Chapter 15

 

Beth

 

My body buzzed with equal parts anxiety and anticipation as I turned into the driveway of the command center. It had been four days since I’d taken off for Oregon, and I wasn’t sure what kind of reception I’d get upon my return.

I was worried about what my friends thought of me for running out on Chris, but more than that, I wasn’t proud of myself for what I’d put him through. Yes, he’d hurt me, but what I’d done was almost as bad. I’d left him just hours after trying to break our bond, and I hadn’t spoken to him once since then. Separation was hard on bonded couples, but doubly so for the male. I’d known that, and I’d done it anyway. I hadn’t meant to be cruel to him, and this wasn’t some form of payback. I’d been so wrapped up in my own pain I’d selfishly ignored his.

The first thing that struck me when I neared the house was that I couldn’t sense Chris inside. The longer I’d stayed in my self-imposed exile, the more I’d missed feeling him nearby, until I was as jittery as a drug addict in withdrawal. My stomach clenched in disappointment, even as I felt a small measure of relief that I didn’t have to face him yet.

I parked my Harley in my usual spot and groaned as I stretched my aching muscles. I loved riding, but I’d been on the road since early this morning, after a short rest at the safe house in Sacramento. My butt was sore from sitting for so long.

I dropped my bag off at the empty guesthouse and went to the main house to see who was around. I found Raoul, Will, and Sara in the control room.

“You’re back.” Sara hugged me tightly, and her smile was wide when she let me go. “Did you just get here?”

“A few minutes ago. Where is everyone?”

“Nikolas and Chris are out checking on some properties David found. Mason and Brock went with them. I don’t know where everyone else is.”

Guilt pricked me again. While I’d been hiding out at home, everyone else had been dealing with the situation here and trying to find the missing girls.

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

“Not much anyone can do until we get a solid lead,” Raoul said. “But it’s good to have you back.”

I rubbed the stiff muscles of my neck. “Good to be back.”

“You okay?” Sara asked.

“Too long on the bike. I’ll be fine after I move around a bit.”

“Let’s go for a hike. We haven’t done that in a week, and it’ll help you work out the kinks. I could use some nature time, too.”

A vigorous hike sounded pretty good, and it would keep me occupied. Otherwise, I’d spend the day moping around here, waiting for Chris to come back. I had no idea what I was going to say to him, but he and I needed to talk. If I sat around thinking about it, I’d be a mess by the time I saw him.

“That sounds great.”

 

*     *     *

“Is this a hike or an expedition?”

I grinned at Sara, who was several yards behind me on the narrow ridge. “We’re almost there. Come on. The view is worth the trek.”

We continued along the ridge for a few more minutes, and I let out a deep breath when we reached the summit of Mount Baden-Powell. I loved coming up here, where all you could see were mountains and desert and sky.

Sara came to stand beside me. “Wow. Is that the Mojave Desert over there?”

“Yes. You like it?”

“I love it.” She took a long pull from her water bottle as she scanned the area. “I bet there are trolls in those hills.”

I jerked my head in her direction. “Trolls?”

She nodded. “Yeah. They love mountains and cliffs. Not that we’d ever find one of their caves. We could be standing on top of a troll clan right now and never know it.”

A laugh burst from me, and my whole body suddenly felt lighter. “I bet you’re the first person to stand up here and wonder where the trolls are.”

Sara chuckled. “Probably so.”

We sat on the rock, neither of us saying anything for several minutes as we enjoyed the view. One of the things I loved about Sara was that she never needed to fill the silence with conversation. If I’d brought Mason up here, he would have talked my ear off by the time we hit the summit.

“How is he?” I asked before I could stop myself.

Sara let out a breath. “Honestly? I’ve never seen him like this. Chris is usually the easygoing one, the one who makes others smile. I don’t think he’s smiled in days.”

I drew up my legs and rested my forehead on my knees. “You must think I’m a terrible person for leaving the way I did.”

“Of course not.” Sara’s hand rubbed my back. “I know how difficult bonding can be, especially in the beginning, and I’m pretty sure I put Nikolas through a lot worse.”

“You thought Nikolas didn’t want the bond when you tried to break it. I know Chris wants ours, and I still tried to end it.”

Her hand stilled. I felt her staring at me, but I kept my gaze on the wide stretch of desert below.

“You tried to break the bond?”

