Harden
“Then she closed the door in my face.”
He swirled the beer around and then tossed back the rest of the oversized glass with a smooth fluidity, as if he’d done it many times before.
“Shit.”
“Exactly.”
He was sitting in the embassy bar with the grayish-blond-haired shifter whose name he still didn’t know, telling his story. It pained him immensely that he had failed her. It angered him that it was all his fault. If he’d gone back, handed the punk kid off to the bear shifter, and gone right back to Erika, he could have headed off the visit by Angelo and maybe stopped the entire thing in its tracks. Instead, because of the darkness welling up inside of him, he’d nearly killed the kid and had been so wrapped up in that he’d somehow managed to forget about her.
“You can’t blame yourself for this,” the bear shifter said. “As much as it seems logical too. But you aren’t responsible for the demons in your head. Those are the Institute’s fault, and this whole situation is Angelo and his sycophants’ fault. If they weren’t such bigots, you would never have had to leave her in the first place, and there wouldn’t be an issue.”
Harden nodded. “I know, I know. But that doesn’t make it any easier to swallow.” He reached over the bar and refilled his beer glass. “I just wish I had the money I left in Kronum. If I could provide for her, then she wouldn’t have to worry about the threats from him. It’s not like they would ever hurt her, right? It’s just me they would be after. I can handle myself.”
“I know you can. But she has to worry about you. Has to wonder every day if you’ll make it home, or if someone is going to throw another rock, or something worse, into your house. Just having money alone wouldn’t be enough to fix this, Harden, no matter how much you wish it was.
“I know,” he sighed, angry with himself. “Intellectually, I know that. But it’s an easy way to vent. And it would be better off if she didn’t have to survive on the generosity and goodwill of pricks like Angelo in the first place.” He slapped a hand down on the bar. “It’s basically blackmail, you know that, right? Providing a place for these women, free of charge. You can get whatever you want out of them, because they know they can’t do anything or risk losing funding. Just like Erika.”
The shifter on his left sighed. “I know, Harden. It’s tough. But at the same time, it’s far better than just leaving them to fend for themselves. We didn’t make a single one of them come here. Many chose to go home, to families that they hoped would help support them. We sent money to them as well, you know.”
He hadn’t known.
“Listen, I’m not trying to call Cadia assholes for what you did,” he said. “I get it. It’s better than the alternatives, and when there were so many of them, you have limited options. I get it. I just hate how it’s being used against Erika.”
“Unfortunately, any system is exploitable if you’re detestable enough,” the other shifter snarled, reaching over the counter to refill his own beer. “And Angelo and his ilk certainly are that.”
Harden just snorted in agreement as they both drank in silence for several minutes.
“What are you going to do now?”
“I don’t know,” he answered. “I need to fix this. To make it right, somehow. To figure out a way that we can be together, and so that those who feel I don’t belong in Cadia get their panties out of a knot. There has to be some way I can accomplish both.” He frowned. “But I won’t be able to do that back in Cadia. I need to be here, to stay here to do that.”
“Isn’t the bus leaving in like an hour?”
Harden nodded. “Yeah, eight on the dot. I need to figure out how to finagle it so that I can stay in Cadia until next weekend. A week will hopefully give me enough time to sort this out, to find a solution to all the problems of those involved.” He leaned forward, resting his chin on his palm, elbow on the bar itself. “Now, how the hell do I stay here, without getting caught?”
“Won’t happen,” his mystery friend said immediately, in a tone that brooked no argument.
Harden looked up at him, but he shook his head. “If you’re going to do this, you need to do it right. Breaking the law is only going to make you look more guilty of something. You have to go by the rules, or they’ll have more ammunition to come after you with.”
“Shit.” He was right. “Okay, how do I do this then?”
“Come on,” the other shifter said, downing his beer and standing up.
“What? Where? I have work to do,” he protested.
“Now.” The word was a command, not a request.
Harden downed his beer and hopped up from the barstool. “Where are we going?”
No answer came, and he followed as they made their way out of the bar and headed down the hallway filled with offices. His friend stopped at one labeled Ambassador and told Harden to wait outside.
He did, pacing up and down, so lost in his own thoughts of Erika and of his former home he didn’t even listen to what was said inside. A few minutes later the door opened and his friend pointed inside. “Tell him what you told me. He’s going to ask you some questions. Best of luck. I did what I could.”
“Thank you,” Harden said, stunned that the other shifter had gone to bat for him, just like that, throwing his own weight behind Harden’s request to stay behind.
“Just don’t make me regret it,” he growled, and then headed back toward the bar.
To Harden’s right, the door hung open. He knocked.
“Come in,” came Andrew’s voice, the gryphon shifter who had interfered the other morning.
Swallowing hard, he steeled himself. With a deep breath he pushed his way into the office, closing the door again.
“Mr. Archer,” Andrew said, leaning back in his desk.
“Mr. Raskell.” He paused. “Um, Ambassador Raskell? I’m sorry, I’m not sure how I should address you.”
