Chapter 6
Billie
What are you scared of?
I… how do I even answer that? I still can’t. Which is why I’m still staring at him. Because everything scares me.
“Oh my God.” I push off him, the thought suddenly hitting me. “I forgot my phone.” Even if Tom did call me back, which I don’t think he will, I wouldn’t know. And what if Paxton clears out my locker and throws my cell away? I don’t have enough money to buy a new one, and then I’ll never know.
He stands and grabs my arms. “Okay, we can go get it.”
“No, no, no. It’s at the restaurant. I left it in my locker when I stormed out along with the other outfit I wore today. Shit.”
“Hey.” He gives me a small shake. “Take a breath and look at me.”
Listening to him, I focus on the softness in his eyes.
“I’ll take you to get your stuff.”
“But—”
“No, come on.”
He practically drags me out of my apartment, and I have just enough sense to grab my keys on the way out. “Carter, I—”
“Don’t say anything else, okay? Promise you it’s fine and not a big deal.”
I clamp my lips closed and hop up in his Jeep when he opens the door. The drive is fast because the traffic is minimal this late at night, and when we pull up to the parking lot, several cars are still here. “I’ll be right back.”
“You’re not going in there by yourself.” He shuts the engine off, and I get out, running to catch up to him.
“Wait. Stop.” Grabbing his arm, I pull it, but he keeps pushing forward. “Oh my gosh, would you stop.”
He finally listens, and I slam into his back. “Thank you. Jeez.”
“What?”
The change in his demeanor is excessive, and despite my heart and my gut telling me he’d never hurt me, it gives me a shiver of fear that he can flip his switch so fast. “Please calm down. I just want to slip in the back door, get my stuff, and be gone. No confrontation, nothing. And I don’t want you to—”
“Tough shit, I am.”
“Stop interrupting me. You didn’t even know what I was going to say.”
He smirks and brings his hand up, running the pad of his thumb across the apple of my cheek. “Let’s go get your stuff, honey. You lead; I’ll follow.”
I pull my shoulders back in triumph and walk around to the employee entrance that’s always unlocked during business hours. He keeps his hand on my hip while I take us through the kitchen, the staff looking back and forth between us like we have seven heads, but nobody says anything. Then he stands in the doorway to the staff lounge while I grab my stuff. Thankfully, everything is still here.
“Let’s go.” I hold up my phone. “I have it.”
He gives me a tight nod, and I follow him back the way we came, and he turns the corner right before I do. “Thought I told you no more chances,” Paxton yells from behind me. I jerk in my skin out of shock but keep walking. Straight into Carter. Who, if looks could kill, would have just murdered Paxton.
Oh shit.
I know that look. I’ve seen that face. The clenching of the jaw, the darkening of the eyes, the flush of the neck. I’ve been on the receiving end of that look, and as much as I would like for Paxton to get taken down a notch, I will not be responsible for Carter getting into any trouble for me.
He doesn’t realize he already does enough just by being here for me. I don’t need a macho display of anything from him.
I put my hands on his chest. “Stop.” He keeps walking, making my feet slide as I try to stop him. “Carter, please. I just want to go. I don’t want to be here.”
“Fuck that.”
“Please, Carter. Just take me home.” I plead with him, violence not something I want to be any part of ever again.
He pauses and looks down at me, then turns me so we’re both facing Paxton. The way his lips slightly part and his eyes bug out of his head, I can tell he wasn’t expecting this… me to come back, with a bodyguard.
“Carter?” Paxton’s voice rises an octave, and he shifts on his feet.
He knows him?
“What are you looking at right now, Pax?” Carter asks, wrapping his arm around me and pulling me against his chest.
His eyes dart back and forth between us. “She yours?”
“Oh, yeah.” The rumble of his voice at my back causes a shiver down my spine.
Paxton’s shoulders hunch, and he stutters. “I… I didn’t know.”
“Now you do.” The pressure across my belly gets lighter as Carter drops his arm and links our fingers together. With that, he pulls me around and walks us to the parking lot.
“Get in.” He opens my door and helps hoist me up.
When he peels away, the tires squeal, and I have to grab the handle so I don’t fall over. “Carter.”
