I wake to the feeling of lips moving up and down my exposed back, so I pretend to be sleeping. It’s quite a nice way to wake up. Then he bites my ass. Legitimately bites my fucking ass.
I roll over, scowling up at his amused, handsome face.
“Really?” I snarl.
“Sorry, Frost. We gotta hit the road soon.” He stares at my naked breasts. “But maybe we have time for—”
“Out!” I snap. “And don’t return unless you have coffee.”
“Not much of a morning person, are you? Figures.” He chuckles, the sound husky and making me second-guess my command for him to go. He’s not deterred by my glare and leans down to kiss my forehead, winking at me before leaving the tent.
I stretch and get up, pulling out my makeup bag and a maxi dress from my overnight bag, which he thankfully brought in and placed along the side of the tent. After getting dressed and brushing my hair, I then use my compact mirror to wipe my mascara off from yesterday and apply a fresh coat plus a bit of powder. I slip my cardigan on, grab my toothbrush, and zip my bag shut, leaving the tent to find Jared emptying a pot of water over the fire pit and a hot mug of something on a nearby rock. I hope like hell it’s coffee and march over to inspect it.
“Coffee. It’s instant but still coffee,” he informs me, taking a drag of his cigarette and moving away to put the pot and cooler back in the truck.
I sniff it, shrugging.
I take a seat on the chair he’s left out, placing my toothbrush on my lap and watch him disappear into the tent to deflate the mattress.
I’d offer to help, but oh, who am I kidding. I’d just get in the way anyway. I take a sip of my coffee, making a mental note to get him to stop at the nearest shop or café on the way back.
I have no idea what time it was, but I remember the early dawn light creeping in through the hole of the tent when he woke me up with his fingers between my legs. He fucked me slowly from behind until we both came, and then we fell back asleep, still joined in every way.
Standing up, I drain the rest of my coffee, trying not to cringe at the taste, and walk over to the truck to place the cup in the cooler in the back. Digging through his zipped-up duffel, I find a string of condoms and keep searching until finally, I find a tube of toothpaste. I smile. Nice to know he came prepared, just in case.
After he’s done and I’ve brushed my teeth and cleaned up as well as I can in the dingy bathroom, he takes my hand and leads me over to a walking trail at the base of the cliff. “Where does this lead?” I ask, ducking around a bunch of branches that he holds back for me.
“The beach.” He stops when we reach a set of very steep steps that indeed lead down to the choppy beach below. I take off my flats and hold his hand tightly as we walk down them. Squishing the sun-warmed, rough sand between my toes at the bottom, I can’t help but smile.
“It’s funny, you know, considering we live right near the beach, that I hardly ever visit it.”
He pokes me in the cheek, grinning. “You can tell.”
My top lip curls. “I take pride in taking care of my skin, and not getting a tan is a choice I’m perfectly fine with, thanks.”
“I didn’t say it was a bad thing, Frost. In fact, that”—he turns and looks down at me—“your black hair and those big blue eyes are what drew me to you in the first place.”
Oh. Heat climbs up my neck at the compliment. He thankfully makes no comment on my burning cheeks and keeps us moving down to the water. I hesitantly dip my toes in, shrieking at the frigid temperature. His laugh sounds carefree, unrestrained. And I don’t want to take that from him, but I want to know more. Everything.
“Tell me about Felix.” That bedroom at his house is imprinted in my brain, the way it looks as though it’s waiting for someone to return to it. “Where is he?”
Jared stops moving and wipes a hand down his face. “This might be a conversation better had sitting down. Or better yet, not at all.”
My frown conveys everything I don’t need to say. I don’t care, and I want to know.
He sighs, leading me over to the dry sand and taking a seat. I sit beside him, and he keeps my hand in his, fiddling with my fingers as he talks. “That woman I told you about? Dahlia?” I nod, trying not to clench my teeth together. He notices anyway and smiles at me. “I met her at the women’s shelter where I was doing community service. My brother got into some shit early this year, and I dragged myself into it with him.” He shakes his head. “It was his second offense but my first. So he’s in jail, and I’m out here, trying to keep everything afloat until he gets out.”
“The same shelter adjacent to the coffee shop?”
He nods. Well, crap. “When does he get out? And when can you stop working at the shelter?” I ask that last question for my own selfish reasons. He knows that but doesn’t seem to care, only squeezes my hand again. “He'll hopefully be out before this time next year. And I finished my last shift a couple of weeks ago. She’s not volunteering there right now anyway. But Christ”—he runs his teeth over his bottom lip—“I love it when your eyes light on fire with jealousy.”
I scowl at him even though his husky voice is heating my body quicker than the morning sun shining down on us. “Continue.”
