CHAPTER NINE
Keri
It was going to be impossible to keep my mom a secret from Blake for very long. I’d managed to give him the slip this morning to spend a half hour with my mom before he’d found me coming out of the medical center.
“What were you doing in the medical center?” he asked as he walked beside me. I couldn’t tell him that I’d spent the last hour spending time with my mother who was busy dying.
“I was just checking in with Curtis,” I informed him. Coming clean about my mom wasn’t something I was ready to do yet. I wasn’t going to be able to keep my secret for long, though. She was dying and in a few days she would be gone. It meant that no one would be able to use her against me.
But something else stopped me from telling Blake. I wasn’t sure if it was the fact that I wanted him to think that I’d betrayed them of my own choice and by doing that it would make it harder for him to see the good in me. I was scared. If he didn’t have a reason to hate me, what would happen? It was easier to keep him at arm’s length if he saw me as a heartless manipulator that was so much like the monster who’d fathered me.
“Yeah, I heard that you made him your beta,” he said. I glanced at him briefly.
“I trust him.”
I don’t know why I felt the need to say that. I didn’t need to justify my decision to anyone, even my mate.
What scared me the most wasn’t just trusting Blake. I trusted Curtis so I knew I was capable of trusting. I was scared of feeling something. The only person I truly loved was my mom, but if I let Blake in then there would be a pretty good chance that I would care for him, maybe even love him. I’d never been in love before but I’d seen enough heartbreak to know the consequences of being hurt and I wasn’t sure if I could cope with that. Loving someone gave them the power to break you.
I felt the heat of his gaze on me.
“You agreed to give me a chance to get to know you,” he reminded me. “You need to lower the walls if you want to give me an opportunity to try and make a go of this whole mate thing.”
I stopped to turn to face him.
“I did agree and I’ll give you a chance,” I assured him. He had no idea the pressure I was under at the moment. Every time I thought about what was inevitable I wanted to scream and cry at the same time.
“How about we agree to have lunch together?” he suggested. It was hard not to feel suspicious of his actions, but I bit my lip before I nodded my agreement.
“Great,” he replied. “I’ll go and organize the food. You meet me back at my room at twelve.”
He gave me a smile, the one that did funny things inside of me, before he turned and walked away, leaving me feeling out of place and nervous. I was still standing there watching him when I heard someone walk up to me. I didn’t need to turn to know it was Kyle.
“You haven’t told him about your mom yet.”
It wasn’t a question, it was a statement. I wanted to ignore him and keep walking so I didn’t have to have this conversation with him but he held my wrist gently to keep me from getting away. Reluctantly I sighed as I turned to face him.
“You can’t use the excuse that he can use your mom against you.”
He was right but I didn’t want to face it. I pressed my lips together to keep my temper under control. I didn’t know why he had to keep pushing me about him. Couldn’t he let me decide when I was ready to reveal it to Blake?
“The sooner you come clean about your mom, the sooner you guys can figure out stuff,” he explained.
I couldn’t understand why it mattered so much to him.
“Look, I know that you think you know me but you don’t. Your cousin thinks that I’m good but that doesn’t mean that I am,” I said, getting more exasperated by the moment.
He studied me for a moment as if he was contemplating something.
“Scarlett isn’t my cousin,” he revealed.
I frowned. He was the son of Nate, who was Scarlett’s dad’s brother. Of course he was Scarlett’s cousin.
“Scarlett’s my sister.”
I scanned his face to see any signs of lying but I couldn’t see any. As far as I could see he was telling the truth. I took a step back as the full implication of what he’d just said hit me.
My father, the person who’d given me life, had murdered his parents. He should hate me, but he was trying to see the good in me. The good that I wasn’t so sure was there.
“You should hate me,” I whispered as I held his gaze.
“How can I hate you for something your father did?” he said. That hadn’t stopped everyone else from thinking the worst of me, though.
“Everyone else does,” I added, but he shook his head.
“People think that you went along with your father. They don’t know that your father forced you to do as he said. No one knows about your mother and how he used her to make you do what he wanted.”
I bit down on my lip.
“You told me the reason why you didn’t want to tell anyone about your mom was because you were scared they would use her to control you.”
