Chapter 9
Michelle’s entire body was trembling after the brief rapture of the kiss, and she felt like if she stood up now, she would just end up falling over.
She put her head in her hands and closed her eyes, replaying the overpowering ecstasy of Blade’s lips – his entire body – again and again. But when she opened her eyes again, tempted to follow him into his bedroom, she felt suddenly sick inside. Wasn’t it wrong of her to be feeling like this? The man was twice her age. Her father’s friend.
And even if those things weren’t important factors, wouldn’t it be impossible to overlook the fact that she was getting a divorce? What if she was just feeling vulnerable and using Blade as a rebound? And who was to say he was going to take Michelle seriously anyway? Wasn’t her father always saying how Blade wasn’t the type to settle down? He was a man who was always looking for his roots, her father had said. And that was why he was gone most of the time she was growing up.
Finally, Michelle steadied her breathing enough to walk shakily back to her own bedroom. She sat down on the bed, unsure of whether to smile or cry. This whole thing was a complete disaster. The police were sitting outside, just waiting for her, or anybody at the MC, to fuck up, and she was just making matters worse. She was giving in to the forbidden feelings she had been feeling toward Blade ever since he had shown up on her doorstep. There were so many reasons why this was wrong. She couldn’t just succumb to something that would ultimately turn out to be another horrible mistake. The last thing Michelle could live with was another life like the one she’d had with Alan. Enough was enough.
Michelle sighed and opened the drawer in her end table, taking out the small slip of paper that Jo had scribbled her phone number onto. She swallowed nervously, then used the big rotary phone down the hall to dial. Jo picked up on the first ring.
“Yes?” she asked tersely. “You’re interrupting my shows.”
“Sorry,” Michelle said. She was about to hang up, when Jo’s voice lightened up.
“Oh, it’s you! How are you, honey?” Jo didn’t wait for a reply before she continued speaking. “You would love this – there’s a woman who can’t decide between her ex and her sister’s husband. It’s drama central!”
“That sounds interesting,” Michelle said, chuckling despite herself. She probably would never choose to watch a show like that on her own, but she was sure that watching it with Jo would make it even more entertaining.
“You should come over!” Jo exclaimed. “Jackal called over here a while ago talking about the damn cop cars outside the MC. It’s quiet here. Snake and I could pick you up out back if you’d like a break.”
“Actually, that sounds amazing,” Michelle said, grateful beyond words for the option to leave. If she had to face Blade again, she didn’t know what she would do. It was better to be safe.
“Great! Snake will be there in about 10 minutes. I think I’ll stay here so I can catch you up on what’s going on.”
Michelle laughed. “That sounds perfect.”
Michelle hung up, debating whether or not she should risk going to tell Blade that she was leaving. He would definitely freak out if she just disappeared, especially with the cops waiting outside the MC, but she just couldn’t bring herself to face him again.
She grabbed her jacket and packed a bag with a change of clothes in it, just in case Jo decided it would be fun for her to stay the night, and then headed downstairs to the bar area.
“Jackal!” she hissed.
He frowned before he realized who was calling him and then sat down the glass he was drying and came over to her.
“What’s up, kiddo?”
“Could you let Blade know that Snake is picking me up? Jo wanted to hang out and I don’t really feel comfortable here with…you know.”
Jackal’s face lit up with understanding and he nodded.
“Sure thing! Do you want me to walk you out?”
“If you would,” Michelle said gratefully. Who knew what might be lurking behind the MC.
Jackal abandoned his post at the bar and headed to the back door, his hand hovering over the handle of a knife in the back of his belt as he pushed it open. He hesitated, searching the area with his eyes before relaxing his shoulders.
“Should be fine,” he said, leading Michelle outside. “But I’ll wait here with you just in case. As far as I know, this is like our secret getaway area, the pigs don’t know it’s here.”
Michelle laughed quietly. Why would they know it? It looked like a pile of old motorcycle parts and garbage. Who would want to be back there on purpose? But Michelle soon saw the genius of it. The door was concealed by a small collection of tires mounted to the door, that made it look like it was just another part of the dumping grounds. And when Snake approached, only then did she see the thin pathway leading out.
“This shit’s ridiculous,” Snake grumbled, stopping in front of Jackal to speak with him. “You make sure nobody does anything more than act like angels, you get me?”
Jackal nodded. “No problem, boss.”
“Ready then, young’un?” Snake asked, turning to Michelle. She nodded, and he turned away, back down the path from which he’d come.
They emerged out on a dark dirt road, hidden by thick forest. Snake had brought the truck again, probably hoping not to call too much attention to himself with the police staking out the MC. Michelle climbed in, grateful that she wouldn’t have to hang around the MC any longer. Who knew whether or not Alan would show up? She hadn’t taken it too well the last time he had.
