Chapter
9
Back to the Light
~Sass~
The day is here for my very best friend to commit herself to a life with her man and her club. The wedding is taking place at the compound, per Doll’s request. She wants her dad and all the boys comfortable to enjoy the day, not stuck in a stuffy country club. Today will be my last day here. Nick isn’t with me as he doesn’t feel the compound is a place for him. Hell, I think if he had his way, I wouldn’t be here. This is the biggest day of my life long best friend’s life, I wouldn’t miss it for the world, Hellion wedding or not.
As her maid of honor, I am in a strapless, red dress with an empire waist. It’s floor length and fitted with a sexy as sin slit up my left thigh, practically to my hip. The black, strappy heels add to the seductive feel of the ensemble. No, this is far from your typical fancy wedding; this is a Hellion wedding with a twist. Yes, the dress is hot and more formal than any wedding Doll and I have seen, but she’s the club Prez’s daughter who is marrying a charter Prez after all.
When Roundman walks in, he is in black jeans, black boots, and for the first time ever, a white, button up, long sleeve shirt resting under his cut. His long hair is braided neatly on his back and a red and black bandana is tied around his forehead, coming around his head. His goatee is trimmed and everything about Roundman is as formal as you will ever possibly get him. His eyes scan the room before they settle on his baby girl. They glisten in emotion, but no tears will fall, not from him.
“Doll, you’re sure?” he questions in a semi-serious way.
“DADDY!” she cries out in a chastising tone.
He shakes his head as a smile grows across his face. “I sure wish your momma was here right now to see you.”
Doll’s face shows her own mixture of emotion as I see the tears behind her beautifully made up eyes. “Me, too,” she whispers.
She is wearing a white, form fitting, silk gown with a lace overlay. It is strapless and has the same overdone slit up her left thigh, only hers isn’t quite as revealing given what she wants to hide underneath. Her empire waistline is trimmed out in a solid red, satin ribbon that ties into a delicate bow in the back. Her blonde hair is done up with soft tendrils curling down her face and back. Her white, strappy sandals make the red polish of her painted toes stand out.
Roundman reaches into his pocket and extends his hand to Doll, holding a small, black box. Taking the box, Doll opens it to find a pair of earrings.
“Your momma wore these on our wedding day. She said some shit about needin’ something blue, but not wanting it to really be blue. These earrings are blue sapphire, she said. I don’t know shit about jewelry, Doll. They look black to me, but your momma said they were blue, so baby, here’s something old and something blue because that’s what all the women say you need.”
The tears fall in rapid succession down Doll’s face as she pulls the earrings out one at a time and puts them on. They don’t look blue at all. It’s a perfect fit for a Hellion wedding.
I turn to get my friend a tissue so we can clean off her face when my mother walks in the room. Taking one look at Doll, she smiles before the tears stream down her face.
“You brought her the earrings, I see, Roundman.”
“You said she needed ‘em, and whatever Doll needs, she’s gonna get. Anyway, I’ll be waitin’ outside.”
Watching Roundman leave the room, I notice my mother is paying close attention to every move Doll and I make.
“This reminds me of your mom and me on her wedding day, Doll. Today, you don’t just marry the man, you marry the club. When we were looking for something blue, she was hell bent it would be so dark it would look black. No way was she going against our colors. I laughed at the time. Until we found those earrings, I didn’t think we were gonna pull it off. When I got married to Danza, those were not only my something blue but my something borrowed as well. I hope when the day comes, my Sassy can borrow those as well.”
Before I can stop myself, I sharply retort, “I don’t need to worry about it. I’m not marryin’ a Hellion, so blue will be just fine for my big day. As a matter of fact, that might be one of my colors.”
A deafening silence settles over the room. You could hear a pin drop as my mother and Doll take in my sudden change in demeanor.
Wanting to move back to safer grounds, my mom finally breaks the tension between us. “If that’s what you wish, Sass. I only came to share with you the times I had with Delilah’s mother.” She turns away from me. “Doll, you look absolutely beautiful today, and your mother would be so proud. The ride you will start today is one that does not end. It’s one that isn’t smooth, easy, or always full of good times. The ride you take today is one of endurance, strength, forgiveness, understanding, and balance. As you hug the curves of life, hold tight to your man and your club. When you bounce through the potholes in life, you learn to take the ups with the downs, leaning not only on each other, but on your family in the Hellions. Ride on, Delilah. Let the wind carry you and your heart guide you through the good times and the bad.”
