Aiden was long gone, but the remnants of his anger hung in the air. It had been hours since he’d stalked out of my office, but I’d yet to calm down enough to get on track with my day. By now it shouldn’t have, but his audacity still left me slack-jawed. And now that he was finally ready to set things right again, he wanted me to roll over and play nice? Had he honestly thought his approach would be okay? The fact that he could be so presumptuous and expectant after all he’d done was nothing short of insane.
Aiden was a very smart man, so the only thing that made any sense was that he obviously believed his own version of things. Otherwise, he would not have approached me as though we were in need of a fix for a small bump in the road. This surpassed everything else we’d been through. We both could have been killed. Lyric could have grown up without his parents. Did he not grasp that? I came so close to losing him, to losing us, and instead of celebrating life and everything we still had, he’d focused on the one thing he didn’t.
The subject of the miscarriage had yet to enter our conversations. That was probably the only point on which we were in agreement … neither of us was ready to walk through that door.
Leaving my office, I stepped into the room adjacent to mine, thinking some time with Lyric was the medicine I needed. I stopped short, surprised to see he already had visitors. Would wonders ever cease? Sienna and Dianna in close proximity … by choice.
“Am I seeing things?” I asked.
Dianna laughed. “It might appear that way, but no.”
“Hello, Aria,” Sienna said. “How are you? You didn’t return to work too soon, did you?”
“I’m well,” I said stepping into her embrace. “Thanks for the calls and flowers.”
“We’ve all been so worried about you. As a matter of fact, we’d planned on a visit, but Aiden insisted it wasn’t a good time.”
“Well, that’s one thing he was right about,” I said, reaching for Lyric. “So … what’s going on? Why are you here?” I asked. “The two of you together, I mean.”
“We’re concerned about you and Aiden,” Sienna said.
“Oh, that,” I said, taking a seat and moving my fingers through Lyric’s curls. “I don’t want to talk about him.”
“He came to us both,” Dianna said.
“About?” I asked.
“He wanted us to speak with you. He wants to come home,” Sienna said.
“He’s already home, he’s just not in the part of the house he’d like to be in right now.” Aiden Wyatt Raine reached out for help? He’d spit on mine for weeks, yet he was now willing to accept theirs. Odd. He didn’t ask when he wanted something. He never asked permission. He bulldozed his way. Everyone knew that. Was his earlier display a cover for what he wasn’t ready to show me?
“He’s a mess, Aria,” Sienna said.
“Well, I was a mess, too. So maybe he needs to stew in his a little while longer.”
“So this is just temporary?” Dianna asked.
“If you’d seen him a couple of hours ago, you wouldn’t have thought he was anything but Aiden. And I don’t know if this is temporary or not.” Even if it was, Aiden needed to realize once and for all that his actions had consequences. I hadn’t signed up for a life of being parented by that man.
“You may be teaching him a lesson, and maybe that’s the only way he’ll understand, but it’s not healthy for your marriage. If you aren’t ready to talk to him independently about your problems, maybe the counselor you were considering can help,” Dianna said.
“Aiden’s not willing to go to any counselor. I’ve tried that.”
“If you were to suggest it now, I’m certain you’ll receive a much different response,” Sienna said.
I was deeply hurt by Aiden’s actions. And yes, a part of me was being petty. I knew that, but I wanted to keep being petty. I wanted him to wonder, to lose sleep, to stress out the way I had.
“Dianna, may I have a moment alone with Aria?” Sienna asked.
“Of course. I’ll take our favorite little guy for a walk,” she said and reached for Lyric.
Once Dianna had left the room, Sienna turned to me. “Everything Aiden is doing …well, that’s just Aiden. He gets an idea in his head and no one can tell him a thing. He was like that as a child.”
“How would you know?” I snapped. “You were barely a mother to him.” A pained expression washed over her face. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that,” I said. “I’m trying to be strong but, some days it gets to be more than I can handle, and some things come out that probably shouldn’t.”
