CHAPTER TEN
Blake
A bout of coughing racked her mother's body and I watched as Keri stood helplessly beside her.
"It's okay, Mom," she soothed as she brushed some hair from her mom’s forehead. Something in her tone pulled at my heart.
From the time I'd discovered who she was, I'd built her up to be a heartless bitch in my mind and what I was seeing didn't fit with that. After a minute of more painful coughing, it died down and her mom's chest rattled as she breathed.
I watched Keri look down at her mom with concern, which gave me a glimpse at another side of Keri that I hadn't seen before. There was no mistaking that look; she loved her mom and, from what I could tell, her mom loved her too. It was hard to believe that they were Victor's family.
In my mind it was hard to imagine Victor and Keri's mom together. Actually it was hard to imagine anyone with that monster. At times it was still hard to even comprehend that Keri was his daughter.
Unable to keep my emotions from filtering through onto my face, I decided it was a good time to leave. I remembered Keri's words. She didn't want me to upset her mom so I backed away quietly, leaving the two of them alone in their own little bubble.
Once I got out of the room, I rubbed my hands over my face as I tried to get my thoughts together. The image that I'd built up of Keri had cracked, and the more I'd watched her interact, the bigger the cracks had gotten. The image had crumbled and I was left reeling.
I'd liked Keri before I found out who she really was, and then I'd hated her, and now I just felt numb.
Fuck!
I began to pace, trying to work off the nervous energy building up inside of me.
"So she finally told you," I heard Kyle say and I swung my gaze to find him standing with his arms crossed over his chest a few feet away from me. I felt my blood boil.
"You knew about her mother and you didn't say anything?" I asked him incredulously.
"Yes." He gave a brief nod.
“Why didn't you say anything?" I asked.
He let out a sigh and dropped his arms to his sides.
"She asked me not to," he explained.
To me there was really only one reason he'd do that and it made me angry. I just saw red. Before reason or he could stop me, I stepped forward and swung my fist. There was a hiss of pain as my first connected with the side of his face, the momentum of the hit making him stumble backward.
My breath was hard. Anger consumed every cell of my body as I took another menacing step forward.
“What the fuck was that for?” he yelled at me as his hand went to the side of his face.
“I know what you’re doing and I won’t allow it,” I yelled back as my fists tightened at my sides. The urge to hit him again was almost impossible to fight.
“You’re an idiot,” he stated as his hand dropped from his face.
He wouldn’t be an easy opponent to defeat because, like me, he was an alpha, but just the thought of hitting him made me feel slightly better.
“You don’t know everything because if you did, you would understand why I didn’t say anything,” he explained calmly.
I had no idea what he was talking about and I felt my temper rise even further.
“If the two of you can’t play nice, get out of my medical center,” Curtis barked. My glare shifted from Kyle to Curtis and for a few moments I wanted to smack him too.
“I’ll leave,” Kyle offered.
“Come find me when you know everything and then you owe me an apology,” he instructed with a fierce look before he turned on his heel and walked out.
I was shocked and stood there still wanting to hit someone to ease the anger building up inside of me. What was he talking about?
“He’s right,” Curtis added as he studied me for a moment. “You’re going to feel like an ass when you find out everything.”
I glared at him. Why did everyone but me know what was going on? He turned and left me standing there confused and angry.
I took a few deep breaths before I managed to calm myself down. How was meeting her mother going to change everything I’d learned up to that point? But no matter how much I wanted to push away Kyle and Curtis’ warnings, my gut was telling me that they were right.
By the time I heard the faint click of the door opening and my eyes shot up to meet Keri’s, I was ready to find out everything. There was no more hiding and it was time to talk.
I pushed off the wall and walked up to her.
“We need to talk,” I stated. I don’t know if I expected her to fight me on it or not.
She nodded and I followed her quietly out of the medical center back to her room. Once inside her room, she turned to face me. She seemed agitated and nervous. I was feeling confused and frustrated but I remained quiet, waiting for her to start talking.
“There is a reason I did what I did,” she said while holding my gaze.
She had my undivided attention.
“Victor made sure I had no choice.”
The puzzle pieces inside my mind began to knit together and the picture started to become clearer.
Fuck! I thought when the picture that I had was different from what I’d been thinking all along.