Neither, Doll nor I have a chance to respond before my mom kisses her cheek gently, reaches out to squeeze my hand, and then promptly exits the room. My mom is hurting. She’s missing her best friend, knowing that Doll’s mom should be here and she’s not. I know she is missing me as well.
However, she chooses this life and I don’t—I can’t. It’s not in me to have the strength and forgiveness required to be an ol’ lady. I smile weakly at Doll, knowing this is the life for her.
We finish getting ready and make our way to the edge of the building where we will ride in to the ceremony. I hold Doll’s bouquet of red roses with black ribbon laced around the stems while she gathers her dress. Using the slit as her way to move, she climbs onto the red and black, full dresser Harley Davidson Ultra Classic that Roundman is perched on, waiting to drive his daughter down the aisle.
“Are you ready for your last ride with me, Doll?” Roundman asks his daughter.
Tears build as she knows this will be the last time she will ever ride behind her dad on a bike again. Her place now is behind Tripp.
“Yes, Daddy.” She leans over and kisses his cheek. “I love you.”
Once she’s holding on to her dad, I give her back the flowers. Moving to my dad and his matching bike, I hand him my bouquet then gather my dress and climb on in the same manner. After he returns my flowers, my dad squeezes my thigh before starting the bike. I think part of him feels this is his last ride with me, too. He knows I am pulling away.
The rumble rings through my ears and the vibration shakes the bike under us. We pull away slowly, coming around the corner of the building. The white aisle runner is rolled out between the sides of chairs placed out, which are now filled with guests. All the Hellions’ bikes are lined up on each side, making an aisle that we drive up behind the two rows of chairs leading to the front arch.
Reaching the chairs, my dad pulls the bike to a stop. I hand him my flowers then, placing my hand on his shoulder, I climb off the bike.
As I reach out to grab my bouquet, he pulls me down to kiss my cheek. “You look beautiful, Sass. I love you,” he whispers to me before letting me go to make my way down the aisle.
When I reach the end of the aisle, I find Tripp and Rex standing there. Both wear black jeans, white button up shirts and Hellion cuts. Their hair is down, falling past their shoulders, and both are standing stiff as a board. Seeing them nervous makes me smile.
Everyone stands at the distinct rumble of Roundman’s Harley.
My dad moves to park his motorcycle in the designated spot waiting for him. He is standing at the edge as we watch Roundman give his daughter her last ride. My dad steps over to hold Doll’s flowers and her hand as she climbs off the bike. Roundman follows suit and then takes Doll’s hand from Dad.
I watch as Roundman escorts his only child—his only daughter—through the rows of friends and family. Reaching the end of the aisle, Doll leans up and kisses his cheek. Tonka, the retired Navy Chaplain who’s also a patched Hellion, is performing the ceremony.
“We are gathered here today in celebration of the union of Talon ‘Tripp’ Crews and Delilah ‘Doll’ Reklinger in marriage. Who gives this woman to this man?” Tonka begins.
“The Haywood’s Landing Hellions and I do,” Roundman proudly states as he takes Doll’s hand and places it into Tripp’s.
I tear up knowing Doll and I are truly daughters, not only to our fathers, but to our club. The club I walk away from today.
Before letting go of her fingers, Roundman makes one last statement to Tripp. “I don’t give a fuck if it’s gonna be your ring on her finger and your last name she signs; she’s always my daughter. Know this, Talon, brother or not, if you hurt her, it’s me you’re gonna answer to.”
With that, Tripp smirks, knowing Roundman means every word while confident that he won’t hurt Doll. Tripp leans down and kisses Doll on the cheek as Tonka draws the attention back to the official ceremony.
“Today, Tripp and Doll are here to publically pronounce their devotion to one another. Today, I tell you both to hold on tight for the ride is long. Be understanding of one another, be forgiving of each other’s short comings. Rely on each other to balance the ride of life. Honor and respect one another whether together or apart. Enjoy the good times and endure the storms. When the wide open road calls to you, take the journey together to find what awaits.”
Looking at both Tripp and Doll, Tonka asks, “Are you ready to make your promises to one another?”
