Chapter Thirty-Five

Seth

It was hard to explain how he was feeling. Back on earth, Seth might have joked that there was a disturbance in the force, which was pretty much the best description he could produce. The worst thing was, he didn’t know why everything felt wrong. The feeling had come upon Seth suddenly, while he’d been standing on the crossroads with his mentor, gently coaxing the soul of a ninety-year-old grandfather to choose his eternal resting place. As he watched the man’s spirit float toward the white city, Seth concentrated on the expanding emptiness in his chest. He felt lonely. The realization made his body tense. How could he be lonely when Dante would be waiting for him?

“Are you all right?” Julian, his mentor, asked. “You look... haunted.”

Seth almost laughed at the irony of Julian’s words. “You realize I was a ghost up until a few weeks ago, right?”

“I do.” Julian had a friendly smile. Of all the angels Seth had met, he was the most approachable in look and demeanor. His black hair had a slight wave to it, with rogue strands curling around his temples, making his pale blue eyes stand out. Unlike Killian, Julian’s eyes were filled with warmth, despite being just as pale as the blond angel’s. He had a permanently unshaven look. Designer stubble, as humans would have termed his appearance. It gave Julian a handsomely rugged look. Like most angels, Julian was tall and powerfully built. Even through his simple clothing, the curve of his muscles was well defined, but he wasn’t physically imposing. He had welcomed Seth and taken him under his wing and, as far as mentors went, he was kind and patient. Seth knew he’d lucked out and that he would always be grateful to Julian for his kindness.

“I think we’re done for now,” Julian continued. “I don’t sense any more impending deaths in our zone. You may go.”

Their zone was within a quiet French village. At first, Seth had worried that he wouldn’t be able to communicate with the souls of the dead, but there had been no language barrier. Even though he spoke English and they spoke French, they understood each other, as though their souls were communicating directly, bypassing the need for words. Most of the dead were those who had passed from old age. It was rare they received any other souls. He felt a sense of accomplishment in carrying out his new task. He was helping people, giving them comfort and guiding them to choose the right path for them. Maybe, if Killian had been as caring towards him when he’d first died, he would have decided to go to the white city after all. Begrudgingly, Seth realized he should probably be thanking Killian for being such an ass that day; not that he would ever admit it out loud.

Seth left Julian and hurried back to Dante’s small home, where they had arranged to meet whenever Seth completed his duties. He flew through the heavens, partly because it was faster, but also because he couldn’t get over the sense of freedom he felt. It was different from traveling as a ghost. That had been more like a game of dodgems played at lightspeed. But flying was amazing. The sensation of wind whipping against his skin and through his hair made him feel alive. However, the loneliness that gripped him diluted any sense of wonder he might have felt. By the time he arrived at Dante’s, he was more worried than happy.

The small building was empty, but there was a note on the table beside the bed. Heart hammering in his chest, Seth plucked up the sheet of paper and unfolded it. His brow knotted as he read the hurried message from Dante; the council had summoned him. It fluttered to the ground as Seth released it and threaded his fingers through his hair. Why would the council summon Dante? Deep down he knew the answer, but he didn’t want to admit it to himself.

He took off toward the council rooms, zipping past the few other angels he encountered along the way. Killian was leaving the tall, white building when Seth arrived. The angel’s eyes widened, and he held his hands up.

“Get out of my way,” Seth growled, trying to sidestep him.

Killian blocked him and curled his hands around Seth’s shoulders, restraining him. “You don’t want to go in there, Seth.”

“Why not? Where’s Dante? What have they done to him?” He narrowed his eyes. “What have you done to him?”

Killian sighed. “Not here. Trust me, the last thing you want to do is create a scene here.”

“Trust you?” Seth almost laughed. “You betrayed him, didn’t you?” He lowered his voice to a raspy whisper. “You told the council about us.”

Killian looked down at the ground, rather than meeting Seth’s stare. “Yes,” he said eventually. “Dante broke the rules.”

“Please. That’s not why you told them. You betrayed him because you were jealous.” He struggled, but Killian was too strong for him to wriggle free. “What have they done to him?”

Killian rolled his shoulders back, which made him appear taller. “He has been cast out of the angelic plane. He’s now a fallen angel, doomed to wander on earth forever.”

Seth gaped at Killian. He had heard the deep sorrow and regret in Killian’s voice, but he pushed the knowledge aside.

“You had him thrown out?”

“The punishment was not my decision.”

“But you knew what would happen, didn’t you?”

