Chapter 6

 

Chris

 

Mine.

My Mori’s growl filled my head as a fierce surge of joy and possessiveness swept over me, almost rocking me back on my heels. Deep inside, something shifted and clicked into place, and a new awareness blossomed as my Mori tethered itself to its mate.

My mate.

Beth turned her head, and the sight of her pale cheeks and confused eyes made me forget everything but the need to comfort and reassure her. I gently drew her toward me as I fought an internal battle with my demon that strained to get to her.

“No.”

Beth’s choked cry came a second before she yanked out of my grasp. I saw the panic in her eyes as she spun and ran outside.

Stunned, I stood unable to move as the reality of what had just happened settled over me. I had bonded…with Beth. My Beth.

I looked at Sara and Jordan, who stared back at me with wide eyes and slack jaws. I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out.

The rumble of an engine coming to life shook me from my stupor. I raced outside, nearly running over Nikolas as he entered the house. I was in time to see the taillight of a motorcycle as it passed through the open gates and disappeared from sight.

I ran for my bike, only to come up short when I saw it wasn’t where I’d left it. When I’d arrived, I’d been in such a rush to make sure Beth was okay that I must have left my keys in the ignition.

“She took my bike,” I said in disbelief.

Nikolas came up behind me. “What happened? She looked upset.”

Instead of answering him, I said, “I need your bike.”

He pulled out his keys and handed them to me without question. I muttered “Thanks” and ran to his Ducati. Pulling on his helmet, I started the bike and took off after Beth.

In a city this big, she could be anywhere, and the thought of her out there alone made a knot form in my gut. I had weapons on my bike so she wasn’t unarmed, but in her current state of mind, she might be too distracted to handle a threat. I sent up a silent prayer that she’d gone back to the command center, and I headed in that direction.

Her single word of denial replayed in my head, along with the image of her distraught face. Not that I could fault her for reacting like that with the way things were between us. Since the night we’d spoken, I’d been trying to think of how to earn back her friendship and her trust, but she’d blocked any attempt to talk about that again.

And now this.

I had nearly destroyed the grips on Nikolas’s bike by the time I reached the command center. When I rounded the back of the house and saw my Ducati sitting outside the garage, I let out the breath I’d been holding since I hit the driveway.

I parked and walked toward the guesthouse where a light shone from one of the windows. My Mori fluttered wildly when I got within a few feet of the front door, stopping me in my tracks for a long moment. Being able to sense her drove home the fact that we were bonded. I had to take a few steadying breaths before I stepped up and knocked on the door.

When no one answered, I enhanced my hearing and picked up muted voices at the back of the house. Beth shared the house with Mason, so it had to be him she was talking to. It made sense for her to confide in her best friend, but the thought of her in there with another male did not sit well with my Mori.

Solmi.

I raised my hand to knock again when I heard footsteps approaching the door. It swung open to reveal Mason’s scowling face.

He spoke in a low voice, not bothering to hide his displeasure at my presence. “She doesn’t want to see you.”

I wasn’t surprised she didn’t want to talk to me yet, but I hadn’t expected the stab of pain in my chest at her rejection.

“Is she okay?”

“I don’t know. She came home crying and won’t tell me anything.”

My gut clenched. “She’s crying?”

“Yeah. What did you do to her?” he asked harshly. “Haven’t you made her cry enough?”

“Fuck.” I raked a hand through my hair.

Mason’s scowl deepened. “You going to tell me what happened?”

It wasn’t like he wouldn’t know in a few hours, so I just came out with it. “Beth and I bonded.”

He blinked several times, and I watched his expression change from anger to shock to understanding. “Shit.” He glanced over his shoulder and looked at me again. “I don’t know what to say. You and Beth…”

I nodded. “Can you tell her I’m here when she’s ready to talk?”

He looked like he was about to say something and changed his mind. “I’ll let her know. I better go to her.”

The thought of him offering Beth comfort made me bristle with jealousy. We hadn’t been bonded an hour, and already I couldn’t stand the idea of another male with her, even her best friend.

I took a step back so he could shut the door. Instead of going to the main house, I walked over to the pool and sank down on one of the cushioned chairs. I held my head in my hands as I tried to process the enormity of what had happened.

