Tara –
In Love…
My face is flaming at the sight of this gorgeous boy in front of me as his eyes pierce mine. He’s a feast and I want to be the one to devour him.
Only, it goes against everything my family has ever taught me. My uncle was infamous. The biggest and most well-known criminal in these parts. He would’ve killed us both if he knew what was going on between me and the son of the MC gang, the Savages.
I drop my eyes from his and hold onto the doorframe, suddenly feeling a little bashful but failing miserably at acting cool. I draw in my bottom lip, biting lightly. “You’d better come in,” I instruct, my stomach buzzing with excitement.
His heavily tattooed hand grabs my chin, lifting it until my eyes are once again focused on him. “What’s wrong, Tara?” he asks with a glint in his eye and a smirk on his lips. I stare into his eyes. His gorgeous blue-gray eyes that remind me of stormy skies just before the rain falls.
“Cat got your tongue?” He flicks his head a little and my usually smart mouth finds no reply. Stifling a chuckle, I step aside, breaking the hold he has on my chin. I allow him to enter. Placing my hand across my stomach, I hope to control the butterflies I feel deep inside. But it’s no use. Closing the door, I make my way over to him as he stands at the window in my bedroom, leaning forward on his hands. Narrowing my eyes, I sense that something isn’t right.
“What’s wrong, Nate?” I ask, my voice wavering as I swallow the lump that has now formed in my throat.
“I’m not sure.” He breathes out, his head hung and moving slightly from side to side. “But I think someone followed me here.”
“Why would anyone do that?” I ask, slowly moving toward him and gently placing my hand on the back of his vest. I shudder at the logo on the back, a constant reminder of the gang in which the man I fell in love with belongs to. Ducking under his arm, I force my way until I’m resting on the windowsill, his face just inches from mine.
“God, you drive me crazy,” he mutters, reaching for the blinds and closing them. Dropping his head, his lips meet my collarbone. He nips and sucks and my heart rate increases. “Hate all of this sneaking around,” he mumbles. His lips work up from my collarbone and the heat of his breath is now against my neck. My whole body aches with need. My nipples strain and memories of his past touch causes a pulse between my legs. Soft, slow licks of my neck produce a deep moan.
“I want everyone to know you are mine. That you belong to me.” He moves one hand underneath my tank top, yanking down my bra cup, freeing my aching breast. He flicks his thumb over my nipple causing them to tingle. “See, this,” he continues, “your tits fit so perfectly in my hand.” His other hand lands softly against my sex as he rubs back and forth. “My hand fits here like it’s made to.”
“Oh, God.” I arch my back, wanting so desperately to feel more, squirming against the hand that rubs between my legs.
“You’re wet for me, aren’t you?” He draws back his head, looking me directly in the eye. Lifting my hands, I place one on either side of his head, drawing him in, placing a soft kiss against his lips.
“These lips fit so perfectly together.” I whisper my words against his lips, continuing his earlier analysis. “And this.” I allow my hand to drift to his waistband, slipping it inside and grabbing his erect cock. “This fits just perfectly in my hand too,” I breathe.
“Touché,” he muses with a thrust of his hips, his cock moving subtly in the palm of my hand. His lips crash hungrily against mine, with hot, fiery passion. With every taste of him, with every assault on my senses I lose myself to this man.
Dropping my ass from the windowsill, I release my hand, pulling it from his pants. I rest my shaking palms against his chest, forcing him to stumble back toward the bed. The back of his legs finally meet with the bed and he falls back, a little ungracefully, taking me with him. I lie on top of him, my chest hurts from laughing so hard. Laughter rumbles through his chest and his smile reaches his eyes. I love to see him smiling. Too often he carries this dark stormy look, but it’s significantly less when we are together. I hold his gaze and smile brightly. My heart is full, and it’s all because of him. I love the way he runs his hands through my hair. I love the way he listens to me and shows that he cares. I love all the little things about this rugged man. A man who has clearly never been shown love, and someone that without a doubt deserves to be loved. The problem is, I’m scared.
Scared to tell him how I truly feel.
“What?” he asks with narrowed eyes. “You’re thinking of something, aren’t you?" See, that smile is fading and an almost serious look is replacing it.