“Let’s talk somewhere else, Seth.”

“Didn’t you?” Seth yelled.

“Yes,” Killian replied in a hushed voice. “I knew what the penalty was, and so did Dante. You were fooling yourselves if you thought you could keep your love hidden from the council forever. Even if I hadn’t been the one to tell them, someone else would. At least this way—” He sighed heavily. “Dante brought this on himself.”

Seth looked down, shaking his head over and over. “Why?” he whispered. “Did you really hate us that much? Were you so jealous that you had to destroy him?”

“You wouldn’t understand,” Killian hissed. “You got what you wanted.”

Seth wiped his hand over his face. His shoulders were starting to ache from Killian’s relentless grip.

“Why didn’t you betray me? They should have punished me.”

“I couldn’t betray one without the other. It was the council’s decision not to punish you.”

Seth looked up. “Why?”

“They decided you were not at fault. You were not an angel when Dante began his affair with you. They assumed you didn’t know of our rules.” He cocked an eyebrow. “Did you?”

Seth nodded, then shrugged and then shook his head. “A little. We did talk about it after you opened your big mouth at the boathouse. But I guess I didn’t believe that angels could be so cruel as to deny someone the chance to be happy.” He released a slow breath, feeling like he was deflating completely. “He loved me. We have—had an unexplainable bond. What’s so wrong with that?” He knew that was why he felt so overwhelmingly lonely—because Dante was so far away from him and their connection was stretched thin, almost to breaking point. “I have to go to him.” He tried to wrench away again, but Killian tightened his grip.

“Are you mad? If the council find out, they’ll throw you out, too.”

“Is that such a bad thing?”

Killian snorted. “You wanted to ascend. You wanted to help people and to make a difference. You’re going to throw all that away for a fuck?” He smirked. “We might not be allowed to love one another, but we’re all more than happy to pleasure each other. I doubt you’ll find it hard to find another angel to screw you.”

Seth gritted his teeth. Tears stung his eyes. He was torn between anger and grief. “I’d give it all up for love,” he managed to whisper, although his voice broke with the effort.

“Would you? Really?”

Seth wanted to look Killian in the eyes and say yes, but he couldn’t. He’d focused so hard on ascending and had barely begun to do his duties. Each time he helped a soul, he felt such a strong sense of satisfaction that it had made him feel more whole. But Dante made him feel complete, too. He wanted to have both, but thanks to Killian and the council, he had to choose.

“I need to see Dante,” he said, his voice quiet and fragile. “There has to be a way.”

“Not without breaking the rules. Contact with fallen angels is strictly forbidden.” Killian released Seth and folded his arms. “But go ahead. Go to earth and visit him. Don’t blame me when the council finds out and throws you out, too.”

“And who’ll tell them?” Seth snarled, as his voice finally found a shred of strength again. “You?”

Killian’s lips blanched of color, but he didn’t reply.

“Haven’t you done enough?” Seth asked. “Don’t you think you owe us? Just one visit, Killian, that’s all I’m asking. Turn a blind eye for once in your life.”

He held his breath, waiting for Killian to say something... anything. He was expecting the angel to laugh in his face and was surprised when that didn’t happen.

“Tell me you’re not going to visit him,” Killian said at length.

Seth jerked his head back a little, trying to understand what Killian was saying.

“Tell me you’re not going to visit him,” Killian repeated. “I’ll believe you.”

Seth’s lips parted. “I won’t,” he said. “You’re right; it’s stupid.”

Killian nodded once and then made to walk past Seth, away from the council building. He paused, his arm brushing against Seth’s shoulder.

“Now we’re even,” he said. “Don’t ever dare to ask a favor of me again.”

***

After finding clothes that were more akin to those Dante had worn while pretending to be homeless, Seth made his way through the planes to earth. It wasn’t the first time he’d taken the trip as an angel, but it was the first time he’d done it alone. The other times, he’d been with Julian, traveling there to guide the souls of the dead to the crossroads.

He’d made sure to wear a top with a hood, which he pulled up the moment he reached the streets of New York. He was dead and buried, and his face—albeit a much younger version—had been plastered all over the pages of the Tribune; it wasn’t like he could show his face.

Seth knew exactly where to find Dante—their bench. How many coffees had he handed Dante while the angel sat there pretending to be homeless? Why had he done that? To give him an excuse to speak to him? That was the only thing Seth could think of. He knew Dante could have watched him from afar, keeping himself hidden, but he hadn’t, and Seth was eternally grateful for that. There had always been something unspoken between them; a connection that was more than Seth finding the angel attractive, or staring into his stunning blue eyes, while being too nervous to speak. He’d hoped that being with Dante had always been his destiny, except now he couldn’t help but doubt.