He laughs. “Okay. What happened … it’s pretty stupid. Growing up the way we did? With that kind of life comes friends in dark places. Felix and I, well, you gotta do what you gotta do to survive. If that means hanging with the wrong people to keep food in your mouth or avoiding shit from the same people you’re hanging out with, then that’s what we had to do.”
“What did you have to do?” My voice is soft in an effort to let him know I won’t judge and that he can trust me.
He stares out at the water. “I won’t go into too much detail. Never anything too bad. The worst of it happened because of this guy named Ryan. We’d been with our foster dad for a while at this stage, and Ryan needed Felix’s help. Darren had us working at his shop a lot, to help out and to try to keep us out of trouble. But trouble can find you no matter how good a home you manage to end up in.” He blows out a breath. “He had Felix show him how to hotwire cars and other bullshit needed to steal them. Felix and I were still young, late teens. He thought he’d show him, grab some much-needed cash, and that would be that.” Jared laughs, but there’s no humor in it. “Not the case at all. Felix ended up being roped into stealing the fucking cars, too.”
“Grand theft auto?” I ask. I thought this shit only happened in movies.
Jared nods. “Yeah, they got busted after a few times. The third time, they didn’t even get two streets away before the police were all over them like a bad rash. Darren was furious, but he got Felix out of trouble, seeing as it was his first real offense.”
“The other guy?”
“Juvie. He had no parents around either; no one to try to get him out of it.”
“Where were you when all this happened? Did you know?” I shift in the sand to face him more.
“I didn’t know. And after, I didn’t talk to him for weeks; I was so damn pissed at him.” He smiles sadly. “Then when Ryan got out of juvie six months later, he’d formed some sort of fucked-up crew. They kept at it, doing dumb shit as the years rolled on by. Managed to make quite a fair amount of money dealing drugs and started stealing expensive as fuck cars from all over the state. Then Maggie fell pregnant …” His mouth quickly slams shut.
“Wait, what? Who’s Maggie?” The plot thickens, and my curiosity has my eyes glued to his profile. He curses. “Fuck it. May as well tell you.” He scrubs a hand over his face and turns to face me while I try not to fidget or yell at him to hurry up and spit it out. Finally, he says, “Maggie was, is—hell, I don’t know anymore—Felix’s girlfriend. They met when they were in their senior year of high school. Different schools, though, of course.” He smirks, and I don’t understand why until he keeps going. “She had this strict, middle-income family. But her and Felix, they were in deep with each other almost as soon as they met. So when her family told her to choose …”
“She chose him,” I whisper, suddenly feeling like I know how this girl might have felt. Our circumstances may be very different, but having to choose between what you want and what others want for you? I’m all too familiar with that.
Jared nods again, averting his gaze to our still joined hands. “She did. She gave up a scholarship to a great college to stay with Felix, opting for community college and working part time so they could save for their own place. Darren died before that happened, though. Money got tighter, trying to keep a roof over all our heads, the business afloat and pay off the remaining debts.” He shakes his head with a silent laugh. “Shit, we had no idea how to run it, only how to work there. But we learned. It took a while, and we lost a fuck load of money and made a ton of mistakes, but we did it.”
“Your house, it was Darren’s?”
He nods then blows a breath out of his nose. “Then a few months before Felix and I got busted, and he went to jail, Maggie found out she was pregnant.”
I keep my mouth closed, entranced and shocked by the words leaving his lips and entering my ears.
“He did it for her, you know?” He sighs. “She begged him not to. Said they’d make it work, that she knew he’d probably get caught again. They fought about it for days, and he wouldn’t budge. Said the money could set them up for a while, that they needed it. She threatened him, told him she’d leave him if he did that to her and their baby—risked it all in such a stupid way. But Felix’s stress and this overwhelming need to make things right, to take care of his family blinded him. He was sick and tired of watching Maggie work long hours, sick of working at the garage and the way we were losing money instead of making it after we’d worked so damn hard ourselves. So he went back to Ryan and asked to be hooked up with a good job. One time, he said. One time and enough money to clear a chunk of debt and hopefully make a better life for them.”
Holy shit. “But it didn’t work out that way,” I whisper, my heart hurting for the man in front of me and his family.
He bites his lip. “No, I guess it didn’t, but … he’s my brother, and when he wouldn’t listen to Maggie or me, I wasn’t about to let him do it alone. Too many risks involved with Ryan’s crew and their dodgy deals.”
I link my fingers through his, squeezing them. “You’re a good man, Hero.”
His lashes lower as he stares down at the sand between his spread legs. “So I’ve been told. I don’t feel like one, though; not when I can’t even do the one thing my brother needs. The only thing he wants.”
I think I know what or who he’s referring to. “Where is she now?”