“Give me a second.”
I zip my mouth closed and hold my hands on my lap and hope he can’t see them rattling.
“Wish you wouldn’t have done that.”
“What did I do?”
“Held me back, made it so I’d have to push you away to get to him.”
This is new. This feeling of having a man want to hurt someone who hurt me. “I don’t want—”
“My help. I know.” He runs his hand through his hair and huffs out a breath. “But I could have done something. I wanted to do something because I might not always be able to. I might fail you; there may be a time when shit’s outta my control. So if there’s anything I can ever fuckin’ do, I need to fuckin’ do it.” Every word he says gets louder until he’s yelling.
Then there’s silence.
“Carter.”
“God, this is insane, Billie. You make me insane and logical at the same damn time. I want to tell you that the only thing I want is to look out for you, but that’d be a lie because I want so damn much more.”
My phone vibrates in my hand, and he doesn’t take his eyes off the road as I answer. I don’t even bother to worry about who it could be.
“Hi, is this Billie Bishop?”
“Yes.”
“Hi, this is Tom Landry. I was calling about your audition tonight.”
I sit up straighter and reach over to grab Carter’s hand. He immediately curls his fingers into mine. “Okay.”
“Although you failed to produce the type of quality audition we’re looking for, your girl-next-door look is exactly what we’re looking for.”
“Oh, um.” What am I supposed to say to that?
“That being said, we’d like to give you another shot at what we hope will be the final round of auditions since we’re still undecided.”
The Jeep comes to a halt, and I almost drop my phone. “I… I would love to. Thank you so much.”
“Roger will be calling you in the next couple of days to give you details.”
The line goes dead, and I do drop my phone this time.
“What was that?” Carter asks, leaning over to me and turning my head to face him. “You okay?”
“That was Tom Landry… He, he invited me back for the final round of auditions.” Everything around me—the cars pulling in and out of parking spaces, the lights flickering, people walking—moves in slow motion.
“That’s great, honey.” His cheekbones pop when he smiles, and I watch in fascination as the tension fades away. For me. Because something good happened to me. “Congratulations. Come on, I’ve got some champagne, and we can celebrate.”
Once we’re back inside my place after he got a bottle of bubbly from his, he pours us a glass, and we lean against my countertop. As I stand here and avoid looking at him, I contemplate how I feel about his mood swings.
He’s so sweet one minute, but the way he so quickly lost his cool around Paxton was a little frightening. And now he’s back to sweet.
But when he did look like he was about to explode, I wasn’t scared. His anger wasn’t directed at me; it was on my behalf.
“I’m not mad about another audition.”
“What?” I ask with a laugh, deciding I’m thinking too much into this.
“Do I get to put more of your food in my mouth?”
He smiles at my smile. “You really don’t mind?”
“Uh, no. Are you kiddin’ me? I get to look at my girl and taste her delicious cooking. That’s better than surfing the monstrous waves at Jaws. And that’s saying something.”
My girl.
“What’s Jaws?”
“Only my favorite place in the world. It’s in Maui.”
“Wow. Did you vacation there?”
He memorizes how many pieces of thread are in my kitchen rug. “Sure. Vacation.”
“Hey, I never asked you. Are you any good at surfing? Because I’ve always wanted to learn how to. You can teach me.”
A sheet of ice materializes out of thin air and lands on his face. Carter rubs his fingers over his chin and shakes his head. “I don’t anymore.”
“Don’t surf?”
“Yeah.”
“Why not?”
He laughs. “Let’s focus on you right now, okay? Are you hungry? The lasagna should be warm by now. Not that it pairs well with champagne, but we can make it work.”
“What happened?”
His back is to me, but he shakes his head and opens the fridge. “I didn’t make any bread, but I figure it’s so late it wouldn’t be good to eat that much heavy stuff.”
Avoidance. He’s good at it. I’ve noticed him do it before when I asked him something he didn’t want to answer. I get up, and when he’s reaching up in the cabinet for a plate, I wrap my arms around his chest and press my cheek against his back. He’s being so nice, and I appreciate his offer to help me. I don’t want to rely on him, but knowing he’s here if I need him is more than enough for me. And the way he had my back with Paxton, I feel like he needs to know. “I’m here too, ya know? For you.”
