Chapter 18
Kyle
It had been a week since I’d walked out of Simone’s apartment, leaving a huge part of my heart behind. I was so torn. I knew those pictures were old and I really wanted to believe that she hadn’t touched any drugs since then. But I had grown up with someone lying to me about that very thing and it was hard for me to separate the two situations in my head.
I was also having a hard time dealing with another thing those pictures showed. I knew she’d had sex with Brad, obviously they had a child together, but seeing photos of her in that state had messed with my head. I didn’t peg her as the type of girl who would allow her picture to be taken while practically naked and engaged in those types of activities. I could tell by her eyes that she was high as fuck and I just couldn’t handle seeing her like that. Unfortunately, every time I closed my eyes that’s all I could see. Needless to say, I hadn’t slept much these last few days and it was starting to affect my job.
Additionally, the tension in the office was making it awkward as hell for everybody. I could tell by the disapproving looks from Trent that he didn’t agree with my decision to walk away from Simone. He was, however, smart enough to not confront me about it. We had been friends for so long that he knew when to give me my space. But I knew time was running out before he decided enough was enough and forced me to talk about things or kick my ass.
Avoiding Addie had been more difficult. As soon as she saw me on Monday morning she knew something terrible had happened. She had closed my door and forced me to share what had gone down. I didn’t tell her all the details because I still felt a need to protect Simone. If by some miracle Simone and I worked things out, I didn’t want anyone to look at her differently.
But I told her some things had come up between us, things that I was having a hard time dealing with, and that I just needed some time to think.
“I hope you didn’t screw things up for good, Kyle,” she said.
“Gee thanks,” I replied sarcastically.
“Seriously!” she said, throwing her hands up in disgust. “Simone is so good for you, and you’re good for her and Stella. I hate to see you throw away what could very easily be the best thing in your life.”
I was happy that Addie believed Simone and Stella were good for me, but I wasn’t convinced we were a perfect match. I also feared that my words and actions last weekend had completely ruined my chances with Simone. I knew I still had a ton of shit to work through without so many people in my face about it if I wanted to think about getting back with her.
I sat at my desk reading the text from Simone for probably the hundredth time since I had received it on Sunday.
I miss you.
Three simple words that both brought me joy and broke my heart. She hadn’t sent any more texts since then and I couldn’t blame her. I hadn’t responded to that one so I was sure she thought I didn’t care. It wasn’t that. I still loved her, more than I could ever imagine loving anyone, but I was having a hard time getting my thoughts straight in my head. I planned on going to her once I worked things out. I just hoped I wasn’t too late once I got my shit figured out. A part of me thought that with Simone knowing about my past and having similar experiences, she could help me sort through my own issues. But the shock of seeing those pictures had been a major setback. If she had been honest with me before I found the drugs I think we would have been able to move past it. But I wasn’t completely sure, and now I’d broken her trust by leaving her. Leaving Stella. If I had stayed, and heard her out—would it have solved anything? I didn’t know, and now I never would. After I left that afternoon I’d roamed the city, feeling lost and confused. I still felt that way.
I closed my eyes, leaning back in my seat. Normally, I could dive into my work and forget about everything else for a while, but now all I thought about was Simone. I hated going home and seeing evidence of the time her and Stella spent there. I’d even sat in Stella’s room one night, recalling her playing and laughing in there as Simone and I looked on.
“Kyle!” I heard Trent yell from his office, the panic clear in his voice. I jumped out of my chair and ran to his office. As soon as I saw him I knew something was wrong. The look of complete shock and disbelief was all over his face as he slammed the phone down. “We’ve got to get to the hospital. My parents just called, Brad OD’d. Sounds like he went into cardiac arrest.”
“Fuck!” I yelled, running back to my office to grab my car keys. There was no way I was going to let Trent drive right now.
“What’s going on?” Addie asked from her desk.
“It’s Brad. I’m driving Trent to the hospital. Can you handle things here?” I asked barely waiting for her answer.
“Of course, but call me from the hospital and let me know what’s going on,” she called out as I rushed past her back into Trent’s office.
He was already grabbing his jacket and messenger bag. Once he had everything, we both went running out of the office to my car. I jumped into the driver’s seat and started to pull out before he even had a chance to buckle up.