I let my gaze drop to the floor.
“You can’t hide behind that excuse anymore. I spoke to Curtis, and he said she only has a few days left.”
I hated that he was right and he was forcing me to face it.
“What are you afraid of?” he whispered to me, taking a step closer, and I held my arms tight around my waist.
“I’m not scared of anything,” I told him defiantly, not wanting him to see the scared little girl inside of me.
“Then tell Blake the truth.”
He wasn’t going to let up about this.
“You think that just telling him about my mom is going to solve everything,” I said, feeling my anger grow. “It won’t.”
“How will you know unless you take the chance?” he questioned.
We studied each other for a few minutes as a heavy silence settled between us.
“Fine,” I relented and stormed off. I was thankful that he didn’t follow me to my room where I took a few minutes to pull myself together. Inside my room I sat down on my bed and let my face fall into my hands.
He was convinced revealing that one little secret would fix everything but I wasn’t convinced it would. Everyone but Scarlett had just assumed the worst of me. I didn’t believe that just revealing the secret about my mom would be enough for everyone to change their perception of me and give me a chance.
Some would never be able to trust me because of who my father was. He’d been a monster who had inflicted so much pain on everyone, and it was difficult for everyone to separate me from that. His blood flowed in my veins and he’d raised me so all of them had just assumed that I was like him.
I let out a heavy sigh.
Kyle would keep hounding me to tell Blake about my mom and I knew it wouldn’t change much so I decided that when I met Blake for lunch in a couple of hours I would tell him the truth.
At least then I could prove to Kyle that it would change nothing.
Blake
Everything seemed to be going according to plan but I still felt nervous and guilty. I kept reminding myself of her betrayal so the guilt wouldn't stop me from doing what I needed.
Even if I wanted to I couldn't walk away. Too many people were depending on me. Keri would be vulnerable if I left before we mated. She needed to be able to shift into her wolf if she was going to hold her position as the alpha of her pack.
Time was running out. She'd already been attacked once and who knew how long before her ex-beta returned for revenge or someone else hungry for power preyed on her. I wouldn't admit this out loud but the thought of someone harming her had felt like someone had punched me in the gut. It was a relief that Kyle had been there to save her.
I was having mixed feeling about Kyle. On the one hand I was glad he'd been here to protect her but the more I watched them together the more I wanted to pummel him with my fists. I knew I had no right to feel jealous but I was. It was an emotion I couldn’t stop.
You can do this, I kept saying over and over in my mind, trying to pull myself back to the task at hand. I ran a hand through my hair as I contemplated what I was going to say to Keri to make her believe I was very serious about mating with her.
But it was easier said than done. I felt a hollowness in my chest when I pictured Keri in my mind. I wished that our circumstances had been different and that we didn't have all this added stuff to deal with. Why couldn't it have just been as simple as finding out she was mine?
If she hadn't been the deceitful and dishonest person she clearly was, I was pretty sure she would have made me very happy. Life sucked sometimes and no matter how much I wished, it wasn't going to change anything. It didn’t help that from the time I’d begun to feel something for her, no other girl had compared. Even now after everything she’d done I still couldn’t get myself to move on to another girl.
I surveyed the romantic picnic I'd organized. I'd been surprised she'd given in so easily to the idea of us getting to know each other. She wasn't stupid and I knew she was suspicious of my intentions, and yet she’d still agreed.
Ignoring my conscience, I checked my watch. It was nearly twelve and I needed to get myself together. If she suspected what I was up to then there would be ramifications for both of us. I didn’t want to be responsible for leaving my pack and friends vulnerable to a new alpha. It wasn’t just that, though. I didn’t want to leave Keri open to an attack. Even though we hadn’t connected as mates, I still cared for her despite my attempts to hate her. I took a deep breath and released it. I heard a knock on my door and knew it was Keri.
“Hi.” I opened the door and invited her in. She gave me a brief nod as she stepped inside my room.
Even after everything, I still couldn’t help my physical reaction to her. She was beautiful and I wanted to draw her closer. My eyes flickered to her lips and I had to suppress the desire to kiss her.
