"Wow, you look like shit," Allie said as she walked into my office. She slumped into one of the two chairs opposite my desk, piercing me with her brown eyes.
I slammed my laptop shut before Allie could see that I'd been checking out Erica's Facebook page. Social media was the only consistent form of contact I had with Erica now. From my Internet stalking, I knew that Erica had been devoting the majority of her free time to the mission. She never posted photos of herself out at clubs. Or with guys. That was the only thing keeping my hope alive. But it was only a matter of time before someone noticed what I'd been too dimwitted to see.
"I'm all for wallowing, don't get me wrong. I didn't get out of bed for months after Greg died," Allie said. "And even then, I barely took care of myself, but this whole scruffy look you got going on is not good for business."
"Good thing I'm in charge of online content. I don't have to worry about the way I look," I replied.
"I take it she hasn't called?"
"Nope." I twirled a pen in my hand, feigning indifference, even though I was dying inside. The article I had written had prompted no response from Erica.
"Maybe it's time to get back into the swing of things," Allie said with a tentative smile. "Pick up a lady friend, or whatever you call hookups, nowadays. It can't be good for someone like you to not have sex."
"Someone like me? How long has it been since you got laid?" I threw back.
She waved her hand dismissively. "I'm not the norm. You're a young, virile man."
"I'm not sure I remember how to pick up a lady friend," I said.
"It's like riding a bicycle, you never forget how."
Images of riding bikes with Erica at Lake Champlain came rushing back and I held back a frustrated groan. Why did everything have to remind me of her?
"Nah, I'd rather stay in and read."
"Are you fucking kidding me right now? Where is the Dante I know and love to judge? I know you miss her, but how long are you going to wait for her to come to her senses?"
"As long as it takes." The words popped out with more conviction than I felt.
"What if she never does?" Allie asked, softly.
I couldn't entertain that thought, even though late at night, when I was at my most pessimistic, it had been slipping through uninvited. When I was playing football, if I needed to improve, I could train harder, learn new skills, or pay for a private coach. But this thing with Erica couldn't be compelled by sheer force of will, alone.
It was the most frustrating experience of my entire life, and I had nobody to blame but myself.
"She will," I said, the tremor in my voice belying my confidence.
"I hope for my sake she does, because you've been one surly asshole," Allie said with a teasing smile. Surly didn't even begin to cover my foul mood. "Not to change the subject, but I think I might have been wrong about Logan Carlisle. He might have been drugged by those two Russian whores. Like he claimed."
"Why the change of heart?"
"I did a bit more digging," she said, playing with the papers in her lap. "And he was pretty convincing the night of the awards ceremony."
"He was, or his lips were?" I asked with a chuckle. Something happened between Allie and Logan while my mom and I were fighting in the hallway. I was sure of it.
"Very funny," she said with an eye roll to downplay the blush creeping up her neck. "I might have misjudged him."
"I'm proud of you. I know how difficult that is for you to admit."
"Ah, geez, thanks, Dad," she said sarcastically.
"So, when are you seeing him again?"
"What? Why would I be seeing him again?"
"Don't front with me, boss. I saw your calendar when I was dropping off some paperwork," I said with a smug grin. Her face paled, and she shook her finger at me.
"You fucking snoop. Haven't you learned your lesson?"
"It was right there, in all caps," I said, ignoring her dig. "'DATE WITH LOGAN'"
"Well, it's not like anything is going to come of it. I'm ancient compared to Logan," Allie said, flinging her hair out of her eyes. "I'm almost eight years older."
"No, not eight whole years," I said, throwing a hand over my heart for effect.
"Shut up. You don't understand. Dating younger is normal for a man. But for a woman, dating younger is like winning the lottery and being terrified you're going to blow through all the money in a few years."
"I don't want to think about you blowing through anything or anyone."
A guffaw escaped her mouth, and she shook her head at me. "You're terrible."
"Listen, he would be one lucky guy to get a chance with you. You're a total MILF. If you weren't my boss and I wasn't in love with my best friend's little sister, I would totally fuck you."
"Really?" Allie said with eyes wide. And were those tears? "You just made my day. No, my week. I'm going to do this," she said, hopping up. "It's like riding a bike, right?"
"Sure," I replied, because I didn't want to dull her enthusiasm. With a little hop in her step she walked out of my office, leaving me to finish up for the night.
An hour later, I jumped into my car and made my way through a soggy downtown. The rain had battered the city all day, and the roads glistened black. I considered stopping outside the mission. Every night I had to stop myself from waiting by Erica's car and begging her to take me back. Those were the pathetic thoughts that entered my mind every time I purposely passed by Bell Street on the way to my house.
My very empty and lonely house.
I'd considered selling my place since every part of it reminded me of Erica. I didn't think a person could imprint themselves on a place in such a short amount of time, but she had. Everywhere I turned, memories we shared popped up uninvited.
The breakfast nook in my kitchen had never been so underutilized. Every morning, Erica and I had sat side by side, sipping coffee and reading the newspaper like an old couple. Now I couldn't even look at the space without wanting to take a bat to the custom built-ins.
I hadn't opened the door to my office in months. There were too many mementos lurking on my desk. Pieces of coral Erica had collected when we went deep sea fishing off the San Juan Islands. Photos of us at the tourist spots around Seattle and in Maui. My favorite was the selfie she'd taken of us on the beach at Pa'iloa Bay.
The car phone rang, and I smiled when I saw Damian's name on the screen. Reminiscing about Erica was dangerous, especially right before the weekend, when solitude was my only company.
"Hey man," I said.
"Any chance you want to go to the Seahawks preseason opener with me tonight? Janice is not feeling up to it."
"I wouldn't imagine she is," I replied. Janice was practically bursting at the seams, due to have their little rug-rat any day. Watching the Seahawks play from Damian's private suite didn't sound half bad. It would be difficult to wallow in misery surrounded by thousands of screaming fans, with my friend and beers on hand.
"I was thinking about staying in." I sounded like a loser, but why pretend with one of the only people who understood?
"Fuck that, man. Come out with me. I'm not going to have a lot of free time once this baby comes."
I wasn't sure who needed the night out more. "Okay. Fine. You want me to pick you up or should I meet you there?" I flipped on my lights and turned the windshield wipers on high, squinting past the downpour as I merged onto the interstate. It was impossible to see more than a few feet in front of me.
"Come by and grab me. We can have a few drinks before we go. I have some news. About the trial."
"What news?" I asked, desperate for any details, since the media coverage had been spotty.
"Erica is on her way to New York. She is scheduled to testify on Monday."
My heart hammered faster than the windshield wipers. "Monday?" I managed to spit out.
"Yeah. My mom is meeting her there." The video footage of Erica from that night played a film noir in my head. How would she feel once she knew the truth? Would it break her or make her stronger? "Hey, are you okay?" Damian asked.
"I'm going to have to take a raincheck," I said, flipping on my turn signal and flying off the next off-ramp.
"Why? What's going on?"
"It may be the biggest mistake of my life and she may not want me there, but I have to go."
The silence was deafening. I waited for Damian to talk me out of it. To tell me that I needed to leave his sister alone. If he had, I might have considered it, but his next words strengthened my resolve.
"Good luck, man. You're going to need it."