Trent kept looking at his phone. “I can’t fucking believe this,” he whispered.
“Who found him?” I asked, keeping focused and driving us as fast as possible to the hospital.
“It was my dad. He had a few things Brad wanted dropped off… I guess he went to Tiffany’s apartment since they’re back together and that’s where he found Brad. I don’t know anything else.” He sighed, looking out his window. After a few more minutes he added, “I know he has fucked up a lot the last few years, but he’s still my little brother. I can’t lose him.”
Sadly, I knew all too well what Trent was feeling right now. There was nothing I could say or do to take away his fear. I could just vow to be with him every step of the way. Trent, for all intents and purposes, was my brother and family was always there for each other.
I pulled into the parking lot of the hospital. Not seeing any parking spaces right away I drove to the drop zone and let Trent out. “I’ll meet you in there. Go find your parents,” I told him as I watched him run through the sliding doors and into the building.
I found a parking spot in the parking garage and hurried into the hospital. A sense of déjà vu washed over me but I pushed my own issues aside. This wasn’t about me and I needed to be strong for Trent and his parents. I went directly to the emergency department’s waiting room figuring that’s where they would take Brad if he was, indeed having a heart attack. I saw Jim and Marla huddled in a back corner. Jim was comforting his wife who was crying into his shoulder. Trent was over at the reception desk trying to get any information he could from the woman there.
I went over and sat down on the other side of Jim and placed a hand on his back in an effort to lend any support I could. Trent came back over and sat down next to his mom, placing an arm around her but staring off, still in a daze.
“It sounds like they were able to stabilize him in the ambulance on the way here. We’ll have to wait awhile for any more updates,” Trent informed all of us.
I could hear a small sigh of relief come from Marla. Jim took the opportunity to fill us in on what happened earlier in the day. He had received a phone call from Brad and he said he sounded absolutely frantic about getting a box from the house. Jim had been able to locate the box in the garage and decided to take it over to Tiffany’s house since Brad had made it sound like it was an urgent matter. When Jim got to the apartment, he knocked on the screen door. He could see in since the other door was open but didn’t see anyone moving around. He called out and still didn’t hear anybody. He was just about to return to his car when he heard a scream come from inside. He rushed in and followed the screams back to the bedroom where he saw Tiffany leaning over Brad who had collapsed on the floor. He had Tiffany call 9-1-1 and he started CPR on his son.
As Jim finished sharing with us what had happened, the doors to the waiting room slid open. Tiffany walked in looking like a mess. She looked like she hadn’t brushed her hair in a week and she was wearing some ratty sweatpants and an old sweatshirt.
“How is he?” she asked as she walked over to us.
“We aren’t sure right now,” Trent informed her in a tired voice. “Sounds like they got his heart going for now, but we don’t know anything else.”
No one offered for her to take a seat so she sat down next to Trent.
“We could be here for a while. Do you want to go home and get cleaned up?” Trent asked and I could tell he was already irritated by her presence.
“No, I’m going to stay until I know he’s okay,” she said.
Silence descended on the room, none of us really knowing what say. Since we were in for a long wait, I decided to text Addie.
Me: At the hospital. Brad overdosed and had a heart attack. Sounds like they got him stabilized. Don’t know anything else right now.
Addie’s response was immediate.
Addie: OMG, what can I do to help?
Me: Will you call Erik and Ian? Trent needs as much support as he can get.
Addie: Of course. What about Simone? Has anyone told her yet?
I had already thought about Simone but hadn’t asked anyone yet if they had contacted her. I didn’t know if it was a good idea. There wasn’t anything she could do here but at the same time, he was Stella’s father. She probably deserved to know.
“Has anyone contacted Simone?” I asked.
“Not yet,” Jim whispered, shaking his head. I had never seen him this sad. In fact, I wasn’t sure I’d ever seen him cry. “But we should definitely do that.”
“I could have Addie text her,” I suggested. “She’s already calling Ian and Erik.”
“That would be helpful,” Marla agreed.
Me: Could you text Simone as well?
As soon as I sent the message, I realized I didn’t want her getting that kind of news via text.
Me: Never mind. I’m going to go tell her in person.
This was not the way I wanted to come face to face with Simone since I left her but she couldn’t be alone when she heard the news. If she wanted to come to the hospital I was going to be the one to drive her.
