As soon as Merrick opened his eyes the following morning, the sting of pain and sorrow returned with a revolting churn in the pit of his stomach. If only he could live in his vivid dreams where Cassius, wearing lavish knickers and a waistcoat, accepted his offer to dance and all the kingdom cheered for their union.

And even if they hadn’t applauded, they would still have each other… But where would that leave them? Cassius possibly without a job when all he hoped to do was provide for his family? No, that would not do at all.

Disappointment burrowed itself more deeply in his chest.

Merrick rose, washed up, and changed into any acceptable clothing he could find, leaving the chamber as quickly as possible so he wouldn’t keep anticipating Cassius at his door…with those honey-colored eyes that saw inside his soul.

Standing now at the parlor window, Merrick stared out at the looming pine trees with white caps of freshly fallen snow. Cassius’s notebook remained in his pocket just as it had the previous night after Merrick fled the dance and stayed with Ursula in the stables until all the guests had left.

He hadn’t read through Cassius’s poems; that would’ve been an invasion of privacy. He only held it close all evening as he sat beside his mare and spoke nonsensically to her about the man he loved. It kept him grounded and gave him the courage to return to the castle well past midnight.

He was still the prince of Evergreen, after all, and had a duty to his kingdom.

His shoulders slumped. That certainly didn’t change, even if everything else did.

Harris had brought in tea for him, and Marjorie came along with some scones. It was his sister’s attempt to keep him fed, but his stomach felt shredded to pieces since the ball.

Last night, once he made the decision to announce his intentions to the world, everything felt different. By now, word would have spread throughout the kingdom that the prince of Evergreen favored men. And not only men in general, but a valet.

Most of the staff in his own castle could not look him directly in the eye this morning. But the ones who did—Valor included—had given him hope that he still had some sort of foothold in this monarchy. And that was precisely what his meeting with his parents would be about, he was certain of that.

He knew his father was angry, his mother disheartened—that alone would be easy to deduce even if Marjorie hadn’t already told him, along with the fact that they had not been ready to speak to him the night before. The king might very well order the prince to enter into a marriage of convenience for the sole purpose of producing an heir, even while the lady knew of his preferences.

But that would not sit well with Merrick—not anymore. Not that it ever had.

For all he knew, he might be banished to the far reaches of the kingdom, or worse—disowned. But if it allowed him to finally live his truth, he would take any such outcome.

Merrick took a seat beside his sister and sipped the warm tea that soothed his ragged throat. He had no more tears left to give. By this hour, he only felt numb.

“Thank you, Marjorie. What you did for me last night can never be repaid.”

“My dearest brother,” Marjorie replied with a sorrowful smile. “I am only sorry your heart has been broken.”

“Cassius was right to refuse me,” Merrick replied even as the words ripped the fresh wound along the seams again. “He was only protecting himself. His reputation.”

The words stuck in his throat. Had Merrick thought about the repercussions, he would’ve chosen a different route last night. He would not have done it so publicly perhaps, for Cassius’s sake, no matter what they’d whispered to each other their last night together.

“I do not care who knows. It is only the harm it could do that holds me back. If I could, I would walk proudly by your side.”

But what then? It was a jumbled mess no matter the outcome.

Marjorie shook her head. “Cassius was protecting you. That much was evident.”

The words only warmed Merrick for a brief instant. He knew Cassius cared for him. But now he understood that the idea of them being together was only a fool’s wish, no matter how many times he recited the words of Cas’s poem from memory and wished them true with all his might.

When the parlor door opened, Merrick braced himself to face his parents. Even though the ball had turned into a celebration for Marjorie and Charles’s engagement, he knew his pronouncement had essentially ruined everything. The monarchy would now have a black mark upon its legacy.

“Mother.” Merrick stood and bowed to her. “Father.”

“Please, son. Sit down,” his father said in a weary tone as they sank onto the settee across from them. “We do not need such formality. Not when it is just us.”

He expected his father to be angry, but instead, he seemed drained and rather flummoxed as he wrung his hands in his lap. His mother wasn’t much better, but at least she offered the minute trace of a smile.

No longer able to wait, he blurted, “I am sorry if I have caused you pain and embarrassment.”

His mother reached for his hand. “My dear child, we’ve been sick with worry. This has been quite difficult for us to understand.”

“I am trying to wind my head around it,” his father added in a strained voice. “How long have you known?”

“That I could never love a woman? That I only prefer men?” he asked, and his father winced. “For as long as I can remember. Of course, I wondered if something was wrong with me, and I hid it for as many years as I could. But I confess, it is exhausting trying to live as someone you are not.”

