I’m fumbling with grocery bags as I walk in the door. It’s been a long day, trying to help at Balance while still managing everything at Dreamin’ Beans. And, of course, the constant worry going on in my head since I woke up this morning, knowing that Heather was going to be meeting up with Andy today.

My phone rings, and the screen lights up with Andy’s smiling face. It was a rare moment I caught him in, his worry for the boys being at the forefront of his mind, but he was laughing at something James said at his wedding to Carly, and I managed to capture the picture. James and Andy are even farther apart in age than he and I, but that hasn’t stopped them from growing increasingly close. Their own little bromance. Which is nice because Carly and I are such good friends.

Andy has needed time to work out some of his frustrations, and he loves working with his hands. James definitely has plenty to do at Balance, so Andy’s been helping at the restaurant as much as he can.

James and Carly had her son Jack and his daughter Lily stand up for them in the wedding a few weeks ago. It was a quiet ceremony in Tess and Barrett’s backyard.

Carly looked beautiful in her ivory lace fitted gown, and James looked amazing in his dark blue suit.

Andy and I didn’t go together as each other’s dates, but he didn’t leave my side the entire night.

“Hello?”

“Hey.”

By the sound of his voice, things didn’t go incredibly well.

“I hate to ask, but how’d it go?”

“As expected.”

“She left?”

“She did.”

“How are they?”

“Not good. It’s not like they weren’t expecting it, but still.”

My heart breaks for those sweet boys, and it makes me nervous, knowing what’s to come. They already think it’s their fault. I can’t imagine what the finality of this will do to them.

“What can I do?”

“Come over?”

I pause, wondering if that’s the best idea. Andy and the boys spent a few weeks at their home after Heather left, but it seemed like it messed with the boys’ heads. And Andy didn’t want any part of being there. Not with Heather having had sex with another man in their bed. He spent a little bit of time at Barrett and Tess’s house until he found a temporary place to stay. Fortunately, what he found ended up being permanent, rather than temporary, and they were able to move their things just once. Helped give the boys some stability, which, in their world, was needed.

The friendship between Andy and me has grown naturally, and the boys don’t seem at all bothered by my presence, but it’s not lost on me that things between Andy and me seem to be progressing to more than just friendship. I don’t know if Andy is ready for anything more, or if the boys are ready for that, or even I. But I can’t say that I’m not interested in trying. In seeing if there really is something more between us.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“Yes.” His response is instant.

“Okay.”

“You’ll come?”

“Yes. As long as you’re sure. And that it will be okay with the boys.”

“I’m sure, and it is. I asked them before I called.”

My heart does a little flip inside my chest, and my stomach tightens. “You did?”

“I did. They want you to come.”

“They do?”

His voice softens. “They adore you, Christine.”

“I adore them,” I tell him, my voice soft also.

I want to tell him I adore him. That I could see myself more than just adoring him. But he just met with his wife, soon to be ex-wife, and now isn’t the time to stake my claim.

He pauses also, and I wonder where his thoughts are heading. He clears his throat. “So, when can you be here?”

“Um, I just got home from the store, and I need to put away the groceries and…” I hesitate.

“And?”

“I haven’t showered today. I look kinda gross.”

He chuckles. “Not even possible.”

“Oh, you have no idea.”

“Christine, we want you here as you are, any way we can get ya.”

A flock of hummingbirds must have just taken flight in my stomach.

“You want me to bring anything? Food?”

“Nah, just yourself. We’re just going to grill some burgers since and relax here tonight. Maybe watch the new Avengers movie or something. I feel like we need a night to regroup.”

“And you’re positive I won’t be in the way of that?”

“Absolutely positive. All of us would prefer you be here with us. Please, Christine? We need your happy tonight.”

Well, how could I ever say no to that?

“I’ll be over in just a bit. Let me get these put away. Maybe I can bring over the stuff for sundaes?”

“Do you have it or need to make an extra stop?”

“Umm—”

He interrupts, “Because if you have to make an extra stop, don’t worry about it. We just want you here.”

Sigh.

“I have it.”

“Okay, yeah. They’d like that. I’ll see you soon, yeah?”

“Yeah, Andy. I’ll be there soon.”

“Thank you.”

“Of course.”

Twenty minutes later, I pull up to Andy’s house along the curb and get out. The boys are both in the front playing basketball in the driveway, obviously enjoying the unseasonably warm temperatures.

“Hey, boys! How’s the game?”

“Hey, Christine,” they both mumble, and if possible my heart breaks even more for them.