While they smile at each other as tears run down Doll’s face, they nod in answer. Doll turns and hands her flowers to me, placing both of her hands in Tripp’s.
Before Tripp begins his vows, he runs his thumbs under Doll’s eyes to wipe away her tears. Rather than hold her hands once again, Tripp cups Doll’s face. The gaze they share is one of passion and with such intensity they have closed out the world. In this moment, Doll’s hands come up to hold Tripp’s wrists as he recites their vows.
“Baby, with love in my heart and for the entire club to see, I offer you my hand to hold forever. I promise to love, honor, cherish and respect you. To encourage you and stand by you no matter how bumpy the road may be. I will tenderly care for you through all the journeys as we follow the map of our lives. I will be your best friend, your confidant, your source of strength, your lover and your protector. From this day forward, it’s you and me on our forever ride.” Then he whispers so only those of us close can hear, “One last time, I get to ask because this is it… Are we gonna do this, Doll?” Leaning in, Tripp places a gentle kiss on her forehead when Doll begins.
“Talon, with love in my heart and for the entire club to see, I offer you my hand to hold forever. I promise to love, honor, cherish and respect you. To encourage you and stand by you no matter how bumpy the road may be. I will tenderly care for you through all the journeys as we follow the map of our lives. I will be your best friend, your confidant, your source of strength, your lover and your protector. From this day forward, it’s you and me on our forever ride. And to answer your question; yes, baby, a million times over, we’re gonna do this, Tripp. You and me, one ride for life.”
As Tonka lays out the rings, I hear Doll gasp and look back to Tripp. “It’s my mother’s band.” Tripp only nods.
The two exchange wedding bands, and before Tonka can make the official announcement, Tripp is full-on kissing my best friend while the rest of the crowd whoops and hollers their excitement.
The reception is in full swing inside the clubhouse as I make my way over to my parents. Tonight may not be the best time or place, but I have made my decision and it is time to face it. I have to be strong and own up to the choices I have made.
“Mom, Dad,” I greet. “I just want to let you know, Nick and I are taking things to the next step with our relationship. He needs me home more, and I want to be where he is. I’ve trained Amy, so today will be my last Hellions’ event, and I won’t be returning to work on Monday.”
I see the tears in my mother’s eyes as she straightens her back a little more and steels her resolve. “If that’s what makes you happy, Sass. I know you need to make your own way. Just remember we love you and we’re always here for you.”
Watching her, I know she is giving me the space to run free in hopes I will come back sooner rather than later. My dad, on the other hand, is not so composed.
“You don’t turn your fuckin’ back on family, Sass. You think this punk ass, country club, pretty boy’s gonna really take care of you? He’s not. But you do what you’re gonna do because I can see there’s no changin’ your mind. You’re a Hellion, though, like it or not. You can’t deny it. Try all you want, you’ll see in the end things aren’t as bad as they seem and this is who you are inside and out.” Before I can respond, he storms off, taking my mother by the hand, dragging her with him.
Fighting to keep my tears at bay, I make my way to find Doll. This is what I want, I remind myself. I want to walk away. Forge my own path in safer territory.
Once I find Doll over by the bar, I nod to her to meet me in the bathroom. It is time for her send off.
Once inside the privacy of the restroom, she looks at me seriously. “You okay, Sass?”
“Yeah. I let my parents know I quit my job. It didn’t go terrible, but not great either. Look, it’s your day, don’t worry over this shit. Let’s get you ready.”
Reaching under the red satin ribbon of her bodice, I undo the hidden buttons attaching the lace overlay and silk bottom to the top portion of her dress. Doll now stands in front of me, in a strapless white silk top with the ribbon still in place. Lace overlay still covering the breast area only. Her bottoms are a pair of super tiny, black shorts that were hidden under her gown with Mrs. Crews embroidered in red on her ass. Opening the box we placed in the restroom earlier, I pull out Doll’s Catawba Hellions cut with her ‘property of Tripp’ ol’ lady patch. I show her the newest addition where we put a patch with today’s date for her to signify she’s Mrs. Crews now.
Exiting the restroom, everyone’s gathered around to say goodbye. I watch as Doll climbs on behind Tripp to take off on their first ride as husband and wife.
Tears fill my eyes as I take in the family and friends around us. This is yet another event Tank is missing. That thought reminds me I need to go home to Nick. It’s time for me to take off into my future as my best friend just did with her husband.