I take a deep breath, shaking off the look he said I’m wearing and replace it with a small smile.
Jesus, Tara, get it together.
“Sorry,” I softly whisper. “Just… this… us,” I sigh, nervous at the thought that I could ruin what we have. “I hate the sneaking around too. That everyone has an opinion on us, like we are committing a crime.” I become more animated, sliding from him, crossing my legs as I face him. “I thought once Carter was out of the picture that you and me, well, we’d be able to have a normal relationship.”
“Is that what this is?” He rolls onto his side, holding his head up with his hand. His eyes widen a little. “A relationship?”
Shit.
My face blanches and my mouth becomes parched. What the hell am I supposed to say? I swallow, hoping that something will come from my mouth. That my brain will register some kind of response.
“Fuck, Tara. Speak, goddamn it.”
I do the only thing I can think of. I shift my legs, resting on my knees. Reaching forward, I cup the side of his face, closing the space between us. I allow my eyes to flutter shut as my lips meet his, pressing gently, moving and savoring this kiss. I deepen the contact. His hand lands heavy on the back of my head, pulling me close and intensifying the contact. Adrenaline surges through my veins as I unfold in his touch. Being with Nate is like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. His hands grab a hold of my hair as he separates from the kiss and his lips find my neck.
“I need to get you out of these fucking clothes.” His voice is low and I watch as he steps from the bed, sliding off his vest. He stands at the side of the bed, reaching for the neck of his t-shirt, pulling it over his head. I admire the view. His toned torso is covered completely in a plethora of tattoos. Nate is hot in a way you rarely find. He is lean—muscular like a well-trained athlete. Only, his tattoos are something else. Every one designed by himself.
I follow his lead, grabbing the hem of my tank top, ready to pull it off.
“Stop right there,” he demands.
“What?” I say with a chuckle. “Why?”
“That’s my job and I want to savor every second of removing every inch of clothing that stands between us.” He works at unfastening the buttons on his jeans before letting them fall to the floor, pooling around his feet.
Leaning back on my elbows, I can’t help but bite the corner of my lip. The excitement grows as I feel my clit pulsating; so much so I have to clench my thighs together. He leans closer, his body hovering over mine. I yelp as I feel his hands grab my waist, dragging me across the bed, my ass resting on the edge. I lift my legs, wrapping them around his waist in an attempt to stop me falling. His palm rests on my stomach, slowly grazing my goose bump-covered skin. I tremble with trepidation as his hand slides under my tank top. He grabs my top, lifting it until he has it pulled over my head. His eyes burn into me and I can’t help but feel completely at his mercy. My heart beats faster and my body aches for more. I let my eyes drift shut, but force them back open again because I don’t want to miss a second of this. I can’t take my eyes off him.
His hand finds my breast, his mouth now touching mine. I lock my hands together behind his head, drawing him into me. Over and over he grazes his thumb slowly over my nipple; the torture of wanting, needing more, almost too much to take. I moan, arching my back as he works over and over. His free hand reaches behind, unclasping my bra before sliding it down my arms and throwing it to the floor. He peppers kisses across my cheekbone, and down my neck. My body tingles as he makes me feel alive—more alive than I’ve ever felt before.
“I need you so bad,” I whisper as my heart explodes in my chest, desperate to tell him those words that sit constantly on the tip of my tongue.
“You got me, babe. Always.”
Just when I thought my heart couldn’t possibly beat any harder or any faster.
THUD. THUD. THUD.
Drawing back his head, he looks me in the eye, giving me a look that gives me a chill. Holding that look, I suddenly blurt out the words I’d been so scared to say.
“I love you, Nate.” The words are barely audible as I force them out.
His body stills, like he just saw a ghost or some shit. “What did you say?” he asks with a tilt of his head, his eyes narrow and the dark look in his eyes is back.
“Uh, never mind,” I say, grabbing the back of his head and trying to pull him toward me.
“Don’t you dare,” he growls, grabbing my hand and placing it at the side of my head. He takes the other one and holds it until I’m completely pinned down by him. “Did you, uh, just say you love me?” he asks, clearing his throat.
“So what if I did?” I spit back. “I do love you, Nate. I’m owning that shit because I know you feel the same way too.”
