“We can take one of the company jets,” I said. “I’ll have Tristan contact the pilot. Hopefully we can fly out in a couple of hours.”
Kellan was watching me, observing my every move.
“What is it?” I asked.
“You fit in his world pretty well.”
“You think?”
“Yes. I’d actually worried about that.”
“That makes two of us, but I quickly learned that when you’re a Raine, by blood or marriage, you really don’t have much of a choice. You make sure you fit or you’ll be swallowed whole,” I said.
“I suppose.”
“Okkaayy. What does that mean?” I asked, looking up from my phone.
“You’ve changed,” he said, his head cocked to the side. “You’re different. Stronger.”
“That’s a good thing. Right?”
He appeared pensive. “Yes. I guess.”
“What’s to guess?”
“With the good there’s always some bad.”
I let out a sigh and reclined in my chair. “Why don’t you just come right out and say whatever it is you want to say?”
“I think you’ve made some of the changes because you had to, not necessarily because you wanted to,” Kellan said. “Almost as if he’s forced you, but you’re so imbedded in him you can’t see that. You can’t see him for who he really is.”
“Kellan, if there are in fact any changes, they are of my doing, not Aiden’s, so don’t be so quick to criticize him. Besides, I know who Aiden is. I know better than anyone. And this crap he’s doing now—while I think it’s foolish—I know why he’s doing it.”
Kellan sat in the chair opposite my desk, his gaze glued to mine. “Since you know him so well, tell me this: do you think he realizes the damage this separation can cause your relationship?”
“I know he thinks he’s doing right by me. And to be honest, I don’t think he’s looking beyond each day.”
Kellan shook his head in disbelief. “Don’t make excuses for him, Aria.”
I dropped the phone on my desk. “Look, I’m not going to defend my husband to you. If you want to spend every minute bashing or second-guessing him, I don’t think this trip is the best idea.”
“Okay. Okay,” he said, lifting his palms in defense. “I just want you to consider every angle, but I apologize. And for what it’s worth, I’m here for you. No matter what.”
“Thank you. I hadn’t realized how alone I felt in all of this. It’s been really difficult. So maybe a break from it all is just what I need.”
*****
Kellan was an excellent host. He’d filled each day with something fun and interesting, mostly kid-friendly outings—a detail I appreciated. We’d started the four-day trip with a visit to the Children’s Museum of The Arts. I had doubted they’d offer any toddler-esque activities, but was surprised to discover several different options. After a brief tour by one of the almost too-cheery staff members, we opted for some time in the WEE Arts Studio.
It was an interesting morning, and quite entertaining. Lyric had a blast. With the introduction of each new assortment of paints, his eyes widened, excited to dabble in yet another hodgepodge of colors. Of course, he made a mini-Raine-sized mess with the paint, but that was expected. His finished product was a masterpiece. Sure, he’d soiled himself and pretty much everyone else within a six-foot radius, but after assessing his completed work, I realized he was a genius in the making, so it was par for the course. Perhaps masterpiece was a bit of a stretch, but in the eyes of a proud mother, it was exactly that. I was sure it would be to his father as well, and I had just the spot to hang it at home.
Lyric was enjoying himself so we let him keep going, making a bigger mess as he canvased a second painting for Kellan. Afterwards, we cleaned him up and the three of us enjoyed lunch at Per Se. Our day ended with a carriage ride through Central Park.
Day two was filled with hours at an indoor playground that included an endless list of activities that allowed Lyric to explore and engage with the other children. Later, we stopped by The Loeb Boathouse for dinner. The view from the tables was peaceful and inviting, pulling me into the tranquility I needed. After dinner, Kellan rented a boat and we explored the lake. It was an escape that made me forget everything else.
The following day was the Bronx Zoo. I wondered if Lyric remembered his first time around animals at his birthday party. Kellan carried Lyric, talking to him about the animals, and once we’d approached the feline cage, he coaxed the baby to say the word “tiger.” As the animal progressed in our direction, Lyric placed his hand on the glass that separated us from the large cat.
“Ti-ger,” Lyric said.
“Oh wow. He said it!” I exclaimed, jumping up and down like the overzealous mom that I was, and then kissed Lyric’s cheek. His gaze was on the tiger, following it as it paced back and forth and then bursting into tears when it walked away.
“Don’t cry, big guy,” Kellan said.
“He’s kind of used to having his way.”
“Already behaving like his father, huh?” Kellan joked.