“Yes.” Pain pricked me as it did every time I remembered the look on Chris’s face the last time I saw him.

“Because of the woman at the club?” she asked softly, without judgement.

“You know about her?”

I hadn’t told anyone except Rachel and Mason about running into Chris’s former lover that night, and they would never break my confidence.

“Chris told me about her.” She was quiet for a moment. “You were getting along so well that night. I find it hard to believe that seeing a woman he went out with years ago would make you want to break the bond.”

“It wasn’t that he’d been with her. I admit that bothered me, but it’s not the reason I got upset.”

I told her about the encounter with the woman, and me realizing he’d been with her a month after he’d left Longstone for the last time.

Sara exhaled slowly. “I can see why that upset you. I’d feel the same way.”

“When I was younger, the last person I thought could ever hurt me was Chris. But he did, and it took me a long time to get over him. What happens if I bind myself to him and he hurts me like that again? It would destroy me.”

“Loving someone means putting your heart in their hands and trusting them to keep it safe.”

My throat tightened. “What if I can’t trust him to do that?”

She was quiet for a moment. “You need to ask yourself if you can learn to trust him, and you need to figure that out before either of you get in any deeper. Chris is crazy about you. It’ll kill him if you let the bond grow and then decide you don’t want it.”

“I don’t want to hurt him,” I whispered hoarsely.

“Do you love him?”

“Yes,” I breathed.

“Can you imagine a life without him?”

Tears suddenly clogged my throat, making it impossible to speak. I shook my head.

“Then you have your answer.”

 

*     *     *

Sara and I stayed up on the mountain for hours, talking about everything from relationships to books and music to places we’d like to see. When we finally returned to the car, it felt like a weight had been lifted from me. I wasn’t ready to jump into Chris’s arms, and the thought of trusting him with my heart still scared me, but I didn’t want to walk away, either.

Admitting that last one filled me with a nervous energy that had my fingers tapping the steering wheel. What would I say to Chris when I saw him? What would he say to me? Was he angry at me for not hearing him out that night and then leaving without a word? I wouldn’t blame him if he was.

Sara laughed and reached over to lay a hand over one of mine on the wheel.

“You look like you just drank a gallon of espresso.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be. You seem to be happier than when we left the house this morning.”

I smiled at her. “I am. Thanks for coming with me today and for the things you said up there. It helped a lot.”

Her stomach growled loudly in response, and the two of us laughed.

“Late lunch?” she asked, already looking around to see what was available.

“God, yes. I ate breakfast at 4:00 a.m., and my stomach is about to eat itself.”

We found a little Mexican place where we shocked the waitress by demolishing four baskets of tortilla chips and salsa before our meal came. I was sure I caught her peeking at us once to see if we were dumping chips in our bags. When we ordered the fried ice cream for dessert, she just shook her head and smiled.

It was a late afternoon by the time we got back to the house, and I was full of nervous anticipation over seeing Chris. As soon as I pulled up to the garage, I knew he wasn’t there, and I swallowed my disappointment as I got out of the SUV. I’d made him wait four days, so it was only fair that I be the one to wait for him now.

“Lass,” boomed a loud voice when we walked through the garage door into the kitchen. I watched as Sara was lifted off the floor by a big red-haired warrior I didn’t know.

Sara let out a strangled laugh. “You’re crushing me, you big oaf.”

“My turn, bro,” said a second male with the same Irish brogue.

I thought I was seeing double as Sara was passed off to another warrior, identical to the first one. Twins?

“Don’t make me zap you again,” Sara threatened in a muffled voice.

Laughing, the warrior set her on her feet. “We missed you, lass.”

“Right.” She scoffed, but her smile said she was happy to see them. She turned to me.

“Beth, this is Seamus and Niall.”

“Nice to meet you,” I said as the one named Seamus took my hand in a firm grip.

He grinned boyishly. “Pleasure’s all mine.”

Niall shoved his brother aside to claim my hand. “If I’d known the lasses were this pretty here, I would have come a lot sooner.”

Sara scoffed and gave him a friendly shove. “What does bring you guys to California?”

“Tristan thought with all the people we have in LA, you could use a healer,” Niall said. “We volunteered to escort Margot and to see if you could use a few more pairs of hands. It’s too quiet at home these days with all the extra security Dax has on the stronghold.”

Seamus nodded. “And with Sara’s two beasties running loose about the place, no one would be daft enough to attack.”