“No one,” he replies with a shake of his head. “No one has ever said that to me before.”
“Really?” I challenge him, drawing in my brows and scrunching up my nose.
“Really,” he softly replies. “My father isn’t exactly the love proclaiming type, and well, I never really had a mother figure.”
I shoot him a sad smile.
“Baby, what I feel for you is something special. Something I’ve never experienced before. But saying those three words, well, it just doesn’t feel right. Because I have no idea what love is.”
“This.” I point between us. “This is love, Nate.”
“I’m not sure someone like me, someone so fucked up, is even capable of love.”
“You are more than capable. The way you make me feel, the way we fit together so perfectly, that’s love.”
Without saying another word, he bends his head and our mouths crash together with need. He presses his erection into my core while releasing one of his hands and grazing his fingers across the delicate skin on my stomach, stopping at the waistband of my jeans. He flicks open the button, tugging on them until they are around my ankles. I wiggle my legs, dropping them to the floor. His hand snakes inside the seam of my panties, pulling them to one side. He works his hand up and down my folds, catching my clit over and over. I need this so badly. I feel just how engorged my clit is. Each contact is like a spark igniting in my body. I can feel how wet I am. So damn wet. My excitement is clearly evident as he slides his fingers inside of me.
“I need to taste you, baby,” he mumbles, shifting until his head is between my legs. Grabbing my ass, he positions my legs over his shoulder and I drop my head back at the feel of his warm breath against my sex. He slowly blows, causing an almighty shudder to wrack through me. His tongue darts out, making contact with my clit. I buck in reaction to the intensity.
Holy shit.
Thrusting a little, I encourage his touch, his tongue licking and lapping at my clit. Pressing his fingers inside, he pumps rhythmically, spurring on my movements. He’s fucking me with his tongue and fingers and I love it. I feel the muscles in my stomach tighten as the excitement grows painfully uncontrollable.
“Come for me, Tara,” he demands, his voice strained and raspy.
Arching my back as the pressure mounts, I moan out loud. He takes my clit into his mouth, sucking before releasing it with a pop. One more stroke of my clit with his tongue and I can no longer stop the pressure from building. An explosion of absolute pleasure buzzes through every inch of my body; the pulsating feeling between my legs stronger than anything I’ve experienced before. The hairs on my body stand on end and I blink down, trying to clear my vision.
Still coming down from my orgasm, I feel the bed dip as Nate sits beside me, completely naked. His hard cock rests up against his toned, tattooed stomach and I know the best is yet to come. Lifting me, he positions me on his lap and I have to grab his shoulders to steady my slightly weakened body. His hands land heavily on my ass and the contact echoes through the room. I’m straddling him as he grabs a handful of my butt cheeks. Pulling me closer, he positions me over his pulsating hardness. I shudder at the feel of him, as his hard, toned thighs ripple beneath me. Releasing my ass, he grabs the back of my head, drawing my lips closer to his.
“Taste yourself on my lips.”
With one last tug, our lips meet and I kiss him with everything I have. I can taste myself, but it doesn’t stop me from deepening the kiss. I dart out my tongue, stroking it against his as the fire ignites. Reaching down, I wrap my hand around his straining cock, squeezing and tugging until small moans escape from his mouth. He thickens in my hand, letting me know he’s ready for this. I allow my legs to part wider, ready to take him in. Our kisses become eager, just like my need to feel him inside me. The earlier build is back and more powerful than before. Grabbing the base of his shaft, I line him up at my entrance, sliding down on his cock, all the while staring into his mesmerizing eyes. Settling down, he fills me completely and I start to clamp around him. Thrusting upward, we join together in rhythm and in love. At this moment, when our bodies are fused together, I have no doubt that he is the one. The one that owns my heart and fills it to bursting point. Strong, deep thrusts have me crying out.
“Oh, Nate,” I cry, grasping onto the back of his neck as we work together, both of us trying to find our release. His hands dig into my hips as he works me up and down, intensifying the connection. Leaning into him, I feel the beat of his ragged heartbeat reverberating through me. He feels the connection just as much as I do. I know it. This moment here, where our hearts beat in time and our bodies mold together effortlessly… well, this is uncomplicated, pure, undeniable love. I want to hold on tightly to this feeling, never letting go. We are meant for each other. And with every touch, every thrust, the love I feel for him deepens. I just know there is no going back from this.