If she saw him today, it would be even worse. Michelle was almost afraid that he would be able to smell Blade’s scent upon her, as if he were nothing more than a wild, possessive dog trying to drag his mate back to the den. It was scary, really, how off-balance Alan managed to make her feel. She thought all kinds of irrational things when he was there. Blamed herself for things that never were and never would be her fault.
“You all right?” Snake asked, glancing over at Michelle.
Snake was a tall, quiet, dignified man. He was surprisingly skinny to be the president of an MC, and seemed to be the type of leader who demanded respect despite maybe not being quite as physically intimidating as the rest of the men. He had been lean and strong when Michelle was a child, and although age had worn away his muscles, it had done nothing to touch his fierce attitude.
“I’m fine,” Michelle sighed. “Just thinking about Alan.”
Snake scoffed. “That ain’t his name anymore. Around me you’re to refer to him as ‘pigmeat.’”
Michelle laughed. “Why not bacon?”
Snake looked at her as if she were crazy. “I like bacon!”
She grinned and they finished the stretch of road out in silence, until they came upon a small wooden house with two pristine motorcycles parked in front of it.
“Home sweet home,” Snake mumbled, turning off the engine and walking to the door.
Michelle followed uncertainly. It was strange to be so far away from the MC after everything that had happened. In a way, she wished she had never left. The thought that she wouldn’t be able to turn to Blade should she need anything made her uncomfortable. He was the one who seemed most eager to protect her, to solve her problems. He was the one she wanted most of all…
But no. Both of them knew that it couldn’t possibly be. It was wrong.
“Michelle!” Jo exclaimed, suddenly pushing the thoughts of Blade out of her mind.
“Hi!” Michelle said as she was whisked into an enthusiastic hug.
“I’ve been takin’ notes on this show here for you,” Jo said, tugging her hand and leading her into the small, cozy living room area. “Let’s get you caught up.”
***
Snake had gone to bed, leaving Jo and Michelle up late in the living room. Just as Michelle had suspected, Jo had a way of making even the most mundane and unbelievable of shows convincing and entertaining, and she had been enjoying herself thoroughly.
“Something’s on your mind,” Jo said suddenly, looking pensively at Michelle.
“What?” Michelle asked, smiling innocently. The truth was that she had been thinking about Blade again. The softness of his lips, the contrast of his scratchy beard against her skin… but she was also thinking about how it just wasn’t meant to be.
“Don’t play me for a fool girl,” Jo said with a chuckle. “I know things. Good at reading people. Me and Snake are alike that way.”
Michelle sighed and leaned back against the couch. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Have you ever done something you know you shouldn’t?”
Jo cackled. “Look at me!”
Michelle grinned and nodded. “I just don’t want to do something for the wrong reasons, you know? And there’s so much going on…”
“Listen,” Jo said calmly. “There are times in life when you have to make a decision. Do you want to live according to everybody else’s rules or do you want to live by the rules that make you happy?”
Michelle sighed. “But it’s complicated. I don’t want to hurt anyone…or be hurt…”
Jo chuckled. “Living in fear ain’t the way to do things. The people in the MC know that to live life freely, you have to take what you want and don’t make any compromises. Not for anyone. And especially not for those people out there who think they know how you should be living your life. Chances are, most of the time, people like that are only out to control other people into becoming more like them.”
“What about breaking your own rules?” Michelle sighed. “There are just some things that are better left alone, right?”
“Well, that ain’t for me to say,” Jo said with a shrug. “You have to decide which rules to follow and which rules to break. Just don’t go being a jackass about it, thinking because society has a special way of doing things that you have to do things that way too, you know? Some things just don’t matter so much. It’s all on the surface. If a surface issue is causing you to turn away from a great thing that’s right in front of your face, then there isn’t any help for ya.”
Michelle was quiet as she considered this. Was age really just a surface thing? And was it possible that what she was feeling toward Blade was more than just a fleeing fancy? There was a certain wisdom in the idea of only living for yourself and taking what you wanted, but what she wanted seemed so…dangerous.
“What if what you want will hurt you in the end?” Michelle asked finally.
Jo smiled wistfully.
“Some of the most beautiful things in life come with a little bit of risk. You know, me and Snake met when I was about your age. We’ve been together ever since. It was scary at first, wondering if being with an older man was really a good idea. But we’ve been going strong ever since. He’s over 60 now! And I like to think I help keep him young.”
Michelle studied Jo as if seeing her for the first time. Sure, she had known that Jo and Snake had an age difference, but seeing them together had never felt odd or wrong. They were natural together. And it was true. Jo’s lively spirit seemed to make Snake’s life all the better, even if she was in her 40s and he in his 60s. Suddenly, Michelle felt a lot better about the situation with Blade. Not completely absolved, but better.
“Thanks, Jo,” Michelle said, smiling warmly at her new friend. It was almost as if Jo knew exactly what was going on and had been burning all night with the perfect advice to give her. But Jo was wise enough not to pry into detail.
They spent the rest of the night chatting and laughing together until they couldn’t keep their eyes open any longer, and finally went to sleep.