’t dare cross him. Then one time, I did.”

I stepped away from Cowboy. He radiated pure rage, his thick arms showing off every vein and muscle under his golden skin. I wasn’t sure my legs would carry me into the center of the living room where they both could see me.

Where Hush could see.

“I only made that mistake once.” I drew in a deep breath. “It only took one punishment to make me understand that I could never betray him again.” I closed my eyes and willed myself to do this. For Hush, I told myself. I thought of him on the floor, the seizure taking control of his body. Of his face in the aftermath, his eyes looking up at me with such need, such desperation for comfort. My comfort.

My fingers loosened on the towel and I let the material slip down to my waist. I didn’t care that my breasts were bared. I knew they wouldn’t be the focus anyhow. Cowboy hissed behind me. But my eyes found Hush . . . and his gaze, staring at my back. “Acid,” I whispered. I felt my bottom lip shake.

“You are mine, bella. I will ruin you for all other men but me.” He ran the tip of his finger over my burned flesh. I screamed, my voice echoing off the walls of the large bedroom where he’d forced me to lie. My body convulsed in pain. I was freezing everywhere. Except my back. My back felt like it was on fire. Burning my skin.

Juan moved from the bed to crouch at my face. My terrified eyes found his. He ran his hand over my hair. “Like spun gold,” he murmured and smiled his devastatingly handsome smile. “A doctor will be in later to help you with the pain.”

“Please,” I whispered. I couldn’t stand the pain . . . I couldn’t keep smelling the scent of my burning flesh.

“No, bella. I must leave you with this a while longer. Only then will you learn to never cross me again.” He leaned in and kissed my lips. His tongue pushed inside my mouth and wrapped itself seductively against mine. I whimpered, needing him to stop; he moaned, wanting to devour me. When he pulled away, he smiled at me. The smile that showed me how obsessed with me he had truly become. “I love you, mi rosa negra. But if you defy me again, this punishment will be repeated. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes,” I said quickly. He just smiled.

“Good.” He laid a kiss on my forehead. “Now, get some rest. We want you to heal.” Juan stood and rounded the bed. I could feel his hand skirting around the covers. “Beautiful,” he said and kissed the center of my back . . . exactly where the most acid had been poured. I screamed, tears flooding the comforter beneath me. But those tears soon dried when I thought of what I had seen to make me run . . . what he had done to her . . . what he had done to all of them . . .

I blinked back into the here and now. My throat was dry from telling them about what he had done. The room was thick with silence. Goosebumps swept over my exposed ruined skin. My legs shook, and just when I feared they would no longer hold me up, arms came around me and swept me off the floor. I looked up into Cowboy’s eyes. He cradled me against his chest and carried me to the couch. He kept me close, running his lips over my forehead. “We got you, cher,” he whispered. I almost cried when I threaded my arms around his neck, holding on tightly . . . and his rough fingers found the acid scars. I froze. No one but the doctor, Juan, and me had ever touched what I kept well hidden away.

“They’re beautiful,” he whispered as I tucked my head into his neck. “Because you’re so fucking beautiful, cher.”

I held him tighter, inhaling his fresh scent. I shed all the tears that had been trapped within me for years. My skin, which had been ice cold, thawed to a newer, warmer type of numbness. Stinging tears dried to leave behind a heady state of peace. Wrapped in Cowboy’s arms, I felt safe, for the first time in years.

Taking a deep breath, I pulled back from Cowboy’s neck and met his blue eyes. He gave me one of his smiles and stroked back the hair stuck to my damp cheeks. My lips shook as I smiled back. “Thanks, darlin’,” I rasped.

His hand moved up to cup my neck. I leaned into his touch, my eyes fluttering shut for a moment as a soft breath left my throat. When I opened my eyes again, it was to see Cowboy searching my face. Then, clearly seeing whatever it was he wanted to see, he brushed his lips against mine. The minute I tasted him, the tension, the hurt, and the years’ worth of pain that suffocated my chest broke free from my skin and ghosted away like a twirl of smoke from a campfire. My hands hung on to Cowboy as he caressed my lips with his own before pulling back and pressing his forehead against mine.