“Aria, you don’t have to have it together every hour of every day. But you’re right: I wasn’t there for him. I wanted to be a mother, I did, but I never made it the priority I should have. As a result, I was unable to rein him in as much as I should. To be honest, whenever he became ornery, I always called Dianna and she somehow managed to settle him down.”
“You still resent Dianna, don’t you?”
“Is it that obvious?”
“Were you attempting to conceal it?” I asked, smiling at her. “If so, it wasn’t working.”
“I guess you can say I have some antipathy for Dianna.”
“You once said she’d usurped your authority with Aiden. Why did you not fire her?”
“Because of Connor. He and Dianna have somewhat of a past.”
My eyes widened. “What?”
“Oh, no. Not that. They grew up in the same neighborhood. Connor and she were friends, and he’s quite fond of her. He always has been.”
“Oh,” I said. That explained a lot. Plus, Sienna had a different relationship with Aiden than she had with her other children. Sienna would have fired Dianna had it not been for her past with Connor and even more so because of her connection with Aiden. As much as she resented their bond, she couldn’t ignore Aiden’s love for Dianna. And she’d known if she’d done anything to hurt that relationship, it would have been another blow to the one she had with Aiden, possibly destroyed it altogether.
“As you know, I lost my mother when I was a child,” she said. “My grandmother did the best she could, but she didn’t seem to have it in her to share the words of wisdom a child would typically receive from a mother. And from what you’ve shared with me, your mother didn’t either. I’d like to think your mother would say to you the exact things that Dianna and I are saying. She’d encourage you to fix your marriage.”
“Sienna, you didn’t know my mother. She could have very well told me to cut my losses.”
“Maybe, but based on what Aiden has told me about her and her impression of him, I doubt that.”
“So, Aiden has spilled his guts about everything. Pulling out all the stops, I guess.”
“Aiden’s love for you is so fiercely passionate. As a matter of fact, I’ve never seen anyone as passionate about another human being as my son is for you,” Sienna said. “Thing is—he’s a man. So no matter how intelligent or how deep his love is for you, that common denominator will always be there. He made a mistake, Aria—a huge mistake—and unfortunately, he’s going to make more of them. You’ve just got to ask yourself if he’s worth it. And if he is, help him grow into the man he has the potential of becoming. He’s already a great man, but with you at his side, the two of you will be unstoppable.”
*****
I assumed Aiden received his report from Dianna and his mother. No sooner had they left than his name flashed on my phone’s display. I let out a sigh and answered. “Yes.”
“Can we talk?”
I cradled my forehead and exhaled another sigh.
“Aria.”
“I’m here.”
“Is this a good time?” he asked.
“As good a time as any. What is it, Aiden?”
“Can I take you to dinner?”
“Why? What is one dinner going to change that months of dinners haven’t?” I asked.
“Months when I wasn’t myself. Months when I was doing the opposite of what I should have been doing.”
“Is this about sex? If so, you must really take me for a fool. I’m not going to let you touch me. You’ve lost that privilege. No, wait. You didn’t want that privilege.”
He didn’t say anything. I considered ending the call.
“This has nothing to do with sex. I want to do right by us, Aria.”
“Why did you bring your mother and Dianna into this?” I asked.
“I didn’t. Dianna did, and when they both came to me, I didn’t see any point in withholding the truth.”
“Because you knew they’d plead your case?”
“Because they were concerned. Listen, Aria, I’ll do whatever you want. Counseling, church … hell, I’ll leave the country. I’ll leave Raine Industries and all of the other distractions behind. Just give me a chance.”
“So now you want to try counseling? When I practically begged you before?”
“I didn’t think we needed it,” he said. “I want to make things right between us. I want my wife back. I want us back.”
“You’ll say just about anything to get what you want.”
“You’re probably right; I will say anything because I don’t want you to give up on me.”
“I was always there, Aiden. Waiting for anything. Waiting for you. But you never came. Do you have any idea how much that hurt? Throughout our relationship, you’ve never once pushed me away, and when you did, it shredded me. But I gathered my needs, my emotions, and I pushed them aside because I wasn’t going to give up on you … on us.”
