I win again. I am beginning to think my game has much improved, but I’m afraid your head just isn’t in it tonight. What is wrong?” Valor asked as they sat on Cas’s bed, playing cards.

He was right, of course. Cassius’s head wasn’t in the game, and Valor hadn’t bested him three times in a row because his skills had improved. No, no. Instead, his thoughts were in an entirely inappropriate place that could likely get him fired.

He was always aware that having such desires, though not illegal, was definitely frowned upon. But lusting after the prince of Evergreen…that was a completely different story. There was little doubt in Cassius’s mind that it was much more than frowned upon, given the prince’s status and obligation to his country.

Still, he could not keep his thoughts from straying to the prince’s bath…the way his cock had plumped. Had Cassius interrupted him masturbating? That was all he could think of to excuse the erection. Surely, the prince couldn’t have the same desires Cas did. Could he? No, he could not believe that.

“Earth to Cassius. You absolutely hate to lose. What is wrong with you?” Valor waved a hand in front of Cas’s face.

Cas rolled his eyes. “Nothing.” He picked up his cup of whiskey. Valor was quite fond of his drink, and he often brought it to Cas’s room to share with him.

“You’re that miserable, I take it? I must admit, I was nervous when you accepted the position. I know the pay is better, but I worry about you. You are… No offense, my friend, but you’re not the type I envisioned working so closely with the prince. He must drive you insane.”

White-hot anger flashed through Cas. “You don’t think I can handle it?”

Cassius finished the rest of his drink in two long, frustrated swallows. He knew he was likely being sensitive, but this was a sore spot for him. There had been quite a bit of talk around the castle about Cassius not being prepared for the job and wondering how he received it.

“Someone is grumpy today. You know that is not what I meant.” He reached out and ruffled Cassius’s hair as though he were a child. “You’re proving my point extremely well, though. You hate royalty, and yet you’re the prince’s valet?”

Crossing his arms, Cassius pouted. “I do not hate royalty.” He thought of the way Prince Merrick had wrinkled his nose playfully at Cassius the night Geoffrey was taken with the fainting spell. Recalled the kindness in his voice when he said the tattered playground Cassius had played in with his sisters was lovely. Remembered the pure joy that had rolled off him when he played with the children at the orphanage. He was not going to think of his swollen prick, the soft curve of his buttocks, or the pink that had tinted his cheeks. The ones on his face, not his behind. Those things weren’t the point.

“What are you smiling at, Cas?”

Fucking hell. He’d been smiling? This was…foreign, this friendly affection he suddenly felt for the prince. Foreign, inappropriate, and quite frankly would piss Cas off if the memory of Merrick’s nakedness was not still so prime in his head. “Nothing. It is the drink,” he lied. “And the prince isn’t so bad, but you have become a gossip, my friend.” He paused, didn’t dare look at Valor before he added, “Is it so bad?”

“The gossip?” Valor somehow knew what he spoke of.

“Yes.”

“Yes,” Valor concurred, and Cassius gave a slight chuckle, even though he didn’t feel it. He appreciated Valor’s honesty. “You know how it is. You moved up the ranks quickly already, and now to become valet? Yes, people are talking. It doesn’t help that you keep yourself cut off from most everyone but me. You haven’t given anyone else the chance to know you.”

“I am not here to make friends.” Cas shook his head and leaned on the wall his bed sat against. Valor picked up the cards, their game apparently finished, and scooted over beside Cas. “I’m here to support my family.” Which was another reason not to entertain thoughts of the prince being kind, or to wonder what his mouth tasted like.

Oh, that last one was a new development. He thought on his day off it might be wise to make a trip to Hadleigh, to the inn that catered to men like him.

“You can do both—make friends and support your family. The two are not mutually exclusive, my friend.”

“I’m not good with people,” he admitted. He never had been, which was why it had always surprised him that he’d become close with Valor and that it lasted this long.

“I know you’re not.”

Cassius playfully pushed the other man. “You’re not helping.” Though he truly was. He’d needed this.

