Chapter 17
Carter
Billie sits across from me, holding an ice pack to her mother’s face. Her legs are tucked beneath her, and she focuses all her attention on Sally.
I arrange for her to see a doctor as soon as we arrive and will make sure to take care of any logistics that arise from it. Sally winces as she sits up and seems more awake than she did the last time when she barely muttered three words. Billie explained everything to her, and even though Sally wasn’t talking, she was listening because her cracked lips turned up in a smile when Billie was saying how much she loved me.
“You’re going to love California. It’s sunny all the time. No snow.” She laughs as she cries, and it crushes my heart watching her with her mom. “Remember that time when we got snowed in? The snow was almost to the top of the trailer.”
Sally doesn’t answer, but nods and even that seems painful. Her throat is probably killing her from him wrapping his fingers around it.
“He was stuck at the bar, so it was just you and me, and we played that record… what was it?”
“Johnny Cash.”
Billie points at her mom and nods her head. “Yes. And it only played that one song. We sang it like a thousand times that night. And that was the night you taught me how to do a French braid.” Her fingers absentmindedly twirl her hair. “We don’t have to worry about that here, though. No snow.”
She rests her head next to her mom’s, and when Sally closes her eyes, Billie does too, and a couple of tears roll down her cheeks.
A few minutes pass with them just getting reacquainted, but then Billie sits up and coughs.
I reach into the cooler and grab her a water. “Here, babe.”
“Thank you.”
“Are you hungry?”
“No.”
“Do you want anything to eat or drink, Sally? Water?”
“No, thank you.”
“So polite. Just like your daughter.”
She smiles, a chipped tooth on display that makes me want to turn around and go back there so I can kick his rotten teeth in. Opening her eyes takes effort. “She always was a good girl.” Her scratchy voice pains me, and my eyes dart to the purple handprints around her neck.
“I learned from you,” Billie states, drawing another smile from Sally.
“We’re going to be landing in about an hour and a half. Once we leave the airport, we’ll be going to County General where I’ve arranged for you to stay in a private room until you’re healed.” I debated taking her to a local hospital, but when I mentioned it in the car, she almost panicked, saying she just wanted to leave.
I imagine being in a town so small that everyone knows everyone, she just wanted to leave, so I granted that request. Although she’s banged up really bad, she’s still breathing okay and is totally coherent, just exhausted and in pain.
“You don’t have to do that. I’ll be just fine with some ice and ibuprofen.”
I glance at Billie before leaning forward to talk to Sally. “This isn’t a discussion, Ms. Bishop.”
Her swollen eyes widen a bit, but she simply nods.
“I told you he’s stubborn.”
“You’re calling me stubborn, honey?”
She rolls her eyes. “I’m not nearly as stubborn as you are.”
“You sure about that?”
“Yes.” She bats her eyelashes and puckers her lips at me.
“If you weren’t so pretty, I might believe that.”
We hit some turbulence, and Sally groans at the abrupt movement, grabbing her arm that’s sure to be fractured. My girl’s entire demeanor changes, and it guts me that she’s even in this position.
Sally nods back off, and I watch as Billie struggles to keep her composure. “I need to use the bathroom,” she whispers to me and quietly slips out of her seat.
I give her a few minutes, then go to her and find her exactly how I thought I would. Staring blankly at the mirror. “I figure now that I have her, there’s no turning back, right?” she whispers.
I look at her reflection in the mirror. “There wasn’t any turning back before.”
“Because I wanted to tell you… I want to. I feel like I need to for everything you just did for me and for her. And just because I love you and I think you deserve to know.”
“And I want you to give it all to me so you don’t have to carry it anymore, but only if you’re ready and not because you feel like it’s some sort of payment. That’s not how this works, how we work as a couple. I do things for you because I want to and vice versa. Not because there’s some unfounded obligation or debt.”
Just when I think she might have changed her mind, she takes in a deep, shuddering breath. “If he didn’t have the money for whatever his drug of choice or liquor was for the week, he’d force her to perform oral sex as payment.”
My knuckles turn white as red blots my vision, but I nod for her to continue.
“I accidentally saw it once. I knew it happened more, but what I don’t know is if it was worse or if she knows I know. But it happened.”
“Jesus fucking Christ.” I turn away from her and flex my fists to prevent myself from making a hole almost as big as my gaping heart for what the woman I love had to endure.
