Chapter 7
Simone
Having lunch with Kyle had been extremely confusing. I wasn’t confused about my decision to divorce Brad; that was a long time coming. The confusion came when Kyle wrapped me in his arms when I was upset… again.
And, I didn’t pull away. That was twice now that Kyle had made me feel safe. His body had felt warm and solid, and fit with mine like a puzzle; it’d been comforting. The impulse to keep feeling that way was why I’d given him another hug before I’d left. It was foolish of me and he’d probably thought it was strange, but I didn’t care. Even though I knew he was just a nice guy and doing his job, I’d liked the way his hand felt on my back, how firmly he’d held me against his body, and the way he looked at me. If he hadn’t released me—I blushed again at what I might have done. I’d wanted to burrow in further, and never let go. And that, I knew, was crazy thinking.
I knew he watched me leave the lot and pull into traffic. He even wanted to make sure I got on the road safely. I mean, was that something most men did? Or just Kyle? He was so thoughtful, and despite having awful parents, he was the epitome of a gentleman. He was caring and he listened, never mocking me or making me feel stupid for anything I said. He believed me, and vowed to help in any way he could. And I knew I could trust him.
I’d never had that before. Trusting someone and knowing they would stand by their word. Again, it reminded me of what Brad wasn’t and never would be.
I wasn’t blind. I had always noticed how good-looking Kyle was. His short, brown hair was cut to maintain an air of professionalism but didn’t look pretentious. He had beautiful green eyes that were bright and when he looked at you, there was a kindness in them. Today, those eyes had been hidden behind thin, metal-framed glasses. I hadn’t ever seen him wear glasses before, but they made him that much more handsome.
And while I had always noticed him before, I had never allowed myself to focus on how attractive he was. First, I was married. Second, his sister had been engaged to my husband and the only reason they broke up was because of me. And last, he was best friends with my brother-in-law.
But now, I was having a very hard time focusing on anything other than how hot he was. It was completely wrong for me to have thoughts like that about Kyle and I really needed to get my shit together.
As I drove away from the diner, I decided to go home first. I wanted to speak with Brad before going over to Jim and Marla’s. I had no idea how Brad would react to my news, but I had a feeling he’d welcome it. You don’t stage what I’d walked in on without the intention of ending something. I was hoping he would go with me to his parents’ house so we could break the news to them together. I felt like it’d be less of a blow for them that way and also prove that Brad and I could handle this like adults, and that the divorce could be a clean break. I wanted this process to be as pain-free for everyone as possible. At the next red light, I decided to text him and make sure he was going to be home.
Me: I’m on my way to the apartment. Can you meet me there so we can talk?
Brad: Already here.
Me: Ok. Be there soon.
I tried to plan how I’d word everything during the rest of my drive home. Once I parked and headed up the stairs, I still wasn’t sure exactly what to say. I could hear the video game playing on the television as I slipped my key in the door to unlock it. When I walked through the door and closed it behind me I saw Brad on the couch with the controller in his hands. It was the same spot I usually found him any time we were home together.
I didn’t say hello and neither did he. Not acknowledging my presence was also quite normal for him. I placed my purse and keys on the small table next to the door and made my way to the couch. Getting comfortable, I sunk down onto the soft cushion, kicked off my shoes so I could put my feet up, and faced Brad.
“So what did you want to talk about?” he asked, without taking his eyes of the screen where he was currently shooting up some building.
“Do you think you could stop playing for a minute and actually listen to what I have to say?” I asked. I didn’t hide the annoyance in my voice, though he didn’t seem to notice. He never noticed anything that mattered.
“Simone, I’m fucking listening to you, just say whatever you need to say,” he demanded.
The fact that something monumental had happened in our relationship last night and he couldn’t even spare me a few minutes of his undivided attention pissed me off. I wanted to handle our divorce in a mature manner. It was now clear that would not happen.
Realizing he was going to continue to ignore me, I grabbed the remote control from the cushion next to me and turned the television off. “Maybe now you’ll actually listen to me,” I said as I tossed the remote back on the couch.
“Seriously?” he asked, laughing at me. But it wasn’t a humorous laugh. No, Brad was completely furious with me. And that scared me a little bit, but I wasn’t going to back down, not now. I needed to have this conversation with him so I could move on.
