"The unit has an enclosed sun room, one of the many advantages of being on the main level."
"I don't like the idea of you being on the ground level," I whispered into Erica's ear so that the agent wouldn't overhear me. "It's not safe."
With one eyebrow arched, Erica followed the agent into the compact but well-equipped kitchen.
"This is nice," Erica said, running her fingertips across the granite counter tops in the galley kitchen.
It was nice. But not nice enough. I wanted Erica with me. Every single night. I didn't want her halfway across town, living by herself.
"Yeah, but my kitchen is nicer," I murmured under my breath.
The pantsuit-clad agent spun around to face us, a smile tugging at her lips. The woman wasn't stupid. She knew I had been sabotaging her efforts to find Erica an apartment all week. At first, she had been silently annoyed, but our banter had seemed to grow on her.
"Why don't I give two a chance to look at the unit on your own?" She tiptoed out of the room.
"Let's go look at the bedroom again," Erica said.
The bedroom was large, with powder-blue walls, big windows and rich hardwood floors. She walked to the window overlooking the little courtyard. Rain bounced off a round, glass table, but the sun smiled in the distance.
"It's not safe to be on the ground level as a single female," I said.
"You're being ridiculous. I like it. It's in my budget, in a trendy neighborhood with great restaurants, and within walking distance to my brother's condo."
I came up behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist, settling my hands on her narrow hips. "But it's so far from my place," I whined.
She giggled and gave me a sidelong glance. "You're fifteen minutes away. You act like I'll be living in another country."
"You don't like my place?"
"Of course, I like your place. It's beautiful and I love staying there."
"Then move in with me," I said. The solution seemed clear to me. She wanted out of Damian's and I wanted her with me.
"You want me to move in with you?"
I went to the door and locked it so we wouldn't be interrupted by the agent. "Yeah. I've been thinking about it all week," I said.
She searched my face, allowing my words to percolate. It wasn't the first time I had mentioned it, but all the others had been in passing and she had somehow managed to laugh it off.
"Wow. I don't know what to say. Do you think we're really ready for that?"
"I am."
She seemed taken aback, but recovered quickly. "I can't move in with you."
"Why not?"
"We just started dating. I'm not going to ruin things by moving too fast."
Everything she said made sense. I had to remind myself that she was only twenty-three. And even if I was ready to take the next step, maybe she wasn't.
Am I ready to take the next step?
I knew without a doubt that I was. And not just the moving-in-together next step. But marriage, kids, the whole thing. It was fucking crazy. For somebody who had sworn them off indefinitely, I was having no problem jumping headfirst into the deep end of the relationship pool.
What was holding her back from diving in with me? I shouldn't have read more into it, but my mother's words still echoed in my head.
"You still don't trust me," I said. It was a statement, not a question. The guilty look on Erica's face was confirmation enough. The knowledge that I was responsible for her distrust was a punch to the gut.
"It's not that..." she said, wringing her hands. I arched one eyebrow. "You know what, you're right. I'm sorry, but after everything that's happened, I'm not sure you won't decide tomorrow that I'm stifling you."
"That's not going to happen."
"It's not outside the realm of possibility. And I don't want to wake up one morning and realize I'm intruding on your life, but you're too nice to ask me to leave."
"Erica, that's not going to happen. I want you to live with me because I like having you around. Scratch that... I love having you around."
"And I love being there, but I'm not ready for that kind of commitment."
"You have doubts about us?"
The color in her cheeks rose. She glanced over my shoulder, unable to maintain eye contact. "No. I just need more time."
"Or is it that you have doubts about me?"
"That's ridiculous. Not everything is about you, Dante. There's some stuff that I'm working through."
"What stuff?" Shuffling under my glare, she stared at the floor. I grabbed her arms, and she looked up for half a second, before peering over my shoulder again.
"Stuff that has nothing to do with you," she murmured. I hated that she wouldn't look me in the eyes.
"Was my mom right? Do you think I'm not good enough for you?" I regretted the words as soon as they left my mouth. Not because they weren't true, but because I sounded needy and pathetic.
"Don't you dare put that shit on me," she said, jabbing me in the chest, eyes flashing. Pushing out of my arms, she took two steps back. "This is not about you. This is about me."
"What does that mean? What is going on? Babe, please don't leave me in the dark."
She shook her head and licked her bottom lip, nervousness flaring to life underneath the anger. "I can't. Not yet."
I stepped closer, determined to change her mind, but she pushed past me, rushing to the door. I caught her by the elbow before she could slip into the hallway.
"Where are you going?"
"I need to clear my head. I'll see you later."
***
"Hey, man, where's Erica?" Damian asked, looking over my shoulder.
"I was hoping she was here," I said. Damian swung the door open and gestured me in.
"She's not. What's going on?"
"She took off after we saw the last apartment." I'd considered chasing after her, but being overbearing wasn't the way to get what I wanted.
"Trouble in paradise?"
I followed him into the kitchen, where he pulled down a bottle of whiskey from his liquor cabinet. He poured us both two fingers and handed me a glass.
"I asked her to move in with me. She said no."
Damian sipped his whiskey and then took a seat on the stool beside me. "Isn't that moving a little fast? You two just started dating."
"Jesus, you sound just like her."
He shrugged and gave me a sardonic grin. "Well, we are siblings. I wouldn't sweat it. She probably doesn't want to make a mistake."
"You think us moving in together is a mistake?"
"That's not what I said. I think that Erica is young. After everything you put her through, I think she's terrified that this thing between you two is temporary."
With shoulders slumped, I gulped back the rest of my whiskey. "How do I convince her that it's not?"
Damian rubbed his fingers along the rim of his glass as he considered my question. "Time. As much as it sucks, you have to give her time to trust you again, to come to the same certainty that you have."
"What's that?"
"You love her, man. As much as it pains me to admit it, I see it in your eyes and on your face every time you two are together."
It was some sappy shit, but he was right. I loved her. Why haven't I told her?
"God, you sound like a fucking pussy," I joked. Deflection was an art form I had mastered a long time ago.
"Maybe, but the same thing happened with me and Janice. I knew I loved her before she even had the balls to admit she liked me."
After moving past the whole moral-ethical dilemma of banging his employee, Damian had pursued Janice unapologetically. The same way Erica had been chasing me since she was a kid. Why had it taken me this long to realize that I wanted to be caught?
"How do you do it? Take the plunge after everything that happened with you and Amelia?"
A smile tugged at Damian's lips and he shrugged. "I don't know. I realized that I didn't want the horrors of my past dictating my future." He finished his drink and gave me a crooked grin. "I'm going to ask Janice to marry me."
"That is fucking fantastic," I said, slapping him on the back. "Congratulations, man. Are you sure you're ready for that?"
"I don't have much choice. She's pregnant," Damian replied, rubbing his hand across his temple. He poured us both another shot, downing his in one big gulp.
"Yeah, I know."
"You do?" he asked, glancing my direction.
"Erica found out. You don't have to marry Janice just because you're going to have a kid together. In fact, I think that's the new hip thing to do."
"I want to marry her. It's just been a lot. Fast."
"No kidding. If it makes you feel any better, I've never seen you happier."
The smile on his face confirmed my words. "I am happy. Most of the time, Janice drives me fucking crazy, but she's worth it."
I nodded, contemplating his words while I sipped my drink. Erica was more than worth it. I just needed to convince myself that I was too.