I was careful not to touch her by accident. Even if I didn’t intend to touch her, she may have taken it as my way of forcing the mating and I didn’t want that. It was hard trying to gain her trust and if I made the wrong move it could all be lost and I’d be back to square one.
Her eyes rested on the picnic basket on my bed and she looked back at me.
“I thought it would be better if we got away from here. We could find a nice spot in the forest to have a picnic,” I suggested, almost convinced that she was going to refuse.
“Fine,” she replied in a clipped tone. “As long as we don’t go too far away.”
She probably wanted to stay close. The whole alpha role was still new to her and she probably wanted to be near enough so if something came up she could get back quickly.
“Sure,” I said, giving her a smile. Her eyes dropped to the floor to avoid my direct gaze.
“Let’s go,” I instructed softly as I picked up the basket. I followed her out and we walked to the side of the property to a set of gates that opened up on the forest.
The guards at the gate opened them when Keri gave them a nod. In silence we walked about five minutes into the forest as I contemplated what we were going to talk about. If I wanted this all to work, I had to be careful not to offend or upset her. It wasn’t going to be easy.
We came to a stop by a small grassy spot under a few trees.
“This good for you?” I asked as I surveyed the spot.
Her eyes held mine for a moment before she gave me a nod. Geez, I wished she’d actually say something. It was going to be hard to have a conversation if I was the only one talking. The silence continued while I laid out a blanket I’d found in my room for us to sit on. She sat down and pulled her knees to her chest as she watched me set the picnic basket down.
I wanted to let out a frustrated laugh at how we were going to try and make small talk and pretend there wasn’t all this deceit and betrayal separating the two of us. Like I had predicated, she wasn’t very talkative and after eating a couple of sandwiches I finally gave up.
“This isn’t going to work if you don’t let me in,” I admitted to her as I ran an agitated hand through my hair.
She bit down on her lip as our eyes met. It was like physically she was here with me but her mind was somewhere else. She closed her eyes for a moment and then she opened them up again. “I need to show you something.”
My curiosity was piqued. Keri wasn’t the type to share, so my imagination was going into overdrive trying to figure out what she wanted to show me. Whatever it was must have been pretty serious, if her expression was anything to go by.
“Okay,” I said before I stood up and held my hand out to her. It was only when she refused to take it that I realized I’d momentarily forgotten about the whole mate thing.
“Sorry, I forgot,” I mumbled as I packed up the picnic and folded the blanket.
It had been an honest mistake but she’d probably taken it as an underhanded ploy to get her to touch me. I followed her back to the property, lost in my thoughts of how I was going to gain her trust. My eyebrows lifted in surprise when she headed to the medical center. I left the picnic basket outside beside the door and then I followed her inside.
I don’t know why I felt nervous as she came to a stop outside one of the rooms.
“Any questions you want to ask or anything you want to say, you wait till we leave the room,” she insisted tersely.
My forehead creased in confusion but I nodded my agreement. I had a feeling whatever she was going to show me was a way of her allowing me closer.
The moment Keri stepped through the doorway, she became another person. She smiled at the older lady who lay in the hospital bed.
I followed her in.
“Hi, Mom,” Keri said, greeting the patient, and I felt like the carpet had been pulled out from beneath my feet.
Mom. From the time I’d found out that Victor was Keri’s father I’d never once wondered what had happened to her mother. I think I’d just assumed she’d died. Standing there watching their interaction of love, I felt like I was intruding on a private moment between a mother and her daughter.
“How are you feeling?” Keri asked with concern as she touched a light kiss to her mom’s forehead.
I could see some resemblance between the two. They had the same blue eyes, and although her mom’s hair was going gray, I could see they had the same shade of blond hair.
“I’m good,” she whispered, but you could tell that she had a deathly color to her face and she looked like she was having trouble taking in and releasing each breath.
“Mom, this is my friend Blake,” she said, introducing me to her mom.
I wasn’t a friend, I was a fraud. Her mom’s eyes met mine and she smiled at me.
“It’s nice to meet you, Blake,” she whispered and I felt something—an uneasy feeling—stir in my stomach.
I had a feeling that what I was about to find out would change everything.