“I met with an attorney today,” I informed him, of course not disclosing that it was Kyle. That was a discussion we could save for later, if needed. “I’ll be filing for divorce as soon as possible. It will take about six months for everything to be finalized if we can agree on custody of Stella and the division of the few assets we have.”
I stopped, waiting for any sort of response from him. Instead he picked up his phone and started typing on the screen.
“Really? You have nothing to say? You’re just going to start texting?” I snapped, my hands fisting in my lap. I could hear the anger in my voice and I’m sure my face was red at this point.
He stood up and started to move into the kitchen. “What do you want me to say? When you caught Tiffany giving me a blowjob, I kind of figured that was the end of things,” he retorted over his shoulder. I swear I saw a smirk on his face when he said that.
“I know you aren’t upset about our marriage ending, but we will have to eventually talk about custody of Stella…” I let those words hang out there, expecting some sort of acknowledgment from Brad. Instead, he took a drink of water and shrugged his shoulders.
His lack of response broke my heart. Not for me, but for my daughter. She deserved to have a father who would do anything in his power to spend time with her. Someone who would be upset at the thought of not seeing her every day.
I looked at the clock and noticed it was time for me to go pick her up. “I’m heading over to your parents’ to get our daughter. Do you want to come with me so we can tell them together about the divorce?” I asked, hopeful he wouldn’t make me do this on my own.
“Nope. If you want to tell them that’s your business. I have no desire to have a conversation with them about this,” he replied. Of course, his answer didn’t surprise me.
“Fine,” I said, getting more frustrated with him by the minute. I got up to gather my things so I could leave. “I guess I will see you when I get back.”
“Wait a minute!” he said, stopping me in my tracks. “You aren’t planning on coming back here tonight, are you?” he asked.
“What?” I stared at him, jaw dropping. Did he really think I would have another place to live lined up already? “Where would you expect me and Stella to go?” I fired back.
“I don’t give a fuck where you two go, but you aren’t coming back here. I told you last night you needed to find a new place to live. This is my apartment,” he sneered.
I couldn’t stop the tears from falling down my cheeks. Was he really kicking his daughter and me out of the apartment? It hadn’t even been twenty-four hours yet. While I didn’t want to share a bed with him ever again, I thought I would be able to stay on the couch until I could come up with a plan for Stella and me.
“Besides, Tiffany is coming over tonight. I’m guessing you don’t want to be here for that. Things might get a little awkward if I’m fucking her and you’re hanging out in the living room,” he said with an evil grin.
The visual Brad just provided had my stomach churning. Not wanting to risk losing my lunch, I grabbed my purse and flung the door open. “You’re such a fucking asshole!” I shouted back toward him before slamming the door behind me.
I stood on our third floor landing, leaning on the railing for a couple minutes, trying to collect myself. I was shaking so hard and breathing so fast I thought I might pass out. Brad had always been careless and selfish, but this crossed over to cruel and heartless. I was so mad at myself for letting my silly childhood fantasies convince me to enter into a marriage where love wasn’t the foundation. This was going to be a painful lesson for me to learn, but I was determined to be strong for my daughter. I pushed off the railing and numbly made my way back to my car. I’d do the best I could for Stella all on my own, which I finally understood had always been the only option.
*****
It was almost four when I knocked on my in-laws’ door and waited, unsure how I was going to break the news to them about Brad and me. Marla opened the door with her usual bright smile but the moment she saw me, I could see the lines of worry etched on her face.
“Oh, sweetie! What’s wrong?” she asked, placing her arm around my shoulder and directing me into the house.
I immediately turned in her arms and started sobbing into her shoulder. She hugged me as tightly as she could and this time, I didn’t pull back right away. Like with Kyle, I held on because I needed her strength right now. I had always longed for someone to care for me like this. Now I worried this might be the last time she’d embrace me. I wished I had shown her more often that I appreciated her and Jim; that I truly cared about them. But trusting anyone with those emotions was hard for me and Brad had eroded my faith in others even more.
She pulled away slightly and wiped the tears off my cheeks with her thumbs. “Come sit down and tell me what’s going on,” she coaxed gently.
“Where’s Stella?” I asked, sitting down next to Marla. I looked around the living room, not wanting to talk about this in front of her. Even though she was still young, I knew she picked up on nonverbal clues and I didn’t want her to have any negative impressions about this moment in her life.