“Stop it,” I said, shoving his arm. “He’s the first grandchild, so there’s that … plus Aiden and I kind of dote on him just a tad more than we should.”
I’d joked about Lyric becoming a mini-Aiden. Truth was, it wasn’t much of a joke at all. I was pretty sure he’d grow into an almost carbon copy of his dad. At this point, I wasn’t sure how I felt about that.
Tristan had come along with us on the off-chance Kellan and I did something that wasn’t kid-friendly, so he was the appointed babysitter for my last night in New York. Kellan thought I needed a good dose of adult fun, so he set out on a mission to give me just that. Our day started at a glow-in-the-dark themed laser tag arena, followed by indoor rock climbing, and some time in a bounce house. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d lived only in the moment.
Later in the evening, we wandered the busy streets, and happened upon Brushes and Beverages. It was a body paint expedition that allowed for painting with either brushes or your body. We started with canvas but after a few drinks, we changed into the body suits and went for the larger painting room. We were tipsy, making wise cracks, and rolling in the floor giggling like two silly teens when Kellan suddenly grabbed me, and before I could object, he’d pulled me into a kiss.
Upon instinct, I pushed him away. “What are you doing?” I asked, wiping his taste from my mouth.
“Aria, you know I care about you.”
“And I care about you, too,” I said, sitting up. “But as a friend. You know that. Besides, you have a girlfriend.”
“Really?” he asked, sarcasm lacing his tone.
“And I’m married.”
His brows lifted. “Does he know that?”
“Are you really doing this … again? Why won’t you back off? There’s nothing you can say about him that will change anything for me.”
“Is that what you think I’m trying to do?” he asked.
“I don’t know anymore. But honestly, I think this has less to do with Aiden and more to do with Sloan. I overheard the two of you last night. You were arguing,” I said, trying to reason with him.
“Yes, about the same crap you’ve dealt with time and time again,” he said, getting up from the floor. “These people think the world revolves around them.”
“Kellan, you’re overreacting.”
“The hell I am. I’m seriously considering cutting my losses before I get pulled in as deep as you. I see signs of her brother in her that were hidden before … or maybe I glossed over them, but either way, I don’t think it’s in the cards for us.”
“I don’t really see a lot of Aiden when I look at Sloan. With Allison, maybe … but not Sloan. Could it be that you’re just upset? Give it some time. Calm down and revisit this later.”
“No. I’ve thought about this before. The Raines want everything on their terms, their time table. In the meantime, they expect everyone else to put their lives on hold. Which is exactly what you and I have both done. Look at what he’s done to you, and you’re practically still newlyweds. Why do you have on blinders regarding that jerk? He doesn’t deserve you. He’s a fucking asshole. I knew it from the moment I met him, and you know what, Aria? He’ll always be one.”
“Why do you insist on painting him as the bad guy, Kellan? He’s going through a tough time right now.”
“If that were the case, it should bring you closer, not farther apart. A tough time? Give me a break. You’re living in separate houses! Why do you always make excuses for that son of a bitch?”
Getting up from the floor, I stepped toward Kellan. “I’m warning you. You stop it. Right now. Or whatever we have left is over.”
“I’m sorry, Aria. I just want you to be with someone who’s right for you. Someone who truly deserves you.”
“Some people spend their entire life trying to make it work with the wrong person, but that’s not Aiden and me.”
“As much as you love each other, maybe you’re just wrong for each other,” Kellan said, with a grimace.
“Is that so? So, what would that mean? That you and I are meant to walk hand in hand down the yellow brick road? Kellan, please. Would you want me knowing you would never have all of me?”
“I didn’t suggest anything like that,” he said, grabbing one of the towels and wiping away the paint from his jaw.
“Then what’s this about?”
“I just want you to open your eyes and stop denying what’s staring you in the face.”
“Open my eyes? Kellan, I’ve done just that. That’s why I agreed to be his wife … because my eyes were finally open. I’ll be the first to admit that Aiden’s logic and his way of doing things are quite often the opposite of what I’d want. But Kellan, he never does any of that to hurt me. He loves me. Probably too much. Yeah, that can be a bad thing if it causes you to stop thinking rationally. But one of the reasons I love him so much is because I see parts of me in him. He doesn’t always do or say the right thing. He’s imperfect … just like me. He has to fight his natural instincts everyday … just like me. There are so many parts of him that are on display for the world to judge, but there are those special parts that he only lets me see, and those are the parts that make me fall deeper in love with him. That’s never going to change. It’s those imperfections, those times where he stumbles, but also the times his heart is always in the right place. That’s what makes me fight for us. That’s what will always make me fight for us.”
