“I don’t think I can pee, honey.”

I smile from the other side of the bathroom door, she sounds so nervous and adorable and… I am so freakin’ lost to this woman.

I knock my knuckles twice against the door.

“I’m coming in, okay?”

“In here?” she screeches.

“Babe. You’ve peed with the door open after we’ve had sex. And I have boys who whip it out and pee basically wherever they please, so yes. I’m coming in. Nothing I haven’t seen before.”

“Okay. Just… I’m really embarrassed.”

I creek the door open and poke my head in.

“Hi.”

Her shoulders sag, and she bites her lower lip, letting out a pitiful laugh before she drops her head.

“Watching to see if anything will come out?”

A burst of laughter leaves her. “No, you jerk! This. It’s all… I don’t know. It’s too much.”

“Why?”

“Are you kidding me right now? Why do you think?”

“Honestly. I don’t know. I’m a little ecstatic.”

“You’re mental.”

“No. I just love you and I know this is pretty perfect. We didn’t get a normal start, and our family is blended, and we haven’t done this baby thing in a really, really long time, and we’re walking blind here, but there’s no one else I’d rather do that with than you.”

“How do you always know the exact right thing to say?”

“I don’t. Not always. Remember when I asked if you could fold my towels differently when you were helping out with laundry at my house? Or when I asked who taught you to drive? Or what about when I told you that I was going to take away your tools when the curtain fell on my forehead after you hung them? Or what about…”

She holds up a hand to stop me from literally digging myself into a hole. “Or now? Seriously. I don’t need a reminder.” She rolls her eyes playfully.

“See? I’m not perfect. We’re just perfect together.”

“Daaaaaw! You say the sweetest things.”

“Only for you, baby, only for you.” I kiss her on the forehead. “Now take a piss on that stick and prove to me that I’m right and that you’re carrying my little girl.”

“Fine,” she grumbles. “But I seriously can’t pee!”

I reach down and grab one of the bottles of Vitamin Water I picked up at the store and the curly straw, because it’s more fun to drink out of that way. I twist the top off and drop the straw in, lifting it to her lips, encouraging her to drink.

“Good girl,” I coo when she drinks down several ounces. “Want me to tell you a story while we wait?”

“What kind of story?”

“Hmmm, how about a love story?”

“Oooh — will I like it?”

“Pretty sure you will, yes. Once upon a time…” Her giggles interrupt me so I repeat, “As I was saying, before you so rudely interrupted, once upon a time, there lived three bachelors. They weren’t the best at living. That is to say, they weren’t the happiest members of society. Too often, they would find themselves eating dinner in front of the TV, barely speaking to each other. They were angry and cynical and frustrated with life. Until, this raven-haired beauty and her daughter walked into their lives one day and reminded them that there’s an entire world out there of lightness and it’s dumb to let the darkness ruin everything. The two younger bachelors may have had a little crush on the daughter before they realized that they loved her for so much more than her looks. But the older of the three bachelors? Well he just fell. And fell pretty damn hard and fast for the beauty. He soon learned that it wasn’t just her outside that was so gorgeous. But her inside was, too. And it made him want to be… better. And it made the younger bachelors want to be better, too. So, after talking to the youngsters” —she giggles again— “he decided that she needed to be in his life more. And possibly, probably, absolutely, forever. And then she let him get a look at her rocking bod, and he was a goner. The end.”

“Oh, my gosh! You were doing so good!” She laughs so hard and then… pees.

“You’re peeing though, aren’t you?”

“Well you don’t have to comment on it! Yeesh. It will scare the pee back up!”

“I’m not a doctor, but I don’t think that’s medically possible. Did you get it?” I ask, nodding toward the stick dangling between her legs.

She nods then swallows. “I think so.”

She places it on the counter, stands up, pulls up her pants and washes up. I take her face in my hands and lean in to kiss her. “No matter what that says, you’re still mine.”

“Promise?”

“Forever.”