I’m completely lost in him.
Tipping my head back, I pick up the speed. His thrusts are now more powerful, hitting me deep in the core. My moans fill the room, but I’m not ashamed in the slightest.
“Fuck, Tara. I’m close, so damn close,” he says breathlessly. Slowing his speed, he changes from short, faster thrusts to deeper, all-consuming ones.
I let out a moan mixed with a gasp at the feel of him so deep. His hand reaches to the back of my neck, grabbing tightly as he continues his onslaught of deep, punishing thrusts. The pleasure spirals higher and higher until I feel the deep clenching in my stomach and I come apart around him. He lets out a moan of his own, filling me as he works through his own orgasm. Dropping back on the bed, he takes me with him, turning onto his side until we are face-to-face.
“Your cheeks are flushed, baby,” he informs me in a soft voice, his rugged knuckles graze over them.
Fluttering my eyelids, I can’t help but wrap my arms around him, needing and wanting to be close to him. “You did that,” I reply before rolling my bottom lip into my mouth. Covering his hand that rests on my cheek, I grab hold, directing it down and placing it on my bare chest. “You also did that,” I say as we feel the thudding of my heart. My eyes trail from the connection with his, down to his throat, noticing just how hard it is for him to swallow. Hooking a finger under my chin, he lifts my head until I’m focusing on his lips. Darting out his tongue, I sense his nervousness. He parts his lips, as if to speak, but no words leave his mouth. I watch as he forms the words.
I love you.
Those are the three words he mouths to me.
“You know I mean it, right?”
A smile spreads across my face and I can hardly believe he decided to make the proclamation. “I knew it, even before you said it.”
“Well, technically, I didn’t say it,” he muses, a look of amusement on his face. “I’m crazy about you, Tara,” he declares and my heart soars. “And if that means I love you, fuck it, I’ll say those three words. Because this feeling I have right now, being here with you, holding you, is the only feeling that means anything. You mean everything.” His voice wavers and I know just how much it takes for him to tell me how he’s feeling.
“That means more than you’ll ever know,” I whisper, leaning in and kissing him sweetly on the lips. “Stay with me tonight. Hold me. Forget about the crew and your asshole father. Tonight, let it just be about us.”
“You and me, baby. That’s all that matters.”
TARA –
In ruins…
Looking out of my apartment window, I see Nate on his bike, looking up at my window. I hold up my hand, giving him a wave before grabbing my purse and racing out of the apartment. I let the door slam shut behind me, so desperate to get down to him. It’s been less than twenty-four hours since I last saw him, but every hour without him feels like a day. He’s like a drug, and I, for one, certainly need my Nate fix. Skipping down the steps, I barge toward the door, throwing it open, and sprint over to him.
“Hey,” I greet him sweetly, automatically wrapping my arms around his neck, wanting to take in his unique scent. I rest my head on his shoulder and his hand lands on my arm as he caresses it softly.
“Hey,” he mumbles in a somewhat sad tone. I pull back from our embrace, my heart beating and a sudden knot in my stomach. I search his hardened face for an answer, noticing his long hair is down.
With a tip of my head and an ear-to-ear smile, I say, “Liking the hair.”
Ignoring me, he reaches for the helmet on the back of his bike, handing it to me. “Jump on,” he instructs, pulling his helmet on and reaching for the handle, revving the engine a little.
“What’s happening? Where are we going?” I ask in a strained voice, confused by his sudden coldness toward me.
“Fuck, Tara. Just get on the damn bike.”
I swallow the lump in my throat, raise an eyebrow, and grab the helmet out of his hand. I can’t help but be flooded with the feeling that something is going on. Standing here isn’t going to get me answers, so I raise my leg, mounting the bike. The sudden scent of Nate hits me as I wrap my arms around his waist and rest my head against his back like I’ve done many times before. Only this time is different. I feel him tighten in my hold, his whole body feels stiff. I furrow my brow in confusion but maintain my hold on him.
Shivering, I’m not sure if it’s the cool night air, or a reflection of the anxiety I’m feeling deep inside. Everything about this is so weird, so very different to the Nate I know and love.
