Nine

Destiny was numb as Diz pulled her into the circle of his arms. Like being smacked so hard your skin refused to feel whatever came next. That’s how her heart felt. Bruised. Battered.

She listened as his breathing became harder, stiffer. He was angry, and it told her everything about what had just happened. He wasn’t able to mark her no matter how much he wanted to, because his future belonged to another female. And he wasn’t willing to give her up for Destiny.

He didn’t love her. Not anymore than as a friend.

She swallowed hard, desperate not to cry.

Diz would not be her loving mate. How cruel reality was, to take their wishes and stomp them to the ground as if they didn’t matter.

As her friend, he’d wanted to make this possible for her. He’d even desired her body the way she desired his, it was obvious. But he couldn’t do forever. That was the line he’d drawn tonight.

She had to accept it.

Searing pain snapped at her heart like a devil’s whip, and she breathed through it, desperate to not let a tear fall in his presence. She wouldn’t have him feeling sorry for her. Or worse, guilty because he couldn’t give her what she wanted.

It wasn’t his job to make her happy. That was all hers.

“It’s okay,” she whispered so he wouldn’t hear her voice shake. He stiffened against her back, his body feeling like cold stone. “I’ll keep trying to see her. We… we’ll fix this, Diz.”

A heartbeat later, he pushed away to sit on the edge of the bed. With jerky movements, he pulled his shirt on and reached to the floor for his pants.

He said nothing. He was leaving. Of course he was.

Standing, he yanked his jeans up.

She wanted to talk to him. Tell him she understood. That she’d be okay. But he didn’t seem concerned about anything other than finding the door. And she didn’t know if any of that was true anyway. She didn’t feel okay.

Her heart throbbed as he headed for the door without a word. He couldn’t even look at her. She knew what that meant, and she couldn’t bear the thought. If he despised her, she’d never make it through this.

“Diz,” she called before he reached the door of her room.

“What?” he shot out. He didn’t turn around.

Destiny stared at his rigid spine, wishing she could take everything back. All of it, starting from the very first moment she’d thought of him as more than a friend. From the moment she’d opened her eyes to find him at her bedside, willing her to recover from her injuries. If only she could have seen this outcome in her visions, she would’ve never gone here with him. She wouldn’t have risked it. It wasn’t worth it if he ended up hating her.

“Don’t hate me.” She barely got the words past her throat.

His shoulders sank. “I could never hate you,” he said, and then stalked out of her bedroom. Seconds later she heard the front door slam. The sound was like a gunshot in the quiet of the cabin, and she felt it all the way to her soul.

Destiny curled around a pillow, the scent of what they’d done flooding the room like tear gas. How could this beautiful thing turn to poison so quickly? How could she have misjudged the situation so thoroughly?

And mostly, how could she have trusted Diz to know what he wanted? She’d placed her heart and her future in his hands, and he hadn’t been sure.

He chose a future without Destiny.

It hurt. It hurt so damn bad.

The tears fell to the pillow silently because she was too shocked to sob the pain away. Too devastated.

He hadn’t promised her a mating. That was something she’d assumed. But when he said he wanted her, that he’d always be there, and when his teeth were poised at her neck… what was she supposed to think?

The fire in her chest had turned cold. Icy, and painful. She rubbed at her sternum, desperate to ease the throbbing.

She should’ve listened to her instinct. A union between her and Diz couldn’t result in anything other than heartache. She should have left, gone to the Ouachitas, before she and Diz caved to fleeting desires.

Fleeting. Yeah, for him. He wasn’t even finished before he’d decided they’d made a mistake. For her, this was going to scar.

A scar never ends, it only fades, and only with the power of time, and often an eternity.

Damn him. Damn herself. Damn this whole situation, and her decision making skills, and sketchy vision, and the pack, and her future. Damn everything. Damn it all.

She’d run again. That’s what she’d do.

She’d run away from here and this room and these memories and feelings. She’d run until she couldn’t feel him anymore. Until her head was right. Until she was ready to face the vision of his mate.