“And now you are?” he asked. “I know you aren’t ever going to do that. You can’t. Just like I can’t. We’re meant for each other. You know that. Tell me. Tell me you still know that.”
“Oh God. Why? To see if you still have your sadistic power over me?”
“You know that isn’t true. Aria, just listen.”
I held the phone.
“Are you there?” he asked.
“For now.”
“Would you at least think about letting me take you out?”
I didn’t answer.
“You’re quiet,” he said. “That means you’re considering it.”
“Not hardly.”
“When have you ever been able to refuse a date with me?”
I could hear the smile in his voice. “There’s a first time for everything,” I said.
“Okay. But you don’t want to refuse it. I know that much. And you could have hung up by now, but you’ve heard me out. Tell me that doesn’t mean something.”
“Well, I’m hanging up now. Give me some time to think,” I said.
“How much time? A few minutes? An hour?” he asked.
“A few days.”
“What? Aria, please—”
“Take it or leave it, Aiden.” I said, before he poured it on any thicker.
“I’ll take it,” he replied, his voice low. “You know that. I’ll wait until the end of time if it means I can have you.”
“Goodbye, Aiden.” I ended the call before he could pull on my heartstrings anymore.
*****
Aiden was surprisingly patient. Without his added pressure, I was actually able to respond to him one day after he’d asked me out on a date. I told him the only way I’d go out with him was if he agreed to counseling. I’d sent the message via text and he hadn’t replied right off. I’d had a feeling he wouldn’t. Sure, he’d made the offer to do anything I wanted to fix us, but that offer was made in a fit of desperation—he would have promised me a trip to the moon had he thought it would get him the results he wanted.
But the date didn’t go at all as Aiden expected. It may have caused more harm than good.
“And your vows,” I said. “Do they mean so little to you that you’d spit on them at the first appearance of adversity?”
His eyes blazed. “Don’t say that to me, Aria. Don’t ever say that shit to me. I’m reminded of the promises I made to you every day. Why do you think I’ve done everything I have up to this point? To keep those vows, to protect you.”
“Is that what I was supposed to feel? Protected? Because I didn’t. I felt abandoned.”
“If I was convinced that my presence would somehow devalue your life, do you honestly think I’d hold you to a commitment?”
“It’s not your choice!” I said, my voice raised. “Until you can get that through your thick skull, we’re headed for a shitload of trouble.”
He reared back in his chair, his arms crossed over his chest. “I don’t know what you expect me to say.”
“I expect you to say you understand—that being with me—that this marriage can work regardless of your views of what’s perfect.”
“I did what I had to do, Aria. For you.”
My chest tightened as I felt the familiar stab of anger. “That was not for me! It was for you. Why can’t you admit that?”
“Fine. Fine. It was for me. Is that what you want to hear?”
“Yes, if that’s what you really mean. If you’re finally able to be honest with yourself.”
“It’s obvious that’s what you need to hear, but regardless of that, I love you too much to let you have a life you didn’t bargain for.”
“After all I’ve said—what I’m still saying—you just don’t get it, Aiden.”
*****
We used the private entrance to the therapist’s office. It certainly wasn’t like the sleek office building of Seducente. And Aiden and I weren’t coming here for fun and games. We were here to heal a wound in our very new marriage. I’d always said that Aiden and I were too much alike, and that our similarities often worked against us.
Maybe now we could obtain the tools to work around that.
Aiden wasn’t the type of man who could easily admit to needing help, and quite frankly I could see why. He never seemed to need it. He was capable of doing pretty much anything he wanted, so it was difficult for him to see how having a hand here or there wasn’t the weakness he considered it to be.
We’d arrived separately, and I was shocked to see Aiden was already outside Dr. France’s office. Once I’d parked, the door to Aiden’s car opened and he walked over to me. It really was good to see that he was back to his former self, but I would have happily taken him with or without the ability to walk. I wish he’d known that.