His hand guided my head to lie on his chest. I sighed, and then glanced across the room. Hush was still on the couch. Hands still fisting the blanket . . . but in his ice-blue eyes I saw something else.

He was looking at me differently.

His chest was rising and falling.

Then he was getting to his feet.

I held my breath as Hush stood up from the couch. He paused for a second, but his gaze never left mine. Cowboy held me in place as Hush, uncurling his fists, walked across the room, me in his sights. He stopped before me and dropped to his knees. His nostrils flared, the veins in his neck were showing . . . then, on a sharp sigh, he leaned forward, cupped both of my cheeks, and pressed his lips to mine.

Instant warmth burst inside my chest, my heart swelling so full that I was sure I wouldn’t be able to cope with its rapid beat. Hush’s hands were strong and controlled as he kept me in place, right where he wanted me. His lips parted, and his tongue slid into my mouth. I moaned when his tongue danced with my own.

On Cowboy’s chest, with his hand running so delicately down my back, and Hush holding me so fiercely against his mouth, I was home. Peace swept through my body, and I welcomed it like the kiss of rain after a drought. I stayed in the moment, soaking in every breath and touch and sigh as Hush kissed me and kissed me again. When I felt Cowboy shift underneath me and brush my hair out of the way only to press his lips against the back of my neck, I melted. I gave myself to them, letting them take the reins after so many years of fighting this fucked-up world alone.

Their hard chests pressed against me, Hush’s against my breasts and Cowboy’s against my back. Hush’s palms were hot, his thumbs dusting across my cheeks. Cowboy’s warm breath caused shivers to break out along my spine.

It was too much, yet not enough. I needed to breathe, yet refused to let anything pull me away from finally having Hush with me like this. Kissing me so thoroughly, so beautifully . . . so lovingly. I realized that I’d wanted this. Wanted Hush as much as I wanted Cowboy since the first time I met them. It didn’t make sense. Nothing about this made sense, about how we three meshed and melded into one organic whole. But I didn’t care. In this moment, I cared about nothing else but feeling these two men against me, chasing away the demons that had possessed me for too many years.

Hush broke away from my mouth. He was out of breath, deeply inhaling gasps of air. His hands stayed on my cheeks as he made himself look into my eyes. I lifted my trembling hand and placed it on his cheek. He leaned into my touch, his eyes closing. I could see the war he fought inside his head written on his troubled face. But then he sighed, shoulders dropping, and opened his eyes to crash his determined gaze against mine.

I swallowed hard, feeling Cowboy’s breath on my neck, and whispered, “Make love to me.”

Hush’s lips parted and his pupils dilated. Cowboy exhaled behind me. I took my free hand and angled my body until I could see Cowboy too. I laid my other palm on his cheek, the three of us now connected through me. Cowboy blinked, but then kissed me. Electricity surged from him, to me, and finally to Hush. When Cowboy broke away, Hush’s hand slipped from my face and moved under my arms. He lifted me off the couch. My feet landed on the floor, only for Cowboy to swing me into his arms. I held Hush’s hand as we slowly, and absolutely silently, made our way up to my bedroom.

Cowboy placed me in the center of the bed. He stood next to Hush, and my breath stilled looking at them both. Two beautiful, honest, and pure souls looking down at me.

I sucked in a shaky breath, nervous at what was about to happen. Nervous at giving myself to anyone after being so bruised by Juan. The fact that there were two of them didn’t matter. All that mattered was the trust I’d built up for them both . . . that, and knowing the way I felt about them was reflected back at me twofold. Four hands to touch me, four arms to hold me . . . two hearts to make love to me and chase away the dark.

Reaching for the towel still bunched at my waist, I untied the knot and slowly pulled the material away from me. Hush and Cowboy froze as I dragged it from the bed and dropped it to the floor. Hot air stuck to my skin just as sure as their gazes.

Cowboy moved first, my naked, imperfect body on full display. He kneeled on the bed at my feet. Catching my eye, he smiled, the sight making me relax. He lifted his shirt over his head to reveal his tattooed muscled body. My breathing came fast as he moved his hand to his belt and loosened his jeans. Belt undone, he snapped the buttons and let them hang open on his cut waist.

