Chapter
1
Unsettled
~Sass~
There are times in life where things change so much nothing seems the same anymore. Yesterday becomes some far off dream of what once was. The things that have brought me to this place feel like a faint, far off memory.
The logical side of me still screams strongly that walking away from my family, from everything I know, and from the Hellions motorcycle club is what any sane person would do. I am a grown ass adult. The lifestyle decisions of my parents should no longer dictate the choices I make with my own life. The bubble that I grew up in has popped, reality surrounds me now.
Life with Nick is safe. No crazy-ass road trips. No crazy fucker putting cameras in my house. No wild parties. No runs where the men in my life are gone for days without a word of their safety or location. Life with Nick is calm. We’ve come a long way from that first meeting one night at a bar. Doll and I met him before the Delatorre situation hit the fan. Nick and I went out a couple of times before I left. While I was away¸ I wasn’t sure what I would do when I returned home. Nick was supportive through it all. Coming home to find Tank in a coma, Nick has been the normalcy I’ve needed. He’s the opposite of everything I’ve ever known with the Hellions and I need that now more than ever before.
The chaos surrounding the Hellions slowly disappears from my world as each day passes. Sure, I know my mom misses me and my dad is upset that, outside of doing my job, I refuse to have anything to do with the club. It is hard to give up everything I’ve ever known, but my life is better this way.
Doll and Caroline are the ones who understand my reasoning the most. They are my best friends. After everything we’ve been through in the last year, neither have pushed the issue of why I left the club life. Doll is an ‘ol’ lady’ now. Tripp recently proposed and she is planning her wedding here on the coast. Caroline is wrapped up in some mess at work so Rex is stepping in to help her. Caroline wants none of this, but she’s backed into a corner. There is no way out of her current situation without help from the club.
I miss having my best friends around. Hell, until the ride we had to take because of Delatorre, Doll and I were roommates. Caroline lived with us in college, but she stayed in Charlotte when Doll and I returned to the coast after graduation. Now that we’re safe and Doll is with Tripp, she lives in Catawba with her man and his charter club. She is in love and feels safe, so at the end of the day, I am happy for her. Caroline claims she has no time for love. Her focus is on her career and I support that. They have their lives there and mine is getting started here.
After returning, I made the decision to give things with Nick a serious try. We moved in together not long after my return. He is stable. Things are good. However, the one thing left of my old life I can’t seem to let go of is Tank.
He is in the hospital because of the Delatorre situation, and the coma he hasn’t come out of in almost eight months weighs heavily on my heart. There is so much I never got to say to him. I have actually said a lot of it now, but does he really know I am here and I am talking to him? The doctors say he can hear me. They tell me the last thing a person loses is their ability to hear, so I should keep talking to him every chance I can. Therefore, each morning, after Nick leaves for work, I spend an hour at Tank’s bedside before I go off to my job. A job where I once saw Tank every day he wasn’t on a transport.
The whole thing started when Doll and I were sent on a ride across the country with Tripp and Rex. It was to keep us safe since Felix Delatorre threatened Doll. While we were on the road, the Hellions back home handled Delatorre and his crew. I don’t know all of the details of what happened in the warehouse that day, only that Bull, Perry, Pearl and Coach were all killed. I know that Roundman eliminated Delatorre, but the specifics have not been discussed. Tank, Bandit and Jag were all injured, but while they have since recovered, Tank has not.
They don’t know why he isn’t waking up, either. His body has completely healed. However, his mind has not.
The majority of our trip was relatively easy compared to what everyone back home was facing trying to eliminate Delatorre and the threat he posed. Rex and Tripp took care of keeping Doll and I safe. We only had one major incident, though it’s one that will forever be ingrained in my soul.
Doll and I have been inseparable since childhood, my survival sister in this crazy life. The instant Tripp’s arm comes up to signal he will be turning off and Rex is to continue on forward then circle back around, my heart skips a beat. Watching my best friend pull off at the exit while we have to continue on crushes me. The millions of ‘what ifs’ are playing on a loop in my mind.
Rex and I continue on and circle back around as instructed, and when we finally pull up to a rundown gas station, my heart drops. I can see the Hellions cuts on the back of the men as they are guiding a group of Hispanic men at gunpoint behind the restrooms. What I don’t see is Tripp or Doll. Rex taps my thigh, a signal for me to get off the bike, as he removes his helmet. Rex is not the serious type. He takes life as a ride; simple, carefree, face what comes when it comes. At this moment, however, he is stern and unsmiling as he looks at me.