“Hello,” he said, when he was a few feet away.
“Hi, Aiden,” I replied.
He stepped closer to embrace me, but I lifted my palm toward him, signaling that I didn’t want him to do that. Aiden stepped back and shook his head. “Why are you doing this?” he asked.
I wasn’t about to get into this with him again. “Are you ready to go inside?” I asked.
He let out a sigh. “After you,” he said, motioning toward the entrance.
Aiden opened the door, and we stepped into Dr. France’s office. When I’d told Dr. Burgess that Aiden had finally agreed to marital counseling, he’d referred us to Dr. France, whose specialty was marriage and family therapy.
He was seated behind a large desk in a very plush office. It wasn’t quite like the faux office setting in Seducente, but it was close. There were degrees framed on the wall. A brown leather couch with brass nail-head trim defining the rolled arms was in the center of the room and behind that was a vintage credenza over-filled with books. According to my online research, Dr. France had been practicing for over twenty years. His office was nicer than the one on his website, but the photograph of him was obviously dated; he appeared much older in person. He was a man of average looks … nothing that really stood out, with the exception of thick brows that met the edge of his oval-shaped lenses.
He stood to greet us as we entered, reaching for Aiden’s hand and then mine. He was very tall, at least as tall as Aiden, but when you were somewhat closer to five feet than to six, everyone was tall.
“Have a seat,” he offered. Dr. France grabbed a tablet from his desk and assumed the high-backed leather chair in front of us.
“I’ve reviewed your paperwork, and I believe I’ve grasped the reason for your visit, but why don’t you tell me,” Dr. France suggested.
I looked up at Aiden, who was sizing up Dr. France. I couldn’t make out his expression, but he seemed just as ornery as I’d anticipated, so I decided to speak first.
“Aiden recently recovered from an accident which left him temporarily paralyzed … and partially impotent,” I started, glancing at Aiden’s legs and then returning my gaze to the therapist. “We expected his condition to improve much faster than it did. And when it didn’t, Aiden pulled away from me. He wouldn’t let me help him. He moved out of our home. He wouldn’t let me see him and he wouldn’t even allow me to bring our son to see him—he only allowed the nanny to do it.”
Dr. France looked at Aiden. His gaze wasn’t disapproving, but I sensed Aiden felt it was. He tensed beside me, still saying nothing.
“Aiden, is this a pretty accurate assessment?” the therapist asked.
“Yes,” he replied. “And I know you’re thinking that it sounds bad, but when you word it like that, how can it not?”
“Why don’t you tell me in your own words what happened?” Dr. France asked.
“I was trying to protect my wife. Everything I did—or didn’t do—was for her.”
“Do you feel you accomplished your goal? That you protected Aria?”
Aiden turned toward me. “I’m sure she’ll say no.”
“I’m asking you,” Dr. France said. “What do you think?”
Aiden’s jaw clenched and he let out a sigh. “I don’t know. You’ll have to ask her that.”
“Did you feel protected, Aria?” Dr. France asked.
“No. Absolutely not. I felt abandoned. I felt useless.”
Using a stylus, Dr. France scribbled something on his tablet. “Please continue,” he said, looking at me and then returning to his notes.
“Aiden has a tendency to go about things his way, regardless of what anyone else says or wants. He doesn’t consider the repercussions until much later.”
Aiden shook his head as if in disbelief. “Do you expect me to sit here and listen to you criticize me in front of a fucking stranger?”
Dr. France broke in. “Aiden, it’s important that you know you’re in a safe place. There is no judgment here. It’s also important that you both show a level of respect for one another. Now, before we move on, I want to discuss the importance of feelings and honoring those. Aria, when you say that Aiden goes about protecting you in a way that you think is counterproductive, how does that make you feel?”
“Like what I say doesn’t matter.”
“That’s not a feeling,” the doctor said. “Stop for a moment and think about what you’re feeling and say it aloud.”