“Cowboy,” I murmured, casting my eyes up to his. He smiled wider and crawled over to me. His mouth found mine, his heavy chest guiding me to the mattress. My heart beat so fast I was sure it would break free from my chest, but I calmed when I felt Cowboy’s beating just as fast, syncing into a rhythmic melody that brought with it peace, not fear.

“Sia.” Cowboy trailed his mouth to my neck, rolling his body to the side. His hand moved to my stomach. I jumped at his touch, but relaxed when I glanced up to see Hush removing his shirt. My eyes were transfixed as his tattoo-covered caramel chest was revealed. His jeans were already unfastened, the open zipper exposing the toned V on either side of his hips and the beginning of dark hair that trailed further down.

“Hush,” I whispered and held out my hand. He rocked on his feet for one second, before kneeling on the bed. Like Cowboy had done only moments before, he brought his body over me, bringing his lips to mine. I moaned, tasting him again. If Cowboy was sweetness, Hush was spice. Cowboy a fresh scent, Hush a deep musk. Hush’s naked chest pressed against my breasts, bringing a sigh from my mouth. Seamlessly, showing this was a well-practiced dance for them, Hush leaned to my left. Cowboy’s body smothered my right. Hands searched my skin, fingers traveling over the valleys and dips of my flesh. Mouths and tongues leaving goosebumps in their wake. Fire burned me up from within as I tilted my head to witness Cowboy trailing his tongue up my ribs and across until it flicked over my right nipple. My back arched as he sucked my nipple into his mouth, shivers ricocheting down my spine. My right hand gripped his hair as his hands ran down my stomach. I panted, eyes rolling back in my head as his fingers walked between my legs.

“Cowboy . . .” I called out as they slipped between my legs, running up and down, causing sweat to bead on my forehead. I didn’t think I could endure any more, but when I felt another mouth taking my left nipple with its tongue, I thought I would break apart. I looked down to find Hush there, too. Pressure built at the bottom of my spine. Fingers and mouths and just the sight of these two men on my body, worshipping me so beautifully, was overwhelming.

Cowboy released my breast, his fingers slipping from between my legs. I only had a moment’s reprieve before Hush’s fingers appeared in their place. “Hush . . .” I sighed as he moved his mouth from my breast and brought his kiss-swollen lips to mine. His kiss was brief, occupying me only long enough so that when I lifted my gaze again, I saw Cowboy . . . freed from his jeans and stroking his long dick. My breathing hitched when he climbed back on the bed and ran his free hand down my leg. He guided my legs apart before situating himself between them. Cowboy’s cheeks were flushed and his eyes dilated as he stared down at me.

He sat back on his haunches, then stopped touching himself long enough to lean forward and kiss my mouth. “Gonna taste you, cher.” I moaned, my tongue licking along my lips as Cowboy left kiss after kiss, tattooing my body with his mark as he crawled lower and lower. I had only just felt his breath at the apex of my thighs, his tongue meeting my flesh, when I looked to my left, crying out at both the feel of Cowboy’s tongue and the sight that greeted me.

Hush was now naked, crawling back on the bed toward me. Cowboy groaned as he licked me, the sound vibrating and sending heat to my cheeks. Hush stroked his dick, his gaze dropping down to watch Cowboy. I followed his gaze, biting my lip, sighing as Cowboy’s eyes met mine. Hush’s hand landed on my stomach, before tracing lower until his fingers stopped right where Cowboy took me with his mouth. Hush’s fingers found my clit. “Hush,” I said, and jerked, unable to take what they were both giving me. His mouth took mine, his tongue sliding in to duel. He was breathless, I was breathless, as I felt a wave of pleasure travel through my body. I shuddered, mouth breaking from Hush’s, as pressure built between my legs. Cowboy’s tongue lashed faster and faster. My hands fisted the comforter as Hush laid kiss after kiss on my neck, my face, my breasts. I reached out with my left hand, needing something to anchor me as I rose higher and higher. My fingers met Hush’s thigh, his blue eyes snapping to me and his mouth parting to release a breath. My back arched, legs trembling as I continued to climb. Then, moving his hand away, I gently wrapped my hand around his cock.