He closes one large hand over mine and sets the dish down, then turns around. He cradles my face and leans down, our lips feather light for a moment before he slants his head and kisses me deeper. His tongue dances against mine, and I fall into him, knees weak and lightheaded. My hands grab his shirt so I don’t fall, and in the process, I press against his crotch and his hardness pokes me.
Instead of being good and backing away, I push against him, and he groans, yanking his head away. He slides his hands around and cups my butt as he brings his lips to my neck and kisses the tender skin there.
His fingertips dig into me, and I want so badly for him to slip them between my legs, but that would make me seem like a slut. He licks the very outer edge of my ear and slides his tongue back down until he reaches that spot just below my neck where it meets my shoulder and kisses there.
With a regrettable sigh, he pulls back but not before kissing me again. Then he brings his hands back to my face and says, “Yeah, babe. I know.”
* * *
I can’t remember the last time I laughed so hard I had tears rolling down my cheeks. Heck, I can’t remember the last time I felt so happy. After we ate a delicious meal that he made, we came to the living room and just… talked.
And when I had something to say, he listened. It’s unreal because I think he genuinely cares. Well, that is until we got on a very touchy subject.
Accents.
He thinks I have one when I clearly don’t. And I think he talks like a total surfer. What you would think someone from California would sound like, he fits it to a T.
But then he challenged me to say a sentence with what I think he sounds like. So I did. And now my jaw hurts.
“Shut up.” I attempt to cover the embarrassing snort that escapes me, and it only makes him laugh harder.
“That was painful, honey. I’m sorry.”
“I can’t.” I struggle to even catch my breath.
His head is tossed back on the couch, and his chest shakes as he laughs. “You have to say that again.”
“No way!” I wipe my eyes. “I can’t keep a straight face with you.”
“One more time. You almost had it.”
“No!”
“Please. You have to.”
I sit up and clear my throat, then laugh again. “Okay. Okay.” I take a couple of breaths and then look at him, trying to gather my composure. “Dude, that burrito was like, hella good with guac.”
“Holy shit! That was so bad.” Carter falls off the couch, howling with laughter, and I jump on him. “I’m sorry, but that’s the funniest thing I’ve ever heard in my life.”
“Carter.” I push at his arm, and he rolls to his back. “Shut up.” He continues shaking, and I lean down to cover his mouth. But when my body shifts, and I realize I’m straddling him, I still.
He stops laughing and hardens almost immediately beneath me. I slide my hand off his face and push up on his chest, which is rising and falling heavily now instead of the short bursts from his laughter. He feels so big and hard between my legs, and I squirm at the sensation of having him there.
He groans and bucks his hips, forcing me to fall forward again. My hands slam on the floor on either side of his head, our lips barely an inch apart. I lower my head and press my lips to his, my entire body warming with the light touch. One of his arms wraps around my back, and he grabs my hair with the other. I kiss him again. And again.
Then he takes over. He thrusts his tongue into my mouth, desire rampant as we’re still turned on from our earlier kiss. We both groan, mine quiet but his long and deep, telling me how much he wants this. He slides his hand down to cup my butt and moves me. He pushes himself against me, and I press down onto him, molding our bodies together.
He lets go of my head and hoists me up to my feet. Before I can say anything, he’s back on me. His strong arms band around me, and he lifts me up and carries me to my bedroom. I squeal when he tosses me on the bed.
“What do you want, Billie?”
“I don’t…” I shake my head. “I don’t know. You.” God, I want him. I want him to do whatever he wants. “I just want you, but I…”
“No buts, baby. Just me and you. Whatever you want to happen can happen. Whatever you don’t want to won’t. I might be bigger. I might be stronger. But you’re the one with all the power here.”
Why do I want to cry right now? This isn’t supposed to happen… I don’t want it to happen because I don’t know how to deal with it. I’ve never had this… never had someone care enough about me to want to look after me in all the ways there are.
“It’s just…”
“Are you a virgin, honey?”