I felt a wave of remorse and self-disgust crash over me. At the moment, I felt I was no better than the monster who had fathered her. Her eyes dropped to the floor for a moment as she bit down on her lip.
“He kept her prisoner,” she said softly, and I felt the ground move from under my feet. “He knew that I would do anything to keep her safe.”
Keep her safe, echoed through my mind as I tried to comprehend the full impact of what she was telling me. She looked so vulnerable, I wanted to reach out to her to console her but I stopped myself. The revelation left me standing speechless.
I knew Victor well enough to know he was capable of what Keri was telling me. She hadn’t deceived us and betrayed us because she was like her father. I rubbed my hands over my face. She’d done it to keep her mom safe. Even with the revelations, I was still left with questions.
“After he died, why didn’t you tell anyone?” I asked softly, sounding a little hoarse.
She studied me for a moment.
“I was scared that you guys would use her against me, too, if you found out about her,” she admitted softly, and I felt the pain of a knife turning in my chest.
I wanted to tell her that we wouldn’t have but I stopped myself. The truth was I’d been prepared to lie to her to get her to mate with me to keep my loved ones safe. It made me no better than Victor.
I thought about Kyle and Curtis’ warning. They were right. I felt like an ass. It also explained Kyle’s protective nature toward her because I felt the same. He hadn’t been trying to put the moves on her; he’d been trying to be her friend—something she didn’t have a lot of.
Saying sorry wasn’t going to ease the guilt that I felt. No words would be able to rectify my behavior. I felt a physical pain when I thought of how I’d first reacted when I’d found out she was my mate. This time when I looked at her I didn’t see a cold-hearted bitch that was like Victor. I saw a girl that most of us had judged without giving her a chance to explain. We’d failed her.
“What changed?” I asked softly. There had to be a reason why she’d decided to tell me about her mother now.
“She’s dying,” she revealed, and I saw her eyes glisten.
Just when I didn’t think I could feel any worse, I did. Instinct pushed for me to touch her. I wanted to hold and protect her so no one would ever hurt her again, but after everything I’d done, I had no right to.
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled. Words wouldn’t make it better but it was all I had.
Keri
Blake rubbed his hands over his face and let out a heavy breath. It was good to see his reaction to the truth.
I could see the guilt and the sympathy in his eyes and it pulled at my heart. I hadn’t told him about my mom to get his sympathy or to make him feel bad. I’d told him the truth so he would be able to understand why I’d done what I had. It was the first step in being honest with each other so we would be able to put the past behind us and be able to mate with consciences that were clear.
I bit down on my lip to keep my tears from spilling out and sliding down my face. Saying the words aloud about my mom dying had made it more real than before, which made it a little more difficult to deal with.
I swallowed hard and took a deep breath to keep myself together. I still didn’t trust Blake even though I’d told him the truth, and I didn’t want to cry in front of him. Feeling vulnerable around him wasn’t a good thing. My mind couldn’t be distracted around him, it would be too easy to depend on him and I wasn’t ready to do that yet. He needed to earn my trust first.
“You need to tell me everything,” he said as he walked over to the bed and sat down.
I studied him for a moment. Telling him about my mom was one thing but opening up about everything was totally different, and I wasn’t sure I could.
“Please,” he said softly as he patted the empty spot beside him. “I need you to tell me everything.”
He was my mate and that was the only reason I considered his request. After a few more moments of silence I relented and went to sit beside him but made sure to leave enough space so we wouldn’t touch accidentally.
“Where do you want me to start?” I asked as I clasped my hands together.
“At the beginning,” he suggested softly.
I think as hard as it was going to be for me to lay everything out in the open to him, it was going to be just as hard for him to hear it.
“I didn’t have the type of childhood you had,” I began to explain and he watched me. “Victor was a hard man that used people in his pack like soldiers and I was no exception. The fact that I was his daughter made little difference.”
I glanced down to see his fists tighten slightly.
“I was expected to train like everyone else, and sometimes he expected more from me because I was his daughter.” I didn’t like to think about the past because there was no happiness in it but I knew that I needed to do this. “The few times I’d refused, he’d ensured I received a fitting punishment…Sometimes it was a beating and other times he’d lock me up and only give me a little food and water for days.”