“Cher,” Hush groaned, his eyes tightly closing and teeth gritting under my touch. I moved my hand, slowly at first, up and down, fascinated as his cheeks twitched and his leg muscles jumped.

Then I stilled. Stilled, as Cowboy pushed a finger inside me. So gently that tears welled in my eyes at the consideration his careful touch showed. “Want inside you, cher,” Cowboy said, ducking his head to lick me some more. I groaned, moving my hand along Hush’s dick.

“Please,” I said, and Cowboy lifted his head. He licked his lips, his dimples popping out on his cheeks. “Take me,” I demanded and ran my finger down his face. “I want you too.” I looked over to Hush. “Before tonight ends . . . I want you both.” My cheeks blazed like hell as the words passed my lips. But they were true. I had a momentary pause, knowing that once I ventured down this road, there was no turning back.

Hush slipped out of my hand, and his face was suddenly before mine. He pushed back my hair. “If you ain’t sure—”

“I’m sure.” I took his hand and kissed his palm. “I’m sure.” I nodded and smiled, and felt the truth behind my confession. I did want this. I glanced down Hush’s toned and beautiful body, then looked at Cowboy, who was kneeling between my legs. In his hand were a couple of condoms. He threw one Hush’s way.

I watched, nervous butterflies swooping in my stomach, as Cowboy rolled the condom on then moved between my legs. Hush lay down beside me. I turned my head to face him. “Hush, do you want me to—”

His lips pressed against mine, just as Cowboy began pushing inside. “It’s about you, cher. Right now, it’s all about you.” Hush threaded his hand though mine, and my head tipped back. I held my breath as Cowboy filled me. I squeezed Hush’s hand so tightly I was scared I’d break his fingers.

“Sia,” Cowboy groaned as he pushed all the way inside and caged his body over me.

“I’m good,” I assured them, searching for breath. I shifted my hips, both me and Cowboy moaning at the feel. Cowboy leaned down and kissed me. As his tongue pushed into my mouth, he moved his hips. My free hand fell onto his wide back, keeping him close. Hush went to pull back his hand from mine, but I kept tight hold.

“No.” I brought Hush’s hand to my lips, dusting a kiss on one of his hidden scars. “I want you in this too.”

My heart stuttered when Hush dropped his head, then looked up at me and smiled. It was the most honest, beautiful, and sincere smile he’d ever given me.

Cowboy kissed my neck, and I closed my eyes, just feeling him. He thrust faster and faster. Hush moved his body until his chest was flush against my side. He was so close to Cowboy that they touched arms. But neither seemed to care. Instead, Hush ran his fingers between Cowboy’s chest and mine, trailing down until he stopped between my legs, finding my clit. His fingers circled, ripping a cry from my throat as Cowboy reached that spot inside me that made me lose my mind.

“Yes . . .” I murmured, completely handing myself over to the sensations of having two men pleasure me.

Cowboy’s breath came faster, his groans melding into rhythmic grunts. “Fuck,” he hissed, neck straining. “Gonna come, cher.” Cowboy buried his face in my neck, his hips thrusting so fast into me that my back arched, catching me off guard as I splintered apart, lights dancing in front of my eyes. Cowboy rocked within me, until he stilled, then rolled to the side. My chest rose and fell as I tried to catch my breath. Cowboy took my mouth, sweetly, softly, and just as his tongue found mine, I felt Hush lift my leg and push inside me.

I wasn’t sure I could take any more. They were both big, but Hush was slightly longer than Cowboy. I choked on a breath as he pushed inside. Cowboy moved his mouth to my ear and said, “Watch.” I did as instructed and looked at Hush.

His lips were parted, his abs tensing and flexing as he filled me inch by inch. “Hush!” I shouted, rolling my hips as I tried to take him. Keeping to his side, Cowboy bowed his head and sucked my nipple into his mouth. My head rolled to face Hush, his cheeks flushed with color. He ran his nose down my cheek. “Can you take more, cher?”