For most of my adult life, I’d avoided intimacy with Mohiri women to lessen the odds of me bonding with one of them. It wasn’t that I was against mating. My parents were devoted to each other. I just hadn’t seen it as something for me. I’d figured if I ever met a potential mate, we would both go our separate ways and be done with it.

What I hadn’t counted on was Beth. Of all the Mohiri females in the world, I’d bonded with the only one I couldn’t walk away from.

My mind went back to that day at Longstone four years ago. I’d just come home after being away for the better part of a year. My parents had already moved to Germany, but I’d wanted to bring Beth the necklace I’d gotten her for her birthday. I’d promised her I’d be there for her sixteenth birthday, and I always kept my promises to her.

 

The knock came as I was toweling my hair dry from my shower. Entering the bedroom, I grabbed a T-shirt and pulled it on as I walked out to get the door.

I swung the door open and stared in confusion at the young blonde woman standing there with a smile lighting up her beautiful face. My eyes met her gray ones, and my breath caught as recognition hit me.

Recovering from my surprise, I pulled her into a hug, only to discover what else had changed about her. Gone was the lanky girl, and in her place was a young woman with lush curves and a delicate floral scent that made me want to bury my face in her silky hair. Never had holding a woman felt so right – and so wrong.

Shame slammed into me, and I ended the hug abruptly. Christ, what was wrong with me? This was Beth, not some woman I’d met in a bar.

“Look at you,” I said as I fought to compose myself. “You grew up on me. When did this happen?”

Her smile was radiant. “While you were running around the Amazon.”

I waved her in and escaped to the bedroom, where I spent the next few minutes mentally castigating myself for having a single impure thought about her. Sixteen was almost an adult, but this was Beth. My Beth. She was young and innocent, and no male should be thinking of her as anything else, least of all me.

Schooling my expression, I picked up the small tissue-wrapped box that contained the birthday present I’d bought Beth in Venezuela.

Beth was sitting on the couch when I went back to her. I smiled and held the box out to her.

“Happy birthday, Dove.”

I took the farthest seat from her as she opened her present. In the past, I’d think nothing of sitting beside her, but things had changed between us. No matter how much I willed it otherwise, I no longer saw Beth as a little girl, and it felt inappropriate to sit close to her now.

“I’m sorry I missed your birthday. But I hope this makes up for it. As soon as I saw it, I thought of you.”

I’d been walking through an outdoor market when I’d come upon a vendor selling handmade silver jewelry. I’d always picked up toys and souvenirs for Beth, but the moment I spotted a dove pendant on a thin silver chain, I knew I had to buy it for her.

Beth’s face flushed with pleasure as she lifted the chain from the box. “It’s perfect! I love it.”

“I thought you might. Put it on, and let’s see it.”

She stood and smiled sweetly, holding the necklace out to me. “Will you help me?”

I froze for several seconds at her request. I didn’t want to get that close to her, but to refuse her would only make her realize something was off. I went to her and clasped the chain around her throat, trying to minimize contact with her skin. I hated that the little touches that had been so innocent the last time I saw her now felt wrong.

Beth faced me, and I became all too aware of her proximity.

“How does it look?” she asked, glowing with happiness.

I backed up a step as if to get a better look. “Beautiful, just like the girl wearing it.”

I wasn’t expecting her reaction, and I could only stand there as she hugged me tightly around the neck.

“I love you, Chris,” she said breathlessly.

I closed my eyes against the sudden tightness in my chest. “Love you too, Dove.”

She gazed up at me, her eyes wide and guileless. “No, I mean I really love you.”

It took several seconds for the meaning of her words to sink in. I broke the hug as gently as I could and backed up a step, trying to figure out how to respond to her declaration.

“Beth, you don’t mean that.”

She frowned uncertainly, looking more like the young girl I knew. “Yes, I do.”

“You’re only sixteen –”

“I’ll be eighteen in two years,” she argued weakly.

I’d had a similar thought a few minutes ago, but hearing her say it drove home just how young she was and how much she had yet to experience.

“I know. But so much can happen in two years, and things you like now might not matter to you by then.”