I round the car and open the passenger door. The second I get it open, Aidan is standing next to me, reaching around to grab the bag of groceries off my seat.

“Thank you, kiddo.” I ruffle his hair, and he grins up at me but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

“Dad said you were bringing ice cream?” Reece asks.

“Yup. And toppings so we can do sundaes. Where’s your dad?”

“In the back starting the grill.”

“Should we go put this inside then go join him?”

“Sure.” Reece shrugs, and Aidan nods in agreement. I follow them both inside where we put the ice cream in the freezer. I love Andy’s home. He had Tess, who’s an interior designer, come over and help him decorate it. It’s masculine but still feels homey and warm. They’re watching me put things away, both quietly sitting on the bar stools by the counter. I wipe the crumbs off the countertop with a wet washcloth then lean over it on my elbows.

“Hey.” At the sound of my voice, they both slowly shift their bodies so they’re sitting up straighter. Without thinking, I reach out and grab each of their hands. I wait until I have their eyes on me and take a deep breath.

“You boys are absolutely incredible.”

Aidan immediately looks away, and Reece’s eyes become shiny with tears.

“Can you look at me?” My voice is soft and hopefully reassuring. As soon as they do, I squeeze their hands.

“This isn’t about you, you hear me? You are amazing, sweet, smart, and lovable, and two of the best boys I’ve ever met. This isn’t about you,” I repeat.

“She doesn’t want us.” Reece sniffles.

“It doesn’t matter,” Aidan grumbles. “We don’t want her, either.”

“You matter.”

Aidan scoffs, so I continue. “You matter so much. Your mom loves you. She just doesn’t know how to be the mom you need her to be, you understand? I think she loves you enough…”

“She’s a big stupid baby who only cares about herself, Christine.”

“Aidan’s right. She doesn’t care.”

I bite my lip to stop myself from crying, and I know they don’t need words right now. I release their hands and round the counter. They turn to face me, so I pull them both up into a hug. Shockingly, Aidan breaks first, crumbling into tears as he leans on me. I lower us to the floor where the three of us sit, my arms wrapped as best as I can around both of them.

“Why aren’t we good enough?” Reece cries.

“Oh, kiddo. You are. You are good enough. Both of you.”

“She doesn’t want us.”

I try to think of what they need to hear and feel lost so I decide for as much honesty as I think they can handle.

I lean back, still holding both boys as much as I can.

“You hear what I’m about to say to both of you, understand?”

They both nod, so I continue.

“It is her loss. You are both fantastic boys. I told you already but it deserves to be told again, because it’s truth. You’re funny, kind, smart, sweet, easy to be around, and so many other things. Her leaving isn’t anything that you could have changed. It is all on her. She’s the one who will be missing out on all things as awesome as you two.”

The boys don’t respond; they continue to cry softly in my arms. I can taste the salt on my lips, my own tears making streaks down my face. After several minutes of crying and holding each other, I take in a shaky breath and, feeling eyes on me, look up. Standing in the doorway of the kitchen is Andy. I give him a small smile, which is returned with one of his own.

He slowly walks over to us and places his hand on top of my head then tugs playfully on my ponytail. I stare into his eyes, so full of sadness and worry. My heart breaks all over again, for the loss the boys will feel for the rest of their lives. For knowing that no matter what their father or I tell them, or even Heather, for that matter, they’ll always think it was their fault for her leaving.

Andy slowly sits down, his right leg wrapping around me, his left around Aidan. He reaches through the middle of our circle and grips Reece’s knee.

“I love you boys. Forever. That is something that will never change. I will never leave you.”

“We know, Dad.”

“And it’s not your fault.”

When they’re both quiet, he repeats his words.

“Boys. It’s. Not. Your. Fault. This is all her. You two could not be more amazing. She just…”

“What, Dad?”

“She’s just not cut out to be a mom. But I’m grateful that she didn’t realize that earlier because I have you. I can’t imagine a life without you boys in it. I won’t.”

“Your dad is right. You two are the best boys I know.”

I don’t know what else we can say to make them understand, and quite honestly, I think words are not what they need. Actions always speak louder than words.

“Wanna toss around the Frisbee in the back yard while your dad gets those burgers grilled up for us?”

Reece and Aidan both look up at me then at each other before both gracing me with a slight smile. Reece has a dimple in his left cheek if he smiles a certain way, it’s one of the ways to tell the two apart. When I first met the twins I had a hard time, but after spending quite a bit of time with them, it’s pretty easy to see the differences.

I don’t get the dimple smile yet, but that’s okay. I know we’ve cracked through the surface, and right now that’s all that matters.