Soft kisses pepper my face sometime between the sun waking and lifting into the sky. I wake up later that morning to a text message.
Jared: Be at my place by six. I’ll make sure I’m home.
P.S. You’re cute when you say my name in your sleep. ;)
I scoff, chucking my phone back on the nightstand and getting up to take a shower. I spend the morning cleaning and looking for jobs on my phone. It feels weird to sever that last tie with my father. But in a good way. Like I can finally breathe a little easier now.
Loud banging sounds on my apartment door, startling me. I put down my coffee and phone then walk down the hall, swinging it open before I’ve even checked who it is.
Holy shit.
What the hell is he doing here? I don’t think my father has ever visited my apartment in all the years I’ve lived here. He walks in, not invited and not uttering one word of greeting. No, he marches in, slams the door, and sets those hard eyes straight on me.
Well, fuck.
“I warned you, and you know that my patience only goes so far. You’ve had your fun. Time’s up.”
Fear tears through me. “Excuse me?”
“You’ve made your point. You don’t need my money or any help from me, but do you really need to tie yourself to the trash of this city?”
No. I swallow hard.
He laughs. “I expected better of you. You should know by now that not much gets past me.” The false mirth disappears from his hard features. “But you’ve taken this little tantrum of yours too far. You’re embarrassing yourself, and you’re embarrassing me. End it with him. You’ve made your god damned point.”
“No.” I take a deep breath. “You don’t get to decide how I live my life. Now get the hell out of my apartment.”
I move to open the door, but then he says in the coldest voice I’ve ever heard him use, “It’d be a shame to see that tiny business that your street urchin can barely keep above water suddenly … sink.”
My mouth dries. Jared’s words from the weekend about his brother and all the hardships they’ve been dealt filters through my brain. Watching him work there, how much he loves it.
He wouldn’t. Again, with that naïve voice. He fucking would, and he’d make it look like an accident.
“You wouldn’t dare.” I turn around and try for some false bravado.
He shrugs, adjusting the cuffs on his dress shirt. “Maybe I would; maybe I wouldn’t. But are you really willing to risk it?” His hands drop to his sides. “That is the question here. How much does this grease monkey mean to you? You’ve seen where lust took your mother. Don’t think you won’t end up down the same long road of struggle. A life spent doing what you want is great until you can’t afford to even feed yourself anymore and have to resort to begging.” He raises a dark brow. “Is that what you want, Vera?”
“I’m nothing like her,” I seethe.
He hums, clasping his hands together. “You’re right. You may look like her, so much so that I can barely stand to look at you sometimes.” I try not to flinch. “But you’re right. You’re nothing like her.” He tilts his head. “Want to know why that is?”
“You’re going to tell me anyway.”
He nods. “Watch your tone.” He takes a step closer, and I force myself to stand still as his expensive cologne and overpowering presence threatens to smother me where I stand. “It’s because I raised you better. Harder. You’re exactly who I want you to be. Ruthless, cunning, and smart.” He lowers his voice to a menacing growl. “So use that brain of yours and close those fucking legs to scum that doesn’t even deserve to look at you, let alone touch you. Quit ruining yourself, or I’ll ruin him. Understood?”
“Why are you doing this?” I whisper. “Do you really hate me that much?”
He steps forward again, but I don’t cower. “Cut the whiny shit, Vera. Your attitude lately makes you appear very ungrateful.”
“You expect me to be grateful?”
“I could destroy him, and you know it. I’m merely just trying to ensure you stay true to yourself and you’re taken care of, as only a man such as Dexter and his caliber could care for you.”
“With money?”
His jaw clenches. “With security. I’m trying to protect you from making decisions with that useless organ in your chest when you should be using the one in your head.”
I step back, moving next to the door. “It’s no wonder she ran off.”
He flinches. And while no one else would’ve seen it, I do.
His top lip curls. “That’s why your stupid mother used to call, you know? For money. Just think about that before you decide to risk your piece of fun’s only bit of livelihood he has left.”
I shake my head as the thundering of my heart roars in my ears. This can’t be happening.
“Do you know that she calls me now?” I admit, desperation and disbelief strangling my voice. “I send her your money because, like an idiot, I felt bad every time I saw you crumble after dealing with her. So I did it. She’s probably going to be pissed she needs to contact you again, but shit happens, doesn’t it?”
He slaps me. It happens so fast that one second I’m staring at him, and the next I’m blinking at the ground. “You have no idea what you’re talking about,” he growls.
Taking a deep breath, I lift my head and fill my stare with as much hate as I can muster. “Get. Out.”
His eyes lower to my cheek, which is stinging like a bitch. I watch his Adam’s apple bob as he swallows. When he doesn’t move, I scream the words at him. “I said get out!”
