Achievements
Looks like you could use some rest, adventurer,” Fezzik said, back in the Nest.
“Oh, no, I’m fine.” I rolled my shoulder, trying not to wince. “I really”—need points—“don’t want to miss out on therapy.”
Fezzik nodded. “I don’t want you missing out either. Especially considering it might be your last one. Heh. Just promise to head over to the Fairy Fountain when we’re finished.”
I gave him a thumbs-up and joined the guild circle.
“No fair!” Soup said. “Why does Aurora get to sit so close to you?”
Aurora and I glanced at each other, found we were only a few inches apart, and then scooted in opposite directions.
Fezzik shut the blinds and turned on the fluorescents, making us all look sunburned and exhausted.
“Exciting Chocobo race today, everyone!” he said. “Especially for you, Miles. Nothing like a few battle scars to bring home, right?”
I rubbed my shoulder and smiled. I’d finally be able to share real scars with a real lady.
“That was the craziest!” Soup said. “Miles was driving, and he went like rrrrrrrrrrrnnnnnn—rrrrrrtttttttt—”
“Fury Burds mayor?” Fezzik said. “We’re going to talk about some pretty heavy things today. May I have your permission to do that?”
Soup placed his hands together between his knees. “Yes.”
“Thank you.” Fezzik opened to the guild. “Today I want to start by talking about the desire to be important.”
Despite the pain in my shoulder, I was glowing. This could be my last guild therapy. If I participated in every activity, turned in Soup’s cross-stitches, and won just one more gold, I was going to make it. I was going to fucking make it. I felt invincible.
There was only one problem. If and when I won the paintball tournament, I’d have about two hours to get back to Salt Lake. It had taken Command more than an hour to drive us to Video Horizons, which means I’d be cutting it close. I wondered if G-man would need to take me straight to Mandrake’s or if I’d have enough time to run home to clean up a bit.
“We all want to have a place in the world,” Fezzik said. “We want to be acknowledged with good grades, boyfriends, girlfriends, awards, scholarships, and all of the things that make us feel like successful human beings.”
No time for a back and crack wax now. But I definitely needed a change of clothes. I’d look like an idiot if I changed back into the Super Mario shirt I’d been wearing at the car wash. And these white pants hadn’t been flattering before spending four days in the desert. Now I looked like a toasted marshmallow that had been dropped in the sand.
“We feel important when we game,” Fezzik continued. “We feel powerful. The problem is, the more you invest in those other worlds, the more you lose in the world we actually live in. Obviously, for everyone in this circle, the draw to other worlds is strong. It’s easy to get swept up in a fantasy landscape with clear challenges, immersive environments, and an attractive avatar who gets updated graphics . . . unlike our real selves. Heh.”
“Speak for yourself,” Meeki said.
“Heh. Except you, of course, Meeki.”
Maybe I could pick up some flowers on the way to the restaurant to draw attention away from the pants. Or maybe I could get a dandelion puffball from Aurora and show Gravity how it mimicked the universe.
“The point is,” Fezzik said, “these worlds can make you leave the really important things behind. Health. Cleanliness. Emotional stability. When you’ve got games on the brain, everything else receives minimal attention. And who could blame you? This world we live in is punishing. You’ll never be the best goalie or the best artist or the best student. That’s not easy to swallow. Real life seems like it’s designed to make you feel helpless. Games, however, are designed to make you feel like the most important thing in the universe. That’s what makes it a psychological addiction.”
I started when I realized Fezzik was staring at me. “That’s why you’re here,” he said. Then he looked at Aurora. “To learn how to enjoy being good at real life.” He looked at Meeki. “To find the power in doing the dishes and getting some exercise and being social.” He looked at Soup. “To learn that the most uncomfortable things in life are often the most rewarding.” He looked at Zxzord, passed out in his chair. “To learn how to enjoy yourself without harmful stimulation.” He slapped his leg. “If you’ve got those in line, I say play all the video games you want. Just don’t tell G-man I said so. Heh-heh.”
This talk was unnecessary for me. I was kicking ass at real life. In the last few days, I had placed third in a sporting tournament, levitated a Ping-Pong ball, and taken gold in a kart race.