“Jim is putting her down for a nap upstairs. The beach wore her out today—I’m so sorry, I hope it doesn’t completely ruin bedtime for her tonight. Do you want me to have him wake her up?” she asked, starting to get up to go call them.
I placed my hand on her arm gently. “Oh no, I actually wanted to speak to the two of you so it’s fine.”
Marla patted my hand and gave me a reassuring smile. “Sure, whatever you want dear. Can I get you something to drink while we wait?”
“I would love some water. Thanks.”
Marla got up and left, heading toward the kitchen just as Jim made his way down the stairs. “Simone!” he said, his face lighting up. “I didn’t even hear you come in. I just got Stella tucked in. Do you need to leave already?”
“I’ve only been here a few minutes,” I said, suddenly nervous. I tried not to fidget and kept my hands, folded, in my lap. “I don’t have to leave right away; I was actually hoping to talk to you both.”
Jim took a seat on the loveseat that was perpendicular to the couch I was sitting on. As he sat down, Marla came back in with my glass of water and a plate of cookies. She was the perfect hostess, always providing some sort of baked good and drinks for her guests. Today’s cookie was my favorite, peanut butter. I took a moment to savor the comfort only something as simple as peanut butter cookies could provide.
“So what did you want to talk about?” Marla asked, placing her hand on my knee as a sign of support.
I closed my eyes briefly and took a breath. “This is so hard to tell you guys, but Brad and I are getting a divorce.” I rushed the words out and held my breath, waiting for their reaction.
Marla’s eyes widened slightly and her mouth parted in an ‘O’ of bewildered surprise. Jim continued to watch me in silent contemplation. Neither of them said anything for a few seconds.
“Oh, dear. Can I ask what happened?” Marla asked, blinking a few times. Her brows furrowed as she looked at me. She didn’t sound angry with me, which was a relief, but I was hesitant to tell her and Jim what exactly happened last night. I knew the ugly details would eventually come out, so I took a big, calming breath, and with my heart in my throat and my fears on my sleeve, I explained.
“Well, you know why we got married in the first place,” I said, starting off slow. I definitely did not want give anyone a huge shock, but I was done protecting Brad and making excuses for him. They had to know what kind of man their son was, and I had to have faith that they’d at least hear me out. If not for me, for the sake of their granddaughter. “In the last few weeks, I realized I married him for the wrong reasons and that Brad had never wanted to get married either. I wanted to make sure Stella had a family, so I didn’t think about the fact that Brad and I really weren’t meant to be together. I think this was a long time coming. Better now than another year of misery.” I paused, looking at both of them before continuing. “And last night, I walked in on him with another woman in our apartment. He didn’t care how that looked…” I stopped, swallowing hard. I decided to leave out the drug part because from Marla’s gasp and her falling back on the couch, she wouldn’t be able to take much more. “That’s why I decided to file. I told him before I came over here and he’s definitely on board with the divorce.”
Marla said nothing, staring off with a stunned expression on her face. Jim didn’t seem all that surprised. Even though I was terrified they’d throw me and Stella out, I felt a huge burden lift off me. I was finally able to breathe for the first time in two years.
“I’m guessing there’s more to the story than you are sharing, and I can respect that, Simone,” Jim said gravely, finally breaking his silence. He scrubbed his face with one hand and sighed. He looked ten years older in just a fraction of second, and I felt bad about that, but I wasn’t sorry I had said something. “Simone, I have my own confession to make—I feel like this is partly my fault as well.”
Marla sat up, and looked over at her husband. “Jim,” she said, her voice tense. “What did you do?”
Jim didn’t flinch as he looked at his wife, however, when he looked at me, he seemed almost ashamed, like he’d done something wrong. “When you announced you were pregnant, that night… I made it clear to Brad that he had to do the right thing or Marla and I would cut him off.”
Marla sagged back into the couch again, bringing her hands to her flushed cheeks. She shook her head. “Oh, Jim…”
“I’m sorry, Simone,” he said, his voice hitching. “I should have never interfered. A part of me thought I was helping him realize what he should do, not what he had to do. I’d hoped he’d grow into being a responsible husband and father.” He looked at Marla then glanced back at me. “I was wrong, and your unhappiness… I’m partly to blame for that and I own up to it. But clearly, my son has failed you and his daughter and that’s on him.”