Because that was the problem. As much as Destiny wanted to see her, so this could be over, she was also afraid for the very same reason.

Seeing meant the end of something she treasured. Though it would’ve been a hell of a lot easier if it’d ended with a vision instead of this epic mistake of the heart.

Seeing is believing. If you aren’t ready to believe, it’s impossible to see.

Thank you fortune cookie of doom. Thank you very damn much, but maybe you could come back later.

Destiny punched the pillow and let herself sob, not caring if she got snot on it.

Diz had walked out—no, stomped out—leaving her to deal with their mistake. We’ll fix this, she’d said, fully believing they could find a way past this together. But that wasn’t the case. Things were too messed up.

They’d have to figure this out on their own. Maybe one day they could be normal again, but it wouldn’t be soon.

For once, her running wasn’t just about escaping. It was a matter of healing. She had to go. For him, but especially for herself.

Dashing her tears away, she reached to the bedside table for her phone. She took several deep breaths before dialing Tana’s number.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Tana. Listen, don’t ask any questions, okay. I can’t answer them right now. I just need a favor. Can you help me?”

There was a silence that felt like it lasted for an eternity, and then Tana’s voice came back through the line. “Okay. What do you need?”

“I need out. Can you call your cats?”

To Destiny’s surprise, Tana didn’t argue. She just asked for thirty minutes to work something out with Magic.

When Destiny hung up the phone, she ripped the sheets from the bed and took them straight to the washing machine. In the bedroom, she gathered her ripped shorts and tossed them in the garbage, pulled her suitcase from the closet and filled it with necessities. She’d buy whatever else she needed when she got to the mountains. The only thing left to do was shower.

And she’d saved it for last because it was going to be the most painful. Her animal delighted in Diz’s scent, wanted to cling to it until the very last minute. Watching the future he’d almost given her wash down the drain was going to be a cleansing by fire. Painful but necessary.

She sat on the bed, her bare butt right against the scratchy sheetless mattress. With shaking hands, she brushed her hair back, and waited for Tana to call.

She jolted when the phone rang, but hit the answer button before the tone cut off.

“Magic says he could use your help with the big Christmas celebration. There’s lots of kids, it’s a big deal, and it takes a horde of people to make it happen. They start prepping in August and he’s always looking for more help.”

“Okay. Yes, I’ll do it.” Anything. She’d take anything right now.

Tana sighed. “Are you sure? Please, don’t do something rash.”

“When have I ever been rash, Tana?” Her voice snapped, and she regretted it.

“Okay. Alright. I just… I’m going to miss you if you go. Gracie will miss you too. We all will.”

Destiny squeezed her eyes shut. Gracie. Her baby sister. Tana, who was family even if not by blood. Surge. The rest of the dogs and their mates. She’d miss them all too.

But she had to go. She’d never felt more sure of a decision in her life. Not even when she’d forced her mother away from their clan before the bears struck.

“I’m sure, Tana. I have to leave. But…” Another truth hit her. The vision she’d had at Sunday dinner. She was supposed to be here with DTD. Which meant… “I’ll be back.”

She didn’t know when, or even how it would be possible, but she knew she was destined to return.

“Okay. If you say you need to go, then go. I’ll have to accept it, but I don’t have to like it.”

“Thank you,” Destiny whispered.

“Owyn will be here tomorrow to pick you up. I figured your car wouldn’t make it that far on those piece-of-shit tires.”

Tears pricked her eyes. God, Tana was the best. Gracie couldn’t have landed a better mama.

“Thank you. You don’t know how much this means to me right now.”

She was quiet for a stretch before she said softly, “I want the best for you. I want to see you happy.”

Tears streaked down Destiny’s cheeks. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“I’ll see you before I leave. I’ll come by to tell Gracie.”

“Okay. Try to rest.”

“Bye.”

Destiny hung up the phone, setting it carefully on the side table.

It was time to finish this.