Sara’s beasties were two hellhounds she’d adopted and named Hugo and Woolf. I’d heard all about them from Sara and Jordan. Sara missed them terribly, but she couldn’t travel with a pair of hellhounds. She said they were happy at Westhorne, and she went home between jobs to see them.

“Will you be staying here at the command center?” I asked, noticing the two large duffle bags on the living room floor.

While I was gone, Geoffrey and his team had moved into the new safe house we’d set up in the city. This place seemed almost empty without all the extra bodies.

“For now,” Niall said. “We’re about to head out to meet up with Nikolas and Chris for a pint.”

“We won’t keep you then,” Sara told them. “I’m sure we’ll have plenty of time to catch up.”

Seamus smiled. “That we will.”

The brothers left, and Sara and I went to clean up from our hike in the mountains. Nikolas called Sara around 6:00 to let her know he wouldn’t be home for dinner, so the two of us ordered Chinese and hung out with Will and Raoul in the control room. It was a quiet night, and the only call that came in was from one of the teams reporting they’d killed two vampires outside a bowling alley.

At 11:00, I decided to call it a night. Mason was out on patrol with Brock, so the guesthouse was quiet as I undressed. Lying in bed, I found it impossible to settle down. Every night that I’d slept in this bed since Chris and I had bonded, I could feel him nearby, even when I hadn’t wanted him there. My Mori was agitated now, not being able to sense him, and I had a feeling it was going to be a long night.

I was finally dozing off when a commotion outside woke me. I heard shouting, which was cut off abruptly by a loud splash. That was followed by male laughter and more shouts.

Lifting my head, I glanced at the clock on my nightstand. 2:00 a.m. What the hell was going on out there at this hour?

I got up to see what was happening, and I was halfway across my room when I realized I could feel Chris’s presence. Before I could think about that, a knock came on the front door.

I hurried to answer the door and found Nikolas on the doorstep wearing an apologetic smile.

“I’m sorry to wake you, but we have a small situation.”

“Dove,” called a drunken male voice I’d know anywhere. “I need to see Dove.”

I leaned to one side to peer around Nikolas, and my mouth fell open at the sight behind him. Chris stood supported between Seamus and Niall, and he looked wasted. He was also drenched from head to toe.

“What happened to him?” I asked Nikolas.

“He fell in the pool, and we had to fish him out.”

“I can see that, but he’s drunk. How much alcohol did he have tonight?”

We had a high tolerance for human alcohol, and a warrior would have to consume a vast amount to get this intoxicated.

Nikolas shook his head. “It wasn’t normal alcohol. He drank murren.”

“What’s that?”

“Demon liquor.”

I put my hands on my hips. “Where the heck did he get demon liquor?”

“Demon bar,” called either Seamus or Niall. How could anyone tell them apart?

“Don’t yell at her,” Chris growled.

Someone let out a loud “oomph.” Nikolas and I looked behind him to see one of the twins rubbing his side.

Chris spotted me and stared as if he wasn’t sure I was real. “You came back,” he said in a hushed voice.

“Yes.”

He gave me the saddest smile I’d ever seen. “I’m sorry, Dove.”

Nikolas turned to me again. “I’d leave him to sleep it off in the grass, but he’d wake up the whole neighborhood. He insisted on coming over here.”

I sighed heavily. “Bring him in.”

“Where do you want him?” one of the twins asked after they’d helped Chris into the house. “Bedroom?”

I huffed. “Absolutely not. Let me get some towels, and you can put him on the couch.”

I grabbed a stack of large towels from the linen closet and spread them over the cushions. Seamus and Niall sat Chris on the couch where he immediately toppled over onto his side.

“I think he’s finally passed out,” Nikolas said.

“Will he be okay?” I asked no one in particular. I had no idea what the effects of demon liquor were.

“He’ll have a bad hangover. That’s it.”

“I’m not going to ask why you all were at a demon bar,” I said crossly. “But if he pukes in here, you three are cleaning it up.”

“Yes, ma’am,” one of the twins said, and they all chuckled.

They left, and for the first time in four days, I was alone with Chris. He was asleep, but his presence filled the room, surrounding me and soothing my Mori. I hadn’t known just how much I’d missed him until that moment.

I walked over and stood behind the couch, looking down at him. How was it possible for someone to be passed out drunk and still look this handsome?

