“I love you.”
Three simple words with so much meaning.
He said them. I never expected that he was capable of love. That he would be able to love. But here he is, saying it, and I believe every word that fell from his lips. I know that he loves me. I’ve felt it for far too long now. We have both been avoiding it. But, now that it has been said, I wish he would take it back.
Every woman wishes for this moment when her boyfriend tells her that he loves her. I should be happy, over the moon, to realize that this arrangement has turned into something real. It has turned into something more than even I could have imagined.
But I’m not happy. I’m devastated. Because I now know what comes next, and I can’t bear for it to happen.
“You don’t have to say it back. In fact, I don’t want you to say it until you feel it, too. I’ll wait. I’m patient. I just want you to know that I want more. More than this arrangement that we originally set up. Because time in jail has taught me one very important thing. That I don’t want to live without you. I know that I have to change. I have to be a better person, but being with you makes me that way. Being with you makes me want to believe that love can not only exist, but also last. I never thought that before.”
I open my mouth to speak, but Asher continues, “When my father died, I was a mess. I hated that I loved him because the pain of losing him was too much to bear.”
“How did he die?”
“He was shot.”
“I’m so sorry,” I say, wanting to know more because it’s clear that he has more to say on the subject.
But he doesn’t.
“I love you. Our pasts no longer matter. What matters is, if we have a real future together or not. What matters is, if you love me, too. Or if you could ever love me. If you could ever forgive me for what I’ve done.”
I open my mouth to speak, but he beats me to it. “They are really taking forever with our milkshakes, huh? I should flag our waiter down and—”
“Will you shut up?” I say, laughing nervously.
Asher finally stops talking.
“I love you, Asher. I’ve felt it since the night of your birthday. I just pushed down the feeling because I thought we couldn’t be together. We couldn’t love each other. That wasn’t the arrangement. The arrangement was to help each other. Nothing more. But I do love you.”
Asher grins, and it is the brightest grin I’ve seen on him since I picked him up from jail.
“You love me?”
I smile because his grin is infectious. Even if I know that this is the start of our end, I still enjoy this moment with him. We love each other. No matter what happens after, this is a happy moment.
“I love you.”
Asher reaches across the booth and kisses me on the lips.
“Here are your milkshakes and burgers.”
“Can we get them to go?” we say at the same time.
We grin again.
“I’ll be right back,” the waiter says.
I dig out some cash and throw it on the table to cover our meals that aren’t going to be eaten until later. We stand up and grab the to-go boxes, and then we practically run to my car. We jump in, and I step on the gas as soon as I can and peel out of the parking lot.
Tonight might be our last night together before everything changes, and I plan on making every minute count.
I speed back toward our home. I push that thought right out of my head. It’s not our home. It’s his home. It will never be ours.
Asher starts kissing my neck as I drive. With every kiss, I can feel it all over my body. Every nerve in my body is on fire, begging to be touched and kissed.
“You’d better stop that, or we aren’t going to make it back to your place. And, last time we did it in a car, it didn’t turn out so well in the end,” I joke.
Asher stops kissing my neck for a second and has a solemn look on his face.
“I’m sorry. Too soon?”
He shakes his head and then kisses me again on the neck to show that it isn’t too soon. “Why aren’t we going back to your place?”
I swallow, trying to calm my breathing that is much too fast. “Because I fell in love with your place while you were gone.”
A slow grin returns to his face as he sits back, staring at me. “You’ve been staying at my place while I was gone?”
I nod.
“I think I just fell even more in love with you, if that’s possible.”
I open my mouth to speak, but he kisses my neck again, and a moan comes out instead. All of my thoughts disappear. I try to focus on driving back to his place, but my attention is definitely on his soft lips that caress every inch of my neck.
I don’t know how I make it back to his place, but somehow, I do. I jump out of the car, already knowing the perfect place that I want him to fuck me. I start running, and he chases me. He likes the thrill of the chase; I know that much.
And, now that he has me, now that he doesn’t have to chase me anymore, will I be enough?
But I don’t have to worry about that. Right now, I run until I find a secluded spot where the ocean tide is high.