The drive to her apartment seemed to take double the amount of time it should have. Even so, when I arrived at her place I still had no idea how I was going to tell her about Brad.
I knocked on her door and could hear footsteps and then the deadbolt being unlocked. The look of surprise on her beautiful face broke my heart.
Her hair was up in a messy bun and she was in loose-fitting jeans and an oversized sweater. She looked exhausted, dark circles under eyes, and her nose was red. I stood there staring at her for several long seconds. She still looked absolutely stunning.
Looking at her physically hurt me because it reminded me of everything I had lost when I’d walked away from her. And for what? My self-pity and wallowing in it for a week? It was like a moment of clarity came over me. At just how much I missed her. Missed Stella. Being with them, in this apartment or at my condo. It was so obvious to me, standing before her, what a complete selfish ass I’d been.
I love you.
“Uh, hey,” was all she could get out. I hated to see her struggle to even talk to me.
I miss you, too.
“Hi there,” I said awkwardly. A dozen thoughts raced through my tired brain but right now, it wasn’t about me or her or us. “Um…” I had no idea how to break this news so I just blurted it out. “There’s been an emergency with Brad. It looks like he overdosed and had a heart attack.”
She just stared at me in shock, not expecting me to say that. But she quickly snapped out of it.
“Is he…” she started, but her voice started to break. “Is he… still alive?”
“Yeah, he’s at the hospital right now. I didn’t want you to be alone when you found out. I also didn’t want you to drive yourself if you wanted to go to the hospital,” I added.
“I should go, but I don’t want to take Stella. I can drive myself. Thank you for coming to tell me,” she said and then started to shut the door.
I put my hand out to stop it from closing in my face. “I’m not leaving you alone,” I informed her.
She stood her ground and I could see the determination on her face. “I need to find someone to watch Stella. It might be a little while before I can get out there. Really, I’m fine. You should be there for Jim and Marla—and for Trent,” she said, not looking into my eyes.
I hated myself right then. Had I broken her so badly that she could barely stand to be in my presence? “Simone… please,” I said softly. Whatever was in my voice must have touched her a little. Her expression wasn’t as hard and closed off; still, she only gave a stiff nod and went back inside. She didn’t open the door wider for me, but at least she hadn’t slammed it in my face. It wouldn’t have mattered. I would have just waited outside for her.
Kayla agreed to watch Stella so we both sat on the couch awkwardly waiting until she arrived. Stella had been napping and I wished she had been awake. Not only did I miss her mother terribly, I really missed spending time with her. I knew I wanted to be a father figure to her. Even now, if Brad finally saw this as a wakeup call and became an excellent father, I would still be there for Stella. A child could never have too many people who loved them.
We remained silent on the drive back to the hospital. Simone spent the entire ride looking out the passenger window. I wasn’t sure if it was because of the situation or if she just didn’t want to look at me. That hurt, making my stomach twist as though a knife was stuck in me. I couldn’t handle the silent treatment anymore. I wanted to be of some sort of comfort to her. I wanted to start making up for my behavior, prove to her she could trust me. That I did love her. That she wouldn’t be alone in this. And then I’d keep proving myself to her until she forgave me and realized I wasn’t going away.
I placed my hand on hers, which had been resting on her leg. She flinched as soon as I touched her and that made what was left of my heart break just a little bit more. “Please, Kyle, I can’t do this with you right now,” she said quietly with her head still turned away from me. She pulled her hand away. That proverbial knife turned in me more.
“Honestly, I’m not trying to push anything right now, Simone,” I said. “I just want to make sure you are okay. Whatever you need, I’ll be there for you.”
“Now you want to be there for me?” she asked harshly before taking a deep breath. “Never mind, don’t answer that. I just want to get to the hospital.”
I didn’t want to upset her any more so I kept my mouth shut. For now. I deserved the silent treatment, her wrath and anger, her disappointment and mistrust—I knew that. But I was suddenly brimming with all these things I wanted to tell her, wanted to share with her. Beg for her forgiveness. I knew it wasn’t the right time, but when was it ever the right time? Still, I just drove, gripping the wheel for dear life.
After a few more minutes of silence she asked, “How are Jim and Marla?”