He’ll probably look good tomorrow, even with a hangover.

I turned off the lights and went back to bed. Barely five minutes passed before I heard thumps and swearing coming from the living room.

I found Chris half sitting and trying to pull off his boots. Shaking my head, I went to him and helped him out of the wet boots. He rewarded me with a lopsided smile that made my heart flutter.

“Thanks,” he murmured as he reached for the top button of his shirt.

My pulse jumped. “What are you doing?”

“Wet.”

I watched him try unsuccessfully to unbutton his shirt for several minutes before I gave in and did it for him.

“I should let you sleep in your wet clothes,” I grumbled as I released his arms from the sleeves. I kept my eyes on his face so I didn’t stare at his sculpted chest and rock-hard abs. Nope, wasn’t going there.

As soon as his hands were freed, they went to the button on his jeans. He got the button undone, but the wet denim was plastered to his body. There was no way he was getting out of those without help.

“Lie down.”

I pushed him back on the couch, and he complied without argument. Grabbing the waist of his jeans, I worked them over his hips and down his long legs. I had one heart-stopping moment when his boxer briefs started to slide down with the jeans, and I had to stop to tug them up. By the time I dropped the wet jeans on the floor, I felt overheated and my stomach was a quivering mess.

Needing to compose myself, I took my time getting him a blanket, which was more for my benefit than his. I laid it over him, and he opened his eyes and gave me another one of those devastating smiles.

“You’re so beautiful.”

I smiled in spite of myself. “And you’re drunk.”

His eyes grew sad. “I was trying to forget.”

“Forget what?”

“That you hate me. Can’t bear you hating me.”

My chest started to ache. “I don’t hate you. I don’t like you sometimes, but I could never hate you.”

He closed his eyes and let out a breath. When he opened them again, a smile played around the corners of his mouth.

“Do you like me now?” he asked playfully.

“I’m on the fence.”

He lifted his hand, and I foolishly let him take hold of one of mine. The next thing I knew, I was sprawled on top of him with his arms wrapped securely around me.

I wriggled to free myself and froze when I felt the hard length of him against my thigh. Drunk Chris I could handle. Drunk, aroused Chris was a whole different story.

He seemed to sense my anxiety, even in his drunken state, because he lifted me until my face hovered just above his. I used my arms to prop myself up on his chest, but he wouldn’t allow me to go any farther.

“Let me up.”

“Tell me you like me.”

I scrunched my nose at the alcohol fumes on his breath. “Oh, my God. What do they put in that demon liquor?”

He grinned crookedly. “You don’t want to know.”

Something told me he was right about that.

“You’re looking awfully happy for a guy who’s going to have a hangover from hell tomorrow.” Literally.

“I’m happy because you like me.”

I arched an eyebrow. “I didn’t say that.”

His mouth turned down into what was most definitely a pout. My chest fluttered. God, I was hopeless.

“Fine, I like you. Now, can I get up?”

I expected him to smile and make a funny comeback. I wasn’t prepared when his eyes filled with longing.

“I miss you.”

“I miss you, too,” I admitted softly.

His face lit up. “Yeah?”

I scoffed. “Don’t let it go to your head. I’m still working things out.”

“Does that mean we can be partners again?”

“Maybe,” I conceded.

Chris’s gaze burned into mine for a long moment, and I thought he was going to try to kiss me. My one kiss with him had rocked my world, but no way was he putting that mouth on mine without using a bottle of mouthwash first. If murren smelled this bad, I didn’t want to know what it tasted like.

And why am I thinking about kissing him anyway?

I’d just told him I was still working it out. The last thing I need to be doing now was making this more complicated when I wasn’t ready to go there yet.

I think he knew that, too. He moved me again, but this time, it was to tuck my head under his chin like he was settling down for the night.

I tried to push myself up, but he wasn’t ready to let me go.

“Not yet,” he implored sleepily.

There was a vulnerability in his voice I’d never heard before, and it tugged at my heart. What could it hurt to stay here a few more minutes?

My arms were uncomfortable, tucked under me in this position, so I let them fall to either side of him. He sighed contentedly, and I felt his breathing slow as he finally began to succumb to sleep.

“Dove,” he murmured so softly that I couldn’t tell if he was awake or dreaming.

“Yes,” I replied, starting to feel drowsy, too.

His next words were barely discernible, but they were still able to knock every bit of air from my lungs.

“I love you.”