I broke down. So that’s what Brad had meant when he said he felt pressured to marry me. Was I really that stupid to have believed he came to that decision on his own? Just when I thought I couldn’t shed another tear, another round overtook me. Marla gathered me up in her arms, patting my back until I regained control over my emotions.
“Can I ask why Brad isn’t here with you telling us what’s going on?” Jim asked, but from the look on his face, he already knew the answer. Marla handed me a tissue and I wiped at my eyes.
“I asked him to come with me but he had other plans.” I left my answer purposely vague for Marla’s sake. She was finally coming around, but the sadness in her eyes made my chest feel tight.
“I… can’t say I’m surprised by this, not really,” Marla said, subdued. She kept a motherly arm around me. “I’ve been blind to his faults for too long, and like Jim, I prayed he’d turn himself around. Him marrying you gave me false hope that he could change and be the man I thought he could be.” She paused, and took one of my hands in her free hand. “You need to know that we will be here for you and Stella while you navigate through this. You’re not alone.”
I nodded. I wasn’t able to respond with words because the tears had started flowing again. My biggest fear was losing them and Marla was telling me I didn’t need to worry about that.
“Sweetie, please don’t cry,” Marla cooed, squeezing me into her side.
“I was so worried I was going to lose the two of you. You’re the only family I have,” I sniffed, voicing my fears out loud.
“That will never happen,” Marla said firmly. “You’ll always be our daughter. You and Stella are a part of our lives, and nothing will ever change that. I won’t allow it, and Jim won’t either.”
After I calmed down a bit and swallowed down some water, Jim resumed his questions. He scooted forward, elbows on his knees and fingers laced loosely together. “So, where is Brad right now?” he asked.
“He’s at the apartment,” I answered, nasally from all the crying.
“Is that where you’re going when you leave here?” he continued, frowning.
I had to remember that Jim was an attorney and firing off questions rapidly was just his way of learning the details he deemed important. It also helped me focus and rein in any more emotions floating through me. His pointed questions were cutting right to the heart of the matter.
“Um… Brad said I needed to find somewhere else to live as of tonight since the apartment is in his name,” I answered, not able to meet Jim’s eyes.
“Bullshit!” Jim boomed. That made me and Marla both jump. His mouth was in a thin line, his brows snapped together, and his nostrils flared. The man seldom cursed or raised his voice so I knew he was furious. “Simone, you obviously don’t know this, but that apartment is in our name not Brad’s. We signed the lease two years ago as a favor to him—as a reward.” He shook his head, almost to himself. The angry expression dissipated to one of disappointment, at himself, at the situation, or maybe at whatever else that was going through his mind. “Since you moved in, we’ve helped pay the rent several times because we didn’t want you and Stella to be evicted. I’m going to call Brad right now, and let him know that he’ll be the one vacating the apartment, and that he’d better be gone by tomorrow morning.”
My first instinct was to not allow Jim to do anything that would upset Brad, and I almost pleaded with him to not say anything, but I realized, for the first time, Brad’s feelings were no longer my concern. He was on his own. At the same time, I didn’t want to create a divide in which Marla or Jim had to pick sides. Brad was their son, their flesh and blood, and I couldn’t blame them if their instinct was to protect him, no matter what. “If you’re sure…” I said, taking a deep, unsteady breath. “You don’t have to do that, Jim. I appreciate the gesture, though.”
“I won’t have my granddaughter uprooted from her home like this. He can move out. I’m sure he has somewhere to go,” Jim said, grimly. “For tonight, you’ll stay here.”
I closed my eyes briefly. “Thank you…” I whispered, on the verge of tears again. There was nothing else I could say. Once again Jim and Marla proved just how wonderful they were.
“Have you talked to an attorney yet?” Marla asked, tentatively.
This was the question I was worried about. I didn’t want them to think Kyle was betraying them by helping me. I also didn’t want to cause problems between Trent and Kyle. But this too wasn’t something that I could keep secret forever.