“Sure I am. You’re smiling. And…I’ll talk to the staff, but you can help by speaking with them too. Spend more time with us rather than in your room and scribbling in your book.”

He bit his cheek so he didn’t tell Valor it wasn’t merely scribbles. As much as he’d loved his father, he’d always said the same thing. But to Cassius, it was his heart.

“So what’s this about the prince not being so bad?” Valor queried.

“Nothing.” He wished he hadn’t opened his mouth about Prince Merrick at all.

He could feel Valor’s intense stare burning a hole through him, yet Cas ignored it.

“Cassius…”

“Valor…” he replied. Where was his drink? He thought the night would go much more smoothly if he was drunk. Suddenly, he wished he was still in the parlor with Prince Merrick as he entertained the king of Cairn, which was saying a lot. He had been frightened he’d caused trouble with the prince nearly being late, but it hadn’t been bad. The evening had been awkward for Cas, but that had been the extent of it.

Other than the men Cassius had lain with, Valor was the only other who knew he had a penchant for men. Valor didn’t share the same desires, but he kept Cassius’s secret and did not look down upon him for it. It was because of Valor’s love of whiskey that he even knew—Cassius had drunk too much of it one night. Too much drink gave him loose lips.

“Fucking hell, Cas. You want to bed the prince!” he said, his voice too loud.

“Shh! Christ, be quiet.” Cas shook his head and shoved off the thin, uncomfortable bed.

“Does he—”

“No,” Cassius cut him off. Of course, the prince couldn’t favor men. “And I do not want to bed him.” Only, he did… But could one blame him? The prince was attractive, and Cas’s prick quite missed the feel of being inside someone.

“You’re attracted to him?” Valor questioned.

“I’m not blind…so yes. But do you wish to lie with every beautiful woman you see?”

“Is that a trick question?” Valor replied, and Cas couldn’t help but chuckle again. When Cas sighed, Valor continued. “I am kidding, my friend. I just… It is not wise to entertain such thoughts. It’s unwise under most circumstances, and this is the prince of Evergreen.” Because the last thing Cassius needed was for his family to have another strike against them. For his family to be looked upon as black sheep because of Cassius’s leaning.

He knew that. Of course he knew it. Christ, why had one erection made him so crazy? “There are no thoughts,” Cas replied. “Just interest from my prick, which I shall remedy on my next day off with a trip somewhere discreet.” Cassius never knew when he would have a free day. It all depended on Prince Merrick’s schedule.

Valor nodded, but Cassius wasn’t sure the man believed him. He was troubled himself. Yes, the prince was attractive. He had always thought that, but he was confused by his curiosity about Prince Merrick…about the joy he’d felt as they had played at the orphanage earlier that day. About the way his own cheeks often reddened in the prince’s company when Cas wasn’t the type to blush. About admitting the park was one he went to with his sisters, because he kept those truths close to his chest.

Maybe it was the emotional upheaval he’d had in his life…losing his father, then his rapidly changing positions within the castle.

All Cas knew was, he was tired…tired and confused. His bones were weary, and his fingers itched to write. He longed to pet and feed the horses, to ride until there was nothing else, the way he had been able to do at the farm. His chest ached to see his mother and his sisters daily and to feel happiness that too often seemed to elude him.

“Well, if you’re that in need, I do have a prick I could offer you. Men have been known to take male lovers to ease their need.”

Valor smiled, and Cas couldn’t help but do the same. He knew his friend was teasing him, and he appreciated the effort.

“No, thank you. You’re not attractive enough for me.”

“You pig! I’m highly offended!” Valor continued their game but then added, “Just be careful, my friend. If you make a mistake and anyone discovers your attraction…” He didn’t have to finish.

“Nothing a trip to the inn won’t cure,” he said again.

Valor nodded. The mood of their evening had dampened, and it wasn’t long until Valor left to go to his own room—or likely to lie with the princess’s lady maid as he sometimes did. Cas rummaged through his drawer and withdrew his book and pen before lying on his bed again.

The blush of red,

Racing across pale curves,

Dips, valleys, a craving of skin…

Cassius sighed and closed his book before he got himself into trouble.