Fezzik rubbed his hands together. “Does anyone want to talk about the hurdles they’ve experienced when dealing with the real world?”
Aurora raised her hand.
“Aurora. Excellent.”
“It seems like real-life hurdles are always moving,” she said, playing with her hair. “You want to do something, like paint a wall. But then it’s so much harder than you thought it would be. The paint isn’t as pretty as it was on the swatch thingy, and the rollers keep sticking, and the ugly old green color keeps showing through, even after three whole coats. And then all of a sudden it’s dark outside because you’ve been painting all day, and you get frustrated and you try to work faster and then you accidentally kick over a paint can and then you have a whole new hurdle, which is convincing your parents to buy you a new carpet.”
“Sounds like you’re speaking from experience,” Fezzik said. “Heh-heh. After a debacle like that, it’s no wonder we want to go play a game where the rules are as simple as THERE! DRAGON! KILL! Heh. Excellent, Aurora. Anyone else have frustrating real-world hurdles they’ve experienced?”
The road rash on my shoulder itched. I tried to scratch it as lightly as possible, but it just made it tickle, so I gave up.
“Miles?” Fezzik said. “You keep going the way you are, you just might be back in the real world tomorrow.”
“Nooooooo,” Soup said.
“Yes,” I said.
Meeki scoffed.
“Bless you,” I said.
She looked ready to kill me. “Why is it fair that he gets to leave this soon when he hasn’t learned anything?”
I rolled my eyes.
“Care to elaborate, Meeki?” Fezzik said.
“Yeah, some of us are trying to grow as people so we can get back and see our friends and families.”
“Uh, really?” I said. “Last I checked, you wouldn’t even admit you hit your brother.”
“Hmm,” Meeki said. “Weird that I’m the one who won’t admit that I hit someone.”
That made me shut my mouth. Fortunately, Fezzik seemed distracted by a thought.
“It’s true that life isn’t fair sometimes,” he said. “Most of the time, actually. Some people receive more privileges in life. They’re able to pull ahead more quickly than others.”
And some people are just naturally more talented, I thought.
“Maybe that’s another reason video games are attractive,” Fezzik said. “We all start from the same place when we pick up a control paddle. Games are the great equalizer.”
Meeki nodded.
Again, Fezzik looked at me.
God, I just wanted out of there.
“Miles, let’s say you are, in fact, released tomorrow. What do you think you’ve learned while you’ve been here?”
“Plenty of stuff,” I said.
“Like what?”
“Um, like, that I’m not terrible at Four Square or kart racing or . . . cross-stitching.”
“He’s a real good cross-stitcher,” Soup said. “The best.”
I widened my eyes at him to convey that he was saying too much and to please shut up, but Fezzik just nodded. “I’m sure it’s nice to find some innate skills in surprising areas, Miles. But I want you to dig even deeper.”
“What do you mean?”
“During my training as an addictions counselor, I saw plenty of people in treatment who set up unrealistic expectations for what would happen once they were released. They were always sorely disappointed. It’s like taking on a raid that’s seven levels too high but seems so enticing that you can’t turn it down.”
“Gravity is not seven levels too high for me,” I said, hoping that was actually true.
“I’m not saying she is,” Fezzik said. “But let’s look at a worst-case scenario, shall we?”
I braced myself. I’d been living through worst-case scenarios my entire life.
“What if Gravity isn’t interested in dating a gamer?” he asked.
I scratched at some of the sand baked into my pants. “That’s fine. I don’t think of myself as a gamer.”
Meeki snorted. “You’re a player.”
“Very funny,” I said. “You need to get girls to be a player.”
“I didn’t say you were a player who wins,” she said.
“Okay, okay, heh-heh,” Fezzik said. “This isn’t about accusing. This is about opening up and understanding ourselves. Go ahead, Miles.”
I was so ready to be done with this shit. “ ‘Gamer’ is an embarrassing term,” I said. “It makes people think of sweaty, chubby, nerdy kids who sit in basements. Don’t look at me like that, Meeki. That’s not who I’ll be to Gravity.”