He finally lifts his eyes from me and moves to the door. “Quit testing me, Vera. You don’t want to know what else might happen if you do.” The door closes behind him, and I drop my head into my hands, wondering how the hell everything can turn so horribly wrong in the space of ten minutes.
Staring at the screen on my phone, I sniff and try to mentally prepare myself for what I need to do. I should’ve known it could come to this. I did know. I just had no idea it would blow up in my face quite so badly. It seems my greed really does know no bounds, and now, well, I just hope he doesn’t suffer the way I’m already starting to. He never dropped that four-letter word. One month. That’s all it’s been. He should be fine.
But unlike him, that’s all it took for me to lose one of the most important parts of myself that survived after all these years.
My heart.
I sit up, take a deep breath, and finally dial his number.
He answers after three rings. “Hey, where are you? Didn’t you get my text?”
It’s six thirty, and I hear water running on his end of the line. “Frost? I’ve just made some macaroni; I’ll save some for you if you hurry up.”
Jesus. I can’t do this.
You have to. “I saw your message, but I won’t be coming over tonight, Hero. Or any other night.” I try to sweeten my voice. “It’s been fun, but I can’t see you anymore.”
Something bangs in the background, and he curses. “Wait, wait, what the fuck are you … oh real fucking funny.” He forces out a laugh. “Hurry up and get your sweet ass over here.”
I steel my spine, infusing as much strength into it as possible.
Do it. Like a Band-Aid.
“I’m not joking, Jared. I hope you didn’t get too attached; you did say that you didn’t want anything serious.”
He goes quiet, too quiet. “I’m coming over.”
He hangs up, and the blood drains from my face.
Fuck. No, shit, no. I can’t do this in person.
I get up and grab my keys and purse, but when I reach the door, I think better of it and put them down on the entry table. He’d only wait or come back if I wasn’t here.
God, why does that make it so much worse?
That huge part of me, the selfish part, is singing with glee that he cares so much. But I can’t acknowledge it. I can’t do anything about it for fear of what would happen if I do.
I sit on the couch and wait, smoothing my hair back and standing when, not even fifteen minutes later, there’s a knock on my door.
He knocks again just before I swing it open. His gaze lands on mine. Shock and hurt stare back at me through green eyes. But I can’t falter. I won’t.
“It’s over, is it? Just like that?”
I nod. “Yeah, I mean, I’m sorry.” I shrug. “I probably took it a bit too far …”
“Too far?” He laughs without any trace of humor and comes straight for me, grabbing my hips and kicking the door closed. His eyes dart between mine. “Why don’t I believe you?”
Mask. Keep the mask on. I give him a sultry smile. “Because we were pretty good together, right?”
His brows lower even more. “Good? Vera, what the fuck is this shit about?”
I shift, trying to remove his hold on me, but his hands tighten. “It’s that fucking guy, isn’t it?” When I don’t respond, he shakes my hips, his voice rising. “Isn’t it?!”
I shake my head. “No, it’s just time to stop playing around now.”
“Bullshit,” he growls. “What’s going on?”
The truth sits on the tip of my tongue, but I can’t tell him. Time to take this up a notch. “Nothing.” Everything. “You’re a good fuck, Jared, but there’s no way I can have a future with you.” I force out a laugh even though it hurts. “You knew that, didn’t you? Don’t take it personally; it’s just the way it is.” And it’s never felt truer, now that I’ve admitted it out loud. I was stupid to think any differently. To think I could have it all.
He looks like I’ve punched him in the gut, staggering back a step and giving me enough room to finally breathe properly. But I feel no relief. Just this heart twisting sense of regret that I’ve done this to us.
“Don’t take it personally, huh?” He huffs out a loud breath, rubbing a hand down the side of his face.
“You really shouldn’t.” I try to soften the blows I keep throwing. “You’re a good guy. We’re just not right for each other.”
“Fuck me, am I fucking sick of hearing that.” My brows furrow, but he continues, “So that’s it then?”
My shoulders lift, my heart splintering as I stare into his glazed eyes. “Well, yeah. I don’t know what else you want me to say.”
“Say you’re lying. That you’re joking. Say anything other than the shit coming out of your mouth.”
“Why?” I snap as though he’s annoying me. He needs to go. Now. “It doesn’t change the truth, does it? You said yourself that I might get sick of roughing it, and I guess I have. I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry?” he snarls. “But you said I was your … your …” His hands clench. “You know what? Fuck this.” He turns for the door, pausing with his back to me. “I knew you were different, but I didn’t think you were really such a cold-hearted bitch.”
The door slams at the same time I collapse against the wall behind me, crumpling to the ground and letting the tears run free.