“Yeah, I spoke with Kyle this morning, and he offered to help prepare the paperwork. I didn’t know who else to ask,” I said, still fretting about going to Kyle. “If it makes any of you uncomfortable I can find someone else—”
“I don’t see a problem with that. Kyle is an excellent lawyer,” Jim said, adamant. He stood up and walked over to me. He leaned over and kissed me on the top of my head, just like a loving father would do. It made me smile and he returned a gentle smile of his own. But then he grew serious. “I’m going to call Brad now. And by tomorrow, the apartment is yours and Stella’s, okay? I’ll even go over there before to make sure he’s gone.”
With that, Jim went back upstairs, probably to his study. I had no desire to hear any part of that conversation or whatever excuses Brad would make.
“Since you’re staying here, why don’t you head upstairs and take a bath or a nap?” Marla suggested. “Dinner will be ready in a couple hours so you should rest until then, or just have a moment to yourself. If Stella wakes up we’ll take care of her.”
We both got up and hugged once more at the bottom of the stairs before I walked up to the spare bedroom. I was extremely grateful that Stella and I both had a place to stay tonight. I set my purse at the end of the bed in the guestroom. A bath sounded heavenly. Before I could enter the attached bathroom, though, I heard a light knock on the door and welcomed whoever it was to come in.
“Here’s a pair of pajamas,” Marla said. “There are some spare toiletries in the bathroom. If you need anything else just holler.”
I took the pajamas with a grateful smile. “Thanks again. And Marla, I’m really am sorry.”
“You don’t have anything to be sorry for, Simone, so please don’t apologize,” she returned. I could tell she was sad about the whole thing but understanding, too. She reached out and gave my hand a squeeze. “We love you very much and just want things to work out for you and Stella.”
I’d really hit the jackpot in the in-law department.
As I was getting ready to enter the bathroom I heard my phone chime with a notification. I went back to my purse and dug out my phone, wondering who it could be now. I prayed it wasn’t Brad messaging me about the apartment. The very thought of dealing with him right now made me positively ill. However, I was a little surprised when I saw who the message was from. I opened the text and read the message.
Kyle: Just wanted to check on you.
I sat down on the bed, warmed by his thoughtfulness. I got real lucky in the lawyer department, too. I texted him back immediately.
Me: Thanks. I’m at Jim and Marla’s. Just told them.
Kyle: How did that go?
Me: Well they aren’t mad at me and they’re letting me stay here tonight with Stella.
Kyle: I had no doubt they would be supportive. I’ll have some documents ready tomorrow afternoon if you want to come by the office and review them.
Me: Sure, I can be there at 2. Will that work?
Kyle: See you then.
After a long soak in the tub, I put on the pajamas, which didn’t fit too badly considering I was curvier than Marla. I was about to put on the gold wedding band that I had set on the bathroom sink but ended up putting it in my purse. The band had never fit and I wasn’t even sure it was real gold. I hadn’t had a traditional engagement or wedding. We got married at City Hall with just Marla, Jim, and Trent there. I almost laughed when I remembered how no one had smiled or seemed happy during the brief ceremony or when Jim had taken everyone to a fancy restaurant downtown as an impromptu reception. It’d been the most anticlimactic event ever.
I made my way downstairs for dinner. Stella noticed me as soon as my feet hit the last step.
“Mama!” she shrieked and ran to me. Watching a toddler run was pretty comical, her arms and legs seemed to be completely out of sync.
“Hi, baby girl,” I said as I scooped her up in my arms and kissed the side of her face. I carried her into the kitchen but stopped short when I saw Trent sitting at the island talking to his mother. Marla was at the stove, pulling a glass casserole dish of lasagna out of the oven. I knew Trent would find out about the divorce sooner rather than later. I certainly hadn’t planned on seeing him tonight, though.
“Hey, Trent,” I said, setting Stella on the counter but keeping my arms wrapped around her. I eyed him, wondering if Marla or Kyle had told him yet.
“Hi, Simone,” Trent said, eyeing me back.
And I knew he knew. “Who told you?” I asked but I wasn’t mad. Maybe I should have been, but I was actually okay with not having to break the news to anyone else.
“Mom was just filling me in on what was going on with that douchebag brother of mine,” Trent said with a snort.
“Language!” Marla warned him.
