Andria
Andria tossed the rag down on the table and turned her back on him, crossing her arms.
“You can’t even be that,” she said bitterly, unable to face him.
“How do you know?”
Eyes rolling, she looked up at the ceiling. “Have you already forgotten earlier? You just want in my pants, Cowl.”
The entire building tremored at the angry sound her accusation ripped from his throat. Andria watched the bottles of liquor behind the bar rattle slightly against one another. Was he about to attack her?
“You’re wrong,” Cowl whispered, the anger in his voice tinged with pain, something she hadn’t expected. “You haven’t the slightest clue what I want.”
He was angry, but also hurt by what she’d said. “No? You tried to unbutton my shirt. Your hands were all over my body, Cowl. I could feel your hard-on through your pants. I think the evidence very clearly points in my favor.”
“You still don’t get it, do you?”
“I guess not. Why don’t you explain it to me?”
“Look at me.”
Her body was turning before she’d even had a chance to think over the words, limbs moving at his words as if he was controlling her like a puppet. How was it he could be so commanding like that? There was something off about Cowl, something…different. She just didn’t know what.
“Now what?” Her arms were still crossed in front of her body.
“I never said I didn’t want you, Andria. I do. Badly.” He looked away. “So very badly. I’m not ashamed of that, of my attraction to you. I won’t hide it any longer. But where you’re wrong, and where you cross the line, is by accusing me of being interested in you solely for your body. That’s a lie and an insult to me, and somewhere beyond the pain and hurt you’re feeling you know that. I know you do, because I’ve seen the compassionate, caring, and tender side of you.”
She glanced down, ashamed of herself. He was right, of course. Cowl had been nothing but patient and gentle with her, pushing no further than she was willing, and always backing off when she inevitably closed him off and retreated into herself. All that despite having exactly no idea why she did what she did. On top of that he’d interfered on multiple occasions to keep her safe and to stop Jake and his family from harassing her. All without expectation of recompense in any manner. It was one of the most selfless things she’d ever seen or witnessed in her life.
And then she’d gone and accused him of using her for sex. Really, it was the other way around. She was the one using him. For his strength of mind, body, and who knows what else.
“What do you want?” Her voice was small, petrified of what he might say.
Because she knew she might be okay with it.
Cowl was speaking even before her voice had died away. “I want it all. I want all of you. Every part. The good parts. The bad parts. Though I doubt they actually exist, even the ugly parts. Because they’re what make you, you. And it’s you that I want. From the very first day I walked in here, it’s only ever been you, Andria.”
She was crying again. There was no way she deserved this. Nothing that she’d ever done in her life had been enough to deserve someone like Cowl. So pure and pristine, a beacon of salvation reaching out to her in the darkest times. All she needed to do was reach out and take his hand. To let him save her. There was only one problem.
“I don’t know if I’m ready for that, Cowl.”
The big man smiled, some of the pain and frustration fading at last. “I know. Which is why I’m content to wait.”
“For what?”
“For you. Until you’re ready.”
“How do you know that I will be? I might never be ready for you, Cowl.”
His smile grew wider. “I’m prepared to wait as long as it takes. I’m really good at that.”
Andria wrung her hands. He was the light, but she was surrounded by darkness, and Andria refused to taint him with that. It wouldn’t be right. Until she’d come to terms with what had happened to her and the damage it had wrought, she could never be with Cowl.
“I don’t understand how you can be so sure of all this.”
Cowl’s eyes filled with sadness. “I just do. I promise, I’m going to do whatever it takes for you to trust me with your mind and your body. I’ll never push you further than you can handle.”
“Then you need to stop asking what’s going on. I don’t want to tell you.”
His fingers curled into fists, hanging impotent at his side. “How can you expect that of me, when it so obviously upsets my mate?”
“Your what?”
Cowl ignored her and kept talking. “You’re petrified of that old man. I’ve never seen you so scared. I don’t know who he is, or why he has such an effect on you. It tears me up inside to see it be allowed to happen, when if I just knew what was going on, I could put an end to it.”
“You don’t know who that was?”
Cowl shook his head. “No.”
“That was Richard Malkin. Jake’s father. One of the most influential men in Barton City, and quite possibly the head of one of the major organized crime rings in town. He’s a very powerful man, Cowl. Not someone you want to cross. He’s also on the Trustee board at the college I go to.”
The huge man snorted. “I’m not afraid of some overly-arrogant senior citizen.”
“You should be. There are plenty of rumors of people that have crossed him simply disappearing.’ I don’t want that to happen to you.”
Cowl gave her a look, revealing a side to her she’d never seen before. It was hard, evil almost, and utterly devoid of boastfulness. “If he so much as lays a finger on me, I’ll kill him before his heart takes another beat.”
Andria swallowed. She felt that Cowl would do just that. What worried her was what would happen after.