How did I feel? Most of the time—pissed. “Angry. It makes me angry.”
“Anything else?”
“Hurt.”
“Why hurt?” he asked.
“I don’t know. I can’t put that into words right now.”
“That’s fine. We’ll come back to that,” he said, again jotting something on his tablet. “Aiden, what did you just hear Aria say?”
“What do you mean?” Aiden asked.
“Look at your wife and repeat back to her what she said,” Dr. France instructed.
Aiden looked at me and started. “She said—”
“You’re talking to her—not me.”
“You said,” he started again. “that I often do things my way, and I don’t concern myself with how others feel about it.”
“And how does that make Aria feel?” Dr. France asked.
“Angry.” He exhaled a sigh and swallowed. “And hurt.”
“Aiden, I’d like for you to sit with that for a moment.” After a few silent beats, Dr. France asked, “How does that make you feel?”
“Of course it makes me feel like a controlling bastard, but in my defense, Aria knows this about me, so the fact that she’s making this big of an issue about it now is ridiculous.”
“How is it ridiculous, Aiden?” I asked. “Yes, I know how controlling you can be, and we’ve bumped heads about it since the day we met.”
“Yet you still married me. So what does that tell you?”
“Do you see, Dr. France? This is how it always ends up,” I said. “We go in circles. It’s the same song and dance every time.”
“If you know that, why are we here, Aria?” Aiden asked.
I turned away from him, staring at the ring on my finger and wondered just that. Aiden wasn’t going to change, and I’d agreed to be his wife, to be with him, despite the shit about him that pissed me off. I looked up at Dr. France, who was writing something. He placed his tablet in his lap and then looked up at us.
“Aiden, why are you here?” Dr. France asked.
“Excuse me?”
“Why are you in my office?”
“It was the only way Aria would give me the chance to make things right,” he said.
“And do you not see that therapy could be helpful for you as an individual?”
“I can see how someone would think I would benefit from therapy,” Aiden said.
“And what about you? Would you say that?” Dr. France asked.
“I don’t think I do. I think this is a waste of time. Aria knows me and I know her. We love each other and we can’t be apart. We both know that. So I don’t get why she’s so hung up on coming here to discuss what we already know.”
I shook my head. “Welcome to my world, Dr. France.”
“A world most would die to be a part of, Aria,” Aiden said.
I scoffed. “Yes, I’m sure—until they got the full gist of what it meant, and then they’d run for the hills.”
“Is that why we’re here?” Aiden asked. “So you can find the nerve to tell me you want to do that? That you want to run from me?”
“Aria. Aiden. This is counterproductive. It’s obvious you have a fair amount of resentment toward each other, and we’ll work through that, but let’s spend the remainder of our time together today focused on what you started with, Aria. We’ll move on to the other issues as we continue our sessions together.”
“More sessions?” Aiden asked. “How many sessions does it take to say what she’s already said?”
“As many as it takes, Aiden. Are you objecting to that?” Dr. France asked.
“No. I just want my wife back. And the longer we have therapy, the longer it will be before I do.”
“But you didn’t want me when you couldn’t walk,” I said.
“That’s not true,” Aiden said. “I wanted to protect you. That’s all I’ve ever tried to do.” He shrugged. “Personally, I see that as a good thing, but every time I do something to reduce your stress or to make your load lighter, I get kicked in the ass for it.”
“It’s not that I don’t want to be protected. It’s the way you go about doing it that causes the problem. How many times must I say that?”
“This is a good opportunity for the two of you to practice what you’ve just learned,” Dr. France said. “Aria, tell Aiden what you hear him saying.”
I let out a sigh. “He’s saying—”
“No, don’t tell me. Tell Aiden. Look at him and tell him,” the doctor said.
“Aiden, what I’m hearing is that you want to protect me. You want to make things easier for me,” I said.
“And the last part?” Dr. France asked.
Oh God. I hate this. It isn’t going to change Aiden in the least. “You feel as though I don’t appreciate it.”