I can’t tell him the truth. He can’t know the dirty details and the disgusting truth that is my past. Biting my lip, I barely shake my head.
He lowers his body over mine. “I want to take care of you in all the ways a man looks after his woman. Don’t know much, honey, but I can tell you’ve had enough bumpy to last a lifetime. Trust that I’m gonna get you through the rest of this ride on a smooth track. Let me be the one to show you it’s safe to throw your hands up in the air because I’ve got you, and no way in this world would I ever let you fall.” The conviction in his voice is enough to make me trust him.
Being with him, just being in the same room with him blocks so much pain out. Actually being with him… I bet it’ll make everything better. “Okay.”
When he rocks into me, my lips fall open, and he kisses me. Soft and slow. When he tries to sit up, I tighten myself around him. I don’t want him to go; I want him close… even closer than he is right now. “You want more of this?” His hardness grinds into my throbbing center, and I can’t fight the weight of my lids lowering.
“Yes.”
“Me too, but I can make it better. You’ve gotta let me go for a second, though.”
I nod, my eyes popping back open.
He laughs and pries my legs from behind his back. I sit up on my elbows and watch as he pulls my pants off. He runs a knuckle over my damp underwear, back and forth before finding my face through his heavy lashes. “So wet.” He slides them off and spreads my legs apart. I feel vulnerable like this. Really horny, but vulnerable. “Beautiful,” he says to himself. “I really, really wanna put my mouth here.” He slides a finger between my folds and then into me.
“Do it.” I push into his hand.
He lowers his head and sucks my clit into his mouth and groans, the vibrations adding to the sensation already overpowering me.
“Oh Lord.”
Another finger is added, and he pumps in and out of me. “I was right. Better than honey.” He spreads me open and fucks me with his tongue. My fingers wring his hair, and I pull him against me harder.
My Lord, I’ve never… My core tightens when he rubs his fingers against the secret spot inside me and tremors make my thighs shake.
“Right there, huh?” He doubles the effort and lifts his head from between my legs. “You gonna come for me?”
“Yessss.” I had no flippin’ idea it could ever be like this. So good.
“Good, baby. Give it to me.”
He buries his face and does something with his tongue that I can’t see. “Carter, oh my…” The vibration in my thighs zings through my entire body as an orgasm rips through me. I fall back, and my head bounces against the mattress.
He continues lapping at me with his tongue until I push his head away, the overwhelming sensation too much. He kisses up my thigh and then pushes my knees together before he sits next to me. I smile, and he leans down, gently kissing me. I lick my lips.
“Taste how sweet you are?”
Not exactly sure how to answer that, I simply nod.
“Yeah, so damn sweet. I’m gonna leave now, Billie, because if I stay, all I’ll want to do is keep tasting you and making you come. Then that’ll make me just want to fuck you more than I already do and—”
“Okay.” I want more. I want it all with him.
“Not now. You had a shit day and—”
“And I felt dirty, Carter. I felt gross, but you don’t make me feel that way. You make me feel beautiful and safe, and I want that with you. I want you inside me.”
Carter
“I want that too, but—”
“Please.” She sits up and grabs the bottom of her shirt, then lifts it up. Her perky breasts spill out of the cups of her bra, and she reaches over for my shirt.
I clasp my hand over her wrists. “I don’t have anything on me.”
“Shit.” She drops her arms. “I’m not on anything.”
As much as I want to feel her bareback, it’s too risky to just pull out. “If I run across the hall to grab some condoms, will you still have that look on your face when I get back?”
“What look?” She gives me a shy smile, and the innocence of it makes my cock twitch.
“You’re so damn gorgeous.” I stand and try to walk away so I can go grab protection, but I can’t move from the spot. I’m afraid if I walk away, she’ll be gone when I come back. But her waiting for me, knowing what’s gonna happen when I do get back, puts my ass in gear. “I’m gonna fuck you so good, honey.”
“Hurry.”
I back out of her room, and once I can’t see her anymore, I rush to my apartment, boner and all. I think it only takes like thirty seconds, but it feels like way longer than that before I make it back to her. I grab a packet out of the box, then drop it to the floor. Biting the corner of the wrapper, I reach behind me and take my shirt off, then shuck the rest of my clothes.