The tears fell faster as she made her way to the bathroom and turned on the shower.

The water washes clean what can and cannot be seen. This is why we use the water to see what we cannot know.

Destiny stared at her reflection in the mirror. The damn fortune cookie wisdom was the last thing she needed right now. She flipped her middle finger at it and turned to step into the shower.

***

Diz charged through the forest, running full speed. He’d done one lap around DTD’s ten acres, and he was going to do at least another. He hated leaving Destiny alone but he couldn’t stay. He was going to fucking lose it if she’d mentioned his mate again, if his name came off her lips in that way that was barely a breath for the pain it caused her. He couldn’t stand the scent of sadness that filled the room, marking out everything they’d done. He couldn’t stand seeing her in that kind of pain.

He had to find a way to fix it. Needed to get his wolf alone, wear him out so he could make the animal see they were facing a civil fucking war.

He’d find a way to make his animal submit. There had to be a way.

It’s okay. I’ll keep trying to see her. We’ll fix this, Diz.

He gnashed his teeth. No. Damn it, no. That wasn’t what he wanted. Finding his mate wasn’t the answer to their problem.

His shoulders sank, crushing him under the weight of guilt as he pushed forward, pressing his animal to the limits. But the wolf just ran, not the least bit worried about losing. Cocky bastard.

Alright, fucker. Let’s fight.

He inhaled deeply, scenting the cool air mixing with Dessy’s sweet scent that lingered on him.

Smell that? There’s going to be more of that so you’d better get used to it.

His wolf chuffed, and for the first time tonight, Diz tried to listen, to really feel what the animal felt. They’d been at odds longer than he’d even realized. The mental struggle over what Diz wanted but wouldn’t admit to and what his wolf wanted had done damage, but he’d been so busy ignoring it, he hadn’t realized just how much.

What is it, you goddamn bastard? What do you want?

Mate. Mine. Young. Family. Mine.

Yes, Dessy. All that, with Dessy.

Not mine.

Diz ran harder, faster, his breath chugging in and out of the animal’s lungs.

Why can’t you bond with her? Why can’t I have her? Tell me.

Not mine.

You stubborn asshole. She’s the one. She’s what we need.

This didn’t make sense. None of the others had problems with their wolf bonding. Was there really no choice in their mating? Was it really just fate’s way or no way? Because he couldn’t accept that. Not after tonight. Not after feeling what he felt with Destiny.

I won’t let you win. Do you understand me? I’ll make her mine whether you like it or not.

Not mine.

Diz snarled a warning to the animal and ran faster.

Okay, so the wolf wanted his mate. Diz wanted Dessy. He couldn’t give one fuck about the female intended for him. He wished her a good fucking life, and maybe a “sorry to leave you hanging” but other than that, she didn’t matter to him.

His little bobcat mattered and that was all.

Wolf roared at that, and Diz slowed.

So… that got his attention.

That’s right, bastard. My intended means nothing to me. Nothing, you hear? I don’t want her. Never will.

Another vicious sound tore from his throat, but Diz was only encouraged.

She isn’t mine. My intended isn’t mine. Dessy is mine.

Snarling and snapping his disagreement, wolf dug his claws into the soft ground.

Dessy is mine. Intended is nothing.

Wolf howled loud enough to wake the moon.

Is this what it would take? Forcing his animal to watch him deny his intended? Because he’d do it in a New York fucking minute.

Diz stopped running to stare up at the crescent moon. This was it. This was what would fix his wolf. He had to find his mate and deny her.

He had to convince his animal of the truth: there was no one for him but Destiny.

He’d make plans in the morning. He’d scour all the packs nearby, moving farther and farther out until he found the female. Then he’d break his wolf’s mindset like it was nothing more than a twig.

Not mine, Diz thought this time. Dessy is mine. Only Destiny.

His animal fumed silently.

He threw his head back and let out a wolfy chortle, feeling lighter than he had in weeks. This was all going to be okay. With a little time, things were going to be just fine.