“Wait, Aria. That’s not a feeling. What does that make Aiden feel?”
Like he’s not getting the lady to bow at his feet like he’s some type of god. That’s what I wanted to say, but of course I didn’t. “I think on some level it must have hurt,” I said.
“Now sit and think about that for a moment,” the doctor said.
Looking down at the area rug, my attention focused on the circular patterns of green and black. I didn’t want to think about Aiden’s feelings. I really didn’t, but what if I did? Would it make a difference in how I felt? I tried to place myself in Aiden’s position. What if I did something to protect him and in the end, instead of being happy that he had someone who loved him enough to spare him, he became upset and threw it in my face? How would that make me feel? Questioning myself allowed me to better understand what Aiden had been trying to tell me. I would have felt the same … I would have been hurt, too.
Lifting my gaze to Dr. France and then turning to the warm green eyes of the man who wanted to do all he could to make my life a walk in the park, I almost cried. “I think I get it,” I said, my voice small. “I still don’t know if I like it or even want it to the degree that you’ve extended. Part of the issue here is me. I never wanted to need anyone, and I didn’t want anyone to think I needed them. I didn’t need anyone’s protection, because I could protect myself. When you stepped in and shielded me from everything, I was bothered by it. I questioned myself about it. At other times, I’d become upset with you, and then we’d talk and I’d let it go, but it still bothered me. For the first time, I truly understand why you wanted to protect me from anything and everything.”
“Now, Aiden, tell Aria what you heard her say.”
Aiden grasped my hand, pulling it into his lap. “You don’t need me to protect you in the way that I have. And it’s upsetting for you when I impose my way of shielding you.”
“Okay. That’s good. Is that right, Aria?” Dr. France asked.
I nodded.
“Aiden, how do you feel about what Aria has shared?”
“To be honest, somewhat conflicted. There are times when I think I need to do what I feel is best, because it’s my responsibility and my privilege to protect her. To make her feel safe. But on the other hand, I’ve made her expect a man—a husband—that she can’t really trust the way she needs to. She should be able to come to me with anything and feel confident that I will meet her halfway. That I won’t do things the way I want. She needs to know I’ll respect her wishes.”
Yes. That’s exactly what I wanted. It’s what I’d always wanted, and Aiden knew that. I’d certainly said it enough times. Was his articulation of my needs an indicator that he finally got it? Maybe I was foolish to think so, but somehow it seemed as if he did. But that didn’t necessarily mean he would do anything differently.
“We’ll spend a great deal of time on this as we move forward. Saying it aloud and putting it into practice are two separate things altogether, and I want to coach you through putting this into practice. Another thing … Aria, is there a reason you’ve thought you always had to do everything on your own?” Dr. France asked.
“Yes, because at one time I had no choice. As a child, I had to function as a parent because I didn’t have mine in that capacity. My independence was a necessity back then, and as the years passed, it became a strong part of my identity. I embraced it, and it protected me from pain. I had to be in control. I needed to be strong. I couldn’t let anyone break me. I couldn’t be vulnerable, and I didn’t want to be hurt.”
He glanced at Aiden. “Your reputation precedes you, so I’m sure Aria’s personality coupled with yours must make for an interesting dynamic.”
“You can say that,” Aiden replied.
Dr. France redirected his attention toward me. “Aria, it’s okay to need and to be needed. And believe it or not, it’s okay to be hurt. I know that sounds odd, but we grow through pain. Without it, we’d all be as fragile as eggshells.” He stood to walk us out, stopping at the door. “You’ve done great work today, guys. It’s going to take some time—and quite possibly a few tears—but you’ll get there. It’s very easy to see how much you love each other. And that’s more than eighty percent of the battle. So many couples come in here and there’s no respect, no love. Just anger, resentment, and even hate. But you two, you remind me of why I chose this profession.”
If there was one thing that was unchanging about Aiden and me, it was our love. It may have taken a few hits, and there was a time or two when it was down for the count, but no way would it ever abandon us. The mere thought was inconceivable.