“Why didn’t you tell us?” his mother asked in an anguished voice as she squeezed his hand.

“For all the reasons you could possibly imagine, Mother,” Merrick replied, the words pouring out of him. It was a relief even if it pained his parents. “Duty. Honor. I did not want to disappoint you. Tarnish our name. Which is precisely what happened last night.”

Merrick stood up, his skin suddenly too tight across his bones, his heart too large for his chest as it throbbed painfully. “I’ve ruined everything for him as well. All Cassius wanted was to provide for his family, and now what? He will not want to show his face here. Will anyone even be able to look him in the eye? They could barely face me this morning.”

“How did this even happen, son?” his father asked. “This…whatever this is between you and your valet?”

Merrick faced the window, his cheeks coloring from the onslaught of warm memories. “Same as any attraction, I suppose. We enjoyed each other’s company. Laughed, talked, found common ground. Formed a deep connection.” He turned to gaze at his parents. “We fought it for as long as we could. I did not want to hurt him, not like this.”

“You care for him,” his mother murmured as if the idea of it was finally dawning on her.

“I love him,” Merrick replied in a steady voice. Of this he was certain. “I know it is difficult to understand. You probably think it unnatural. Deviant. Impossible. But I was born this way, and all we want…all I want is someone to care for. To share my life with. Same as you.”

He heard a noise from behind his elbow and realized his sister was weeping. He patted her shoulder, shushing her.

“Merrick should be able to live as he chooses,” Marjorie blubbered as she dabbed at her eyes. “It is not fair that he cannot be his true self. Why does it matter whom he loves? He is not hurting anybody.”

Merrick held his breath as he watched his parents’ faces soften, and they glanced expectantly at one another.

“Is that what you want, son?” his mother finally asked. “To…live on your own terms?”

“More than anything,” he said in a breathless whisper. “I am sorry I am not who you wanted me to be.”

He felt his sister reach for his hand. “You are exactly who you were born to be.”

Tears stung his eyes, but he swallowed them down. He squeezed his sister’s hand, then dropped it and squared his shoulders. To finally be able to confide such a thing to his parents seemed almost like a dream, but it bolstered his confidence. “In fact, I feel like I might have…a greater purpose. To be a support for those who are struggling as well.”

His father stared out the window as if turning the idea over in his mind.

“Maybe Merrick’s role all along has been to bring this monarchy into the modern age,” Marjorie supplied as she sniffled and swiped at her nose.

His mother scoffed at the notion as his father snickered. “Well, now you’ve put a bee in your mother’s bonnet. No doubt the newspapers will have plenty to say about all this…if they haven’t already.”

“Perhaps show them that we stand united as a family,” Marjorie suggested, smoothing out her skirt over her lap.

“This will not go over well in certain circles,” his mother responded, squaring her shoulders. “But I will not turn away from my child. Not when he needs me.”

Merrick’s pulse throbbed against his neck. “Do you really mean that?”

“Of course, my darling.” His mother reached for a napkin from the tray and dabbed at her cheeks. “My only concern is you. I want you to be happy.”

His father reached for her, rubbing her back before turning his eyes on his son. “I think I am beginning to understand, Merrick, though it may take some additional time. I am sorry you have been suffering in silence.”

“It helps to have a sister like Marjorie,” Merrick replied, and Marjorie’s cheeks flushed. “She is someone to be admired. She will produce a worthy heir.”

“I know it is not how you envisioned it, Father,” Marjorie muttered into her teacup. “I could always keep the Davendall name. It would be a very modern thing to do. Or perhaps someday Merrick might consider adopti—”

“That will be enough for one day, my dear,” their father said, grasping for his chest. “But no matter what we decide for our future, we are a family, and we must stick together.”

His mother nodded. “The monarchy will survive whatever comes our way.”

Merrick bent to kiss his mother’s cheek and then his sister’s, whispering a quick thank-you in Marjorie’s ear.

He took a deep breath, so grateful at the turn of events but wanting to push his luck a bit more now that it was all out in the open. “If you will allow it, I would like to move to Winterfrost Manor as soon as possible. It is time for me to…begin building a life—a genuine one—for myself.”

His parents swapped quick glances; then his mother smiled. “As you wish.”

Merrick stood with purpose now that he had a short-term plan in place. It filled him with a kind of hope he hadn’t felt in years. “I won’t require much—only a butler and a cook.”

“And what of your valet?” his mother asked, a repentant look in her gaze.

Merrick’s chest tightened like a fist as his fingers felt for the edge of the notebook in his pocket. “I suppose I will always long for what we could never have.”