Chapter
7
Reaper Comes
~Sass~
Getting back home to Nick, I have a nagging feeling things are unsettled with us.
I am in our bedroom unpacking when he comes in. Deciding to push aside the negative, I make my way over to him. Drawing him into me, I kiss him with every emotion I have bottled up, both good and bad. The kiss isn’t one I allow him to be gentle with as I grab at his neck, pulling him closer to me, forceful in my movements as my body needs to feel connected to something, to someone. I fight for something, anything to be real. I am dying inside, a slow death I can’t stop.
Finally, he is able to pull away from me. “Well, hello, Savannah. I take it you missed me?” he says with a conceited smirk.
Part of me wants to be a bitch and tell him I’m only attempting to feel something beyond the void. Never having been with a good guy, I decide to tame the bitch in me as I smile sweetly, giving him what he wants.
“Did you have a good time with your friend?” The undertone he takes with the word friend reminds me he comes from a different world than I do. He has never understood family that is beyond blood ties.
“I did. She’ll be here for the wedding soon, and I’m looking forward to having her around more, even if it’s short term.”
“Oh, yes, go back to what you’ve been running from. She’s a real good influence for you.” He doesn’t even try to hide his sarcasm.
“What’s that supposed to mean, Nick?”
“I’m not enough, huh? For whatever reason, your mouth says you want to walk away from your past, but at every turn, you’re running back to it. I’ve laid it all in front of you, but it’s not enough.” Disdain drips off every word.
“What the hell is your problem? She’s my best friend. This has nothing to do with the Hellions.” Feeling on edge, I can’t hide the defensiveness in my tone.
“I’ve shown you I’m everything for you, so why you think you still need any of them is beyond me. I’m everything you couldn’t have before. What are you doing for me, though? Giving me every reason to think you’ll walk away, that’s what.”
“Insecurity? That’s what this is about?” I question, trying to get to the root of his issues.
“No, it’s about you! I’m not your priority!” he roars and storms out of our room.
Not my priority? What the hell? I know I suck at relationships, but I don’t understand what he wants from me. It’s like he is supposed to be my world and my everything, literally. I grew up in an environment where women, although taken care of, come second best to the club. My dad and his brothers don’t care about being a priority to their women. They want to know their ol’ ladies are loyal, ride until we die kind of women that know their place. Seen and not heard, ass planted on the back of their man’s bike, do as you’re told, no fuss, no muss, and none of this I’m your priority shit.
The club is life, the club is priority. The club is what takes care of all of you, so all of you are loyal to the club. What Nick wants from me, I am not used to, yet I want to give this to him. My desire is to have a normal life with him. I just don’t know how to do it.
Following him down to our kitchen, my mind is racing. “Talk to me, Nick. Don’t run away. I’m sorry for whatever I’ve done.”
“Whatever you’ve done! That’s it right there; I’m whatever to you. I’ve never met someone so clueless before. It’s like you need me to spell it out for you, crayon style. Well, Savannah, we aren’t in kindergarten. Grow up.”
“You condescending asshole! This is my first experience away from the club, so my entire life is turned upside down right now. You want everything to be all about you, and I’m fuckin’ trying! And since we’re having this argument, what was your comment about me being where I said when you sent the flowers, huh? You checkin’ up on me?” Now is so not the time for me to add to our problems, but his comment has really been eating at me. If we’re going to fight, I might as well put it all out there.
“Yeah, I’m checking up on you. Actions speak louder than words, Savannah. And your actions don’t give me much to trust or believe in.”
“Have I given you any reason to doubt me?”
“When we first started dating or sleeping together, whatever you want to call it, you were coming off that whole situation with Tank. He used you, remember? You got drunk and told me every detail of ‘the best night of my life’.” He is using air quotes to remind me I did drunkenly tell him every moment and every orgasm I shared with Tank.
“Then, before we could really have a relationship, you were taking off on the back of Drexel’s bike. Drexel, yeah, who has a name like that? You tell me what a man-whore he is, and you were gone how long? You fucked him. No matter what you say, I know you fucked him.
“We were doomed before we could begin, Savannah. You come from a different world, one I thought you were ready to leave behind. At every turn, though, you’re going back.”
“Do you really think so little of me? That the first chance I have I’m gonna sleep with someone else? You really believe that?” I question, hurt at his accusation.
“Isn’t that what you did with me? Tank’s rejection stung. You wanted to ‘fuck him away.’ Those were your words to me the first night we met.”
“Yes, Nick, you were a rebound in the very beginning. But do you really think I would’ve given us a chance when I got back or moved in with you if I really didn’t want you and only you?” Tears fall as I realize my mistake.
“Fear. You came to me because your old life scared you.”
“I want to be with you, only you,” I say softly, wanting nothing more than to defuse our situation.
“Do you really? One hundred percent, you and me… no one else between us?” he sincerely questions me, the rage now gone.
