Eleven

Destiny had been at Lake Haven Lodge for six days and she was miserable. Not because the big cats were awful or her job sucked. She actually loved the place and the people. So far everyone she’d met was helpful. They’d done their best to make her feel at home, but… the lodge wasn’t her home.

Still, that wasn’t her biggest hang-up.

She sat at a table by herself in the lodge’s famous restaurant. Eagan, Lake Haven’s chef, was a jaguar. The first one she’d ever met. And the male could make a mean chicken marsala. She gobbled down his offering in a fashion that she should be embarrassed about, but she’d had enough with being ashamed.

New life rule: she’d only feel shame over things that deserved the feeling.

Not over loving someone. Not over being honest about feelings.

Her mental energy went into dealing with her secrets and regrets. She didn’t have time for shame.

Eagan pushed through the kitchen doors with a fresh plate of pasta for her and she held her hands up to protest, but he set the food in front of her, pursing his lips as if daring her to.

“Fine, fine. Thank you, Eagan.”

“Not a problem. We gotta keep you well fed.”

Destiny scowled. “I’m not a cow you’re planning to butcher.”

Eagan’s eyes peeled wide. “Uh… no. No you are not. I’ll just uh, I think something’s burning.”

She sighed as he hurried back through the doors.

Owyn appeared at the table. He dragged a chair out and sat across from her, watching her eat. “You seen Doc Davis today?”

Destiny shook her head. The doctor was nice enough. But she didn’t need to see her yet. She already knew what to do.

“You talk to Tana?”

She shook her head again, and Owyn fidgeted in his chair.

“You tell him?”

“No. Geez. Can you get your nose back in your own business?”

Since when did Owyn meddle?

His eyebrows fell so low she could see them past his ball cap. “This is my business. I’m the one who took you out of there. If anything happens to you, that shit’s on me.”

“No, it isn’t. It’s on me. I made the decision to go.”

He leaned back in his chair. “Yeah, keep telling yourself that, princess.”

“Why are you being such an asshole lately?”

He crossed his arms, shrugging like he had a monkey on his back. “All this drama shit gives me the heebie jeebies. Why can’t people just work through issues instead of skipping and dancing around them like motherfucking fairies? Not a one of us has a set of wings. It’s ridiculous. Just call him already.”

Destiny stirred her food around her plate with her fork. She knew Owyn was right, but it wasn’t so easy when it came down to it. She must have picked up her phone to dial Diz’s number a hundred times.

“I don’t know what to say,” she muttered.

“It’s easy. ‘Hey. You knocked me up, fucker, now wolf up and take care of it.’ See? Piece of cake.”

Destiny’s face burned redder than the mountain sunset. Why was Owyn so grossly blunt? Did he have no couth at all?

“Yeah, okay. Why didn’t I think of that?” she said sarcastically.

“I’m telling you, if people could quit always beating around the bush, this world might be an easier place.”

“Or not.”

He raised one eyebrow, making it disappear behind the bill of his hat. “Or not,” he agreed. “Just do something fast, before I find my tail nailed to a tree somewhere. Feel me?”

She nodded, her appetite gone.

She watched Owyn leave before she went to the kitchen to have Eagan box up her food. She managed to avoid meeting anyone on her way back to her room. She didn’t want to deal with any more questions. No more delicate eggshell syndrome. She wasn’t going to break or starve or fade away like a wisp on the wind.

She sighed.

The clan couldn’t help it. They’d had one young in all the years since they banded together, and it was by Renner’s human mate. So of course they’d been careful with her. But Destiny knew what a werecat’s body could do. She’d seen her mother go through it many times. They didn’t have anything to worry about.

She sat on the bed, kicking off her shoes. She needed to just do it. Just call Diz and tell him that somehow, fated or not, destiny had given them a young.

She stared at the phone in her hand, trying to get up the courage for this conversation. But the truth was she was scared of the unknown. What if she ended up raising this young alone? Diz still wanted a mate. He still desired a family. Telling him was going to mess up his plans.

No, they’d messed up his plans by sleeping together in the first place. This was just more of the fallout.

Though she could hardly regret it now, with the life of their young growing inside her.

Lose me? That will never, fucking ever, happen.

Her hand fell to her belly. Diz was right about that. She’d always have a piece of him with her now.

She smiled sadly.

Whatever happened when she told him, she’d always have their baby. The thought comforted her.

With trembling hands, she dialed his number and put the phone to her ear. But it went straight to voicemail. She tried again, three more times, with the same result.

She stared at the phone. This wasn’t something she could do over a message.

She decided to call the club. One of the dogs could get Diz on the phone.

Punk answered on the third ring. “Hello.”

“Hey, Punk. It’s Destiny.”

“Destiny? Huh. Sorry, I don’t recognize the name.”

She froze.

“I only know of a certain cat who up and left without a goodbye, and if I recall correctly, her name was… oh, yes, that’s right. Her name was Destiny.” This was all said in a monotone that gave away the truth behind Punk’s words. She was hurt.

“I’m sorry,” Destiny murmured. “I didn’t mean to hurt anybody.”

Punk sighed. “Oh, fiiine. I forgive you. I can’t hold a grudge anymore. I used to be able to hold a bitch of one, but not these days. I shudder to think I’m softening.”

Destiny giggled in relief. The last thing she needed was anyone else from the pack being angry with her.

“So… what do you need?” Punk asked.

“Is Diz around? I need to talk to him.”

There was a long silence that made Destiny’s stomach quirk with nerves.

“Actually no, he isn’t.”

“Oh. Well… when do you think he’ll be back?”

More silence.

“I don’t know. He’s been out for a few days.”

“Out?”

“Yeah. Out.”

Punk being secretive. That wasn’t her M.O. Something was wrong.

“What aren’t you telling me? Just spit it out. Please.”

“Yeah, okay. Alright.” She sighed. “From what I understand, he left to go find his mate.”

The news zapped Destiny like an electric shock starting from her head and ending at her toes. That mixture of numbness and pain that she’d felt after her night with Diz had returned. It was a sick feeling she’d wished to never experience again. But here she was, reliving it like a recurring nightmare.

“Destiny?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m here.”

“When…” She swallowed the jagged lump in her throat. “When did he leave?”

“Same day you did.”

Her shoulders sank. He’d gone straightaway to find his intended? After what he’d told her in the driveway?

So he hadn’t meant what he’d said.

If she was honest with herself, his driveway declaration was what gave her a glimmer of hope for these past six days. She’d left DTD hopeless. By the evening, she’d scented her young and started looking at things differently. She’d replayed his words over and over. The desperate way he’d chased after her. That coupled with the fact that she’d become pregnant in the first place, gave her hope that maybe she and Diz had a purpose after all.

But now that was all dashed to hell.

“Can you tell him I called?”

“Yeah, I can do that.” Punk’s voice was careful. “You okay over there? The cats playing nice?”

Destiny laughed. Actually laughed. If Punk was being sweet, it was because she knew too much. She knew, just like they all did, that Destiny had pined after Diz in the worst way. But she didn’t want their pity. She wanted to move on with her life. She’d tell Diz about the young eventually, but right now she had to look out for herself. She had to be healthy for her baby.

She had to let Diz go for good this time. No clinging to hope.

She was done.

Never wash your hands of people until the truth has been exhausted. Lest you end up with clean hands, but a lonely heart.