Chapter Eleven
Valerie
The rest of the week went by fairly fast. Everything seemed to be going well. Even though the week had started out rough, thanks to Zachary and his thoughtful flowers, I was feeling much better.
Even though I did have to see Shawn at school, I was happy to ignore him, as he seemed just as happy to do the same. At lunch, I just sat outside, away from everyone, so that neither of us ended up feeling uncomfortable.
It was true, I didn’t want to deal with Shawn after our terrible ordeal the other day any more than he made it abundantly clear that he didn’t want to deal with me.
Seeing Shawn, passing by in the hallway or out of the corner of my eye at lunch, did still hurt. After what had happened between us and all of the history that he was no longer interested in prolonging, the thought of him made me incredibly sad.
Part of me wanted to figure out a way to make it all right, but part of me just wanted to put our relationship behind me and move forward. It wasn’t like I didn’t have my own friends and my own life. I certainly didn’t need Shawn, but that didn’t stop me from missing him.
The weekend that we had just spent together had put a lot in perspective and it had made me realize just how much I missed sharing such an open and honest relationship with him. Therefore, his flat out rejection, after I truly felt that he might have come to the same conclusion, was disheartening.
However, even though ignoring him did not ease the longing that I felt for things to go back the way they used to be for us, it did discourage any further hurt.
I almost couldn’t believe how much his words had wounded me. In truth, I had expected a completely different outcome from what I received and so, I was disappointed, in addition to having to deal with Shawn’s blatant disregard for my feelings.
Yet, by ignoring the situation it helped me to try and move past it, at least as much as I possibly could.
I spent even more time than normal with Zachary for the next week, which he was happy about. Of course, I enjoyed spending time with him, but my ulterior motive was something a little more innate and while it made me feel slightly guilty, it helped direct my anger over the situation that was playing out before me.
When I came home one night, though, my mother was waiting for me.
“Hi, Mom,” I said as I moved into the kitchen.
“Hi, Valerie,” she answered, keeping in step behind me, almost as though something was wrong.
Feeling the strange sensation immediately enter the conversation, I turned around and stared at her with concern. “Is everything okay?” As I did so, I glanced at the clock, just to make sure that I wasn’t late for curfew or anything, but could find no reason why she would be upset with me.
She nodded. “Everything is fine. I just haven’t seen you in a while.” She put her hands up instantly and added, “Which is fine. You haven’t done anything wrong, but I just wanted to make sure I caught you, because I’m worried.” Her brow wrinkled as she said this and I squinted my eyes at her, still slightly confused.
“I’m fine, Mom.” I couldn’t help but chuckle a little. “Why do you ask?”
“Well,” she paused and shrugged before she said, “Because of the conversation that we had…you know, about Shawn and Zachary…”
Sensing a serious conversation coming on, I sat at the island in the kitchen and my mother sat across from me. I smiled reassuringly. “Well, you know, things are good, mom… actually. I patched things up with Zachary…it was a stupid fight, really and I don’t know what is going on with Shawn, but he and I are not on speaking terms at the moment.”
My mom seemed disappointed at that and even though she didn’t say anything, her expression showed it easily. “Do you see him in school? I thought you two had lunch together.”
“We always have lunch together,” I answered her, sighing with a heavy heart. I had tried all week to get away from talking about this and now that I was backed into a corner, I was a little angry about it. This was probably one of the last conversations I wanted to have right now. It was late and I was tired. However, the look on my mother’s face told me that I should probably do my best to assure her.
She had always not only loved Shawn, but worried about him as though he was her own. Since his mother was basically useless, my mother had always stepped in to give him that little extra guide and care; but in doing that, she had grown protective over him. I could understand her wanting to know if he was all right, but this was just not the week to be asking it of me.
“Well, don’t you talk then?”
“Honestly, I think you are on better terms with Shawn right now than I am.” I shrugged. “Besides, you’re the one who told me to give him some space…” At the memory, I narrowed my eyes, as though demanding an explanation.
My mother’s shoulders scrunched up and she cringed slightly. “I know…I know and I still think that is what he needs, but I miss him.” Her eyes grew wide as she added, “I miss the friendship that you and him had.” She laughed slightly. “Even though you guys did your share of stupid stuff together, I never worried about you two when you were together. The only time I ever really worried is when you were off with strange children.”
“What about when I am with Zachary?” I asked as I thought, you know, Mom, the wonder boy, but I didn’t dare say that. I knew that it would only make her feel bad and that was the last thing I was trying to do.
She nodded earnestly. “Yes, I worry about you when you are with Zachary. I like him a lot, but he isn’t…” she stopped and amended, “even though he might be, a long time from now, he isn’t family and Shawn is.”
I felt my face scrunch up with confusion. “Okay, well…chances are that I am going to marry someone who isn’t family and then you are going to have to trust me with them…”
She rolled her eyes and sighed loudly. “I know that and I feel comfortable with Zachary, but you’re missing my point.” She reached across the table and grasped my hand before she brought it back to herself. “When you and Shawn were friends, you were inseparable. It was great! I never had to worry about you and I never had to try to reason where you would be at any given time, because I knew that if you two didn’t hear from one another in a specific amount of time, that you would be worried and he would be worried. But now that you two are avoiding one another, I’m worried about where you are and where he is constantly.” She pushed my hand back across the counter towards me. “Even though Paul and I are fine, I feel like with you two at odds, that my family is falling apart and I miss the way it used to be.”
I missed the way everything was before too, but I had already tried to fix our friendship. I had already tried to get him to come back into our life, instead of listening to his stupid girlfriend, who just wanted him to stay at his mother’s house so that there was no one there to keep tabs on him. But that had completely blown up in my face, so I really didn’t know what else I could do. I didn’t want to be so callous over the whole thing, but I didn’t want to get hurt any more than I already was either, so I was content to stay out of it.
At least until I felt I needed to get back into it in order to help my stepbrother. I could tell he was on the path to some kind of reaction, but I wasn’t sure what or when that would be; so I just had to sit back and do what I could from the sidelines
So I smiled and assured my mom. “Well, I am fine and from what I can tell from seeing Shawn at school, he is fine.” I shrugged before I started my explanation. “But, I am getting over our fight and whatever happens next will happen. People drift apart.” I couldn’t help sighing heavily, before I continued in a genuinely saddened voice. “Even though we had said we would be friends forever…that was never a guarantee and I regret that, but I am pretty sure that Shawn just wants to do his own thing.”
“Is he with that…girl?” she asked with disdain.
I shrugged. “Probably. She’s crazy, so if they broke up I would have heard about it.” I smiled.
“Don’t I know it,” my mother answered angrily. I knew that she really couldn’t stand Dalilah and it worried her that he was now probably completely unsupervised, doing whatever she wanted to do, because Dalilah knew how to play Shawn for a fool and get him to do pretty much whatever she wanted. It worried me too, but since he didn’t want to have anything to do with me, I couldn’t very well do much about that at the moment.
“Well, if you’re that worried about him, call him…” I said with a shrug, trying to be nonchalant about the whole thing.
“I know…I should, but…like I told you, I don’t want to seem like I am overprotective. He is a grown man, after all,” She smiled in a slightly sad way and I was pretty certain I knew where that was coming from. My mother was sentimental over us both and the idea that he was old enough to be out there in the world, all by himself, scared her; especially when he had a girlfriend like Dalilah.
“I know, Mom,” I answered, squeezing her hand affectionately. “I feel the same way.”