Her chin trembled. “It won’t change how I feel about you.”

The hurt in her eyes was almost my undoing, and I had to refrain from pulling her into my arms and comforting her. It would only send her false signals, and I wouldn’t do that to her. It was hard enough to say what had to be said, knowing it would cause her more pain.

“I’m sorry, Dove. I love you but not in that way.”

Pain pricked my chest at the sight of the tears spilling down her cheeks and the knowledge that I’d hurt the one person I’d vowed to always protect. I reached for her, but she spun away.

“Beth, please understand,” I called as she flung open the door and ran out.

 

I’d planned to give Beth a day or two before I went to talk to her. But lying in bed that night, I couldn’t stop thinking about how she’d felt in my arms, and how much I wanted to hold her again. Disturbed by my thoughts, I’d gotten very little sleep.

The next day, Rachel had come by, wanting to know why Beth had been in her room crying all night. In as few words as possible, I filled her in. I was surprised when she’d admitted she had known about Beth’s crush on me. I couldn’t believe I’d been oblivious to Beth’s feelings, and I’d wondered if maybe I’d said or done something to lead her on.

It was Rachel who’d suggested I shouldn’t try to talk to Beth right away. She’d told me a girl needed time to get over her first heartbreak, and Beth would be embarrassed to see me. I’d agreed because it was in Beth’s best interest for us to not see each other. I couldn’t be around her until I’d rid myself of this attraction I felt for her.

I’d left that day with the intention of returning in a month or two. Rachel had kept me updated on Beth, letting me know how she was doing and when she’d gotten over her crush. But while Beth’s feelings for me had faded over time, mine for her had not. Shame and guilt followed every thought of her, even though I told myself I would never have acted upon my feelings. In my mind, no male was good enough for Beth, including me.

One month became six, and six became a year. I’d missed Beth, but I’d feared I would do or say something to give myself away if I saw her. Rachel had told me she was happy and doing well in her training, and I hadn’t wanted to disrupt her life. So, I’d stayed away from her, and I’d immersed myself in work and the company of beautiful women, trying to forget the girl I couldn’t have.

After all of that, after the years of keeping my distance from Beth, one touch had changed everything.

How was it possible that we had shared this house and worked together for a week, and we hadn’t touched once until now? What if I hadn’t touched her tonight? How long would we have gone on without knowing what we really were to each other?

Headlights splashed across the lawn as an SUV pulled up and parked outside the garage. Three people got out, two of them going into the house while the third headed in my direction.

Nikolas sat on one of the chairs with his arms resting on his knees. Neither of us spoke for a long moment.

“You look like hell,” he said at last.

“I’ve been better.”

Another short silence followed.

“You know?” I asked him.

“Sara and Jordan said they thought you and Beth bonded, but they weren’t sure.”

“We did.”

“You want to talk about it?” he asked.

If I didn’t talk to someone about it, my head was going to explode. “I can’t believe it’s Beth, of all people. I’ve known her for most of her life.”

“It happens. Remember the Council member who found his mate a year ago?”

I nodded. The Council member’s mate had grown up in the stronghold he led. He’d seen the girl around, but it wasn’t until her induction ceremony when they’d shaken hands that they bonded.

“That’s not the same. He didn’t know the girl like I know Beth. I watched her grow up.”

“You’re right. I’ve wondered how different it would have been for Sara and me if she’d been raised at Westhorne.”

I managed a weak smile. “Tristan probably would have banished you the first time you looked at her.”

He chuckled. “I think you’re right about that.”

I blew out a harsh breath. “How could I have been so close to her and never known?”

“Maybe you two were so close because you did know on a subconscious level, or your Mori did, but she was too young to bond. Until now.”

Until now. His words resonated with me. Was it possible my Mori had recognized Beth as my mate from the very beginning? Could that be why I’d always felt so protective of her and why I suddenly began to want her when she’d become a young woman? Was that why my attraction to her hadn’t faded away in the years since?

I’d beaten myself up for years over my feelings for Beth, and I’d stayed away from her because of them. If I’d gone back to see her, we would have bonded when she was old enough, and it could have saved us so much pain. God, I was such a fool.