Everyone thought they knew Victor but I knew the depth of what he would do to get what he wanted. He was worse than the reputation he’d earned throughout the territories.
I noticed the slight tense of Blake’s jaw and knew he was struggling to control his temper, and it made me feel warm inside.
“I’m not sure why he kept my mom around initially but when I got older and the punishments didn’t seem to be working anymore, he decided to use my mother to ensure my obedience instead.”
He ran a hand through his hair as he looked away from me.
“I’d dreamed of running away but there was no way I could let anything happen to my mom.”
He stood up and began to pace. He was struggling with all the details of my life. It had been much harder to live through it.
“There was no way to get her out of here so I did the only thing I could. I did whatever Victor wanted even though it meant doing…terrible things.”
He stopped pacing and turned to face me. I held his gaze for a few moments, wondering what he was thinking. He walked closer and I tried to stop myself from leaning away from him. Being this close was pushing my boundaries of trust. I had to trust that he wouldn’t touch me without my permission. He bent down in front of me and looked at me.
“I’m so sorry,” he said gently. He meant it and I felt my heart squeeze. “I know it doesn’t erase the hurt I caused or what happened to you…it doesn’t change the fact that your mom will die, but I just wanted you to know that if I could have changed any of that, I would have.”
His words reached down into some hidden part of me, a part of me that had been pushed into the darkness my whole life that wanted to come out into the light. I tensed my jaw and pushed it back into the darkness.
Words are just words, I reminded myself. For me to completely trust him, he would have to prove to me that I could trust him. His eyes scanned my face and he reached out to touch my cheek. I was stunned but his fingers never connected with my face; instead they hovered slightly above my skin.
“You don’t know how badly I want to touch you,” he admitted softly, and I swallowed. “After hearing what happened to you, I want to hold you and tell you everything will be all right, but I won’t touch you until you ask me to.”
I held my breath, my eyes fixed to his. He hadn’t done what I’d expected and I felt a little off balance. It was rare that people didn’t behave the way I expected.
He stood up and shoved his hands into the front pockets of his jeans.
“I have something to tell you,” he said softly. I could see by his expression that whatever he was going to tell me, I wasn’t going to like.
Thoughts raced through my mind as I tried to figure out what he could have done that made him look so guilty.
“From this point, I want you to be able to trust me,” he said. “So I need to tell you everything.”
I clasped my hands together as I tried to keep my nervousness from my face. Normally I was able to keep my emotions in check but when I was with Blake it was harder. It was like when he looked at me he saw deeper into me than anyone else.
“All I ask is that you listen to what I have to say and give me a chance to explain,” he requested. I contemplated for a few moments while he watched me before I gave him a brief nod.
“I lied to you,” he admitted softly.
A tense silence settled over us. It didn’t surprise me, but it still hurt.
“I didn’t come here because I forgave you and wanted to mate with you,” he revealed, and I felt my heart crack. It wasn’t like I was surprised because from the moment he’d shown up I’d suspected he had ulterior motives, but still, the fact that he admitted it was harder to cope with.
As much as I wanted to walk out and ignore him, I stayed sitting on the bed, trying to keep him from seeing how much his admission was affecting me.
“I came here to mate with you but I was doing it to keep the packs safe,” he further explained, and I let my gaze drop to the floor.
It felt like I’d been physically hit and I struggled to keep calm. He’d lied and deceived me, but I’d done the same. I took a deep breath.
“We needed to make sure you could shift so you would be strong enough to hold your alpha title. The longer you are unable to shift, the more vulnerable you are,” he explained softly. I kept my gaze to the floor. I couldn’t look at him.
“We need you to stay in charge of this. We want peace, and if another alpha gets your pack that won’t be guaranteed.”
It made tactical sense but his words cut right through me. I’d known he’d come here with ulterior motives but even though it had been expected, it hurt that I’d been right. I pressed my lips together and lifted my gaze to look at him. His eyes studied me to see how I’d taken the news of his betrayal.
“I listened to what you had to say,” I said as I stood up and walked over to the door.
I reached for the handle.
“I let you explain.”
That had been all I had agreed to.
“Keri—”
I didn’t wait to hear what else he wanted to say. I opened the door and left, slamming the door so hard it nearly broke off its hinges.