A relationship? Was Jacen thinking straight? Not an hour before, he’d said he wanted to keep things light. He hadn’t wanted a partner. Now he seemed to have changed his tune.

“So what do you do to stay awake on these long nights?” Jacen asked.

“Play on my phone and tablet or laptop. I draw and plot out courses for running around the neighborhood.” He shrugged. “If someone calls down wanting a toothbrush or whatever, I take care of that. I also work on reservations for the rooms and forward the emails and phone calls for the concert hall and recording studios to Rory. It’s not too exciting, but it pays the bills and keeps me in an apartment.”

“Whatever works.” Jacen draped his arm across the back of Matt’s stool again. “You don’t mind if I keep you company, right?”

“I don’t.” He appreciated having someone to talk to. Normally he spent the night with Cady, but then she got together with Rory. Now he slugged through his shifts alone.

Jacen grabbed two pencils and thumped out a beat on the counter. “Should we deal with one of the hundred elephants in the room?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He did, too. He just wasn’t ready to deal with any of the issues.

“Well, I am.” Jacen stopped drumming and faced Matt. “I’d like to start fresh. You and me right now. I’ll tell you about anything you want. Bryce, the shit I’ve done over the past year, or why I’m a dick and put distance between us. I don’t care. You ask, I’ll answer.”

“You’re fine. You lived your life.” Matt folded his arms to keep from scratching his arms. His skin prickled and he couldn’t hold still. “It’s cool.”

“Gonna make this hard for me, aren’t you?” Jacen crooked one eyebrow. “Good. I like a man who keeps me honest.” He rested his elbow on the counter and nodded once. “I’ve been holding this in for a long time. I can’t do it any longer.” He sighed. “I’ve always had a hands-off approach to dating. Get in, get what I want, get out and leave nothing behind. It’s worked for me. As long as I’m clean and stay that way, I’m fine. No one really complained before because they only want me so they can say they’ve been with someone famous.”

“That’s not true.” Hadn’t been for him. From the moment he met Jacen, he liked him as a person and a lover.

“They want to be in photos with me so they can get famous. Trust me. I had a chick tell me so,” Jacen said. “Then came you. You’re not like any of the people in my past. You take me at my word. Whatever I asked, you did it. That’s crazy.”

“Feels like it sometimes.” When Jacen left, he took part of Matt’s heart with him, but he’d done what Jacen wanted. Instead of pushing or begging, he gave Jacen space.

“I’m sorry for that. I never should’ve done that to you. Not only was it not cool, but I wouldn’t want to be in your shoes. But that’s the thing. Until I left here, I didn’t realize how it felt to lose someone important to me.”

“Who…did you lose?” He’d tried to keep up on Jacen’s life because Jacen was his friend, but he didn’t remember seeing reports of someone in his family dying.

“No one passed. I mourned the loss of our relationship.”

Matt almost said what relationship, but stopped short. Whatever Jacen had to say, he wasn’t going to interrupt.

“We had something special. After the accident, I let my guard down. I was myself with you. I was happy. It was great and part of me wanted to hunker down here for a year.”

“But?” He knew there had to be more to the story.

“But I got scared. I listened to the wrong people,” Jacen said. “I went back to California on the pretense of getting my stuff in order, but when a friend who is a tech in the recording studio said I wasn’t acting like myself, I flipped out. Then Bryce came along and I lost my head. I fell into all of the stuff I’d done before the accident. It sucked. I needed to get out of there. California is turning out to be toxic to my health.”

“You’re strong. You’ll be fine.” Matt’s heart bled for Jacen. He’d never been famous, but he understood the stress of acting like he didn’t care. “I’m fine, too.”

“Maybe I don’t want to be fine. I want to be happy. I want to be with someone who makes me a better person.” He leaned forward and kissed Matt. “I never should’ve left Dallas.”

“Jacen.” Things were falling into place a little too easily. Jacen wanted to be there? Wanted a relationship? He had to be dreaming.

“It’s true.” He shrugged and grinned. “You’re the one I never got out of my head.”

“What about Bryce? I heard him. He really sounded like you two were still together.” He needed to be sure. He’d stuck up for Jacen, but if there were any doubts, then he wanted to know now.

“Bryce was a mistake. We thought we were good together, but it was a disaster. He’s spoiled and full of himself. He seems to think the world revolves around him and even if he’s hot…it’s a hot mess to be with him. Two pretty men together doesn’t always make sense. We made no sense at all.” Jacen gripped Matt’s shoulder. “Where you make me want to be a better person, he made me want to be drunk all of the time. I hated who I’d become and when he moved on, that was another wake-up call. I wasn’t playing well, I missed calls and showed up late for concerts. You can’t do that in the music business. It’s horrible.”

