19
ELLIS
I stabbed my finger at my phone for the fiftieth time today. My bear’s rage was so strong I’d already Shifted twice. I couldn’t get through to Mckenna no matter what I did. She wouldn’t answer her phone. Every time I called, it switched straight to her voicemail.
What was she doing? Why did she get so mad at the wedding? She never let me explain about Brayden. She just walked out on what could be the greatest relationship in both our lives.
I paced around my office. I was useless ever since I met her. I had to find a way to make it up to her. I had to explain and show her I really do care. I had to do it, if for no other reason than to get on with my normal life. Two weeks without her, and I started to go crazy.
The longer this situation went on, the more I had to admit the terrible truth. I couldn’t live without this woman. I didn’t want to before. Now I understood I couldn’t. I needed her. I needed her and this baby in my life. They were the only thing keeping me going anymore, and now she wouldn’t even talk to me.
I gazed out the windows at the far skyline. Where could she be? Where was she hiding from me? What horrible thoughts did she think about me?
Every time I got frustrated, that awful moment would flash before my eyes. I saw the look on her face when I asked her if she tried the antipasto. I knew then what I was doing to her. It killed me to do it, but I had to. I had to keep up appearances until Brayden left.
If only she let me explain. If only she understood about Brayden threatening me, I could make it all right again.
I had to explain it. Even if she decided to cut me off, I had to find a way to let her know I didn’t turn my back on her. That’s all there was to it. She had to understand it wasn’t her.
I got the ring out of my office safe. I cracked open the box and studied the stone. Was it good enough? Was it big enough? Would anything ever been enough to show her how I felt about her?
I stuffed the box into my pocket and tried to get back to work. Half a dozen contractors rang my phone off the hook, but I couldn’t concentrate. I almost delegated the whole construction project to my team manager, but that wouldn’t work, either.
I got the ring out again. Was I really going to give it to her, or was I going to stand here staring at it for the next twenty years of my life? I couldn’t do that. I shoved the ring in my pocket and stormed out of the office.
I cast back and forth on the sidewalk outside. All roads led to her. I had to see her again. I had to find a way to make her listen to me, just once. Even if she turned me down, I had to try.
I didn’t take the car. I had to do this on my own legs. I barreled down the street to a florist shop I knew. I bought two dozen long-stemmed roses. If that and the ring didn’t convince her, I didn’t know what would.
The clerk gave me a knowing smile. “On your way to see someone special?”
I blushed into my shoes. “On my way to becoming the happiest man in the world—I hope.”
She wrapped up the roses in tissue paper and handed them across the counter to me. “Good luck, but it looks like you’ve got this one all stitched up.”
I turned away. “I sure hope you’re right. I really hope you’re right.”
If only I could be as certain as she was. That was the problem. I couldn’t be sure. If only I knew what Mckenna was thinking, I would know how to gauge my approach. I could only throw myself off the deep end and hope I landed in the pool.
I headed down the street. It was a long walk to her house, and I needed to calm down. The walk didn’t do what I wanted it to. It only racked my nerves more than ever. I had to see her, and fast. I had to get her answer, so I knew where I stood. I couldn’t stand this anymore.
I didn’t get anywhere near her house until long after dark. When I did, I slowed down instead of hurrying to get there sooner. I stood out on the sidewalk over an hour and stared up at the lighted windows. What was she doing in there? Was she shopping for baby clothes online? Was she soaking in a tub of sudsy water?
I hesitated outside. For some reason, I got scared at the last minute. What if she said no? What would I do with myself then? I would be lost. I couldn’t run the risk. I paced up and down. I fingered the ring box in my pocket. I shifted the roses back and forth from one hand to the other. I did everything except what I came here to do,
When did I become such a dithering fool? Is this how I got to the top of the heap in seven years? Hell, no, and I wouldn’t win her second-guessing myself now. I took a deep breath. Get a grip, Johnson, and seize the day.
I squared my shoulders at the house. She wasn’t in there laughing at me. She didn’t even know I was there, and she wouldn’t know until I made my move.
I wiped my sweating palms on my pants and strode up the walk. I couldn’t breathe. My whole life hinged on this moment. I raised my hand and let it fall before I summoned the courage to knock.
How long does it take a person to answer the door? Didn’t she know what agony I was in standing there?
She opened the door, and we stared at each other in astonishment. Could this be real? Was I really gonna do this? I gulped down the lump in my throat. She reduced me to a blithering wreck. My bear practically laughed at me.
“Hey, Mckenna.”
“What are you doing here?”
I started babbling like an idiot. “I…uh…. I just came by to see how you’re doing. I mean…. how are you doing? I haven’t seen you since the wedding. I was just wondering…I mean…” I forgot all about the roses until she glanced down at them. I shoved them at her, I was such a graceless chump. “These are for you.”
She took them off my hands. “Thanks. They’re beautiful.”
I snapped out of my trance. “Listen, Mckenna. I really just want to talk to you for a second. I won’t try to convince you to get back with me. I just want to explain why I did what I did at the wedding. Do you think you can just listen for a minute so I can get this off my chest?”
She pursed her lips. “All right. You better come in.”
She strode inside, and I followed her with my nerves in tatters.
She put the roses in a vase in the kitchen and came back to stand in front of me. “Okay. You’re here. Spill it.”
I couldn’t take my eyes off her. She stood in front of me in her sweatpants and an old floppy T-shirt. She wore no make-up, and she tied her hair behind her head in a casual ponytail, but she couldn’t have been more beautiful to me. Her whole being glowed from the inside. Pregnancy suited her.
I put my hand in my pocket. Here goes.