“Sass, we’re gonna head to the restroom and get Doll. Given where the guys came from, I’m sure that’s where Tripp sent her. You don’t leave my fuckin’ side, though. If more guys show up, you get to the restroom and lock yourself in.” He hands me a small handgun and nods at me.
I nod back in understanding. Yes, I know how to fire the weapon. Doll and I have spent as many hours shooting as we have shopping. It is the Hellion way of life—control the chaos, command when faced with the extremes, and never be without your brother and your weapon.
Well, I am without my sister right now and it is time to get her.
Finding courage and resolve I never knew I had, I follow Rex to the restroom. I can hear the faint whiz of the shots being fired and the men hitting the ground nearby. The boys may be using silencers on the guns, but it is still evident when you are close by what is going on. Connections will be called, markers used or owed; this mess will be cleaned up without a trace in a matter of hours. If Doll is safe, it is worth it.
Relief washes over me as my best friend comes to the door when I knock and call out to her. I can hear Tripp in the other restroom talking, but the sounds are too muffled to comprehend.
We walk with Doll over to the bikes while we wait for Tripp. Tears are streaming down Doll’s face, and I’m at a loss on how to make this better for her. When Tripp emerges, she finds her calm within the storm with him.
Thinking back to that day gives me chills.
Before we left on the ride, I had decided the biker life wasn’t for me. Stupid teenage fantasies had me read more than there was into the friendship I had formed with Tank. After one hookup the night of the barbeque, things changed for me. Tank’s easy dismissal of me made it clear where I stand with him. It’s more than that, but his rejection confirmed it, club life isn’t for me.
I’m building something solid and long lasting with Nick. He’s not my knight in shining armor, Prince Charming, or any of the stuff fairytales are made of—none of that shit is real anyway. He’s reliable, kind, gentle and attentive. He’s safe. He’s secure. And he wants me. This is what I want—to be the center of someone’s world, not second to a brotherhood, a club.
Why do I still feel there is something missing, though?
~Tank~
Darkness. Shadows. Blackness. Gloom. Sadness. I am engulfed in obscurity, vagueness and murkiness. Oblivion. I am not completely gone, but I’m not altogether here, either.
Lost. Tumbling. Absent. A soft voice comes through; gentle, kind, loving and sad. Her voice, her presence, breaks the numbness consuming me. My girl is here. The light in the dark. The sounds of her, the feel of her, knowing she’s here pulls me through the shades of black. The citrus smell of her invades my senses.
I fight to open my eyes. I want to see her. No, I need to see her and the depths of those emerald green eyes that once danced in my presence. I crave that connection. I fight with everything in me to see her, but my body remains unresponsive to my command.
She is touching me. I can feel her squeeze my hand and rub my arm. It’s a relaxed brush, a tickle almost.
Come on, Tank; move your hand, I think to myself.
Dammit, I can’t do anything. Fuck, I need her to know I am right here with her.
“I have to go to work. Roundman and my dad will be by later to see you. I’ll come back tomorrow,” I hear her say with somber undertones.
She is carrying a heavy burden. A weight I want to lift away. I can feel her sorrow. Why? What is bothering her? Is it my situation?
Why can’t I wake up and tell her it’s going to be okay?
Her hands move off my arm and hand. I feel her push off the bed and lean over me. She brushes her hand through my hair and then touches her lips ever so softly to my forehead.
“Bye, Tank. Until tomorrow. Come back to us,” she whispers so low it’s barely audible.
The darkness threatens to consume me again as I hold tight to her words. Roundman and her dad, they’ll be coming. The Hellions’ motorcycle club, my brothers—my Prez and VP will be here.
Moments from the past come flooding back to me.
Since the day I became in debt to Roundman, he owns my afternoons and weekends with the Hellions. I’ve spent all my spare time working for him, for the club. Over time, my responsibilities gradually progress as I earn my place and the respect of the brothers around me.
At first, I was doing shop clean-up for the garage. Yet, as business picks up for the guys, my tasks become more important. In a year’s time, they have me running parts and errands after they see I am reliable. Eventually, I find myself turning wrenches alongside Roundman and Danza.