“And now she hates me,” I said almost to myself.

“I don’t believe that.”

“You don’t know the whole story. She has good reason to.”

He waited patiently for me to elaborate. With a deep exhale, I told him the truth about why I hadn’t been back to Longstone or seen Beth in four years. It felt good to unburden myself to someone who listened without judgement.

I grimaced. “I felt like a pervert, thinking about her that way.”

Nikolas’s next question took me by surprise.

“Do you think you would have thought your attraction to her was wrong if you’d just met her when she was sixteen? If you hadn’t known her since she was a little girl?”

“I would have wondered what had gotten into me, but it wouldn’t have felt so wrong.”

He nodded knowingly. “Sara was seventeen when we bonded, and I felt conflicted, too. One minute, all I saw was her youth and how much she needed my protection. In the next, I would see my mate. It was not easy at times.”

“That’s putting it mildly.”

The two of us smiled at the mention of his turbulent months with Sara before they’d mated. It hit me then that I was in for the same stormy ride with Beth. Maybe worse.

I groaned. “I’m screwed, aren’t I?”

“That depends. Are you going to break the bond?”

“No,” I replied vehemently.

“Then yes, you’re completely screwed.”

“Thanks for sugarcoating it.” I leaned forward to rest my head in my hands.

He laughed and stood. “Get some rest. You’re going to need it.”

My gaze moved to the guesthouse.

“She’s not going to talk to you tonight, and you’ll drive yourself crazy sitting out here. Trust me on that.”

He went into the house, and I stayed where I was. Nikolas was right, but it was hard to leave Beth when she was so upset. Even without the bond, I could never stand to see her cry. But I also knew my presence would cause her more distress. As much as I needed to be near her, I couldn’t do that to her.

I entered the house and went to my room to shower and stretch out on my bed. But after an hour of staring at the ceiling, I dressed and made my way to the control room. I might as well get some work done as long as I was up. Brock was the only one there, and he shot me a look of surprise when I walked in at 4:00 a.m.

“Something up?” he asked.

“No. Couldn’t sleep.”

I sat at one of the work stations and started the report for tonight’s incident. Technically, the warriors at the scene were supposed to do the report, but I had a feeling none of them would mind me doing the tedious work. Jordan hated reports, and Beth had enough to deal with. Sara didn’t mind reports, but she wouldn’t say no to some help.

I’d thought the work would help take my mind off Beth, but all I could think of was her in that dress, dancing with other men and going back to Brent Lassiter’s place. It didn’t matter that she hadn’t been alone with him and nothing had happened. Just the thought of what might have happened made my heart pound and my nostrils flare.

“You okay, man?”

I looked up to find Brock watching me with his eyebrows raised in question.

“Yes.” I went back to my report, only to discover the mangled remains of my computer mouse.

Groaning inwardly, I tossed the lump of plastic in the trash and stole the mouse from the nearest computer, aware that Brock was watching me with undisguised curiosity. It was clear he hadn’t heard about Beth and me, and I was in no mood to fill him in. By noon today, everyone living here would know Beth and I had bonded.

Not that I cared who knew. The shock was wearing off, and in its place was a lightness I’d never experienced before. Beneath the turmoil and uncertainty, I was elated because I could finally acknowledge what my heart – and my Mori – had been telling me for years. Beth and I belonged together.

Now, I had to convince her of that.

 

Beth

 

I shouldn’t have come back here. I wasn’t ready to see him or to face what had happened. The last hour felt almost like a dream. A bad dream where I’d bonded to the man who’d broken my heart and had made it abundantly clear he didn’t want me. He’d stayed away from his home for four years to avoid me. If that hadn’t driven the message home, nothing would.

I rolled over and buried my face in the pillow. God, how could this have happened? How could I have bonded to him of all people?

No one knew what made someone a potential mate. Most people believed it had to do with the compatibility between two Mori. But some people thought it was because of an even deeper connection. They believed two people who were destined to be together would eventually find each other. Neither of these beliefs was helpful or comforting to me now, not when it was Chris I’d bonded to.

