, Milly!”

She couldn’t breathe. Grasping for air, she got to her knees, desperate to inhale. Instead an awful rasping sound came from her mouth.

“It will come, Milly. Easy now.”

Hands lifted her forward, and she clutched them as fear gripped her, and then she felt it, the blessed relief of air filling her lungs.

“That’s it, inhale slowly.”

With the return of her breath came reality. She was braced on Joseph’s lap, and his hands held her against his chest.

“Forgive me, Lord Ellsworth.” Milly moved so quickly, she tumbled off his thighs.

“You seem determined to harm yourself. Have a care, madam.”

She tried to evade him as he moved to her side, but he simply held her still with a hand on her shoulder.

“Are you hurt anywhere?”

“N-no, and thank you for helping me.”

“Any pain?”

“No.” She pushed him aside, and tried to get to her feet. “My glasses?”

He slid an arm around her back and helped her rise.

“How is it you are here, my lord?”

“Howard and I were leaving as the thunder rolled in. Rain followed, and it was then we realized you had not returned.” The words were clipped, and his expression was dark.

“My glasses?” Milly dropped her gaze; she did not want him looking too closely at her.

“Here.” He thrust them at her, and she fumbled them into place.

“Thank you, Lord Ellsworth. I assure you I am quite all right, if a little damp. I-I must make sure Apple-blossom is unhurt,” she added.

“Howard has her.” He began to unbutton his coat. Horrified that he was doing so to hand it to her, Milly stepped back.

“No, please, you must not offer me your c-coat.” Milly fought the shivers that were gripping her.

“Why?” His expression was fierce. “You’re cold, I am not.”

“It is not right.”

“Damn it, woman, I care nothing about what is right! You were thrown from your horse, you’re shivering, and likely hurt. Don’t be a fool!”

Milly backed up until she reached her horse.

“I— Wimplestow House is close. I shall be all right until I reach it, Lord Ellsworth.”

“I never thought you a fool, Miss Higglesworth.”

Anger radiated off him. His brows were lowered, and he looked menacing.

“I am not a fool, merely a woman aware of her standing in this w-world.”

He moved closer, now only a foot from where she stood.

“And because you are a mere governess, and I an earl, I cannot aid you should you need it?”

When put like that, it did sound silly, but Milly stood firm.

“Yes.”

He snorted, and it was not one of amusement. “That’s ridiculous. I kept you warm inside this very coat on the journey here.”

“Yes, but no one was there to see that, nor did you leave me little choice. It is also not the way of things, my lord,” Milly said, wondering why she was pursuing this silly conversation. She could be warmer by now if she had taken the offer of his coat. Warm and dry, and his scent would be wrapped around her.

“Who made this law?”

Milly made herself look at him. His face had relaxed again, the anger seeming to have fled with the speed it had arrived, and she was sure he was laughing at her again.

“It was passed in the House of Lords last year,” she snapped. She hated people laughing at her.

“Really?” He appeared to give her words some thought. “I do not remember voting on that.”

Milly turned away. The man was far too appealing, standing there with rain flattening his hair to his head. Grabbing her horse’s reins, she attempted to mount. Two hands gripped her waist and threw her onto the saddle.

“Perhaps this time you will stay up there.”

“It was not my intention to fall, Lord Ellsworth. Please excuse me now, as I need to find Apple-blossom.”

“She is having an argument with Mr. Howard, there.”

Following the direction he pointed, Milly found Apple-blossom in a heated debate with Mr. Howard.

“Oh dear. Please excuse me.” Milly felt a few twinges in her muscles as she motioned her horse forward.

“Are you unhurt, Apple-blossom?” Mr. Howard was demanding as she drew near.

“He bolted.... Yes, yes I am.”

Milly watched Mr. Howard snatch Apple-blossom into his arms and hold her close. Her suspicions that the man cared for the girl were correct, it seemed.