Asher catches up to me and grabs me from behind, wrapping his arms around me. He kisses me again and again. He stops with his arms around me, and we look out at the sun over the ocean.
“Come inside. I want you in my bed.”
I shake my head. “No. The beach is our place. I want you here.”
He chuckles. “I’m not fucking you against the sand again.”
“I’m not asking you to.” I look down at the ocean in front of us.
I don’t wait for him to give me all the reasons that the ocean is just as bad or worse of a place to fuck than the sand. I’m sure it is, but I’ve never fucked in the ocean before. And, even if it isn’t perfect, it is what we both need.
Because, as much as he now looks like a thief, I need him to look like Asher again. The man I fell in love with, who has a heart. Who cares about other people, about me. Who loves me.
I grab his hand and lead him into the ocean until we are both waist-deep and covered with water.
“I need Asher tonight. The man I fell in love with, not the thief,” I say.
“I can be whatever you want, Sloane. I wanted you to be mine, but instead, I’m yours.”
I smile weakly and then stare at the sweatshirt that is covering his chest and body. Clothes that make him look so much like a thief instead of the man I fell in love with. I grab hold of the zipper and slowly lower it. His hard chest and abs come into view. I remove the sweatshirt and then hand it to Asher, who curiously looks at me.
“Throw it out into the ocean,” I say.
He frowns. “You know this is littering.”
I sigh. “Just do it. You need to let your past go.”
He takes the sweatshirt and wads it up in a ball. Then, he throws it as hard as he can out into the ocean. We both stand for a moment, looking at it as it disappears beneath a wave.
When we look at each other, I jump into Asher’s strong arms, and he carries me out further into the ocean. I grab on to his short hair that I know will eventually grow back into the long waves, and I wrap my legs around his waist. He rubs his hands up my thighs under the light sundress I’m wearing until he is grabbing my ass.
He kisses me, showing me how much he is mine. He pulls my lip into his mouth while I move my hand up and down his neck, grabbing hard, needing him desperately. He stops walking when we are both about chest-deep in the water.
He pulls our lips apart, just far enough that he can look me in the eye. I think he is going to say something serious about why he loves me or wants me.
“I don’t have a condom,” he says.
I laugh but realize that I don’t have a condom either. I think he expects me to pull one out of my bra again or something.
“I don’t have one either.” I frown.
Asher takes a deep breath as we both realize that we are going to have to wait—at least until we can find one inside or go grab one at the store.
“I’m on the pill,” I say out of nowhere. I don’t know why I said it. Like the pill is magically going to fix our predicament.
“I’m clean. Although I don’t expect you to trust me.”
“I’m clean, too. And I do trust you.”
We each take a deep breath in and out and then decide to trust each other even though I have no reason to trust him, and he doesn’t know me well enough to trust me. Even though he thinks he does.
He thinks I’m perfect, incapable of doing anything wrong. He’s wrong. I’m more than capable of ripping out his heart. But he trusts me. And, at least tonight, I don’t plan on betraying that trust.
We kiss again, slower this time, as the waves crash around us. I reach for his pants, pushing them down so that I can feel his cock against my stomach. He lifts me up and gives me one last chance to back down before guiding me onto his cock.
I float in the water as Asher guides me up and down, our lips locked and my hands grasping on to his shoulders.
Maybe other people have had bad experiences of fucking in the water. But this is different than anything I’ve ever experienced. The ocean is the perfect place for us. We both understand it; we get it. The waves crash in, moving Asher in and out of me. I ride him over and over as the waves and Asher move me.
I feel freer than I have felt in a long time, fucking like this. But, when I look into Asher’s eyes, I realize why this feels so much different than any other experience I have ever felt before. Because, this time, we aren’t fucking.
“I love you,” Asher whispers against my lips.
I can barely catch my breath, but somehow, I manage to say back to him, “I love you, too.”
This time is different. It’s making love, not fucking.
And, if I could take this moment with me forever, I would. Just live right here on the beach in Asher’s arms and never return to the real world. The problem is, when the sun sets and this moment is gone, everything will be different. Because I know what I have to do next, and it’s going to change everything.