I believed Chris when he said he hadn’t meant to hurt me, but his apologies couldn’t erase the past. His abandonment had cut me deeply and had changed me, hardening me against being that trusting and open with my heart again. I loved Mason, but it was a different kind of love, a safe love, and nothing like what I’d felt for Chris. It was the only kind of love I could trust.

I jumped when someone lifted the pillow covering my face, but it was only Mason, his eyes dark with concern. Fresh tears blurred my vision, and he sat with his back against the headboard, pulling me into his arms. With him I didn’t have to be strong, and I gave into my tears as he held me.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked after I’d finally stopped crying.

I hiccupped. “I didn’t want to believe it.”

He hugged me tighter for a few seconds. “And now?”

“Do you even need to ask?”

“Guess not.”

We were silent for a few minutes before he spoke again.

“Chris said to tell you he’s there when you’re ready to talk. If it makes you feel any better, he’s pretty upset, too.”

“He can’t be too happy about this either.”

Chris was probably out there figuring out the best way to get out of this, although there was only one solution to our dilemma. The question was, which one of us would do it first.

Mason sighed. “I have to admit he seems more worried about you than anything else. All he cared about was how you were doing. I thought he was going to go through me to get to you when I told him you were crying.”

I leaned away to glower at him. “You told him I was crying?”

All I needed was for Chris to know how deeply this affected me. Bonded males were known to act irrationally, and he might think he had to complete the bond out of some misguided sense of chivalry. No, thank you. If I took a mate, it would be out of mutual love, not out of obligation.

Mason’s brows drew together. “I was angry because you came home bawling your eyes out, and he’s the only one who can make you cry like that.”

I let out a ragged breath. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be taking this out on you.”

“That’s what best friends are for.”

He pulled me back so I was propped up against the pillows next to him. I rested my head on his shoulder, and he clasped our hands together.

I’m bonded to Chris.

It sounded unreal no matter how many times I said it in my head. How often had I dreamed of this when I was younger? There’d been a time when I would have given anything to be Chris’s mate. Now I only wanted to come out of this with my heart intact.

“What do I do?” I said more to myself than to Mason.

His fingers flexed around mine. “What do you want to do?”

“A part of me wants to walk out there right now and break the bond.”

“And the rest of you?”

A painful knot formed in my throat. “The rest of me wants to curl up in a ball and cry some more.”

“Then cry if that’s what you need to do. I’ll make sure your room is stocked with Kleenex until you’re done. Just promise me you’ll shower. I still have to share this house with you.”

I let out a choked laugh. “Thanks.”

“Anytime.”

The room grew quiet for a long moment.

Mason cleared his throat. “Can I ask you…? What does it feel like?”

If the question had come from anyone else, I wouldn’t have answered it. It wasn’t a taboo subject, but bonding was a deeply personal experience and people generally didn’t go into the details. I’d always been curious about it, too, and I knew Mason would share it with me if he were in my shoes.

“It’s hard to describe. It’s like finding out I’m no longer alone, only I never realized I was alone until now. I can sense him when he’s near, but even when he’s not, I’m aware of him.”

“Wow. It sounds intense.”

“It is.”

Longing poured from my Mori as it tried to reach across the new bond to Chris’s Mori. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like in a few days or weeks. I’d thought it strange when Sara told me she hadn’t really felt her bond with Nikolas until they completed it. Now, I was envious of her. There was something to be said for blissful ignorance.

Mason released my hand. “You should get some sleep.”

I nodded and sat up, my eyes going to the front door, which was visible from my bedroom.

“Do you think he’s still out there?”

“Probably. I can ask him to leave if it bothers you,” Mason said.

“No. It’s okay.”

I wasn’t the only one affected by this. If Chris felt half of what I did, he couldn’t be doing too well either. If it made him feel better to stay near tonight, who was I to send him away? Tomorrow, we’d sort this out and decide the best way to handle it.

Mason got off the bed. “Okay. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Night.”

I slid down into the bed, burrowing beneath the covers. I should have showered, but with everything else that had happened tonight, I couldn’t bring myself to care about much of anything.

I tried to clear my mind to help me sleep, but every time I closed my eyes, I saw Chris’s face. I let out a shuddering breath. It was going to be a long night.

Solmi, whispered a mournful voice in my head.