“And I want you to know. Carter, that’s what I come from. I’m not one of those girls who grew up playing house and riding her bike around the block. I was messed up. I’m not as… clean as you think I am. I was a slu—”
I slam my hand against her mouth. “Not another word. You’re not that. You could never be that.”
“But I was,” she mumbles. I slide my hand over to cup her face. “I made it so I gave myself and I did it often. It seemed like it was my choice because I didn’t want to be like her. Nobody was going to take that away from me, so I was the one who gave it just so it wouldn’t get taken because I knew that’s where I was headed. I haven’t been like that since I’ve been here, and I never want to go back to being that way ever again.”
I pull her into my arms, wrapping her tight and letting some of my frustration ease as she squeezes me back. She acts like this is no big deal, but the fact of the matter is, it’s huge. It’s disgusting, and it’s mortifying, and something that nobody should ever have to go through, yet she still finds a way to smile. She amazes me. Absolutely amazes me. “You’re perfect, Billie Bishop.”
“It led me to you, so I can’t wish it never happened.”
“I’d have found you, Billie. Somehow, someway I’d have found you, so I can absolutely wish it never happened to you. Just like I can wish the auditions never happened. And like I can do the same with Paxton putting his gross hands all over you. But you can’t make something not happen that’s happened already; all you can do is everything in your power to prevent it from happening again.
“And I know you’re scared, and I know you’re trying to put on a brave face, but honey, you don’t have to do that around me.”
She wipes her eyes with the back of her hand. “I know. And I love you so much, and I really don’t know what I’d do without you.”
Not wanting to let her go quite yet, I kiss the top of her head. “Nothing like that will ever happen to you again, you hear me?”
“I hear you.”
“Love you, honey.”
“Love you, too, Carter.”
I wipe her face off with the bottom of my shirt and walk back to the cabin and sit across from her.
For the next ninety minutes, I grind my teeth together and try not to show my absolute disgust for what I just witnessed. I can’t believe she grew up in a place where there were holes in the floor and with so much stacked against her.
What she told me changes nothing. Absolutely nothing. And the fact that she waited to tell me because she thought it would upset me. But I know I’m being hypocritical, so I stop thinking about it.
What got to me the most was the fact that it quite literally was a drug house. There was so much meth in that place that I was afraid an explosion would happen at any moment. How Sally has survived is a miracle. I’m pretty sure her arm is broken and looking more closely at her, a couple of her fingers look unnaturally crooked.
I don’t need the bruises and blood to clear to see that she’s a beautiful woman. Strong, just like her daughter. Which neither of them should have to fucking be… Jesus fuck, I’m going to go back there and kill him.
I needed to get them away first, but then I’m going back, and I’m going to murder that son of a bitch.
Billie avoids looking at me the rest of the way back, but I know what she told me has to be hard for her to discuss, so I’ll give her as much space as she needs… as long as she’s in reaching distance.
The landing is easy, and I try to help Sally, but she toughs through it herself. As soon as we step off the plane, an SUV pulls up, and I open the back door for the women. Once they’re situated, I hop in the passenger seat. “Sally, this is Royce, my friend and, technically, my boss. Royce, Sally, Billie’s mom.”
“It’s nice to meet you,” Sally says with a pained smile.
“You, too,” Royce replies and looks at me with the same murderous rage I’m feeling.
“Let’s go.”
He doesn’t say anything, but once we pull up to the hospital, he turns to me, and practically growls, “I’m free tonight.”
“Good.”
Billie
My leg shakes as I bounce the ball of my foot on the off-white tile. The green chair is uncomfortable, but I don’t even notice because my butt is numb.
My mom is in a hospital bed, and I’m mere feet away. It’s surreal, and I can’t stop freaking crying. There are so many feelings swirling that I can’t contain them all. I’m so happy she’s alive, but I’m scared it won’t be permanent. I’m angry that she’s in pain. I feel guilty that it took me so long to go get her, when the reality is that I probably could have flown, gotten a rental car, and grabbed her when he was passed out one night.
“Hey, baby,” my mom calls from her hospital bed, and I jump out of the uncomfortable chair to rush to her side.
Sitting next to her on the bed, I take her good hand. “Hi. How do you feel?”
