At some point in the afternoon, Eleanor had drifted off to sleep on her bed, still clutching the photograph of her friends.
She woke up to a knock on the door and realised it was nearly teatime. ‘I don’t want any food, Mum,’ she called out. ‘Just sort out dinner for yourself. I’m really not hungry.’
It was true. She still felt sick to her stomach with loss and worry.
‘Good job we brought some chocolate with us then,’ said Megan, stalking into the room and throwing a box of Maltesers on the bed. ‘Tom had a stash of these, so I promised I’d give them to the kids. I’m saving their milk teeth and sharing them with you instead.’
Eleanor struggled to sit up, feeling shocked as she watched Annie follow Megan into the small bedroom and look around.
Megan stared up the walls. ‘Wow. Your mum hasn’t changed anything here in decades, has she?’
Eleanor shook her head. ‘Well, you know what Mum’s like,’ she said.
The bed jumped as Megan threw herself onto the end. Annie remained standing, avoiding eye contact.
The only sound for a few moments was Megan ripping open the box and grabbing a handful of Maltesers. ‘Anyone?’ she offered, holding out the box with her other hand.
The response was a deafening silence.
Megan sighed. ‘Well, this isn’t at all awkward,’ she said, rolling her eyes. ‘What’s that?’ She pointed at the photograph which Eleanor was holding.
Still in shock, Eleanor handed it over to her. She did notice that Annie couldn’t resist peeking over Megan’s shoulder to see what it was and was thankful to see a small smile of recognition pass Annie’s lips.
‘I’ve got this same photo on my bookshelf,’ said Megan before handing it over to Annie. ‘You?’
‘On my bedside cabinet,’ muttered Annie.
Megan took the photo from her and peered at it. ‘God, we look so young. I think this was one of the last photos we had of us together before you both abandoned me.’
‘Abandoned you?’ said Annie.
Megan looked up the bed at Eleanor. ‘You went to London and Annie sailed around the world. And don’t think I’ve forgiven either of you for that yet.’
‘Doesn’t mean that I was happy,’ said Annie, looking utterly miserable.
Megan looked at her. ‘I always imagined you like Kate Winslet in Titanic,’ she said. ‘You know, arms stretched wide at the front of the boat.’
‘With Leonardo DiCaprio right behind me,’ added Annie with a sad smile.
They all sighed in unison. ‘How many times did we watch that DVD?’ asked Eleanor softly.
‘Too many,’ said Annie, sitting down on the bed. ‘It was nothing like that, of course. It was horrible and lonely.’ For a second, Annie looked bleak. She had had a rough time after her father had died and part of the reason for working on the cruise ships was to get away from her wretched home life.
Eleanor would have done the same, but she could never leave her mum. Except she had, she realised. She’d moved away as quickly as she could and her mum was stuck here with the animals. Yet another regret to add to the growing list.
‘So are you going to move back to London?’ Annie suddenly asked, looking straight at Eleanor.
Eleanor shook her head. ‘No. I’m not. No job and it turns out that I was pretty lonely there as well.’
Annie frowned but didn’t reply.
‘What about all the celebrity parties you went to?’ asked Megan, in between mouthfuls of chocolate. ‘They must have been fun.’
‘Not really,’ said Eleanor. ‘If you’re a celebrity then you get the VIP treatment. But they all know that you’re a journalist so treat you like a leper and you’re left alone in case they say anything they shouldn’t. Most of the time, I ended up near the bar, grabbing a free drink.’
‘So why did you carry on if you hated it so much?’ asked Annie.
Eleanor shrugged her shoulders. ‘I didn’t know what else to do. And I didn’t want to let Mum down. She’d given up so much for me to go to university and live out my dreams. I didn’t want her to know they hadn’t come true, so I kept on lying.’ A tear rolled down her cheek. ‘I’m sorry I lied to you both for so long,’ she said. ‘I was an idiot.’
‘Well, that we already knew,’ quipped Megan before looking serious. ‘Are you going to write a story about Tom?’
Eleanor shook her head fiercely. ‘No. He’s too nice to deceive. Besides, I don’t want to go back to that way of life.’ As she said the words, she knew it was true. That part of her life was truly over. ‘I don’t want to be that person any more,’ she said aloud.
‘So don’t,’ said Megan, with a shrug.
‘It’s not that simple,’ Eleanor told her. ‘What do I do instead?’
Megan grabbed some more chocolates. ‘Anything that makes you happy.’
Eleanor shrugged her shoulders. ‘I don’t know what that is any more. I just feel a bit lost.’
‘Then stay here,’ said Annie, reaching out to squeeze her hand. ‘You’re home. The village, your mum and us, what else do you need?’
‘Apart from a steady pay check? Nothing but you two,’ Eleanor told her, another tear rolling down her cheek.
There was a muttered oath and then the three of them were hugging and crying and promising never to fall out again.
‘We probably put too much pressure on you,’ said Annie.
‘No, you didn’t. It was all me. But you know how I feel about you guys, don’t you?’ said Eleanor, looking from friend to friend. ‘How I really feel about you?’
Megan smiled. ‘We love you too,’ she said.
‘I just wanted everything to be perfect,’ said Eleanor, scratching at a flaky patch of eczema between her fingers. ‘I needed to be perfect.’
‘But you aren’t,’ said Megan in a soft tone.
‘Nobody is,’ added Annie.
It turned out that the only person who had expected 100% perfection was Eleanor herself. And look where that had left her these past few weeks.
‘But I thought that if I wasn’t then maybe you wouldn’t like me anymore.’
Megan rolled her eyes. ‘You idiot! We’re not your dad. We don’t feel like that about you. We don’t care about that scar on your knee where you tried to jump over the wall on the way to school and failed spectacularly.’
‘Or the hundreds of freckles on your nose,’ said Annie.
‘Or your split ends, if you had any,’ added Megan.
‘Oh, I’ve got loads now,’ sighed Eleanor. ‘I need a decent haircut.’ She frowned. ‘Maybe I should take mum with me as a treat.’
‘So I can trust you around Tom?’ asked Annie.
Eleanor nodded. ‘Absolutely. I’m definitely not writing a story about him. But I don’t want him to know about my past. He knows that I lost my job.’
‘Does he?’ said Annie, looking surprised. ‘How?’
‘It’s a long story,’ Eleanor told her. ‘But please just let him think that I was a financial journalist. I know that means more lies, but I think…’
‘Oh my god! It’s because you like him!’ said Megan, her eyes gleaming.
‘Of course I don’t,’ said Eleanor quickly.
‘You’re blushing,’ Annie told her, grinning.
‘I’m not,’ said Eleanor, even though she could feel the heat spreading across her cheeks.
‘This is so exciting,’ said Annie. ‘You and Tommy King! Can you imagine?’
The trouble was, Eleanor could and was desperately trying not to.
‘Oh, great,’ drawled Megan, making a face. ‘So you both get this amazing love life and I’m stuck at home with Neal.’
‘Neal’s lovely and you know it,’ said Annie, before beaming at Eleanor. ‘I can just see you two together.’
Eleanor was frantically shaking her head. ‘No,’ she told them. ‘It’s never going to happen. He’s never going to look at someone like me.’
‘Rubbish,’ said Annie. ‘Look at me and Sam! If I can be a countess, you can be a famous singer’s girlfriend.’
Megan sighed. ‘Your lives are so exciting.’
‘I don’t want exciting,’ Eleanor told them both. ‘I want dull. I’d be really happy with boring and dull right now.’
But she let Annie rattle on and Megan pretend to be jealous because she was so happy that they were friends again. She knew how close she had been to losing them and was determined to make sure that would never happen again.