Evil Alignment
Meeki’s voice echoed down the Nest’s stairwell.
“—inspiration. You’re just so amazing and so pretty. But you also make me feel like being pretty doesn’t matter. You made me realize that a lot of what I get mad about comes from me believing what people say or—”
I opened the door, and Meeki immediately stopped talking. She glared at me. “Well, that moment’s ruined.”
The guild circle was set up, but three of the chairs were empty. It was just Meeki, Aurora, and Fezzik. Zxzord was in his bunk.
“Hello, Miles,” Fezzik said. He didn’t seem surprised to see me. “Have a seat. Meeki, please continue.”
She kept glaring at me. “I thought you were gone.”
I sat in the circle. “I thought I was too.”
“Well, we’re happy to have you,” Fezzik said. “Do you know where Soup is?”
“With G-man.” The little shit.
I set my elbows on my knees and pressed my palms into my eyes, trying to quiet my brain. I should have been cruising across the desert toward home.
“Meeki?” Fezzik said. “Go ahead and finish.”
“I’ll tell her later.”
“Fair enough,” Fezzik said. “Miles?” I didn’t lift my head from my hands. “It’s Aurora’s farewell guild therapy. Once the new players get here, Command is going to drive her home. Is there anything you’d like to say before she goes?”
I looked up. Aurora’s strange eyes glistened with tears. This was the girl who’d predicted I would remain at Video Horizons for a very long time.
“Nah.”
“Maybe later,” Fezzik said. He slapped his knees, trying to dispel the awkwardness. “Aurora, do you have any last words for the guild?”
“Just . . . be good.”
“Lovely and simple,” Fezzik said. “Thank you, Aurora. I think I speak for everyone when I say that you’ve made some incredible growth while you’ve been here. You’ve overcome some terrifying obstacles when it comes to how you feel about your appearance, and you’ve figured out that you deserve better than what your current relationship is offering. We wish you the best on your adventure back in the real world.”
He looked at me and Meeki, both unresponsive, and sighed. “Well, let’s talk dopamine. I’m sure you guys are experiencing some of that after winning the paintball tournament. Heh-heh.”
Nope. All of my dopamine had been slurped right out of my brain by Soup and G-man.
“Video games stimulate the pleasure circuit of the brain,” Fezzik continued, “making gamers feel accomplished even though we aren’t actually accomplishing anything. Can anyone speak to this?”
“You are without a doubt the most selfish person I’ve ever met,” Meeki said.
I rolled my eyes and sat back. She was talking to me, of course. What else would you expect from a name like “mekillyoulongtime”?
“Care to share your feelings, Meeki?” Fezzik said. “Using non-negative, supportive language?”
Aurora brought her feet up onto her chair and folded into herself.
“He thinks he’s better than us,” Meeki said. “I wish he had left. We don’t need him in the Fury Burds.”
“Meeki,” Fezzik said, “that isn’t what I meant by supportive—”
“Really?” I said. “You don’t need me? Even though I earned our guild hundreds of thousands of points? You’re welcome, by the way. Oh, and I broke Scarecrow’s nose for you.”
Fezzik gave me a confused look. I didn’t care. He could take away every last point I had. It didn’t matter anymore.
Meeki locked eyes with me. “Do I look like a helpless little girl who needs a big strong man to step in for me? I’ve won more fights in the last year than you will in your entire life.” I glanced at her arms, which were, in fact, larger than mine. “Besides, you didn’t break Scarecrow’s nose for me. You did that for yourself. You were afraid you were going to lose at Four Square, and hurting him was the perfect excuse to get out of it. If you were disqualified, then losing wouldn’t be your fault. And then you could keep pretending you have a snowball’s chance in hell with that car wash chick, which, by the way, hate to break it to you, you don’t.”
I snorted and turned to Fezzik. He hadn’t made so much as a Wookiee sound.
“You’re obsessed with this princess in another castle BS,” Meeki said. “It’s ingrained in you. The poor innocent girl is just waiting for you to swoop in and give her everything she’s ever wanted. You think Gravity cares about you? You guys exchanged, like, a hundred words, and now you’re obsessed with her? It’s creepy.”
I looked at Fezzik again. “Aren’t you gonna step in?”
Fezzik breathed in deeply then caught it. “Sometimes an adventurer needs to enter a battle without a protection spell. This could be good for you emotionally, Miles.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. What did they know about my experience at the car wash? None of them had been there.
Defenseless, without Fezzik as my healer, or Soup as my shield, I refaced Meeki.
“What the fuck is your problem?” I said.
“Miles . . . ,” Fezzik warned.
I threw my scroll at his feet. “Take all the points you want.” I turned back to Meeki. “I’m just trying to go on a date.”
“You don’t really care about that girl,” Meeki said. “You don’t even know her. You just want to be rewarded even though you’re lazy and treat everyone like shit.” She also threw her scroll at Fezzik’s feet. “This has nothing to do with Gravity and everything to do with your malnourished sense of self. You hate women.”
“What are you talking about? My mom was an alcoholic, but I still—”
“What does that have to do with anything?” she said.
“Everything! It—it—” I was so mad, I could barely control my mouth.
“Just because something goes wrong in your life doesn’t mean you get to become the wrong in everyone else’s,” Meeki said. “And nothing has gone that wrong for you. Being a straight white guy in middle-class America means your life is set on the easiest setting.”