Nate revs the engine before kicking back the stand and taking control of the bike. It’s so natural for him, like the bike is an extension of his own body. He sets off; the rumble of the engine holds so many memories for me. We often drive out of town, or into the middle of nowhere just to spend time together. Out of sight, just the two of us.
Only tonight, I have no idea where we are going, or what the hell is happening for that fact. All I can do is hold onto him and see where the road takes us.
After a short drive, we head down a familiar country lane. I gasp, trying to wrap my head around why we are here. Waiting until the bike stops, I quickly jump down, removing my helmet and shaking out my hair.
“What the hell?” My eyes scan the area. The huge metal gates have been replaced and the house I once knew as my cousin’s no longer looks the same. “Why are we here? Is this some kind of sick joke?” I ask, my eyes firmly on him as he steps off his bike but leans back against it. “Here, of all places?” Shuddering, I fold my arms across my chest, remembering the last time we were in that place.
The time my own psycho cousin almost killed me.
When Brax, Nate, and I went to rescue Isabelle.
And he’s brought me here. A place that holds so many awful memories. Memories I’ve been able to shut out because I haven’t been forced to deal with them.
“It’s not a sick joke, but since this is the place where it all started, then it seems only fair that this is where it ends.”
Ends?
What the fuck?
Adrenaline is pounding through my body and I can feel myself tremble. “Stop with the goddamn riddles and just tell me what you’re talking about, Nate.”
Focusing on me, Nate wears a haunted look and the dread and fear I felt on the way here has materialized into reality.
“Fuck,” he snarls, standing from his resting position against the bike and starting to pace in front of me. With his hand, he pushes back the fallen strands from his face, muttering words I can’t quite hear.
“Please,” I whimper. “Please tell me what’s going on here, Nate.” My voice is strained and I’m barely biting back the tears. “What do you mean this is where it ends? Are you going to hurt me?” I blurt out, suddenly realizing what I’m actually asking him. Glancing over my shoulder, my heart pounds furiously as the panic sets in. I have to get away. What if he intends to do something bad? I’ve never seen him like this before.
“No, Tara!” he yells and his voice reverberates through the open space. “I would never hurt you, you should know that.”
My chest heaves as I try to control my breathing. “Then what is it?”
Standing facing his bike with his back to me he mutters the words I never dreamed he would say. “It’s over between us, Tara.”
“What?” I challenge, narrowing my eyes on him. “Why would you say that?” I scoff, almost unable to process what he’s actually saying.
“I ain’t fucking around here, Tara, It’s over. Just the way it’s gotta be. You have to stay away from me. I’m no good for you.”
“No.” I shake my head and silent tears stream down my face. “I love you. You said you loved me too. So, what? It was all a lie, huh?”
“I never lied to you,” he says, letting out a huge, pent-up breath. “I brought you here because this was where it all happened for me.”
He nods over to the house that belonged to my cousin, Carter.
“When you were shot. When that motherfucker took you down. Well, in that moment I realized how much you meant to me.”
“And what? Now I mean nothing?”
“It’s complicated,” he snaps.
“So explain it to me, Nate. Please explain what the fuck is happening right now, because all I know is that I can’t live without you in my life. You saying you don’t want to be with me is like ripping out my damn heart.” I pat the palm of my hand against my chest, anger raging inside my body. Anger and hurt.
“Please…”
“Please what?” I retort. “I’m telling you how I feel. I need you to be straight with me too. Don’t you think I at least deserve that?”
Stepping forward, he rests his hands on my upper arms, but I keep my focus on the ground. I can’t bear to look at him. To look at what I’m losing.
“I’m so fucking sorry.” He breathes out, pulling me closer to him. “I don’t want to lose you,” I hear him mutter, and instantly I pull back as the rage inside becomes uncontrollable.
“You don’t want to lose me?” I repeat, my tone sarcastic and his face blanches. “So we just ride back to my apartment and be friends—”
“Of course we can be friends,” he cuts me off.
I raise a brow, scoffing loudly.
“If you think I can be friends with someone I’m in love with, then you’re seriously deluded.” No longer able to take this bullshit, I storm past his bike and start walking down the country road.
“Tara, wait up. Where the fuck are you going?”