“Yes,” I whispered, nuzzling my head into the crook of his neck. Hush crashed his mouth to mine, and as our lips began to move, he pushed all the way inside. I ripped my head away and threw my arm around him, clutching his shoulder.

Hush growled low then said, “I need to move.”

“Then move,” I commanded and held on tightly as his back flexed, his hips rolled, and he withdrew and filled me again. My skin was set on fire, still trying to calm down from the high Cowboy had given me. Unwilling to give my body a break, Hush, inside me, began building me back high. “I’m close,” I said, my eyes closing as Cowboy licked and caressed my nipple and breast.

“Cher,” Hush whispered, and just like Hush had done before, I felt Cowboy’s hand travel between my legs to rub my clit. His cock was hard again against my thigh. He took hold of it, working his hand up and down as he groaned.

I cried out, head rolling from side to side, holding on to two men, keeping them with me as I began the climb that would tear me apart into a million tiny pieces. “Feel him,” Cowboy whispered into my ear. “Feel him, cher. Feel us both.” His voice was stuttered, and I knew he was close again too.

“Cowboy,” I said just as Hush’s mouth moved to my other ear.

“Want you, cher.”

“Hush . . .” I said, tears building at hearing him confess something I never thought he would ever say.

“I’ve wanted you so damn much.”

Tears tumbled from my eyes and onto my cheeks as the desperate words sailed into my ears. Cowboy kissed down my neck, and Hush took control of my mouth. Too many sensations assaulted me at once, and I splintered apart, unsure where I started and Hush and Cowboy ended. Two sets of groans surrounded me, joining me in my pleasure. Hush stilled, his head bent back and neck corded, just as Cowboy groaned, spilling against my leg.

Hush collapsed on top of me. “Fuck,” he whispered, his tongue tracking the side of my neck. I sank into my mattress, my eyes opening to stare at the dark ceiling. The moon filtered in through the window. The stars were a mass of diamonds in the blackened sky. Out here at my ranch, you’d always see the stars in full effect. No light pollution hiding what should be shining in the sky for all to see.

I lazily ran my hands over both Hush’s and Cowboy’s backs. Cowboy was the first to lift his head and kiss me. He explored my mouth before pulling his head back, only for Hush to take his place. My chest filled with so much happiness . . . so much contentedness that I was scared I wouldn’t be able to contain it all.

When I knew I liked them both, my biggest fear had been that I’d be drawn to one more than the other. Was my heart designed to allow only one in? But as I lay there, kissing both these men who’d so captured my soul, I realized that a heart is infinite. Love can expand and expand. My heart could hold as much as I was willing to let in.

Hush sighed and inched back. His blue eyes found mine. “Are you okay?” he croaked. I kept my legs wrapped tightly around him, not quite ready to let him go—let either of them go.

“Yes,” I replied and became boneless as he smiled that stunning smile again. I traced his stretched lips with my finger. “This is my favorite,” I said. Hush cocked his head to the side. “Your smile.” I ran my finger up to the side of his eyes. “That and your eyes. So pale, they look like ice.” I looked at Cowboy, whose head was perched on my shoulder. “And yours. Almost turquoise.” I shook my head. “Three sets of blue eyes, all different. All who have walked different paths . . .” My heart beat so fast at how we were all here together. “All who have seen the full spectrum of life—the good, the bad, and the ugly.”

Hush pressed his forehead to mine. Cowboy pressed his against my shoulder. We lay like that for many minutes, until Hush rolled off me. I stayed on my back, almost breaking down when two arms slid over my waist from left and right.

I breathed in the mix of scents. And I waited . . . I waited for the regret to kick in. For the accusation that I’d just slept with two men to fill me with dread and shame. But no matter how much I expected it, searched the depths of my heart for it, I couldn’t find any.

“I feel it,” I said, shattering the silence that had drifted over us all.

“What, cher?” Cowboy inquired.

I sighed. “Peace . . . I think.” Hush stilled beside me. When I looked at him, his eyes were fixed on me. I gave a watery smile. “I’ve never felt this . . . peaceful.” I shook my head. “There’s no other word I can use to describe it. Peace. I don’t believe, even as a child, I ever had this.”