“That’s a big promise.”

I shrug and kiss her again.

“Easiest promise I’ve ever made.”

I kiss her hard and long enough that we barely hear the timer I set go off. But, considering that we’re waiting to find out whether or not our entire lives are about to change, we break apart and together look down at the stick.

“Holy shit.”

“Yup.”

“But…”

“Wow.”

“I mean…”

“Yup.”

“Is that all you’re going to say?” she cries.

“Well… I could start with I was right, but…”

“That would go against me saying that you always know the perfect thing to say, though.”

“Yup. Pretty much.”

“You realize I need to pee on the rest of these, right?”

“Yup.”

“Stop saying yup!”

“If I say what I want to say I’ll get in trouble!”

She rolls her eyes.

For the next hour, we go through the same process of me forcing more fluids down her throat while she tries to pee in front of me. Every pregnancy test she uses comes up positive.

“They can’t all be positive, right?”

She’s still sitting on the toilet, so I crouch in front of her, rubbing a hand up her calf.

“Well, considering that you’re pregnant, yes. I’m pretty sure they can.”

“I’m sure sometimes a bad batch is made.”

I scoff. “Oh. Okay. Yes. That’s exactly what happened.”

“Andy!”

“Christine!” I mock with wide eyes.

“You’re not being helpful!”

“How am I not being helpful? I bought you the tests, gave you something to drink, told you a story to help you pee.”

“But…”

“Sweetheart. It’s going to be great. Why are you worried?”

She gives me a duh look. “I’m not young, Andy.”

“That doesn’t matter. I’m basically like a fifteen-year-old, so it youngs you down.”

“That’s not even a word, and hey! Rude!” She backhands me playfully.

I chuckle and pretend like she knocks me over. “We got this, yeah?”

She sniffs, and I wipe her tears.

“Yeah,” she agrees, nodding her head.

“Want me to pee on one, too?”

She snorts and quickly covers her nose. “You would do that?”

“To expel your bad batch theory? Yes.”

“Do you need some water?”

“Nope. I’ve been watching you pee for over an hour now, I’ve actually had to go for a while,” I admit, causing her to laugh.

We swap places, though I stand up, and she peeks around, watching me.

“It’s so unfair that you can just stand and go anywhere you want.”

“And we don’t get periods. Don’t forget that.”

“You’re supposed to say something to make me feel better! Like, “well at least you don’t grow hair on your chest.””

“Why would I say that? It’s pretty awesome. And sexy. Especially when I trim it and keep that shit tamed. And don’t deny that you love it — you play with it allllll the time.”

“Whatever” she grumbles.

“Done.” I place the test on the counter and zip up my pants then wash my hands. Because I’m a grown ass man and don’t need reminded to do so, unlike my boys.

After three minutes, the timer goes off again and we both look down.

“Damn.”

“Yeah, baby!” I yell, spinning her around her small bathroom. I place her on her feet and take her face in my palms, kissing over every inch of her face.

“I love you so much,” I tell her before dropping to my knees and lifting up her shirt. I kiss her now-bare stomach, not yet rounded with my baby. “And you, munchkin, trouble causer. I love you, too.”

When I get back to my feet, Christine has tears in her eyes and a watery smile.

“Andy…”

“Hey. No tears. It’s going to be great. I promise.”

“But the kids…”

“Will love having a little brother or sister to help take care of. Just saying, the boys always wanted a little sister, so why don’t you work on that?” I tease her.

She rolls her eyes and threads her fingers through my hair. “Ha ha ha. I’ll see what I can do. You know… since it hasn’t already been decided or anything.”

“I’m happy.” I smile before dropping my forehead to hers.

“Really?”

“Really. This is a good thing, Christine. A blessing.”

“I’m nervous.”

I nod my head. “Of course, you are. I am, too. But that doesn’t mean we can’t be happy about it. Besides, the best things in life don’t come easy. I think God just wanted to shake things up for us.”