“I’m going home. Where the hell do you think I’m going?”
“Shit,” he growls, grabbing my hand and pulling me to a complete stop.
“Get your hands off me.” I scowl, pulling my hand from his grasp.
“Don’t be like that. Get on the bike, let me take you home.”
“Just exactly what was your plan? Bring me here, tell me you no longer want me, then expect me to jump on your bike and let you bring me home like best friends, like… like nothing’s wrong! Really, Nate?”
“I don’t know. I don’t fucking know,” he says, dropping his head.
“See… you can’t give me any straight answers,” I shout back, shoving him with force. He stumbles back, lifting his head a little and looking at me with hollow eyes. Something in the way that he’s acting, that look in his eyes, tells me this isn’t what he wants.
“Whatever is going on, doesn’t have to be this way. You and I, well, we’re meant to be together. You know it, I know it, and anyone that knows how much love there is between us knows it. Talk to me, Nate. We can work this out together.”
Moving his head back and forth, he turns and slowly walks back to his bike. His shoulders are slumped and his head hangs low. “You coming, or not?” he shouts over his shoulder.
“Not,” I yell, running away from him, hoping that this is all a bad dream. I run and run, my feet pounding against the ground, my heart beating out of my chest. I turn off the beaten path, my legs continuing their escape. Raising my head, I look at the huge tree in front of me. Slowing my pace, I press my hand against the trunk, coming to a complete stop. Arching my shoulders, sobs wrack through me as I try to catch my breath. Crashing to the ground, I place my hands over my face and allow all the hurt and emotion to pour out. The damp earth beneath my ass soaks my jeans, but I don’t care. I sit there, in silence for what feels like hours. Just me, the dark, and my broken heart.
Suddenly, the sound of my cell phone draws me from the darkness. Digging into my purse, I grab my cell, noticing Isabelle’s name on the screen.
“Where are you, babe?” she asks without even giving me a chance to say anything. But I can’t reply. I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. “Tara, speak to me, honey. I’m here for you. Just tell me where you are and I’m coming to get you.”
“How… how… do you know?” I struggle to breathe through my hysteria.
“Nate called Brax.”
“So you know?” I stutter out.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispers.
“I’m on the path just beside Carter’s old house.”
“Meet me on the main road. I’ll be five minutes.”
I don’t respond. The lump in my throat won’t allow me to.
“Tara,” she says in a raised voice.
“Yes,” I choke out, swiping my free hand across my face, clearing the tears that roll so freely down my cheeks. I end the call, pushing it back in my purse and somehow try to find the strength to stand. As I bear weight on my feet, my legs wobble. I feel so weak. So damn weak. Stumbling through the overgrown grass, I make my way back to the main road. I walk at a slow pace, constantly checking for Izzy’s car.
Within minutes, I see her approaching. Her car slows as she gets closer, stopping just beside me. I dip my head, looking at her through the window. Shooting me a sad smile, she steps from the driver’s side, racing around to take me in her arms. Holding me close against her, I have nothing to give back. I feel so cold inside, so lost and confused.
“Shit, Tara. I was so worried about you. You should have called.” Pulling back, she studies my face, before caressing her finger under my eyes, clearing the fallen tear.
“Falling apart in front of my closest friend was something I never wanted to do.”
“Oh, honey,” she coos, pulling me back into another embrace. “I have no idea what is happening with you two, but I’m sure whatever it is, the two of you can figure it out.”
“I have no idea either, Izzy. It came out of the blue. So unexpectedly, with no real explanation.”
“What? Really?” she asks, her face contorted and full of confusion.
“Please, can you take me home?” My head pounds as I try to wrap my brain around what the hell is happening, let alone have to explain it to someone else.
“Of course,” she replies with a quick smile. Running around, she jumps back into the driver’s seat and I drop in beside her. “This isn’t exactly my favorite place,” she chuckles nervously as she looks behind her to Carter's house in the distance. “Why did he bring you here?”
“He said he had to end it where it all started. Where he realized how much I meant to him.”
“Let’s get out of here,” she says with a nod.
I let my head fall against the window, my heart barely beating as I feel completely and utterly lost. My heart has been shattered into a thousand pieces. Something I’m not sure will ever repair.