“Sorry, Mom,” Trent said in a tone that didn’t sound the least bit contrite. He looked over at me. “I kind of found out on my own this afternoon when Kyle was filling out some documents… It’s a small firm and both Addie and Kyle were acting odd, so I already knew something was up.” He gave me a sheepish smile. “Kyle gave me a brief explanation before I headed over here.” He paused, drumming his fingers against the countertop as he made faces at Stella, who found it hysterical. “You know, you could’ve asked me…”
I walked over to Trent and gave him a hug. I think I surprised him but he returned the gesture with a hug of his own. If I could describe the perfect big brother, Trent would be it. I let him go and shook my head. “This is already super awkward,” I said to him, “there was no way I was putting you in the middle. It’s nice to know you were willing to help, but I couldn’t ask that of you.”
“All right enough talk about this for now, let’s eat,” Jim suggested, walking into the kitchen.
I didn’t ask how his conversation with Brad went as we walked into the dining room. Instead, I took my seat next to Stella and we talked about everything other than the divorce for the remainder of dinner. I enjoyed sharing a meal with the people I’d considered family. I hoped that things would remain this comfortable between all of us.
*****
The next morning the smell of bacon and coffee woke me up. I picked up my phone to check the time and panicked a little when I saw that it was just past eight. Stella must have been up already and I was relieved when I saw Jim at the table eating breakfast with her.
After breakfast, Jim informed me that he was going to meet with Brad later to continue their ‘discussion’ from last night. I just nodded and didn’t inquire further.
Even though I didn’t want to, I called up Kayla after I’d gotten dressed, and asked to swap shifts since I knew she didn’t usually work Tuesday nights. I’d given her a brief rundown of the past couple of days, and her response, like Jim’s and Marla’s, was nothing but supportive. Another wave of relief washed over me and I felt even stronger about my decision. After breakfast, Stella and I ran a few errands, picking up a few things for myself, and then we had a quick lunch with Marla. I had bought some slacks and a nice businesslike top while we were out and put them on. I wanted to look professional for my meeting with Kyle. I left Stella with Marla, since Jim had not yet returned. Once I arrived at the office, I greeted Linda, who called Kyle to let him know I was here. I was terrified and yet, calm because I knew without a doubt that this was the right thing for Stella and me.
While I was waiting for Kyle, I saw Addie walk through the office. She stopped when she saw me and abandoned whatever she had been doing and headed my way.
“Hi, Simone,” she said with a smile on her face.
I smiled in return. “Hey…”
“I hope you don’t mind but Kyle told me why the two of you met for lunch yesterday. I’m really sorry you are going through this,” Addie said, heartfelt.
When we had talked a week and a half ago, I’d believed her when she said she didn’t have any bad feelings toward me. Seeing her today just reinforced that she meant every word. I didn’t know how she managed to be so nice, but she was. I’m not sure I would be so kind to the woman that my fiancé had cheated on me with.
“It’s fine,” I told her, squeezing her hand. She squeezed back. “And thank you, for your words…”
“Simone?” I heard Kyle call from next to the reception desk.
I stood up, Addie taking her leave as I stared at my lawyer. Kyle had been in nice slacks and a plain white button-down shirt when we’d met at the diner yesterday; but today, he was in a suit, with a tie, the shirt underneath was light blue with thin, white pinstripes. He looked like a powerful and well-to-do businessman—or something out of a fashion magazine. His bright green eyes, his captivating smile, and focused gaze had me a little flustered. I hated that I couldn’t get my mouth to work and say something as basic as ‘hello’ but I couldn’t. I about died when Linda smiled, eyeing her boss then me.
Linda covered for me and cleared her throat, drawing Kyle’s intense gaze away from me so I could actually breathe. “I’ll be sure to hold all calls until further notice,” she said, smiling at me, “or direct them to Trent.”
Kyle nodded, then looked back at me. “Why don’t you come on back so we can get started.”
I nodded, gave him a brief smile, and silently followed him into his office. Those dreaded butterflies fluttered in my stomach and I tried to ease my anxieties by smoothing out the non-existent wrinkles from my blouse.
For the next hour he explained the whole divorce process for California residents in detail. Brad and I didn’t have much in the way of assets so division of property wasn’t going to be difficult. He told me that based on the length of our marriage and our income, I probably wouldn’t receive spousal support.
“We need to figure out what you want to ask for in relation to custody of Stella. Is there any reason you and Brad might not have joint custody?” Kyle asked. He had his glasses on, and was writing things down on his legal pad. His professional demeanor helped set the tone of the meeting and aided in me focusing on the discussion and not the man sitting in front of me.