“I have no fucking idea.” He sighs again. “She left him not long before it all happened. Her sister swears she doesn’t know where they are, but that she knows they’re okay.”
“And Felix still went through with it after she left him?” I ask the question that doesn’t need answering.
He does anyway. “Well, yeah. He said he’d make it right; that once he had the money, he’d fix everything with her and it’d be okay. Besides, it was too damn late to back out at that stage.”
It’s then I realize how lucky I’ve been. I may not have had a lot of love in my life, not the kind he seems to share with his brother, but I’ve never had to know what it is to look at a situation with such hopelessness that I lose sight of what’s important and risk everything. But then again, I’ve never had that much to risk in the first place.
A wave of shame washes over me, so huge it threatens to drown me whole. “Hey,” Jared says. “What’s up? Where’d you go just now?”
Tears sting my eyes. I’d almost forgotten what it felt like to feel them looming. To cry.
I close my eyes, taking a deep breath and opening them only when I’m sure the threat is gone. “Nothing,” I mumble. “I’m just … I never knew. I mean, I knew, but hearing this, it makes me realize how good I have it.”
He gathers me into his lap, smoothing my hair back off my face. “You’re not as mean as you seem, Vera Bramston.”
I cling to his black shirt, fisting it in my hands. “I’ve done some pretty shitty things in my life, Hero. I know better than anyone that I can be a real bitch, and you can’t …” My voice hitches. “You can’t change me.”
He tilts his head. “And why would I wanna do a damn thing like that?” His lips press to my nose, and I melt into him, the simple touch sending tingles up my spine. “No one’s perfect, Frost. But you? You’re perfect for me. Just the way you are.”
I shove my face into his neck, inhaling his scent of clean linen, tobacco, and a hint of bonfire. “Thank you,” I whisper. “For telling me about him, about what happened.” Because I know it was a big deal for him to open up to me like that.
“It made sense to tell you, especially if I’m keeping you around.”
I lift my head, and he laughs. “I’m joking.” He leans in to peck my lips. “I wanted to tell you. I just needed to …”
“Trust me?” I offer.
His eyes narrow. “Yeah, look, I know you’re from a different part of the food chain than I am, but don’t go thinking this is some game to me. I’m kind of crazy about you, Frost.” His eyes burn with a vulnerability that has my stomach quivering and my heart wanting to dive from my chest into his hands. I want so badly to tell him that I’d never leave him like other people have. That I understand and he can believe in me. In us. But I don’t.
“I’m not playing, Jared Williams. I’m kind of crazy about you, too.”
I also don’t admit that I think I passed crazy long ago. Fear holds us both captive, only allowing us to hand out parts of ourselves. Piece by piece, one at a time. Testing the waters before we lose ourselves beneath the undertow. No one wants to drown; they want to make sure it’s safe. But I think we’ve now revealed enough to take another step forward and take a chance.
He kisses me softly, smacking my ass when he helps me up from the sand. He takes off his boots and socks then he picks me up. I loop my arms and legs around him, clinging to him tightly when he starts making a run for the water. “If you ever want sex from me again, you’d better think wisely right now,” I warn.
He laughs in my ear and twirls me around as he walks into the water, the bottom of his jeans getting wet. I close my eyes and hide my face in his neck.
“No, no, no, please no. It’s too cold,” I chant.
He thankfully doesn’t throw me in and walks back to the sand.
“Thank you, you big idiot.” I kiss his neck.
He pulls my head out from his neck and gives me that crooked smile. “Don’t thank me yet.” Not even a second later, we’re down in the wet sand, and he’s crushing his lips to mine. I smack his chest, biting his lips and laughing like I’m high. “Oh, my God. This dress is worth more than some people’s cars. I’m going to kill you.”
He laughs. “Bring it on, beauty.”
I experience a weird sense of Deja vu as we drive down the old dusty highway that will take us back to the one that leads to Rayleigh. It’s strange that a month ago this man was a complete stranger to me. Some random guy who I thought might kill me when he rolled over to the side of the highway to save my dumb ass. I smile out the window, my eyes barely registering the blue, cloudless sky.
“Just so you know,” Jared exhales, filling the interior of his truck with the smell of tobacco. “This whole boyfriend thing? Well, I’ve never really had a serious relationship. So feel free to smack me upside the head if I do something dumb. I’m a quick learner.” His nervous laugh makes me trip over my own thoughts. Who knew this enigmatic bad boy from the city slums had a bit of an insecure side?
I smirk, trying to mask this expanding feeling in my chest. “So you’re saying we’re serious?”
He nods, taking a drag from his cigarette and flicking ash out the window. “Well, I, for one, am pretty serious about you.”
“Yeah?” I ask with a grin.