“That’s fair,” Fezzik said. “But you might be kidding yourself if you believe you’re going to leave that lifestyle behind forever. What happens if this date with Gravity isn’t everything you want it to be?”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“What if you don’t like her? What if she doesn’t like you?”
Why couldn’t he just let me win and enjoy it?
“We got along really well,” I said.
“Yeah, but you’ve only seen her one time,” he said. “And under pretty romantic conditions, it sounds like—you rescuing her from someone who sprayed her with a hose.”
I shifted in my seat. Suddenly I didn’t like Fezzik anymore. When had he suddenly become like Casey and my dad?
“That’s the honeymoon stage,” Fezzik continued. “That doesn’t always last. In fact, it never lasts. What happens when the hard part comes along? The part that works like real life and nothing like a video game?”
I regretted bringing up Gravity in our first meeting. If he wasn’t going to help me get out of V-hab and was just going to use her against me like this, what was the point?
Fezzik addressed the rest of the group. “If you think about it, video games only ever address the early parts of relationships, right? Rescuing the princess from the castle and whatnot.”
What did he know about it? He’d been eating pizzas in a cave.
“This is why I never date princesses,” Meeki said.
“Meeki,” Fezzik said, “at the risk of sounding like I’m prying, may I ask what your romantic life is like?”
“You may,” Meeki said.
“Great.”
“And I will say it’s none of your business.”
“Okay. Heh-heh.”
Meeki’s shoulders sank a little. “Most people don’t have to be embarrassed about who they date.”
“What do you mean by that?” Fezzik asked.
“Some people are . . . just more privileged when it comes to their love life.”
For the second time I agreed with her. That kid from my high school with the Mustang was with a different girl every time I saw him.
“So true,” I said.
Meeki glared at me.
“What?” I said. “I’m agreeing with you.”
“Guys,” Fezzik said warningly, then waited for us to break eye contact. “No matter what difficulties you have in the dating world, everyone in this circle has made the same mistake. We’ve poured our attention into video games when it wasn’t appreciated elsewhere. But I think we’re doing ourselves a disservice by giving all of our love to something that can’t reciprocate.”
I wasn’t doing that anymore. And this was boring. After my performance over the last three days, Fezzik should have excused me to go gargle ice cream in the Feed.
He didn’t do that.
“Real relationships are tough,” he continued. “Way tougher than you ever think they’re going to be. They require a lot of work from each person. I know I couldn’t give the kind of care and commitment needed in a relationship if I were still logging sixty hours a week on games.”
I did my best not to laugh. Does care and commitment include almost ripping the Silver Lady’s arm off?
Aurora raised her hand but then struggled to speak. “I realized . . . that I don’t have a relationship with Max that i-isn’t on computers. And that makes me really sad.”
Fezzik nodded. “It sounds like you were willing to make the effort in the real world. You never shied away from the challenges of the relationship. I can’t even imagine how frustrating that was for you.”
Aurora gave a slight nod and picked at the scabs on her fingers.
“It sounds like instead of holding him up to your standards,” Fezzik said, “you reduced yourself to his.”
“Yeah . . .” Aurora sucked through her teeth, and then put her finger in her mouth.
“So,” Fezzik said. “What do you think needs to happen?”
“I think . . .” She took her finger out of her mouth and looked at it. “I think he needs to come here.”
“Do you think his parents will ever send him?” Fezzik asked.
Aurora shook her head. She squeezed her fingertip. A little orb of blood swelled by her fingernail.
“So what does that mean for you?” Fezzik asked.
“I don’t know yet.”
“Well,” Fezzik said, “you let us know when you find out. You’ve gained a lot of wisdom since you first walked through that door. I think you’re going to leave here a new person.” He gave his hearth-fire smile. “And speaking of leaving . . .”
Fezzik turned to me again. Ugh. Why did the Emperor have to be so relentless in real life? I pressed my scuffed-up shoulder, hoping the sting would distract me from his emotional pickaxe.
“Miles, what if you’re no good at that next part of the relationship? The part where things get tough? Like they did for Aurora. For everyone.”