“I see.” What Jacen said made sense. If the guy was bad, then getting him out of Jacen’s life wasn’t bad. He’d rooted plenty of bad influences out of his life along the way, too. He dumped more than a few short-term boyfriends because they’d been detrimental to him.

“The whole thing with him showing up was his grab for attention. He must’ve lost out on a part or someone told him no, so he came looking for…I don’t know what.”

“A good man. He knew what he let go of when you split. I can’t say I blame him. You cut me deep when you left and hardly ever called. I could’ve accepted things if you’d have told me, look, I’m leaving and I need separation. I’m not going to call you because I just can’t. I need space. If you’d have said any of that, I might have moved on my merry way. But you didn’t. You said…see you around.” His heart ached. Thinking about the moment he and Jacen had parted still stung. He wanted to take that moment back and fix it. A do-over of sorts.

“I’m sorry.” Jacen’s shoulders sank and he bowed his head. “That—I have no excuse other than I believed my own bullshit. I thought I could walk away like I did with everything else and be just fine.” He met Matt’s gaze. “I’m not interested in anyone else. I don’t want to be anywhere other than right here and for the first time in a long while, I’m happy. You make me feel that way. I can’t guarantee Bryce won’t try something else. He’s persistent, but so am I. I’m not going anywhere.”

Matt mulled over Jacen’s words for a few moments. Part of him wanted to keep the separation between him and Jacen. For all he knew, he’d get hurt again. Did he want to go through the pain of being left behind…again? Not really. But the other part of him liked being with Jacen. He liked the way Jacen smiled and the smell of his cologne. He yearned for Jacen’s arms around him and to have Jacen in bed with him for the entire night. Could Jacen be telling the truth and wanted to stick around? He really wanted a relationship?

“What do you think?”

Matt paused. He couldn’t give in so easily, even if every cell in his body now wanted to. “I think…you should go back to the apartment and get some rest.”

Jacen’s brows knotted and the corners of his mouth turned down. Just as quickly as he grimaced, he rebounded. “Oh, you need time to think this over. I understand.”

“No.” Matt shook his head. “I meant, you should get some rest because you’ve got to record tomorrow and because then the bed will be warm when I get there in a few hours.”

Jacen opened his mouth to protest, but no sound came out. The crinkles around his eyes smoothed out and he broke into a smile. “You’re bad.” He stood and kissed Matt. “I’m so bottoming for you when you come to bed.”

“I’ll hold you to that.” He curled his fingers under Jacen’s chin. Giving the drummer a second chance turned his world upside down, but felt like the best decision he’d ever made.

“I hope you do.” He wriggled his eyebrows. “I’ll be waiting.” Jacen winked, then disappeared into the hallway leading to the apartments.

Matt sagged on his seat and scrubbed both hands over his face. He’d gotten back with Jacen. The one man he never expected to come back into his life was there. He had to be crazy, thinking he and Jacen could have a chance, but he did. He’d fallen for Jacen Goodwin and could see a future with him. Yeah, he’d lost his mind.

* * * *

At six in the morning, Matt’s relief finally arrived. He hadn’t expected anyone to need him, but once Jacen left, he had three calls—one for a stopped up toilet, one for keys to a room and another to let the band into the practice rooms. He stretched and headed down the corridor to his apartment. Why in the name of God did bands need to practice or play at three in the morning? He wasn’t sure.

He made his way into the apartment and shed his clothes throughout the living room. By the time he entered the bedroom, he wore only his boxers. He probably should’ve nabbed a shower, but fuck it. Instead, he collapsed into bed and buried his face in the pillow. He reached out for Jacen. For a split-second, he doubted Jacen would even be there.

“You’re home.” Jacen snuggled up behind Matt. “I missed you.”

“You did?” He laced his fingers with Jacen’s and ground his ass into Jacen’s crotch. He missed moments like this—being tangled up with his boyfriend and knowing he was in a stable situation.

“Uh-huh.” He kissed the back of Matt’s neck. “I did and now I can sleep because you’re here.” His breath feathered over Matt’s shoulder. “Night, babe.”

“Night.” He closed his eyes and gave into sleep. As much as he wanted his brain to shut off, it didn’t cooperate. He still couldn’t believe Jacen was not only back in Dallas, but in his bed. He kept thinking about the blowjob behind the desk and the things Jacen had said.

A vision of Jacen formed in his brain. Christ, he hated dreaming—especially when the damn thing was so vivid.

“Hey you.” Jacen strode up to Matt. He’d stripped his shirt off and wore only low-slung jeans. The Disaster Transport symbol tattoo flexed on his biceps and a fine shimmer of perspiration shone on his chest. He rested his hands on his hips. “Thought you’d never get here.”