With her eyes hot and heavy, she watches as I roll the condom down my cock. Inviting me in, she opens her legs farther, and I waste no time. Settling between her thighs, I rub the tip of my dick against her and slide in just a little bit. “Holy fuck,” I pant.
“More.”
I give her what she asks, and once I’m all the way in, my forehead collides with her collarbone. She squirms beneath me, and I push up on my elbows, then grab each of her perfect tits in my hands. “I’ll give it to you any way you want it whenever you ask, but right now, it’s gonna be hard.” The need I feel to come with her is insane.
“Okay.”
“And it’s gonna be fast.”
“Okay.”
“Hold on, baby.”
She wraps her arms around me, and I let loose. I fuck her hard. Deep. She holds tight and crosses her legs behind my back while I pound into her. “Oh, God.”
“Not yet.”
“Carter.”
“Not that fast. Christ, woman. Not yet.”
Her nails dig into my shoulders, and the pain shoots straight to my balls. “I’m so close.”
“Hold on. Wait for me.”
A mewl rolls up through her throat, and she arches her back.
“Fuck, you don’t even know how beautiful you are.” I drop my head and suck on her nipples, trying to make it last longer. Knowing this first time will never happen again, I want it to never end. And when she clamps down around me, I’ll be a goner.
“Carter…”
The pressure in my balls increases every time they slap against her ass, and I bring my hands around, pulling her to me. “You ready?”
“God, yes.”
“Fuck, yeah. Come with me, honey. Come all over me and take me with you.” My teeth find her neck when she tosses her head back and screams my name. The walls of her unbelievably tight pussy squeeze me, and I explode inside her like I knew I would.
It takes a minute for me to see straight again, and when I do, I roll us over so I’m on my back.
She rests her head on my chest, and I hold her, never wanting to let go.
* * *
After I took a trip to the bathroom, I crawled right back in her bed. She dozed off, but I can’t seem to catch any sleep. Too many thoughts crawl around my head like a spider’s egg just hatched. Earlier, she asked why I don’t surf anymore, and I don’t want to tell her. I don’t want her to know how badly I fucked up in the past.
How, as a man, I failed the one person who was supposed to count on me the most.
It doesn’t matter that it was physically impossible for me to save her.
The fact that I was right fuckin’ there, and she still…
I rub the scar on my calf, phantom pain emerging with a touch. The real pain happens with overuse. I try not to think about Zoe too much right now. I’d be pissed if I knew Billie was thinking about another man with me right beside her. I’m not gonna do that to her. I can fuck with my own head when I’m alone.
So I focus on the future in my arms. Gently prying myself away, I grab my phone and walk to the living room, making sure to close the door behind me.
“Everything okay?” Q asks in greeting.
“Yeah, man, sorry. I know it’s late.”
He yawns. “All good. What’s up?”
“Need you to get some dirt on someone for me.”
“Who?”
“His name is Paxton Ray. He’s a—”
“Celebrity chef who fucks around with married women who also doesn’t understand what the word stop means. You need pictures? I’ve already got ’em.”
Nothing good comes from Q already knowing about someone. “Fuck, do I want to know why you have that information?”
“You should probably talk to Erik.”
“What? Why?”
“He’s flagged.”
I huff out a curse. When someone at Royal has a person they want to deal with—be it family, an old friend, lover, enemy, or damn school teacher—they get flagged. And if Erik flagged him, it might mean I won’t be able to get revenge the way I need to. Should have kicked his ass earlier tonight before I knew this. I’m going to ruin his career, no doubt, but I wanted to get at least a few blows to his face, too.
“What’s this guy mean to you?”
I spike my hand through my hair and look out the window into the dark sky. “He put his hands on my girl. I already know he’s a piece of shit, but before I teach him a lesson…”
“Yeah, got it.” I don’t get any shit from him about having a girl, which is total Q. He notices everything and says nothing because anything he wants to know he can find on a computer. “I have photos if you need ’em, but I suspect just you showing up with the knowledge will be more than enough.”
“I think you suspect right.”