“Looking at you, never better.” She manages a smile, and even though she just got out of surgery to fix her broken arm, she finds a way to be happy. I’m sure it helps that she’s got pain meds, but either way, I grew up with the positivity she always seemed to find no matter what. Yes, things with my father were horrific. We endured so much, but when he’d go sit at the bar for hours, and it was just us, it was amazing and so happy, especially considering the circumstances.
I get my positivity from her. Where I still can try to see the good in people or believe that there are more kind souls than rotten ones.
“Can I get you anything?”
“No.” She closes her eyes. “I can’t believe you came back.”
I smile even though she can’t see me. “Of course, I came back.”
“I missed you so much,” she whispers.
“I missed you, too.”
“I’d do it all again.”
I scoot closer. “What?”
“Take the pain if it meant you could be this happy. I see it in your eyes; that man was worth it.”
My neck loses its elasticity, and I rest my forehead on top of my hand. This is why I love my mother so damn much. Even when she should be so… mad, she finds a way to find something positive in a horrendous situation.
“He said he’d have found me some way, so I have to disagree with you. Staying there wasn’t worth it, but it’s over now.”
“It’s over,” she affirms.
I lift my head but find her eyes still closed. “Yeah, Mom. It’s over.”
“I’m just going to take a nap.”
“Okay. I love you.”
“Love you too, my sweet girl.”
I think she finally has had enough trying to be strong and just allowed us to take care of her today. She never used to allow anyone to help her, including me. I think she tried to overcompensate because of the guilt she felt about what I went through. I tried to clean up broken glass or disinfect her scrapes and cuts, but she never let me.
Being where I am now and looking back at her situation, I understand why she stayed. She felt like she didn’t have a choice because, well, she didn’t. Our town was small and lacked the resources to help her escape, even with a child. Especially when the men who are supposed to uphold the law are some of the same ones contributing to the problem. If she hadn’t gotten me out of there, I would have never been able to leave, either.
After she falls asleep, I move back to the chair and look at my phone, but I still have no message from Carter. He stayed here until she was getting taken care of, then left, but Gio and Q have been in and out, checking on us. He said he had some things to take care of, but I haven’t spoken to him in almost twelve hours. I’m worried because he hasn’t gotten in touch with me. He never goes this long without at least a text.
I curl up and rest my head on the back of the chair, then try to fight my heavy eyelids from closing. A strong set of arms cradles me, and I snuggle into the familiar man. I obviously lost the fight to stay awake. Mom is still sleeping as Carter carries me into the hallway.
A shiver courses through me when we get outside, the night air a tad chilly. He sets me on the front seat of his Jeep and reaches over me to put my seat belt on. “Where were you?”
He presses his lips to mine and then closes the door and walks around to his side and gets in without saying another word.
“Carter.”
“Just… I want to get you home, okay?”
“What happened? Where were you?”
He clenches his jaw and shakes his head, seeming irritated that I’m asking him anything. Not used to even a slight bit of anger directed at me from him, I simply sink into the seat and let him drive me home.
Home, now, means his apartment. We already decided my mom would move into my old one, and I’d live with Carter. Of course, when I told her that, she was hesitant and didn’t want to feel like she was inconveniencing anyone, but I assured her it was fine. Even if she wasn’t moving there, I still would have moved in with Carter because I want to be with him.
In the time Carter has been in my life, I’ve learned that some people really are just kind. And he’s one of them; he taught me that. He made me believe it, made me believe in him.
He parks and leads us inside in silence. After he locks the door, he backs me down the hallway and to the bathroom, then turns the shower on and begins taking his clothes off. Once they’re all in a pile on the floor, he does the same to mine and then steps under the spray. He holds his hand out for me, and I take it. Getting in the shower with him, I don’t question his reasoning but sense he needs this more than I do.
Turning us so my hair can get wet, he squirts my shampoo into his palm and lathers up my hair. I softly moan at how relaxing it is and tip my head back as he rinses. “Carter.”
He licks his lips and brings his hand to cup my face. “Your father is dead.”
I almost slip, but he grabs me around the waist. “What?”
“I flew back down there with Royce and—”
“Oh my God, you killed him.”
He shakes his head. “I didn’t.”
“Royce?”
“No. When we arrived, the trailer was on fire.”
“Oh, my gosh.”
He takes my hands. “We got there as they were pulling him out. We hung around the hospital until we found out he died.”
Is it wrong to only feel relief at a moment like this? My father is dead… shouldn’t I be sad? At the very least feel sympathy for the man whose DNA makes up half of me?