“You have a good heart, Aria. But with every battle, there comes a time when someone has to give up.”
I walked over to the rack of towels and started cleaning myself up. “I can’t run. I won’t turn tail and run at the first sign of adversity.”
“The first of an unending stream. That much is guaranteed,” Kellan said.
I’d had enough of defending myself. “You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.”
“Don’t I? How many times have I had a front row seat to watch that jackass hurt you?”
“And how many times has it been of my own doing?” I asked. “My running? My fear? This time, I’m not going anywhere. I’m standing beside him. And if that’s too much for you to understand or support … to hell with you.” I turned away, one goal in mind—getting back to Boston with Aiden.
“Aria. Wait.”
“No. It’s time I went home. To my husband. You know, Kellan, I don’t understand what the hell has happened to you. You were never this mean, judgmental person. Maybe it’s this situation with Sloan, I don’t know, but if you aren’t able to dial it down a notch, I don’t think I’ll have room for you in my life anymore.”
*****
It wasn’t as if I had spare friends just lying around or camping out at my front door. So to possibly lose one, especially one as important as Kellan, was quite painful. He meant a great deal to me … and Lyric. I’d planned to always be in Kellan’s life in one way or another, but thanks to Aiden’s back-handed interference, I’d quite possibly lost the second man I’d ever loved—with the exception of my father, of course.
Dianna wasn’t feeling well, when I’d arrived home. I pretty much forced her back to her place to get some rest. That left me to deal with Aiden the following day. I’d be taking Lyric to the guest house. Although I’d made a big to-do about getting back home to my husband, I wasn’t really in the mood to see him or deal with any of his ill-conceived plans.
*****
“So, you went to Dayton?” he said, when I passed Lyric to him.
Of course, he’d known about the change in my flight plan. He wasn’t concerned before I left, so why was he worried now? “You know I did, so why bother asking?”
“I guess that’s your way of telling me that I shouldn’t,” he said.
“And I guess I shouldn’t be surprised you’re still spying on me.”
“Is there something wrong with wanting to know the whereabouts of my wife and child?”
“You could do what normal people do and ask. Or are you afraid that initiating normal conversation will give me the wrong impression? You know … as if you still give a damn.”
“If this is the normal conversation I should look forward to, do you actually wonder why I obtain information in other ways?” he asked.
“I don’t want to get into anything else with you.”
“Why?”
“Because,” I said.
“Because of my paralysis? Stop treating me like I’ll break if you don’t say or do what you feel you should.”
“Trust me, I have no preconceived notions about someone like you ever breaking.”
“You may not realize it, but you do.”
Had I been doing that? Had I been handling Aiden with kid gloves? Was that one of the reasons he wanted us to be apart?
“So why did you go to Dayton?” Aiden asked.
“Does it matter?”
“Everything you do matters to me,” he said.
He was really a piece of work. Hot and cold personified. “I wanted to talk to Mom.” He stared at me, confused. “I know with everything in me that she isn’t in that grave, but going there somehow helped me to feel my way through some things.”
“You’ve told me that you don’t think your mother died in the explosion, so why would you go there? I don’t understand.”
“Aiden, when it feels as if you have nothing to hold onto, you grasp for anything. Even something you know isn’t real.”
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked, his voice soft with concern.
“No,” I said, as I unpacked Lyric’s bag.
Aiden was quiet after that, watching me as I moved around the nursery. I grabbed some of Lyric’s items that I wanted to take home, gave him a kiss, and then told Aiden to call when he was ready for me to pick up our son. As I was about to leave, Aiden said, “Looks like you made the paper.”
“That’s nothing new. Since news of our relationship went public a couple of years ago, I’ve become a regular contender for the headlines.”
“True, but this one has a slightly different angle,” he said.
“What are you talking about?”
“Check your phone.”
I grabbed my cell and saw the text from Aiden. I opened the link and sure enough, there was a picture of Kellan and me, smiling and covered in paint. We were a perfect depiction of the happy couple out for a night on the town. And the headline was enough to make anyone think exactly that. Is there already trouble in paradise?
I met Aiden’s gaze, guilt lining my stomach. “Isn’t this what you wanted?”
“I just want you to be happy.” He said the words, but the hurt in his eyes wasn’t difficult to miss.