I thought the last few days had made it pretty obvious that I was ready to do whatever it took to be with Gravity. I didn’t need to prove it to Fezzik. So I didn’t answer.
“Video games tend to end once the hero gets the girl,” he said. “What if things are too hard with Gravity and you want to return to Arcadia?”
“I won’t”—I thought of my computer desk, stripped of its electronics—“play games except on special occasions.”
“Uh-huh, right,” Meeki mumbled.
“Okay,” I said. “I realize how that sounds. Like I’m addicted. But I’ll only play a little on the side. Never as much as I used to. There was just nothing in real life worth returning to. Now there is. . . . And Gravity really liked me, by the way.”
Fezzik took a deep breath and softened. “It probably feels like I’m attacking you, Miles. I’m not trying to. Really. I want to see you succeed. I also want to make sure you’re equipped to handle things if it doesn’t work out the way you’ve planned it.”
I could feel the circle of stares on me. I could feel details of the car wash creeping back in. Details I did not want to think about right then. The fact that Gravity hadn’t looked at me much while washing her Schwinn. The fact that she hadn’t given me her phone number.
But then I remembered her laugh.
And I remembered I still needed to be earning points.
Fezzik wanted me to open up? I knew just how to do that.
I leaned on my knees and stared at the floor. “I’ve seen real addiction. My mom had—or, I guess, has a major problem with, um, drugs. She abandoned me when I was little. So it’s never been easy for me to . . . be a part of real life.”
I glanced at Fezzik to see how he was taking this.
“Your problems are all about girls and your mom,” Meeki said. “Maybe for you ‘V-hab’ means vagina habitation.”
Soup covered his ears.
“Let him finish, Meeki,” Fezzik said.
I glanced at Aurora, then rubbed my face and tried to look as devastated as I had felt in the past. “If I could just date someone, maybe I’d get that confidence back. Then maybe I wouldn’t want to play so many games.” I took a deep breath. “My mom left me, but maybe Gravity won’t. Y’know?”
Fezzik nodded. “That’s some good opening up. You’ve been earning so many points this week, you might find out if that’s true tomorrow.”
He didn’t reach for my scroll. God dammit. I just needed points.
Soup touched my leg. “But you’re gonna miss sand castles! We could pretend like we’re in Gerudo Desert! Or I can wear your awesome Home Depot hat and pretend like I’m Ash!”
“Nope,” I said. “We can’t. I will not be here. I will be gone.”
“That’s if we win tomorrow,” Meeki said.
I stared her down. “You’re not going to sabotage the paintball tournament like you did with the fan just to spite me, are you?”
She smiled and shrugged.
“Guys . . . ,” Fezzik said.
Zxzord snorted loudly, making us all jump.
Fezzik spent the rest of therapy telling us about anti-escapist games, like Chore Wars, which help gamers transition back into the real world.
I watched his lips moving, but I couldn’t stop thinking about winning the next day.
I didn’t want to think about anything else.
• • •
After we returned from the Feed, Fezzik approached me with a stack of cross-stitches, flipping through them like they were some form of currency. From what I could see, every one had a reference to Gravity, except the one on top that said Miles ’n’ Soup.
Dammit. I should have monitored his work.
“These have been showing up on my bed,” Fezzik said.
“Yep,” I said, trying to calm my pulse. I had to have those points to make it out the next day.
“They’re yours?” he asked.
“Yep,” I said.
He winced a little. “I haven’t seen you cross-stitching.”
“I have!” Soup said from his bunk. “I’ve seen him. He does it every night after lights-out!”
Fezzik and I gave Soup two very different expressions.
Fezzik sighed. “I see what’s happening here.” He turned to me. “Do you feel comfortable with this?”
I stared at the face of the friendly giant. If anyone understood rejection and the desperation to go on a date, it would be him.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said.
He counted the cross-stitches. “This adds up to . . . Wow. Fifteen thousand points.”
That I absolutely had to have. I unzipped my adventure pouch and held out my scroll. He didn’t take it.
“I need to think about this,” Fezzik said.
Shit.
“Um, okay,” I said. “Thanks.”
You’re welcome, Soup mouthed behind him.