Matt glanced around. He wasn’t sure where here was. “Oh.”

“Oh?” Jacen inched up to him. “Come on. You don’t want me?”

“I do. I want you more than anything.” Where was this coming from? “Jace.”

Jacen mashed his mouth down on Matt’s, stealing Matt’s breath. He palmed Matt’s chest and tweaked Matt’s nipples. Matt grunted. He loved when his partner played with the piercings in his nipples.

“I know what you like.” Jacen bit Matt’s bottom lip. “Bad.”

“Uh-huh.” He had no idea what Jacen was talking about, but he’d learned to go with the flow with Jacen.

“Hey.” Jacen rested his forehead on Matt’s and gripped Matt’s shoulders. “I have to talk to you.”

Oh Christ. More talking? What the hell…

“I’m leaving you.” Jacen put distance between them. He smiled from ear to ear. “I thought I wanted to come back here, but the longer I’m here, the more I realize I’m not happy. I lied.”

Lied? Fuck. His heart hammered and he couldn’t breathe. He should’ve seen this coming. The good things in his life tended to go to pot fast.

“I’m heading back to California with Bryce. He gets me better than you ever will and he loves me. You can’t commit and I’m tired of waiting.”

He froze. “What? Can’t commit? You told me to keep distance? How can I do what you want when you keep changing your mind?” He balled his hands and trembled. “All I want to do is make you happy.” He tipped his head back and a strangled cry ripped from his throat. This was not happening.

“Come on. You know I need someone famous. I need an equal.” Jacen laughed, then draped his arm around Bryce’s shoulders. “You didn’t honestly think we’d work out? I used you. You were a dick to ride while I was stuck in hell…er…Dallas. You meant nothing to me.”

Another cry ripped from his throat. He had no idea why this was happening. His chest ached and he squeezed his eyes shut. The sound of Jacen laughing lingered.

“Why?” Matt begged. “Why couldn’t you be honest?”

“Matt?” Jacen rushed up to him. “Matt?”

“No. I’m not doing this. I’m not going to be used.” He thrashed away from Jacen. “I can’t.”

“Matt.”

Something seemed to be pinning him down. He fought against the weight on his chest and screamed again. He’d been through enough. He couldn’t handle the stress of another split or the emotional baggage of giving his heart to someone who didn’t want it.

“Matt. Look at me. Matt.”

Matt blinked and surfaced from sleep. Jacen had straddled his thighs and leaned over him. He met Matt’s bleary gaze.

“Are you okay?” Jacen caressed Matt’s face, then rested the back of his hand against Matt’s forehead. “You slapped me and screamed. What happened?”

He’d been dreaming. Fucking hell. Matt wrapped his fingers around Jacen’s wrists, but didn’t push him away. His worries and fears had gotten the best of him and came together in his dream.

“Matt?” Jacen stared at him with wide eyes. His dark hair flopped over his brow and the lines crinkled across his forehead. “Hey, babe.”

“Sorry.” He willed his heart rate to settle down a little. The dream had been a tad too vivid. Or his imagination had run away with him again.

“Talk to me.” Jacen slid off of Matt and stretched out beside him. He kept his arm across Matt’s belly. “I thought you were having a heart attack or something.”

“Close.” He scrubbed his hand over his face. “I had a nightmare. You made me think you were back for a while, but you’re really brought Bryce around. You said you needed an equal and that wasn’t me.”

“Damn.” Jacen shook his head. “I’m sorry. I fucked so much up when I left. I should’ve been honest and let my heart lead.”

“You had to do what you had to do.” He gulped air and sighed. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you and us. I guess I should’ve watched some TV or played on my phone a while before I went to bed.”

“No. You’re fine.” Jacen kissed Matt’s cheek. “You’ve got a lot on your mind and I made it worse.” He nibbled along Matt’s ear, then bit his earlobe. “Fuck me. Make me yours. Right now.” He slid his hand down to Matt’s erection and stroked. “I’m yours.”

“Jace.” Matt groaned. He rocked his hips, working his dick in Jacen’s fingers. The tingles felt so good after the dream.

“I’m going for a ride.” Jacen grabbed the lube and a condom from the nightstand. “I’ve been dying for your cock since we went to sleep.” He tore the wrapper, then rolled the condom down Matt’s cock. He grinned and dumped lube onto his hand.

“You.” Matt reached for Jacen. “You’re dangerous.”

Jacen grinned and stroked Matt, sending shivers along Matt’s spine. He straddled Matt’s thighs. “I’m not dangerous. I’m just a horny bastard.” He wriggled his eyebrows, then squeezed Matt’s erection. “I want this in me.”

