Chapter Eighteen
Sophia~
I get to spend the whole day with Miss Ella. She taught me how to make lemonade and apple pie. I’ve never seen so much fruit in my life.
I’m busy stirring tomato sauce for the meatballs when Mistress River comes in.
“Sophia, how are you?” she asks, sounding very friendly.
“I’m good,” I answer, making sure to smile.
Miss Ella comes to stand by me. “Now ask River how she is.”
I frown not understanding, but I do it anyway. “How are you, River?”
“I’m very well. Thank you for asking,” she says with a huge smile.
“Now that’s the proper way of greeting someone, my girl. And you listen when they answer. People don’t listen nowadays. If you care about someone, then you listen when they talk.”
“Yes, Miss Ella,” I say quickly.
Mistress River pours a glass of lemonade. I watch her closely as she takes a sip. When she licks her lips, a warm feeling settles in my chest. She likes it.
I smile to myself as I focus on the sauce again. Miss Ella said it burns quickly.
Jack comes into the kitchen and sits down at the table. I don’t pay attention to Jack and Mistress River as they talk.
I pour the sauce over the meatballs, making sure it spreads evenly over them all.
“Ten minutes to dinner time,” Miss Ella says as she comes to check if I’m finished.
“What’s your last name?”
“Hawkins,” Jack answers angrily.
“But that’s Cameron’s last name,” Mistress River says and I glance over my shoulder. She looks shocked.
Jack tenses and he has a dark look on his face.
“He married my mother,” he bites the words out.
“Is he your step father?” She asks carefully.
Jack jumps up, and storms out of the kitchen. I hope he doesn’t get in trouble again. I’d hate for us to have to leave here. Maybe I can fix things.
“Jack’s mom died when he was young. One of the Masters killed her,” I quickly explain, hoping I’m not talking out of turn.
“Cameron married her when Jack was still a baby. She was so beautiful. Jack takes after her.”
I feel a sudden burst of anger I wasn’t expecting. After everything Adam said last night, I’ve been thinking a lot about my past. I remember all the lies David told me about him being my god, and how much that scared me. I hate him for what he did to me, for the fear he made me live in.
My heart starts to pound faster in my chest and I feel a sudden surge of rebellion. I’ll never say the word master or mistress again. Adam said that I’m in control of my own life.
I gasp and look out the door when I realize why Jack was always angry. I feel that same anger now. The anger because we were lied to. The anger because we believed in something that never existed.
“He did it all for David,” I say, as the bitter reality sinks in. “He promised his mom that he would look after David.”
Jack had a reason for everything he did. He was fighting for David. I, on the other hand, did it because I was a coward. I always thought the girls who cried and fought back was stupid. They weren’t. They were brave. They fought back, because like Jack they wouldn’t give up.
I gave up without even trying.
I’m the stupid one. I’m the weak one.
“David?” River whispers, pulling my attention back to her.
“David is Jack’s brother,” I whisper, feeling a million years old. It feels like I’ve just been beaten all over again, only this time all the blows are to my heart.
“Jack has a brother?” River gasps, and a look of panic flashes over her face. “Are you telling me we left Jack’s brother back there?”
River looks upset at the news. Jack will be angry when he finds out that I told her everything.
As I have the thought, I realize something else. I don’t care if anyone is angry anymore. All my life people have been angry at me, and I let that control me.
I’ve only been here a week, but it feels like a lifetime has come and gone.
Grief starts to grow in my chest, until it feels like it might squeeze the air from my lungs. I always thought you can’t mourn the loss of something you never had. I was so very wrong.
My heart is breaking because I never knew anything but the house.
My soul feels crushed because I did everything they demanded of me.
I feel filthy because I just let them do to me what they wanted.
How can I live with it all?
Fear starts to burn in my stomach. Fear that after all is said and done, I did those things because deep down I’m bad.
A good person would’ve fought back.
“No.” The word creeps over my lips.
What am I saying no to?
No.
No.
No.
No, I never enjoyed any of those things I did. I didn’t want to kill Tiffany. I didn’t want to have sex. Most of the times it hurt. I didn’t want to be beaten.
No, I didn’t do all those things because I’m bad. I did them because I was scared.
I’m still scared.
River reaches for me, and she brushes some hair behind my ear.
“It’s okay. You’re safe now but I need to know more,” River says, as if she can sense the fear I feel.
No one ever cared before if I was scared.
I clasp my hands together as I tell her the truth. “David was my master. Jack got angry when he saw us together.”
“I don’t understand. Is David Jack’s younger brother?”
“Yes.” I feel a weird sense of sadness for Jack. Now that I’m beginning to understand everything, it makes me feel sorry for Jack. I only had to worry about myself. Jack was tricked into worrying about David.
“He’ll kill me if he finds out that I knew David was like Cameron all along. Jack held out for David. They made him believe that he was protecting his brother so they could manipulate him to do anything they wanted him to.” I glance at River, scared that she might judge me, too. “I had to do what my masters told me. I couldn’t warn Jack.”
The words taste bitter in my mouth.
I could’ve warned Jack. I made a choice not to.
I’m free.
I’m no longer a slave.
But at what cost?
The overwhelming emotions bubble up my throat and it comes out sounding strangled.
“Oh no, my sweet girl,” Miss Ella cries.
She comes to me and wraps her arms tightly around me. I stare at nothing as I realize just how much I’ve lost.
I now understand why Jack was different from the rest of us.
“I’m free from being a sex slave,” I whisper.
“You are. You’re free and safe with Miss Ella,” she says.
I shake my head because she doesn’t understand. I pull away from her embrace and get up.
“No, Miss Ella. I’m only free from being a sex slave. I’m not free from the things I did while I was one.”
It feels like everything around me is spinning. Inside of me it’s spinning out of control.
“Child, you’re not to blame,” Miss Ella starts to argue.
I shake my head again. “I am. Jack lived in the same house as me. Jack lived the same life as me. The only difference is that Jack did it because he loved his brother. I had no reason for the things I did.”
Miss Ella gasps and tears well in her eyes. “No, child. Nothing about your life was easy.”
“But I had choices, Miss Ella. I still had choices, only I made all the wrong ones.”
As I walk out of the house, it feels as if my past is shackled at my feet. Every step is weighed down by every bad choice I made.
I could’ve said no instead of killing Tiffany.
I could’ve said no instead of letting them have their way with me.
Yes, I would’ve been beaten. I might have been killed. But it would’ve been the right choices.
I might be free from sex slavery, but now I’m a prisoner to my sins.