“When I saw your horse bolting, and you attempting to stay upright in that foolish saddle, all I could think was of you falling, and I could not reach you.” Mr. Howard’s words were raw, and emotion radiated from each one.

“I cannot ride astride when I am out.”

Milly noted Apple-blossom was not struggling for release.

“Then don’t gallop!”

“I’m unhurt, Daniel.” Apple-blossom patted his cheek, and then tried to disengage herself.

Stay still, you foolish girl, Milly thought.

“Give me a few minutes, and I may just believe you.”

Mr. Howard pulled Apple-blossom closer, until her face was pressed into his chest.

Milly looked skyward. The rain was now coming down in large, fat drops, and she would strike a close resemblance to a drowned rodent if she stayed out here a second longer. Moving to the side where there were several trees, she waited.

“It seems your efforts are working, Miss Higglesworth. Your charge appears to have secured the affections of Mr. Howard.”

Milly tensed as Lord Ellsworth moved under the trees on his horse. She had hoped he would leave, but it seemed he was not ready to do so. His leg brushed hers as he reined his mount in beside hers. He then lowered his coat around her shoulders, and the sudden warmth was so blissful she nearly moaned.

“Not one word.”

“Thank you.” Milly swallowed her pride.

“Accept those two.”

“It is not my efforts, my lord. Apple-blossom is a lovely girl, and it is obvious that Mr. Howard has held her in high regard for some time.”

“He certainly seems to,” came the drawled reply.

Milly watched Mr. Howard kiss Apple-blossom passionately.

“Oh dear, I should really put a stop to this.”

“Why? They are hurting no one, and kissing is a wonderful pastime.”

“Perhaps for a man who would face no consequences for doing so were someone to see him, but not for someone like Apple-blossom or....” Milly realized she was going to say I.

“You?”

“There is no need for you to stay here now, my lord. Please return to your errands.”

“I am sheltering from the rain.”

Frustrated to have him so near, Milly attempted to ignore him. How is it he does not recognize me? It was not the first time she had thought such a thing, but surely there was something of the old Millicent Lawrence in her that he should see? But then, if he did recognize you, you would have to run again. She was a perverse creature.

“Lord Wimplestow should not let his daughter ride that stallion, Miss Higglesworth. She is lucky she did not break her neck.”

Milly sighed. “He spoils her.”

“As fathers do. Mine was no different, and the best of men.”

Milly had known Joseph’s father well. She’d loved him. He’d been funny, kind, and intelligent, and very much like his sons. She had once been excited at the prospect of him as her father-in-law.

“When did he pass, my lord?”

He was silent for a while, and then when he spoke his words were clipped.

“Four years ago.”

So he’d dealt with his father’s death soon after she had broken their betrothal. Dear Lord, he must loathe her.

“I am sorry for your loss,” Milly murmured, her words sounding empty and hollow. She felt a desperate sadness for the loss of the late earl.

“It is done with.” He dismissed her words. “You ride well for a governess, Milly.”

He wanted the subject changed, and she could not fault him for that.

“I believe I have already asked you before how many governesses you are acquainted with, my lord, with which to base your knowledge on.”

“I’m astute, everyone says so.”

Milly refused to look at him, but she wanted to, because she knew he was laughing at her again. Teasing and provoking her.

“You are an earl. Of course they say so.”

“Are you suggesting the only reason people flatter me is because I am an earl?”

Milly didn’t answer that question.

“Come now, you said the words, surely you can back them up?”

“I am merely suggesting that people tend to flatter you more than they would someone who does not bare your lofty title, Lord Ellsworth.”

“I do believe that hurt, Miss Higglesworth.”

Milly watched Mr. Howard release Apple-blossom. “I am sure you will survive, my lord. Now thank you for lending me your coat, but please excuse me. Milly shrugged out of the warmth and handed it back to him.

She rode away before he could utter another word. She did not want to feel anything for Joseph. No empathy, no anger, and definitely not the stirrings of love. Because when she left him once more, as surely she must, she did not want to suffer like last time. The pain had almost destroyed her.