Torran
If this didn’t do it he didn’t know what would.
The ranch kitchen, a massive thing with more gadgets and storage and appliances than he even knew what to do with, was ablaze with action.
Eggs bubbled slowly on one part of the stove, bacon crackling and popping on another. Pancakes were nearby under a pair of plates to maintain their heat. Fresh veggies and more eggs were on standby in case an omelet was called for. Glasses of orange juice and water were in the fridge, ready at a moment’s notice. Coffee was pouring from the machine, its delicious aroma mixing with that of the food to create a delectable scent.
The only thing missing was Lilly. Where was she?
Torran frowned, flipping the bacon and turning the eggs as well. That done, he had a few moments to dash upstairs to her room and knock on the door.
“I’ll be out in a minute.”
He frowned harder. Lilly sounded strained. Like she was under duress of some sort. Moments later his acute hearing picked up the sound of vomiting. Yanking his hand back, Torran stopped himself from barging in to see what was wrong. If Lilly needed his help, she would call for it, he had faith in that.
Otherwise she would probably continue to avoid him, like she’d done since they came back to the ranch the afternoon before. Although she’d made a valiant attempt at conversation on their return journey, it had been more than evident to Torran that she desired nothing more than to forget anything had happened.
He probably hadn’t helped the situation, chattering on about every inane thing he could in an effort to keep her attention focused on him. In hindsight he had kicked himself for not noticing her disinterest, but he couldn’t go back and change the past. Things had happened. They had had sex. She couldn’t deny it, even if she regretted it.
Reluctantly Torran left her door, hoping that she would be true to her word. After all, he needed to get back downstairs to the food before he burned any of it. That wouldn’t do. His return trip was much slower and more subdued, lacking the enthusiasm of his initial dash to try and fetch Lilly for breakfast.
Maybe she didn’t even want to eat with him. That could be as well. He eyed the entire spread.
“Shit. You did it again, you idiot,” he muttered to himself.
Maybe there was time to clean up the excess to which he’d gone, so that he didn’t scare her away again. Lilly had made it clear she needed time, and Torran had just gone ahead and ignored that, making a clear show of his affection by fixing such a complete breakfast. He was still standing in front of the stove contemplating how best to dispose of most of the food when Lilly wandered in.
“Um. Hi,” he said, feeling lame and stupid. Why the hell was he acting like such an idiot around her? This wasn’t him; this wasn’t his style. He was supposed to know better. Torran should be calm, cool, and collected. Not tripping over himself in an attempt to impress her. That was not the way to keep her around.
Even now he could see her eyes, wide at the sight of so much food, unsure of how to react.
“You made all this?”
“Yeah. I overdid it. A lot. I’m sorry. I should have just left it alone.”
Lilly smiled wanly. Was her face a little pale? Her cheeks devoid of some of their natural ruddiness that he loved so much? It was tough to tell, but he thought so. Torran wasn’t going to ask though. Not now. He’d already embarrassed himself too much, acting like a lovestruck teenager in front of Lilly.
He watched as she fetched herself a plate, putting a tiny scoop of scrambled eggs and two pieces of bacon on her plate. His eyes strayed to the massive amounts of extras.
Idiot.
Trying to control his features so that his dismay didn’t show, Torran busied himself with cleaning up. Maybe if he took long enough she would finish her meager meal and leave so that he could perhaps relax and not let her see how embarrassed he was of his actions.
“This is good bacon,” she mumbled around a piece of it.
“Palin sent it all over. There’s some more stuff in the fridge, veggies and drinks and what not. So we’re stocked up now.” He shrugged. “He also said something about bringing us a spare truck, but we’ll see when that happens, if it does.”
Palin didn’t owe him anything, and Torran wasn’t going to count on the emerald dragon’s generosity after he’d been treated like crap at their hands just a few short weeks ago. If it happened, amazing, but he needed to get things going himself. It wasn’t like he was poor, after all. Palin had just had more time to settle in.
“That would be nice. Though I’d prefer a couple of four-wheelers so we can get around the property. That’ll make our job easier.”
“Agreed.” He let the subject drop, not wanting to talk about anything right then.
When Lilly was almost done with her food he piled his plate high, uncaring what she thought as he scooped heaping piles of eggs beside stacks of bacon and loaded up pancakes on a second smaller plate before setting them at the far end of the table. She wanted space, and from here on out Torran was going to give it to her.
He was halfway done with a mouthful of egg when she spoke up, her plate empty.
“Listen, Torran.”
Here it comes, he thought. The speech. Just get it over with, please. His ego couldn’t take much more. Although he continued to eat, he dipped his head to acknowledge he was listening.
“About yesterday. Um.” She stopped, seeming unsure of where to go from there.
“It was fun, but…” he provided.
Lilly’s shoulders drooped. “It’s not like that. Look, you’re a nice guy. You seem like a good person. But you literally rescued me from a terrible spot just a few days ago. I listened to my hormones, not my head, and that’s how we ended up in bed. Sort of. That’s besides the point,” she said with a wave of her hand.
“I would have come to get you whether I knew we were going to sleep together or not,” he told her. “I want you to know that. I did not try to use what happened as a way to have sex with you. That was not my intent.”
She smiled weakly. “I believe you. I really do. The thing is though, right now I don’t need a lover. Or a bed partner I guess. I need to find myself. There’s a lot going on that you don’t know about, and I have to get that all sorted before I can let myself consider the idea of being with someone.” She blinked rapidly, clearly holding back tears.
If this were that hard for her, why did she have to do it then? Clearly both of them wanted more. He could feel it deep inside him on an instinctual level. Just like she called to his dragon, Torran was confident that Lilly was drawn to him, needing the strength, support, and care he could offer her. She’d never had it before, and he would ensure she never needed to look elsewhere. Why wasn’t it clear?
Maybe, he wondered darkly, maybe it’s because she’s a human. That could be the difference between finding his mate in a dragon and doing the same in a human. Torran found himself desperately wishing that he’d spent more time talking to the Sleeping Beauties, as Rowe had taken to calling them. They had all mated with humans to his knowledge. If he’d just listened maybe he’d have an idea of what the hell to do now.
“Do you understand what I mean?”
He jerked, realizing he’d not responded to her question. “Of course. I…” It was his turn to pause, searching for words. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, or cause you any distress.”
Lilly nodded. “I know. I’m not mad at you. I just don’t want you to think we’re suddenly going to be jumping in to bed with each other. I can’t be that person right now.”
That’s not what I want you to be…
Of course he couldn’t say that though, because then he’d have to tell her more, and he was positive that Lilly didn’t need more stress on her shoulders. Certainly not in the form of being made aware she was mated to him and would be spending the rest of her life with him.
“What do you need from me?” he heard himself ask.
“I need a friend.” Her voice cracked, but she held her composure. “I’m so lost right now, Torran. Everything I knew is just…just gone.”
“I can be your friend,” he said softly. “I will always be your friend. I will do my best to adhere to that, but you should be aware that—” He stopped himself yet again from uttering the truth.
“Aware of what?”
He got up and walked over to her. “Nothing. I’d be happy to be your friend.”
“Thank you,” she said as they embraced. “I was scared of how you might react.”
They parted and he took up her hand, trying not to notice the reaction from her when their skin touched. He felt it too, but he’d been expecting it. There was a reason they were drawn together; she just wasn’t ready to accept it yet. “I’ll protect you. There is no need to be scared around me,” he said softly.
Lilly nodded, and after letting her hand linger just longer than a friend would she pulled it back. Thanking him again for the food, she left the kitchen.
As she departed Torran felt his insides crumble.
Why did this have to hurt so much?