Chapter 37

For the first few days in London, it felt like all Josie did was stare at her phone. She just wanted Sam to call. Her appetite had vanished and the ache in her chest was constant. It reminded her of when Sam had been working away and she’d missed him so much. Except this was way worse. A few weeks ago things had been so good. Now she was sleeping on Emily’s couch and waiting to start a job she wasn’t even sure she wanted any more.

     That last night with Sam had arguably only made things worse. She’d been so tempted to stay with him but knew this was something she needed to do. It hurt her so much that he couldn’t be supportive.

She spent those first days wandering the streets, keeping out of Emily’s way while she was writing. It gave her time to think that she could’ve done without. Increasingly, she felt like she’d made a huge mistake. There was nothing she could do now, though. She could hardly go running back to Sam and promise to stay forever in Averton. The desire to call him was almost overwhelming sometimes. She wanted to ask about his day and tell him about hers. But the pain of missing him was mingled with anger at his stubbornness.

Four days after she arrived at Emily’s place, she got up while it was still dark and set off for her first day of work. It took an hour to get from Emily’s place in Shoreditch to the TV studio in Borehamwood. The underground was busy, even at that ungodly hour, and the bustle of people annoyed her in a way it never had before.

The television studio was far from being glamorous, just an old grey building. It took her a while to find the entrance. Eventually she found a couple of other people wandering around, looking as lost as her, and they walked the perimeter together until they found a door at the back with a piece of paper flapping in the breeze. The makeshift sign read This Military Life in barely legible scrawl.

Josie still felt half asleep when she sat in front of a mirror at 6.30 a.m. A busty brunette applied her make-up in thick layers. The foundation felt heavy on her skin and the false eyelashes made it a battle to keep her eyes open. Once the bright red lipstick was applied, Josie felt like laughing. It was quite a transformation. Her hair had been pulled into a messy top knot.

Staring in the mirror, she mentioned that she’d had a much more natural look when they’d filmed the pilot episode. Kate, the make-up artist, insisted she was following instructions and shooed her out of the chair, then beckoned for her next victim.

Josie was ushered to a holding room to wait for filming to start. She was uncomfortable in a mini skirt and shirt that gaped at the bust. The shoes were the worst, though – strappy sandals with three inches of stiletto heel. She kicked them off and sat barefoot.

The ridiculous shoes shouldn’t have surprised her. She’d worn a similar pair for the pilot. Somehow, she’d forgotten all about that, and when it did come back to her, she recalled how hilarious she’d found it last time. In fact, the first time she’d met Jack it was because he’d reached out to catch her when she’d wobbled on her heels. They’d had a great laugh about how high the shoes were. Jack had always made fun of how precarious she was in them.

Josie looked around the holding room. There were probably twenty other people, chatting in various groups. She kept her head down, looking at her phone. She wasn’t in the mood to be sociable. A group of girls in their early twenties laughed loudly at the other side of the room. Back when she’d filmed the pilot it had all seemed like fun to Josie too. Of course, she hadn’t given up anything for the acting job then. It had come along at just the right time and had been a big adventure. She’d met Jack on the first day of filming, while she’d been tottering round the holding area trying to get the hang of walking in high heels. Jack had made everything fun.

For the first time in a long time, Josie found herself missing Jack. Great! As if missing Sam wasn’t enough, now Jack too. He always knew how to cheer her up. On a whim, she scrolled to his number and pressed call.

He sounded happy to hear from her.

“I’m starting filming today,” she said. “I’m just sitting in the holding room.”

“That brings back memories,” he said. “Have you got crazy shoes again?”

She glanced at the discarded shoes. “Yes! They’re awful.”

“Have you fallen over yet?”

“No, but I’ve only had them on for about three minutes.”

“Shall we have a bet on how many times you fall? I’ll say five times today. And a trip or a stumble counts as a fall, okay?”

Tears stung her eyes. “I think I made a mistake, Jack.”

“Splitting up with me?” he said, mischief in his voice. “I knew you’d realise eventually!”

“No!” She managed to laugh through her tears. “Taking this job. I was happy at Oakbrook. I don’t know why I thought this was such a great idea.”

“Has this got something to do with the guy?” Jack asked.

“Maybe,” she said.

“It’s okay. You can talk to me about the other men in your life. I’ll probably cry myself to sleep tonight but I’ll pretend to be cool about it now.”

“Sorry,” she said. “I shouldn’t have called you. I just feel like my life is a mess.” She couldn’t help thinking about Sam’s comment about her not sticking at anything. Why couldn’t she find a job that she was content with?

There was a pause before Jack spoke. “You can call me whenever you want. And talk to me about anything. We always said we’d stay friends.”

She sniffed and fumbled in her bag for a tissue, hoping she wasn’t ruining her make-up. “Sam didn’t want a long-distance relationship,” she finally said. “He told me if I moved to London it was over between us. And now I miss him so much.”

“Call him,” Jack suggested. “Tell him you miss him. He was probably just upset. I bet he misses you too.”

“I don’t think it’s that simple. He’s hurt and angry. But he’s also adamant that he doesn’t want a long-distance relationship, and I can’t help but think that means he just doesn’t care enough.”

“Maybe he just needed some time to get used to the idea. Call him and talk to him again. Give him another chance.”

“I don’t know …”

“I’m not sure why I’m giving you that advice,” Jack said with a laugh. There were voices in the background. “Just a minute.”

“Are you at work?” Josie asked.

“Yeah.”

“Are there customers waiting for you?”

“Yeah. But some of these people really need a lesson in patience.”

“Jack!” She laughed. “Don’t lose your job because you’re chatting to me.”

“I better go then. But stop worrying so much, it doesn’t suit you.”

“That’s easy to say when you didn’t just give up a lovely life in the country for a job where you have to wear crazy shoes and more make-up than a clown.”

“The job will get better. I promise!”

“I hope so. Thanks, Jack.”

He told her they’d talk again soon before he ended the call.

She felt marginally better. Maybe Jack was right and she should call Sam.

The door to the holding area swung open a moment later and they were ushered down to the studio. It was strange being back on the same set that she’d been on before. It was so familiar, but she felt completely different.

The afternoon dragged on. They were filming some of the main characters chatting at the bar. A few soldiers with their wives and girlfriends. Josie barely paid attention. She spent a lot of the afternoon polishing glasses and keeping her back to the camera as she’d been instructed. There was no acting involved, really. If she turned towards the action she was supposed to keep a neutral expression and not react to anything. It was pretty easy. If they’d asked her to smile, she might have had a problem.

She had plenty of time to think that afternoon. By the time the director shouted “cut” for about the hundredth time, she was convinced that calling Sam was a good idea.