“I knew you’d come,” Dante said with absolute conviction, looking up when Seth approached.

Dante didn’t look any different at all. Not that Seth was sure what he’d expected. Bloody wing stumps, perhaps. He was glad Dante didn’t appear to be physically harmed.

When Dante stood, Seth stumbled into his arms. It surprised him when Dante started to cry first.

“I’m sorry,” Dante whispered between sobs. He pushed Seth’s hood back so he could kiss his hair. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault. It’s Killian’s.”

Dante sighed. “He might have been the one to betray us, but I was the one who broke the rules. I knew the consequences, Seth, and I chose to take the chance.” He placed his hands on either side of Seth’s face, forcing him to look up and into his clear blue eyes. “And I would take that chance again if it meant I got to spend that time with you.”

Seth blinked back tears. “We were supposed to spend eternity together.” His throat felt sore, his chest tight.

“I know.”

“I can’t even visit you, can I? I can’t be with you and be an angel.”

Dante pressed his lips together, before letting out a heavy sigh. “No.” He stroked Seth’s cheeks with his thumbs. “I want to be with you, Seth, more than anything. But I would never ask you to fall for me. You belong on the angelic plane, helping the souls of the dead find their resting places. You’re wonderful at it, and I know you thrive on it. Your compassion and selflessness were the things that drew me to you in the first place.”

Seth’s chest grew tighter and tighter with every word Dante spoke. “I don’t even know what it means to be fallen,” he admitted. “You don’t look any different. Do you still…” He bit his lip, almost frightened to ask. “Do you still have your wings?”

Dante’s expression became sad, his gaze distant. “Yes. They’re a constant and bitter reminder that I can never ascend beyond this plane again. It’s not just the angelic plane that’s forbidden to me, but the crossroads and many others that I hadn’t even begun to show you. I can still fly on earth, but I’m trapped on this plane. Not that being able to fly will do me much good. Can you imagine what would happen if someone saw me?”

“You might end up in Area 51,” Seth said, although the feeble attempt at a joke sounded hollow.

Dante grimaced. “I’m not sure what that means.”

“Nothing good,” Seth said. “It’s where...” He shook his head. “Nevermind. I get it. You have wings, but you can’t use them. You’re effectively grounded.”

Dante nodded. “Yes, and for an immortal, that’s a terrible curse.” He moved away from Seth and began to pace. “I’ll have to create an identity for myself, not just once, but hundreds of times over the decades and centuries to come. I’ll never grow old, which means I can’t stay in one place for more than a few years at most. All I achieve here will go to waste when I’m forced to move on.”

“You’re not selling it,” Seth whispered through the tears that were making him shake.

“It’s why I can’t ask you to join me, even though I can’t stand the thought of living even a day without you.” He moved back to Seth and pulled him into an embrace, kissing him tenderly, before wiping his tears from his cheeks. “And really, we were only together for a heartbeat.”

Seth’s brow crumpled. “I know it hasn’t been long, but—”

Dante silenced him with a second kiss. “You should go back before anyone realizes you’re missing and looks for you. You belong in the heavens, Seth. You don’t belong on earth, with your wings clipped.”

“I belong with you.”

Dante tilted his head to the side. “And yet you came to me as an angel, not as a fallen.”

Seth clenched his fists. He hated both the sorrow and the truth in Dante’s words. His lover was right. If he’d meant to join Dante, why had he waited? He could have stormed into the council building and demanded to be cast out of the angelic plane. Or he could have let Killian betray him and faced his punishment upon his return. But he’d done neither of those things.

“You were born to help people, Seth,” Dante said, his voice soft but sad. “And I’m not saying you couldn’t do that here on earth as a fallen angel, because I know you could. But it was your destiny to transcend. Are you really going to turn your back on that, for me?”

Seth stared at him, unable to answer. Again, he found himself wanting to say yes, but he couldn’t utter the simple word, because the ramifications were so significant and irreversible. He jerked away from his lover’s touch.

“I need to think,” he said, practically huffing out the words, furious both at himself and at their situation. He pulled his hood up, hiding his face in shadows once more. “I need some time.”

Dante nodded, his blue eyes like wells of sadness. “I understand. Take as long as you need, love. Time is something we both have plenty of.”