I exhaled, glad to hear her voice and that she was talking to me. I didn’t care what the topic was, just as long as she didn’t keep shutting me out. “They seem to be doing okay.” I chanced a look at her, but she averted my gaze. “Jim was the one who found Brad and he had to perform CPR. He probably saved his life.”
She sighed, and fell back against her seat. She shook her head. “Poor Jim. I can’t imagine having to find your own child like that,” she said sadly.
Now it was my turn to be silent. I knew how terrible it was to find someone you loved in that position. It had been much too late for any life-saving efforts in the case of my mother, but Brad at least had a chance. When I’d found her that day, she had been dead for several hours. The coroner report had determined that my mother had died just about an hour after Addie and I had left for the Thompsons’ house. Truthfully, it was never easy, whatever age you were.
I pulled my car into the parking garage and we were able to find a spot near the stairs on the second level. I got out and started to make my way to Simone’s side of the car so I could open the door for her, but she had gotten out before I got over there. She started toward the stairs and kept walking, not waiting for me.
I sped up so I could walk next to her once we were on the first level. I directed her to the emergency room’s waiting area. As soon as she saw Jim and Marla, she ran over to them and hugged them tightly
Trent moved over to make space for Simone next to Marla and I went back to sit on the other side of Jim. “Where’s Stella?” Jim asked.
“Kayla’s babysitting at my apartment. I didn’t think it was a good idea to bring her here,” Simone answered. She looked pale but was composed.
“Has there been any update?” I asked.
“The doctor said we could probably see him soon. Right now they are limiting it to immediate family members,” Trent answered. There was no emotion in his voice and he was in the phase of shock where he was just waiting for the other shoe to drop. The waiting was what made it worse.
As we sat in silence, I looked around the waiting room and noticed that Tiffany had left at some point while I had been gone. “Hey, where’d Tiffany go?” I asked.
I noticed Simone tense at the mention of the woman she had caught with Brad all those months ago.
“She got a text and said she had something to take care of. I’m not really expecting her to come back,” Trent explained.
I wasn’t surprised that Brad’s occasional girlfriend would abandon him in his time of need. Based on their on-again, off-again status, it was clear their relationship wasn’t built on solid ground. I could only hope that the fact his family was here, even when he had turned his back on them, would be some sort of wakeup call for him.
“I need to call my boss to let him know I won’t be making it for my shift tonight. I’m going to step outside for just a moment,” Simone said, grabbing her purse and heading out the sliding doors.
I couldn’t help but watch her the entire time she was outside. I wanted so desperately to go wrap my arms around her and hold her tightly through this ordeal. I had fucked up badly and I wasn’t sure I was ever going to be able to fix it.
After she hung up the phone, I saw her wave to someone just out of my line of sight. A moment later I saw Addie run up and give Simone a huge hug, followed by Erik and Ian. I assumed they all drove over together. The four of them walked into the waiting room and everyone began exchanging hugs with each other.
We sat around chatting about anything but Brad or being in the hospital for another hour before the doctor came out. He informed Jim and Marla that they could go back and see their son. The both released sighs of relief as they got up out of their chairs and followed the doctor through the doors and back to Brad’s room.
After about thirty minutes, Jim came back out to get Trent so he could go visit with his brother. The five of us remained in the waiting room making small talk. About twenty minutes later, Jim, Marla, and Trent had all come back to the waiting room.
Brad wasn’t completely out of the woods and the hospital staff wanted to limit the time with visitors to family only so he could rest. Since he was stable, Jim urged all of us to go home, get some rest, and come back tomorrow when we could actually visit with him. The three of them were going to stay for a little while longer.
I drove Simone home and she was just as quiet as she had been on the way to the hospital. “You can just pull up behind my car,” she said when we pulled into the parking lot of her apartment complex. She was making it very clear that she didn’t want me to come up, not even to walk her to the door. Even though it went against everything I was taught on how to treat a woman, I decided not to push the issue.
“Do you want me to pick you up on my way to the hospital tomorrow morning?” I asked, hoping she would at least let me do that for her.
“No, I’ll be able to drive myself. Thank you for the ride today, though,” she said as she got out of my car and closed the door behind her before I could say anything else. I stayed where I was so I could at least watch her walk to her door and make sure she got in okay.
She may not have wanted my help or even my company right now, which was painful to admit, but I was more determined than ever to get my girl back.