Chapter Thirteen
Torran
He took pity on her.
“Have you thought about what you’re going to do?” he asked, looking at her stomach pointedly.
Lilly took a moment to compose herself before replying. “You mean am I keeping it or not?”
He shrugged. “I had assumed you were keeping it. Whatever you choose I will support you. I want you to know that.”
“You don’t need to do that,” she said quickly. Then her expression softened. “But thank you. I appreciate it.”
“I’m sure this is difficult enough as it is,” he said, speaking in low tones so that Lyle wouldn’t hear. “The last thing you need is me going off like an idiot. Again.”
She couldn’t hide the smile, though he saw her try. “It’s okay. You can laugh at me. It’s easy, so I’ve been told.”
This time she did laugh.
“It is confusing,” she said after a moment. “I’ve never had a child before, so I don’t know what to expect. Doing so without a supportive partner is, frankly, terrifying.”
I will support you. He longed to say it. To tell her that she would never struggle for money or safety with him around. That he would raise the child as if it were his own. Words formed in his head, but he kept his mouth firmly shut. Now was the time to let her speak.
“Do you really want to hear all this?” she asked. “I know you said you want a family, but this is my child we’re talking about.”
He smiled. “Lilly, I want you to know that I like you. I want to spend time with you. And your child. As much time as you’ll allow me to.”
She looked away, but he wasn’t finished. Weird how suddenly it was his turn to speak. He’d been wrong on that, but he wasn’t wrong with what he was saying.
“I know it’s crazy, but I also know you can feel it too. We have a b—a connection. It’s certainly not how I would have preferred we find this out, but I’m glad we did. I don’t regret anything but the way I treated you when I found out you were pregnant. I wish I could go back and undo that, because it’s just not what it seemed.”
She was studying him now. “I get the feeling that a lot about you is not what it seems.”
“You may be correct on that.”
“Then how can I accept that I have a connection with someone who I don’t even know?”
Torran smiled, meeting her gaze full on, not shying away. “I have never lied to you. There are things that I haven’t said, yes. Things that you don’t yet know. I promise you, in time you will. The situation is kind of messy, and I promise none of them are bad things. I’m not secretly a criminal or something. They’re just…well, they don’t affect the truth when I say I like you. A lot.”
She chewed on her bottom lip for a bit. “When will you tell me?”
“The cheesy answer is to say when you’re ready. Unfortunately, I don’t know when that will be, but I hope it’s soon. I need to know you better first, to understand you, before I reveal it.”
“This doesn’t sound good. You could be a serial killer.”
He laughed. “You’ve seen me at my highs and my lows. You knew that wasn’t true even as you said it. I could see it in your eyes.”
Truthfully he’d been studying her pouty lips and wishing he could kiss them, but Torran had long since memorized her bright, round eyes and their chestnut circles. It was easy to see she was just being skeptical, which was understandable.
“Okay, maybe not, but still.”
“You have my word that while it’s absolutely not what you expect, I am not a fundamentally different person. What you know of me is me, and my feelings toward you are real. I have not pretended to be a different person.”
That was as far as he was willing to stretch things.
“I need to get to know you better before you’ll spill the beans you say.” She was taking a different track now.
“Yes.”
“Well, what do you have in mind then? It’s not like there’s much to do out here.”
“No kidding. You have no idea how hard it was to come up with this. Which, truthfully, I did by accident. So I’m kind of all tapped out on date ideas for the moment.”
“Oh, so this was a date?”
He smiled awkwardly. “Yes? A combination date and apology for my earlier actions.”
Lilly smiled. “Not bad.”
“Does that mean I’m forgiven?”
“We’ll see.” This time it was she who winked at him.
Torran nearly toppled from his horse.