Fezzik cleared his throat. “I think what Meeki is trying to say is that sometimes it’s tough for us to recognize our own power, and we exploit the weaknesses of others. It’s like . . . if choosing your character’s class in Arcadia were randomized. Some people would get the warrior class, while others might get stuck with—”
“It’s nothing like that,” Meeki interrupted. “Miles is a privileged brat who thinks he can do whatever he wants because his life is so hard. ‘Oh, boo hoo, my parents got divorced. Oh, I don’t get to go on any dates. Oh, someone took my video games away.’ How do you think it feels being a fat, queer Vietnamese girl? Huh?”
Tears welled in Meeki’s eyes. I searched the circle for help. Fezzik had given up. Aurora stayed hidden behind her knees.
I was baffled. “You’re talking to me like I’m . . . Scarecrow or something.”
“You’re right,” Meeki said. “I’m sorry. You’re nothing like Scarecrow.”
“Thank you,” I said.
“You’re kind of worse. Because you actually believe you’re the good guy. But really you just use us to cheat and earn points so you can go on your precious date.”
“That’s the entire point of this place!” I burst out. “We’re all trying to earn points!”
Everything went quiet. Zxzord blinked at us from his bunk. Meeki smiled. “You think I’m the only one who thinks you suck?”
“Meeki,” Fezzik said.
“Fine. I’m not the only one who wishes you were gone.”
I scoffed, but then noticed Fezzik wouldn’t meet my eyes. He stared at his giant hands. I peeked through Aurora’s folded-up legs and caught her eyes. I had told her so many true things about myself—about airports and loneliness and Dr. Mario. But she wasn’t stepping in.
“Remember yesterday?” Meeki said. “When Aurora was crying in the Feed?”
“Meeki, don’t,” Aurora said between her knees.
“That was because of you,” Meeki said. “You said she was a weirdo.”
“No, I didn’t!”
“Yeah,” Meeki said. “You did. On the roof. She’s tried to escape being weird her whole life, but you just come in here and say whatever you want because you think you deserve to get out of here in four days. How’s that working out for you, by the way?”
Before I could respond, Aurora stood up. “May I be excused?”
Fezzik nodded, and she hurried out of the Nest.
Meeki’s eyes stayed locked on me. “I won’t even mention how you treat Soup.”
“Soup loves me,” I said. I did not sound convincing.
Meeki scoffed. “Soup would love a refrigerator if it could talk to him.”
I couldn’t argue with that.
“Everything is always about you, Miles,” she said. “You take up all the space in guild therapy.”
“Is that a fat joke?” I asked.
“No, idiot. With your voice. You’re disrespectful to everything that happens here. You never listen. And when you talk, it’s just so you can earn points.”
I stood so quickly, my chair fell over. “What makes you so perfect, huh? Hitting your brother in the head? Ignoring Fezzik and talking about vibrators and Nutella and all the disgusting stuff none of us want to hear about?”
Meeki stood too, and we met in the middle of the circle almost nose to nose.
“Guys,” Fezzik said, standing with us.
“See?” Meeki said. “Even after I tell you that you take up all the space, you still don’t ask about anyone else. You talk so much that the rest of us barely have time to talk about why we’re here. I hit my brother in the head with the Wiimote because he said he could smell my ‘girl parts’ all over it. But do you give a crap? No, you just care that you go on a stupid date.” She shut her trembling jaw and collected herself. “You think I ever get to go on any dates? I don’t. Never.”
I fell back into my seat, exasperated, and shook my head. Meeki loomed over me.
“You’re the biggest addict of us all. You might leave here, Miles, but you’re going to leave here the same privileged asshole as when you were committed.”
She sat down and crossed her arms. I was suddenly uncomfortably aware of myself. And not just my man boobs.
Fezzik carefully tried to reignite the warmth in the room. “Arguments like these can be difficult, I think, because we’re not properly equipped for them. The more time we spend in a gaming world, the more vulnerable we feel in tough situations, and the more we have to think about things that make us sad, like—”
“I don’t get to go on my fucking date!” I yelled.
I was up on my feet again. Fezzik raised his hands like he was ready to restrain me.
“Are you happy?” I said to Meeki. “I should be pulling into Salt Lake right now, but I don’t get to fucking go. Because my dad decided that hanging out with him and my stepmom is more important than playing Arcadia with my friends. So I have to come here where the classes suck shit, the bullies are worse than they are in school, and some kid is so obsessed with me that he hides an iPod Touch in my suitcase so I lose a hundred thousand points, and instead of going on a date, I get to listen to some asshole who won’t get off my fucking back because she thinks I’m a douche bag . . . when really I’m just really, really sad and need video games to pass the days until I can move out of my house.”
There was a glimmer in Meeki’s eye. Almost like she understood. Almost like I’d touched on common ground between Link and Dark Link, where our experiences were the same.
The glimmer quickly faded.
“Boo. Hoo.”
I sucked in my breath. “Fezzik,” I said, “can I go die in my bunk, please?”
Fezzik opened his mouth to respond, but then nodded instead.
I climbed the bunk ladder and collapsed into bed.
“Why don’t we go to the art room?” Fezzik said to Meeki. “Give him some space.”
They got up. The lights went out. As the Nest door closed, I heard Fezzik say, “Soup hid something in his suitcase? That doesn’t sound like him. . . .”
The door clicked shut. The mockingbird sang for six o’clock. One hour until my date with Gravity. I got out of bed just long enough to smash the clock to pieces.