The tall shifter shuddered. “Definitely not Ambassador. Please no. I hate it. That moniker is best suited only for formal occasions with politicians who I can’t stand. You are not one of those, so Mr. Raskell, or just Andrew, if you please.” The gryphon extended an arm and gestured for him to sit.
“Uh, thanks, Andrew,” he said somewhat awkwardly, sliding into one of the wooden chairs, listening to it creak under his body weight.
“Yeah, the chairs aren’t exactly heavy-duty, so be gentle on them,” he said, pointing to a pile of firewood in a corner that looked like the remnants of former chairs.
“Got it,” he said, staying as still as he could.
“So, I’m told you wish to extend your stay in Cadia through till next weekend, but that you haven’t secured a place to stay from a resident of Cloud Lake.”
“Um, yes. I mean, that’s correct,” he said, feeling nervous. This was his one shot to state his case. Andrew was already somewhat on his side, but he needed to give him all the evidence, and all of his reasoning. Even the part that he’d dared not share with anyone.
“Why is that?”
The blunt question came straight at him, not hidden in any odd phrasing. Just straight and to the point. Harden found himself liking Andrew.
“I need to make something right,” he said immediately, without hesitation. “A woman I care for has been wronged, and is under the impression that being with me would be a bad idea for her and her child’s safety.”
“Is she wrong?”
Harden paused, wondering how he should word his answer. Andrew, almost as if he could read his mind, narrowed his eyes ever so slightly at the delay. Lying would do him no good, he realized. He would simply be called out, and then told to go home, having lost any support from Andrew that he might have had.
“No,” he said heavily, sagging forward slightly. “Not entirely. As far as I can tell, she’s not in any physical danger. But she could lose her access to the funding Cadia is providing to the Institute women. And her housing, and likely any help from anyone in Cloud Lake.” He sighed, feeling defeated.
“So what do you plan to accomplish in your week here?”
Anger surged through him at his own helplessness to answer the question. “I don’t know,” he snarled. “All I know is that I can’t do jack shit back in Cadia except probably get jumped by even more of those punks and get my ass kicked, or even killed. Here at least I stand a chance, no matter how small, of figuring out a way to get them off my back and to win the girl.” He locked eyes with the gryphon. “That’s all I’m asking for, Andrew. Is a chance. A chance to convince her things will work out between us. A chance to show people that I’m not a threat to Cadia, that I’m fine. A chance for me to heal.”
Andrew’s eyes narrowed some more at his last words. “To heal? You look healed to me,” he remarked thoughtfully.
“I’m fine physically. It’s in here,” he said, tapping his head. “That’s…that’s where I’m not all right.”
Andrew nodded. “Tell me.”
He opened his mouth. Closed it. Thought about not answering, then shook his head to clear it. “Oh hell. You may as well know the truth. Someone should.” Harden took a deep breath. “You are aware of the torture I suffered at the hands of the Institute?”
Andrew nodded soberly. “Yes. Terrible thing, that. We’ve used it before, even I have used it, I am ashamed to say. But never anything like that. Nobody should be treated so poorly.”
“Oddly enough, I agree with you,” he said weakly. “Well, I’ve healed from that. I can do everything I need to. But, at some point during the torture,” he explained, forcing the words out as his throat constricted. “At some point,” he repeated, forcing himself to be stronger, “my brain snapped. My wolf…it left me.”
“Left you?” Andrew asked in disbelief.
“Yes,” he admitted, admitting his deepest secret, the one that he was positive was the reason nobody wanted him to stay in Cadia. He was a defect, malformed and imperfect. “I can’t shift,” he whispered, fighting back tears of pain and defeat. “I tried so hard. Every day. I still do. But nothing.”
“Nothing?”
He shook his head. “Except…” he sighed, bracing himself. “Except for a brief moment, while, um, being intimate, I guess, with this woman. I thought, for a split second, that I felt something stir.” Harden looked up, letting Andrew see into his eyes, so that he could tell he was speaking the truth.
“I believe you,” Andrew said. “This woman, is she your mate?”
“Unknown. I think so, but until I can speak to my wolf again, how is it I’m supposed to know?”
Andrew nodded gravely. “That is indeed a problem.” He thought things over. “Do you love her?”
He contemplated his answer, but before he could speak, Andrew smiled and waved the question off. “I have my answer. You may stay.”
Harden frowned, but decided not to push the sudden decision, even before he’d answered the question.
“Thank you.”
“But,” Andrew said, his voice growing dark and serious. “You are not to force yourself on this woman. If she says no, then the answer is no. If I hear you even forced the door open to make her talk to you, I’ll snap every bone in your body and send you back to Cadia in pieces. Do I make myself clear?”
Harden swallowed nervously as he saw the other side of Andrew for the first time, the disciplinarian and leader of the shifters in Cloud Lake.
“Yes sir,” he said respectfully. “Completely.”
“Good. Now go make yourself scarce until the bus leaves, so I don’t have to deal with all sorts of questions.”
Harden practically ran from the office, a mixture of fear and giddiness. Mostly giddiness. He was going to stay! A whole week without interference from Angelo and friends, for him to find a way to make things work with Erika, and to maybe even reconnect with his wolf.
What more reason did he have to be happy than that?