“Are…” He almost asked if Jacen was sure, but why? They’d done this before. Christ. He had to stop overthinking.

“I’m sure.” Jacen inched forward on Matt’s legs and rose up on his knees. He lined Matt’s dick up with his hole. “Jesus. I need you.”

“Me?” He palmed Jacen’s hips. The anticipation drove him crazy in all of the right ways. He never wanted this moment to end.

“Uh-huh.” Jacen eased onto Matt’s shaft and groaned. His eyes rolled back and his lips parted. “Matt.” He tilted his head forward and rolled his torso. The move sent Matt’s dick deeper into Jacen’s body.

“I love that.” He yanked Jacen flush to his chest and kissed him. He’d never get enough of Jacen. The man touched him down to his soul. Jacen understood him, no matter how much he wanted to keep things light.

“Do you?” Fire lit in Jacen’s eyes. He whimpered, then braced himself on his forearms. “I thought about you while I was on the road. I’d play my drums for you. Crazy, huh?”

“Not crazy.” He ran his fingers through Jacen’s hair. “Not at all.”

Jacen rose up enough to sit back on his haunches. He placed Matt’s hand on his chest. Jacen’s pulse beat wildly beneath Matt’s palm.

The tingles in Matt’s body exploded into full zaps. His nerve endings buzzed and rational thought left his brain. He pinched Jacen’s nipple. “Move. Fuck yourself on me.”

“Baby.” Jacen rolled his hips and grunted. The undulating ratcheted up Matt’s desire. Red infused Jacen’s cheeks and perspiration slicked on his skin. His chest glittered.

“Yeah?” Matt asked. He lost himself in the moment. The world around him and all of his troubles evaporated when he looked into Jacen’s eyes. Nothing else mattered but Jacen.

“Fuck.” Jacen leaned back and braced his hands on Matt’s thighs. “Let me do the work.” He bounced up and down on Matt’s dick. “Just touch me.”

He replied something that made no sense out loud, but sounded a whole lot like fuck yes in his head. He stroked his lover’s chest, then wrapped his fingers around Jacen’s erection.

“If you…do that…I’ll fucking come.” Jacen increased the speed of his bounces. The bed creaked and the headboard thumped against the wall.

He met Jacen’s gaze and the sparks between him and Jacen could’ve burned the hotel down. He timed his strokes with Jacen’s bounces. The orgasm started low in his belly and grew within seconds. He shivered and the muscles in his legs trembled. He panted.

“Come on, Matty. Come for me.” Jacen squeezed his eyes shut and curled forward. He tensed on Matt’s cock. “Fuck. I’m coming.”

“Yeah.” He groaned again. No matter how much he wanted the moment to last or how he’d wanted to wait for Jacen, his restraint snapped. No holding back now. He dug his fingers into Jacen’s sides and took over the tempo. He wanted to say something sweet or at least coherent, but when he opened his mouth no sound came out.

“Oh, oh, oh.” Jacen curled forward and grasped his cock. He tensed. From his head to his toes, he shuddered. “Fuck. Me.” He opened his eyes as he came. A thick ribbon of cum streaked across Matt’s chest. Jacen’s lips parted again and he moaned. “Matty.”

“Right here.” He surged into Jacen and paused as the orgasm took over. His balls ached and he dug his feet into the mattress. Every bit of energy left him. He filled the condom and for a split-second wished they’d gone bare. He gritted his teeth and moaned.

“Baby.” Jacen stretched out on top of Matt and rained kisses all over Matt’s face. By lying on him, Jacen smeared jizz all over his and Matt’s chest.

Matt sagged against the pillow and gasped for breath. Being with Jacen wrung him out in all of the right ways. His dick slipped free of Jacen’s ass.

Jacen kissed him, then bit Matt’s bottom lip. “If that’s what it’s like when you wake up from a bad dream, then I’ll be an asshole and hope you have a ton more.”

“You left me.” He patted Jacen’s ass.

“What?”

“In the dream. You left me again.” He brushed a lock of Jacen’s hair away from his face. “You said I wasn’t famous enough for you.”

“Never.” Jacen straddled Matt’s legs, but remained stretched out on his chest. “Other than getting up long enough to clean us off, I’m not going anywhere.” He brushed his nose along Matt’s. “Be right back.”

Matt sucked in a ragged breath and watched Jacen stroll across the room. His mouth watered as he drank in the image of Jacen’s swaying ass. He didn’t own Jacen and he wasn’t even sure Jacen would stick around for the duration, but he had this moment right now. He should accept whatever Jacen gave him and be happy. Too bad he wanted more than the present. He craved a future with Jacen—a future that probably wasn’t possible.