My mom doesn’t like me spending so much time with the club. She tries to intervene, but Uncle Kenny steps in and reminds her that the Hellions are more than providing for her and my sisters now. Since the day Roundman said he would take care of them, he has. Our rent is paid in full for the year and our electric, gas and water bills continue to show regular payments, leaving credits left over into the coming months. Not to mention, groceries consistently show up in our pantry and refrigerator while we are out. Uncle Kenny tells her not to question it, just learn to accept the hand being extended.
Uncle Kenny, being a patched member, promised to look out for me and not let me get in over my head. If my mom only knew what got me in this situation to begin with, though. Bull, as my uncle has been named by the Hellions, doesn’t tell my mom my secret. However, he makes sure I bust my ass to repay my marker, my debt owed to Roundman. He also won’t let me get off track with my own life, even for the club or the shop.
“Franky, tell Roundman what you told your momma, boy,” Bull commands while a shit-eating grin spreads across his face.
I should have known he wouldn’t let it go. My uncle is named Bull appropriately. Not only is he a big man—as in stocky—but he is also stubborn and won’t back down for anything.
Right now, he is staring me down much like a bull would a matador in a fight. There’s a challenge in his tone, one that says he is going to win. He is the one waving the red cape at me, rather than the other way around. Taunting, testing and teasing, all with a knowing smile.
Gathering my resolve and courage, I begin to share with Roundman and Danza my thoughts. “Business is good, and I’m learning more every day. I’m more productive and gain more life skills here in the shop than I do at school, too. Mom and I were talking the other day, and if I drop out of school, I could work here more or get a job with Rocky down at his garage,” I state, confident in my reasoning.
Danza pipes up before Roundman can. “Have you lost your damn mind, kid?”
Maybe I have. At seventeen, I am ready to break free. The stuff in those history books won’t help me face the hard knocks of life. I know basic math. I can read and write. What more do I really need? I don’t see the importance behind a high school diploma. It’s just a piece of paper.
“Danza, I want to work on cars. There ain’t nothin’ in that school gonna teach me about that,” I reply, making eye contact with the biker.
“You’re gonna finish school. I get that you think it’s bullshit, but you finish what you start. You finish school, get your certification, then you can work here as a full time mechanic. If you drop out of school, we’re done with you.” Danza is clearly not joking.
“Done with me? Really, Danza? I bust my ass and have from day fuckin’ one. Has the last year not shown I finish what I start?” The anger in me boils into a rage.
I move to make a step toward Danza when suddenly Roundman is in my face, standing over me. He’s around six-feet-tall to my current height of five-feet-eight. He is also full of muscles from the years of hard work.
He glares down on me. “I believe it was your mistakes that brought you to our doorstep. We don’t owe you shit, boy! You don’t want to go to school? Fine, don’t. However, there is no place left for you here if you walk away. You start something, you finish it. One day, a woman will come along, you’ll fall in love, have kids, and shit’s gonna get boring. You gonna walk out on your family?
“At seventeen, you think you have all the answers, but you don’t know shit! Go to school, learn what they teach you, and take your time growing up. You’ve got the rest of your life to work your ass off and be a man. So, do what teenagers do; go to school, date some girls, come to the shop and work, go home, and stay outta trouble.
“You get through school, Franky, and I’ll send you to get certified. After that, I’ll make sure you have a good job. If you drop outta high school, though, then I’ve got not one second to waste with you.” With that, Roundman turns and walks away from me.
“Dumb fuck.” Danza is shaking his head at me. “We’re gonna make a man outta you, son. Not a piece of shit man, either; but a good man. Stop thinking you know everything and look at what’s in front of you.
“I get it; your old man, he did some shit that rained down on you and your mom. We’ve straightened that out for you. But, Franky, you got a chance here to be somebody and do something with your life. The Hellions will look out for you as long as you look out for yourself. Dedicate finishing school to that thought.”
With that memory, the fatigue consumes me, even though I fight to stay with my thoughts.
My high school graduation, the Hellions were all in attendance with my mother and sisters. Roundman, true to his word, paid for my mechanic’s certification then set me up with a good job at the garage. The cards life had dealt me were starting to feel like a playable hand. It wasn’t kings and aces yet, but it was a start.
Feeling cold, I can’t hold onto the memories. Sass is gone again. Her touch is long since disappeared. My hand is now empty. Her voice is more like the fading sound of a faraway angel. The hold she has is slipping with each passing second as I succumb once again to the darkness and the sleep.