“What does it feel like?” I tensed when Hush spoke after several quiet moments of reflection. His deep voice was racked with pain, the hoarse timbre causing my soul to cry out for the agony he was in.

I looked him in the eyes and wondered, for the millionth time, what haunted him so much. What it was that caused the marks on his skin. What earned him his road name. And what he couldn’t let go of to allow him to be happy.

I knew my eyes were glistening. My vision blurred enough to tell me that. I reached down and held both of my guys’ hands. Cowboy ran his thumb over the back of my hand. Hush was clutching onto me for dear life. Such a contrast, I thought. “Happy.” I knew it wasn’t the most profound thing that had ever come out of my mouth. But there was no other word. “Happy,” I repeated and, gazing at the ceiling, I brought Hush’s hand to my lips and kissed it gently.

“What did you find? In Mexico . . .” Cowboy’s question invaded that newly found happiness in a second. He nuzzled into my shoulder and pressed a single kiss on it. “To make you want to leave him? What did you find?”

I closed my eyes, and like it had only happened yesterday, I was instantly there. “Girls.” I shook my head, trying to erase their gaunt, blank faces from my mind. “Lots and lots of lost, tragic girls . . .”

“Maria?” I ran through the house, my feet tapping on the marble floors, to find the housekeeper. The sun was setting and Juan still hadn’t come home. I had been waiting for him. We had a date planned for tonight. I adjusted my bra strap under his shirt that I was wearing over my jean shorts. It still smelled like him. I’d been wearing it all day. I loved it.

“Sia?” I turned to see Maria coming through the hallway.

“Do you know where Juan is?”

She shook her head. “He is a busy man, señorita. He will be home when he is home.”

I pushed a breath out of my mouth. I was now officially sick of the way all Juan’s staff talked down to me. I was seventeen. Juan was twenty-five. I knew most of them thought I was too young to be with him. Hell, I’d heard most of them mutter it in Spanish, thinking I couldn’t understand. I wasn’t the most proficient in Spanish, but I knew enough to understand what they said behind my back. And the not-so-subtle ones called me Lolita. I wouldn’t even need to know a scrap of Spanish to get that damn reference.

I went back to the bedroom and waited for another hour. Sick and tired of waiting for Juan, I threw on my flip-flops and snuck out the front door. Just as I rounded the corner, I saw one of his men—Pablo—getting into the covered Jeep. Deciding in a split second that I could hitch a ride with him, I slithered into the back of the Jeep. I smiled as it roared out of the drive.

I knew Juan worked close by. I had never been to his office. He liked to keep his work life and his private life separate. I had been at his home for two months now. And not once had I been to his work. I got it. My poppa had never let me go to the club. Hell, Ky never even talked about the club when he came to see me. I was used to men being secretive.

But standing me up for the third time this month had made me snap.

About twenty minutes had passed when the Jeep came to a stop. I crouched low, making sure I was hidden by the khaki cloth of the Jeep. I heard talking. What sounded like a barrier being raised a few seconds later. The Jeep drove on only a couple of miles more before we stopped and the engine was turned off.

Pablo left the Jeep. I waited until there were no voices nearby and snuck out of the back. I looked around. I’d expected to find offices. What greeted me was a vast amount of land, agricultural land, which housed several buildings. A larger building sat at the end of a long drive. Where the other barn-like buildings were one story, the one at the end was two. I smiled, knowing that’s exactly where Juan would be.

I kept to the shadowy outskirts of the buildings, trying to keep out of sight as I made my way to where I thought Juan would be. There were men with guns patrolling the main drive. I had no idea why. Juan told me he was a trader. From what I knew that all happened via phone and computers.

I had just made it past one of the buildings when I heard a loud scream come from inside. My footing faltered when it sounded again. It was the voice of a woman. My heart kicked into a sprint.

I was rooted to the spot. Fear and dread ran up my spine. In my peripheral vision I saw a guard walking my way. Without thinking, I opened the door of the building and ducked inside. Grimacing at the putrid smell coming from further inside the building, I snuck along the wall until I came to a door. I heard the low murmur of voices, then I heard one that I knew.