But then I remember, and know that as much as I want to, I’ll never forget what he put me through. The man who was supposed to protect me and keep me safe was the one who made my life a living hell. So no, I don’t feel anything along the lines of sadness.
Carter brings his hand up and rests it on my shoulder. “Talk to me.”
“Why’d you go back there?”
He looks away from me and shrugs.
“Carter.”
“I was gonna beat the shit out of him. Break his arm. Give him a taste of his own medicine. I would have killed him, which is why I brought Royce with me. Although I had to promise he could get a few minutes with him, too.”
“How… why was there a fire?”
He hesitates. “Didn’t you see the meth, baby? The supplies?”
I can’t form a word, but I can shake my head.
“There was an explosion because of that. I don’t know how a fire hadn’t happened before, but I think your mom probably stopped them before they could start, and since she wasn’t there…”
There’s been this crack in my heart for the past three years that finally mended as soon as that plane landed here with my mom in it. Before that, I never realized how guarded it was until Carter took one swipe and knocked down the barriers. And right now, as the weight that’s been crushing me for over a decade lifts completely, I can do nothing but smile.
I shut the water off and grab some towels to dry us off, understanding why he needed a shower, then grab his hand and lead us to the bedroom. I crawl over the bed and straddle him as he lays on his back. My lips find his, and I caress them with my own. Slowly, I try to show him just a little bit how I feel. How thankful I am for him and how damn much I love him.
He hardens beneath me, and without any other foreplay, I reach between us and then slide down his length. My eyes roll back in my head, and I rest my hands behind me on his thighs while I ride him.
The tips of his fingers press into my legs as he drags them up and down. A hiss of air passes through his teeth when I suddenly drop down hard and fast. He sits up on his elbows and watches me as I let him inside.
A tremor shoots up from the bottom of my feet and stirs up its counterparts in my belly. He reaches up and lightly traces beneath my breasts, and that sensation slides down and explodes with the others. “Carter.”
“So beautiful. God and when you come on me…” He grabs my hips and thrusts up into me before he grunts out my name, and we both collapse.
“I love you,” I tell him, meaning it more than I ever knew was capable.
“You, too, honey.”
* * *
“This is too much. I couldn’t possibly,” Mom protests as she follows me into my or, rather, her apartment. It’s been a few days since we’ve been back here, and she was released from the hospital this morning. Carter is just across the hall as I show her where she’s going to be living for at least a little while.
“It’s not.”
“But, Billie, dear… I don’t have the money to pay rent.” She lowers her voice and puts a hand to her chest. “Surely, there has to be something else more affordable.”
I grab her shoulders as gently as I can. “Please trust me when I say it’s fine. It’s more than fine, Mom. I promise. And there is no rush for anything. Just take your time and get better. Once you’re good, we’ll go job hunting together.”
She wipes her teary eyes and then walks through the living room and pulls back the curtain to look down into the city. “This is too much.”
I stand next to her and squeeze her hand. “It’s not enough. For what you did for me, for risking so much to get me out of there… it will never be enough.”
“You’re my baby girl. It’s my job; it’s any decent parent’s job to take care of their children, to give them everything they possibly can without ever asking for anything in return. I did what I had to because you are my child and that means being selfless.”
“You are selfless, and you didn’t ask for anything in return. You never asked for anything, Mom. And if I had more, I’d give it to you.”
Speaking of. I always wondered… “How did you get that much money to give me when I first left?”
When she looks away, I know it’s probably worse than I thought.
“I stole it.”
“Where did he get that much money from?”
“He was involved in some things—”
I interrupt her. “Drugs?”
“Yeah.”
“Did he find out?”
This time, she doesn’t need to look away for me to know. “Oh, Mom.”
“It wasn’t any worse than all the other times. I just told him I owed someone money, and he was too stupid to realize you ‘running away’ and the cash missing were at the same time. But I’d do it a hundred times over since it meant getting you safe.” She squeezes my hand. “And since you met a wonderful man who treats you like gold, I’d do it a thousand times.”
“But we don’t have to worry about it anymore.”
“No. We don’t.” She smiles, and it’s almost kind of evil. We both feel the same way about him dying—relieved. And I decide to let my questions about why she didn’t come with me die right along with him. Because it doesn’t matter anymore. The past is gone. Finally.