I had to think of what I wanted to say before I could answer him. Honestly, Brad was not a very hands-on father. He didn’t spend much time with our daughter unless I nagged him about it. Sure, he was with her while I was at work on occasion, but that’s all he did. He didn’t interact with her. If those had been my only complaints I may have been open to the idea of joint custody. However, the events from two nights ago kept playing through my mind. There had been cocaine on my nightstand. If Brad was using drugs there was no way I was okay with sharing custody with him. And since he never seemed to have money, despite learning that Marla and Jim assisted him with the rent, God only knew how much he spent on drugs or other vices I didn’t know about. I didn’t even want to think about the possibility of him wasting money on his girlfriends.
“Um…” I started, biting my lip. “The other night when I caught Brad with Tiffany, there was something I didn’t tell you.” I was hesitant to voice these details out loud, even though I knew it was the right thing to do. I hadn’t shared this with anyone yet. “They had been using cocaine together. He said it was a one-time thing, but I’m not sure he was telling the truth. Stella was there in the apartment with him.”
The fact that Brad and I had experimented together one night a couple years ago made me feel hypocritical using this against him. At the same time, Stella had not been in the picture and I couldn’t get past the fact that he had been using while he was responsible for our daughter.
“What?” Kyle asked, exasperated and his face getting red with anger. I was a bit surprised to see his intense reaction.
“I’m not sure how long he’s being doing drugs, or if it’s a recent thing…” I trailed off, trying to be as fair as I could. Brad didn’t deserve my consideration but I was, however, trying to avoid any prolonged battle and I knew Brad well enough that not upsetting him was key to getting his cooperation. I knew I’d have to concede some things, even if my lawyer said otherwise. I had never been this decisive in my life, but for once, I knew what I wanted and how to do it. I only thought of Stella and that gave me a lot of strength.
I heard Kyle mutter something under his breath that sounded a lot like “motherfucker.” He leaned back and ran a hand through his hair, musing it up. “We can ask that he submit to a drug test before determining custody. He could also agree to supervised visits, which could mean Jim or Marla being with him when he has Stella. Do you think he will fight you on full custody?” he asked.
“Honestly, I don’t know,” I said, shifting in my seat. “He isn’t an active father, but I could see him doing something just to be vindictive. He isn’t the nicest person to deal with when he feels attacked.”
Kyle placed his glasses on the desk and rubbed his temples with his fingers. “Simone, has he ever been abusive towards you, or Stella?” he asked again, bluntly. “I know I asked you yesterday if he’s ever hurt you, but that isn’t the only way someone can be abusive. I heard the way he was talking to you at Jim’s birthday party. Does he do that a lot?”
Not able to answer him with words, I looked down and just nodded my head. I was embarrassed that a man who seemed to have his shit together saw me in such a vulnerable position. That he might think I was weak, that he might really believe I was to blame for this whole mess but was too kind to say otherwise. If I entertained thoughts like that, I knew others had too.
“I don’t want to overstep, but talking with someone, a professional, might be beneficial. You’ve been through a lot. I could give you a recommendation.”
Kyle was right. Talking to someone probably wasn’t a bad idea. “I think I’d like that,” I responded, grateful for his continued concern.
He reached over and handed me a business card. “Well, I believe we have enough to get started,” Kyle said, smiling encouragingly at me. “Based on what we’ve discussed, I don’t think the judge is going to have a problem with requesting a drug test and he’ll probably require some parenting classes for Brad.”
“Thank you again for all your help,” I said, knowing I sounded like a broken record at this point. It was all so overwhelming and I was still waiting for something to go screwy. I got up and gathered my purse. Kyle got up as well and walked around his desk. Before he opened the door for me, I looked up at him, placing a hand on his chest. “There is no way I could’ve figured this all out on my own, Kyle. You have no idea just how grateful I am that you’re on my side.”
He smiled, placing his hand over mine and pressing it into his chest. “It’s no trouble at all.” He paused, his eyes searching my face. “I’m going to be with you every step of the way,” Kyle promised. “You can count on me, I swear it.”
I nodded, slowly removing my hand. His fingers flexed around mine before he dropped his hand and opened the door. When I walked to my car my step was a little lighter, less burdened. I knew Kyle would keep his promises, and that, too, gave me strength.