Her intoxicating fragrance overwhelmed my senses while her soft, luscious curves pressing against me made my cock stir behind my fly. My fingers on her tiny waist clenched in an effort to keep my desire in check, because all I wanted to do at that very moment was devour her whole.

We danced in silence for several seconds before she spoke in a voice so quiet I had to strain to hear. “Maybe we should go back inside.”

“Why?” I asked. “I thought you had no reason to dodge me?”

Tatum’s eyes closed for just a moment. She shook her head in frustration before looking back up at me. “Stop it,” she warned on a whisper.

“Stop what?”

“Stop trying to goad me so you can get your way. I hated it back then, and I still hate it now, Declan.”

My stomach twisted into knots of guilt, and I found myself nodding in compliance. “Okay. I’m sorry. I’ll stop.”

That gave her a sense of relief, and her shoulders slumped as we continued to sway. Minutes passed, and one song turned into another, but she remained in my arms. We were both so wrapped up in each other that neither of us noticed the music had changed to something with a faster tempo. I couldn’t take my eyes off her face as I held her close, and I was sure I’d go to my grave knowing that Tatum Valentine had always the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen.

For the millionth time over the past ten years, I found myself wondering how I could’ve done what I did. She hadn’t just been the girl I loved, she’d been the blood in my veins, the air in my lungs. She gave me life. She was my life. I’d give every last cent I had to go back to that night and undo all the damage I caused. Problem was I had no fucking clue what happened. No matter how hard I racked my brain, I couldn’t remember a single second of the night that tore my world apart.

“So, I’ve been thinking,” she started, pulling my mind back into the present and away from the painful memories of the past. “There’s this band I’ve been following. Maybe you’ve heard of them. Usual Suspects? They’ve been around for a few years and are building a steady fan base, but they’re still relatively young. And their music is raw and gritty. They’re just coming off a sold-out tour and are based in Oregon. What if we did a concert—”

“I don’t want to talk shop right now,” I said over her, frustrated that she was trying to turn our moment into something business-related.

“Declan, this is my job. I’m here to manage you guys.”

Looking down at her with a fierce glare, I stated, “No, you’re here because you’re family. This is a goddamn wedding, Tate. Forget about work. I don’t want to talk about it.”

She heaved an agitated sigh and rolled her eyes skyward. “Fine. Then what do you want to talk about?” she asked sarcastically.

“Us.”

My hold on her tightened as her body tensed. “Deck.” That one word was full of so much anguish it pierced my heart. “There is no us.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it,” I growled between clenched teeth.

“Please,” she implored. “Please don’t do this. Not now.”

Shame washed through me as I tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and hunched down to rest my forehead against hers. “I’m sorry. I just can’t fucking stand this.”

Her body started to tremble against mine, as though she was fighting the pull between us with all her might. “Can’t stand what?”

“You being so close but not having you,” I answered honestly, the words causing physical pain as they ripped themselves from my chest. “You’re supposed to be mine, Tate. You were always supposed to be mine.”

“Declan, I can’t—”

I spoke over her protest, the sudden and unexpected need to pour my heart out for her to hear too strong to ignore. “You’ve been gone for ten years, and I still don’t know how I’m supposed to live without you. Do you have any goddamn clue how that fucks with a man’s head?”

Her eyes closed, one lone tear trailing down her cheek as she jerked away from me. “And do you have any goddamn clue how badly it fucks with a woman’s head when the love of her goddamn life screws someone else?” she snapped, yelling the last two words as she began pacing. “You know what? Hate me all you want, I don’t care! Blame me for breaking my promise and leaving if that’s what you want to do. I. Don’t. Care! You know the truth. You know. How could you expect me to stay after what you did? You knew it would break me. You knew it would destroy me. And you did it anyway!”

“I didn’t know what I was doing!” I shouted, jerking my fingers through my hair. “If you’d have just let me explain—”

“That’s not an excuse!” she screamed at the top of her lungs. “You were everything to me, and you gave all that was supposed to be mine to someone else!”

I rushed her, closing the distance between us in the blink of an eye, and took her face in my hands. My voice was ravaged as I whispered, “It’s not an excuse. You’re right. I’ll never be able to take back what I did. You were everything to me too, Tate. You were my goddamn life. I’ve driven myself mad trying to remember what happened that night. But there’s no way, no fucking way I could’ve ever done that to you if I’d been in my right mind. I’d rather die than hurt you.”

“But you did,” she breathed as tears poured from her eyes. “You hurt me in the worst way possible.” Reaching up, she wrapped her fingers around my wrists and squeezed. “You made the choice to get drunk and high that night, knowing the road it would lead you down. You made that choice after I’d begged you over and over to stop using. Whether or not you knew what was happening after that doesn’t matter. Losing me was the consequence of your actions. You have no one but yourself to blame.

I was dying all over again. With every word she spoke, she was killing me for a second time, just like she had when I walked through the door of our house in LA and discovered she was gone.

“Tate?”

Both our heads shot to the side at the sound of Gwen’s voice. She was standing just outside the patio doors, a look of worry marring her pretty face. “We heard yelling. Are you okay?”

Her fingers unwound and she dropped her arms, taking two large steps away from me. “Sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to cause a scene.”

“You didn’t,” Gwen said, taking a step forward. “There’s nothing to be sorry for. I just want to make sure you’re all right.”

Tate pasted a wobbly smile on her face as she wiped the tears away with the backs of her hands. “I’m fine. Everything’s fine. But I have to go. Congratulations again. Please tell Garrett I’m sorry for leaving so early. I’m just not feeling very well all of a sudden.”

“Tate.” I moved in her direction, but she quickly backed away, issuing another apology before turning on her heels and bolting.

“Declan,” Gwen started when I moved to go after her. I paused long enough to look back at her. “You know what you’re doing?”

“No,” I replied. “All I know is I can’t lose her again.”

She examined me closely, her eyes scanning every inch of my face before she finally nodded and turned to enter the house. Just before the doors closed, she glanced over her shoulder and said, “Start with what you just told me. And good luck.”