~Tank~
Amy’s slender fingers touch my hand once again. I ache everywhere. Frustration builds inside me as I feel stiff. I am dying to move, to stretch, but I can’t. My body won’t listen. My eyes won’t open. The weight I have felt holding me down suddenly feels lighter, but I am still stuck.
“I’ve lost her. She’s walking away. Frisco, you know what it’s like to see someone you love walk away. This shit is wrong. She was born into this club. She’s supposed to ride with this club, not turn her back on us,” Danza’s voice speaks, brokenhearted and full of stress.
Sass. Is Sass walking away? My mind runs rampant with thoughts of her seriously leaving the club life. This is all she knows. Her whole world is the Hellions. She hasn’t been here to visit lately that I can remember. Where is she? Is she okay?
“Danza, she’s not Tilly. Matilda was weak, but Sass is stronger than she thinks. She just hasn’t realized this yet. She’ll come back. She’s lost a lot this last year; let her find her footing in life. Let her feel in control of something for a while,” Frisco attempts to sooth Danza.
Tilly was Frisco’s ol’ lady. She caused more drama at the clubhouse and got Frisco in more fights than any of the other women ever have. She couldn’t handle the life, and after making Frisco miserable wasn’t enough to make him choose her over the club, she walked away.
“We all have had a year of fuckin’ loss!” Danza’s voice booms. “Nothin’ but loss. Damn it, Tank! Wake up!” I feel the bed shake under me as if he slammed his hand down on the mattress.
“I know I was a prick, but she’s my baby girl. Of course I don’t want anyone fuckin’ her. Shit, man, I didn’t know it was really that serious with you two. Now you’re lying here and she’s leavin’. But she’d stay for you, I know she would.” Danza’s tone is laced in concern, sadness and annoyance.
There is a squeeze to my hand, a tickle on my neck, and the feeling of someone leaning over me. Amy whispers in my ear, “Wake up. Tank, if for no one but Sass, wake the fuck up. Please. I have nightmares of you dying in my arms. You didn’t die. You’re alive. Now wake up and LIVE.” The last sentence is no longer a whisper, but a full on command from the tiny female.
Focusing, I squeeze her hand back. My eyelids feel glued together as I push to try to open them. There is commotion as I hear the intercom at my ear buzz back from the nurse’s station.
“May I help you?” the voice in the bed rail asks.
“He’s coming to. He squeezed my hand,” Amy says back to the nurse, her voice shaking in excitement or fear, I am not sure which.
I feel the jab of the IV in my arm, the pressure of the feeding tube in my side, and the weight of the compression stockings for circulation on my legs and feet. They are all things I haven’t noticed before. I want to move, to stretch, to pull, to itch, to open my eyes, and yes, to live. I can hear the nurse coming in, and everything around me is more vivid than ever before.
“As we’ve explained before, the squeeze most likely is an involuntary reaction to your stimulation. If you press the right pressure point, even accidently, the nerves in his hand will react.”
Straining to talk, I only manage a strangled sound as I try to alert the nurse that I am indeed waking up. Concentrating, I try to move my leg. However, I can’t tell if I am successful as everything feels so foreign right now. This is worse than an out of body experience, this is lack of complete control. I am here, but I’m not really a part of myself.
The nurse moves quickly to my side, paging a doctor quickly. She pulls open my eyelids one at a time, shining a light directly into them. Yes, I am awake. Please let her see that. Why can’t I talk? I feel like I have a brain to body disconnection.
“I’m going to have to ask you all to step out so the doctor can come in and examine Mr. Oleander. As soon as we’re done running some scans, you can come back in,” I hear the nurse announce.
I feel Amy come down and kiss my forehead. “Come on, Tank. You’re almost back to us… back to her. Keep fighting. Keep fighting.” I feel warm liquid on my forehead from what I assume to be her tears.
With one last squeeze of my hand, she pulls away.
For the next few hours, the doctors and nurses prod, scan, poke and talk about me as I continue my attempt to move. They scrape the bottoms of my feet with something cold and metal, causing a shiver to run up my legs. Well, I can feel everything, that has to be a good sign.
It takes focus and the calming of my nerves, but I slowly blink. The light burns, causing my eyes to water.
I am here! I can see!
Hold tight, Sass. I’m pulling through, Button.