“Oh, yeah,” he says with a huge grin in return. “That ass is nothing to joke about and that smile?” He forces his eyes to roll back, and I laugh, reaching out to whack his arm. “And here we go already. I’m messing up, aren’t I?”
“You’re not. I want you exactly the way you are.”
“Yeah?” He glances over at me.
I mimic his earlier words. “Oh, yeah.”
He hums, taking another drag from his cigarette. “You’re not as demanding as I thought you’d be.”
“Okay, now you’re nearing messing it up territory.”
He laughs. “Should I apologize or just kiss you stupid?”
Smiling, I shake my head, grabbing his hand after he stubs out his cigarette. We’re quiet for a beat, and I stare back out the window, trying to make sense of how everything is changing.
“Hey.” He interrupts my thoughts. “What’s up?”
I hesitate then decide to just tell him. “I don’t know; I guess I still can’t really believe this.”
“What do you mean?” He turns into an old gas station and parks the truck.
Tilting a shoulder, I admit quietly, “That we’re doing this. That … that you’re mine.”
He turns the truck off, looking at me with soft eyes. “Jesus, Frost. I’ve been yours since I saw you strutting down that highway like it was a damn catwalk.”
He tugs me over onto his lap, and I laugh. “Shut up.”
He grins. “You looked fucking ridiculous teetering around in your fancy shoes.”
“Ass,” I grumble.
He moves his arms around me, bringing my face to his neck and grabbing my ass through my dress. “You’ve got a fucking great ass. One day soon, I’m gonna squeeze my cock into it.”
I shiver but don’t admit that I don’t do anal. And with the size of him? Yeah, no thanks.
“We’ll see.” I kiss his neck and open his door, climbing off his lap and hopping down to the pavement. “Coming? I need a coffee, or at the very least, something with caffeine.”
He grabs his wallet and shoves it into his jeans pocket as he gets out, closing the door and scowling at me. “What?” I ask.
“I think we’re about to have our first real problem. A fight even.”
Placing my hands on my hips, I lift a brow. “We are, are we? And why is that?”
He scoffs then does a terrible job of mimicking me, “We’ll see.” I try not to laugh at the outrage on his face. “What do you mean we’ll see? You can’t have an ass like that and not let me play with it.”
“Oh, you can play with it.” I step into his chest, grinning up at him. “I said we’d see about fucking it.”
He groans. “Say that again.”
So easily distracted. I laugh, grabbing his hand. “Come on; I’ll whisper dirty words in your ear after I get some caffeine in me.”
“I’ll hold you to that.”
We walk inside, an old doorbell alerting the cashier behind the counter, who looks up from her magazine and gives us a warm smile. I return it, finding it comes naturally instead of forced for once. Though I think that has something to do with the male who currently has his arms wrapped around me from behind and is kissing my neck as I peruse the bags of chips on display. The song crackling through the old speakers hanging from the ceiling comes to an end, and a new one begins. “Why is it that old gas stations always seem to play old music?”
Jared’s head lifts. “You’re not complaining, are you? The eighties was full of great music.”
I tilt my head back to raise a brow at him then grab a bag of Cheetos from the shelf. They fall to the floor, though, when he suddenly grabs my hand and tugs me to his chest. He grins down at me, his eyes alight with mischief again. I’m lost in the sea of green but come back to reality when he places his other hand on my hip and starts swaying us side to side between the fridge filled with soda and the aisle of savory snacks.
“Jared,” I hiss. “What are you doing?”
I glance around, finding an older woman smiling at us as she walks through the door.
“Don’t tell me no one has ever taken you dancing in a gas station before.” He kisses my nose then shocks me by twirling me around. He pulls me back to his chest and kisses my head.
Laughing, I say, “No, I can’t say that anyone has.”
His eyes flare wide open, his expression morphing into feigned shock. “Well, I’m appalled. A lady such as yourself should be danced with at every opportunity.”
He then waltzes us up and down the aisle as the song plays overhead; tears are leaking from my eyes from laughing so hard. It’s only made worse when he softly sings the words from Taylor Dayne’s “Tell It to My Heart” into my ear. Then I’m almost choking, rubbing my face into his chest and shushing him.
He spins me three more times before the song comes to an end. Reaching up, he wipes the wetness from underneath my eyes while I just stare at him, stupefied and trapped underneath the force of everything I’m feeling right now.
He gently kisses my lips and whispers, “When you laugh, I feel it here.” He grabs my hand and lifts it to his chest. He smiles softly at what I’m sure is my dazed expression before releasing me to grab my chips and a diet Coke.
Realization dawns as irrefutable as the sun rising. My blood boils and hardens throughout my entire body, traveling from my heart and straight to my brain, cementing what I think I already knew had happened.
But of course, it’s next to a bag of peanuts in the middle of a gas station, of all places, that I realize I’ve fallen in love.