“Yes, baby, yes. What do I have to do to show you?”
“Quit your job. We don’t need the money. I know I won’t convince you to miss the wedding, but you claim you want to walk away from all things Hellions, so walk away from it. Be home for me.”
“That’s what you need from me?”
He doesn’t respond verbally, but his eyes lock on me, confirming he does indeed need my dedication to him and only him.
“Okay,” I simply state. What more can be said? He needs this, and I need the security and safety he gives me. He is insecure. He feels vulnerable when he does everything he can to make me feel secure and I haven’t reciprocated. He has done nothing except go out of his way to give me the security I need, too. I owe him so much.
Leaving my job is easy when we don’t need the money. What’s more, I want to walk away from the Hellions, live my life not looking over my shoulder, and love my man without questioning where he is and the danger he’s in. Nick deserves my all, and from this moment forward, I will do everything to give it to him.
~Tank~
Someone is holding my hand. It’s a tiny, delicate hand with slender fingers. The way she is gently running her thumb over my hand is not like Sass does, though. This is someone else. My mom? I know she has been here to visit. I don’t know how often, but I can somewhat remember hearing her voice. Since she has responsibilities at home, I know coming to visit me has to take a toll on her.
My sisters are old enough to take care of themselves. Bonnie has a house of her own, a job, and a man. Laney is still in college, furthering her education. Mom takes care of her apartment and I pay her tuition. Are the Hellions still taking care of them? How long have I been out? I trust my brothers to handle my affairs.
“She needs Tank.” Her voice shocks me into recognition. She takes me back to the moment in the warehouse. Strong memories engulf me from her voice.
Amy Mitchell. She is being held against her will in Delatorre’s warehouse, another pawn in his game. Her voice washes over me after the bullet to my head. Vaguely, I can hear more shots and her screaming as she must have gotten free from her guard.
Unable to open my eyes, I can feel her delicate hands trembling as she applies pressure to my head and stomach.
“She needs you, Tank. Hang in there. Fight. Sass needs you. I saw the video of her at home. The videos Delatorre has of Sass and Doll, I watched them. She loves you. She needs you. She cries for you. Delatorre has files and pictures of you with her. I’ve read them, I’ve seen the pictures, and the moments you’ve shared. It’s in your eyes, both of you care deeply for one another. Hold on for her.”
My consciousness wavers, but at all times, when I can take in anything around me, Amy Mitchell is here, reminding me to pull through for Sass. My entire being feels like I am on fire on the inside, a burn so deep you can’t cool it. Shock takes over, my whole body trembles as the pain literally becomes too much to bear.
“Let me stay with him, please. I’ll do anything you want, just let me keep the pressure on his wound. He saved me. You all saved me. Kill me later, I don’t give a shit, but let me make sure he gets through this.” I hear Amy sobbing as she moves. I feel her hand jerking like she is fighting to stay with me.
“Stop pulling on her. Let her go with him. His care is more important than dealing with her right now. Fuck! We have Bull and Perry dead already. Get their bodies in the vans, dammit. Coach and Pearl are bad off and on their way to the hospital. Quit fuckin’ with her! Load them both up and get Tank help. Clean up’s on its way to burn the building,” Frisco commands to someone.
I am jarred as they move me, and it sends me over the edge. I need relief. I welcome the cold washing over me. There is not enough blood flowing through me to keep my body temperature regulated. I am losing the fight, losing the battle.
My road to hell is paved with good intentions. Yeah, I have taken a life today and today may be the day my life is taken.
However, Doll is safe. Sass is safe. The fucker who threatened them, who watched them, has been eliminated. I can rest easy knowing my girl will be okay. She will move on. Through the few messages we have shared, I have cleared the air.
I feel myself letting go. This is it. I have made amends. I have seen through the retribution. I have given my club my all. I have known the love of a woman. I take her with me, saying a silent goodbye, waiting for death to claim me.
Breathing has never been such a task as I give up the fight.
Amy’s voice rings loudly through the fog of my impending death. “Don’t do it, Tank. Don’t let go. She needs to come home to you. It’s over. She’s coming home. Don’t give up now. Noooooo!” she sobs over me as I weaken further.
Unable to stay with her voice, I drift into the darkness, waiting to meet Hell’s gates. The Reaper is coming to carry my soul to the flames of eternity. The dark cloak of a vast land of nothing, a silence that is deafening, a place where being is no more, and I am willingly walking into the darkness because I can’t stay with the light.
Once again, I can’t hold onto the memory. Fatigue is stronger than my ability to stay with my thoughts or the sounds around me. Maybe, if I sleep for just a little while, I can come back to my memories.
If Amy is here, obviously they let her live and stay around. She is safe. Sass is safe. Doll is safe. We may have lost some men that day, but we took out the threat to our girls and our club. If I never wake up, knowing the people I care about made it, then I’m okay.