Juan.

The Spanish was muted and rapid. I brushed my hair off my shoulders, opened the door, and stepped into the room.

What greeted me on the other side, I wouldn’t have expected in a million years. Girls. Row upon row of girls lying on small cot beds, IVs coming from their arms.

A shocked cry escaped my mouth. The men gathered in the middle of the room all turned to look at me. Juan, the man I had fallen head over heels for, looked my way.

“Sia,” he said, a dark edge to his voice. I pressed myself up against the door I had just entered through. “What the fuck are you doing here?” I wanted to speak. I wanted to tell him that I’d come to see him, but my eyes wouldn’t leave the girls in the beds. They flitted over each one, all of different hair colors, ethnicities, and heights . . . until my eyes landed on one at the end of the room.

I didn’t even realize that I had hit the floor until Juan gripped my arm and yanked me to my feet. “Michelle . . .” I whispered, my voice cracking as I took in her brown hair, now limp and clumped in sweaty strands... and her body, naked and starved. “Michelle!” I screamed as I tried to run in her direction.

I was stopped in my tracks by a hand slicing across my face, knocking me to the floor. My palms slapped against the tiles. Juan dragged me to my feet and pulled me from the building and into his car waiting out front.

“Michelle!” I screamed, but before I could open the car and run to my best friend, something pricked my arm. I snapped my head to Juan. He was holding a syringe. “You’re a trafficker,” I accused. Dizziness took me over. My vision became blurred, my heartbeat slowing from whatever he had injected into me.

Juan spared me a glance before he pulled his car from this evil place. “I’m a trader, bella. The stock is merely . . . semantics.”

I could hear the tick-tocking of my bedroom clock. Tears cascaded down my cheeks. “He had your friend?” Cowboy’s voice was laced with a venom I’d never heard from him before.

“Still has her, maybe.” A sob ripped from my throat. “I have no idea if he sold her, if she’s still there . . . if she’s dead. When Ky and Styx came for me, we couldn’t get to her. There was no time. They were nearly killed getting me. And worse, they came without the permission of my poppa or the old prez.” I wiped my cheeks. “They risked their lives to rescue me.” I stared out the window. “It was all my fault. She could have been suffering all this time . . . and it’s all my fault.” I laughed without humor. “I believed she’d gone elsewhere. Maybe found someone to love too. The fact that she hadn’t called me in a while wasn’t strange behavior for Michelle.” I lowered my head. “I was a fucking idiot. Running around like I was the lady of his home while thinking my friend was off living her best life. When in fact I was just his possession, and she was in hell.”

Hush moved over me, his face staring down. “It isn’t your fault,” he said gently. Cowboy gave him a look. “It’s not the same,” Hush argued. “This really wasn’t her fault.” He turned back to me, leaving me lost as to what they were really talking about. “You both went to Mexico together, to travel. He preyed on you. It’s what the fucker does.”

“I’ve seen one of those places,” Cowboy admitted. I snapped my head to him. Blood drained from my face. “Believe me, cher. You had no fault in Michelle being taken. I’ve seen how these things operate. They’re fucking well-oiled machines. The Hangmen are fucking damned, evil to most people. But him? Fucker is on another level.”

“I never knew,” I whispered, picturing Juan’s pretty smile. “I fell for a lie . . . and he has made me pay over and over again.”

“We got you now.” Hush pulled me closer, Cowboy closing in on my other side. “We both got you now.”

I wanted to believe them, but as I closed my eyes, tiredness pulling me under, all I saw was the black rose in the Polaroid, lying on the bed where my back was burned for good. And I knew it wasn’t going to be that simple. “Always mine,” Juan’s voice whispered insistently in my mind. “Forever mine.”

In Juan’s eyes, I was forever his. It wouldn’t matter how much time had passed. Or that I had fallen into the arms of these two men. He would still be coming.

The sense of peace I’d just felt was, in an instant, shattered to smithereens.

“Mi rosa negra,” he whispered into my subconscious, making me determined to cling on to Hush and Cowboy for as long as I was here to have them.

However long that might be.