Chapter 15
Watson never thought that one of the perks of sharing her bed with an insomniac would be grilled cheese sandwiches at three in the morning.
However, as she sat at her kitchen table, a steaming cup of tea between her palms, she could't help but smile as the man in front of her flipped another sandwich on the skillet. She watched Turner contently, sipping on her drink, trying very hard not to stare.
Some women find their men at their sexiest in a three-piece suit or wearing nothing at all. Now that she had seen both, she found Turner most irresistible in striped flannel pajama pants and a t-shirt, in her kitchen, moving around like he belonged nowhere else. It was this moment of pure domesticity, just the two of them doing something normal together, that reminded her of the admission she made to herself.
She had known for a while that she was falling in love with him. Actually admitting it is an altogether different concept. Her eyes unconsciously fell on his wedding band as he expertly placed the food on two plates, but the feeling of dread that she usually associated with memories of his family didn't come.
In fact, if she thought about it, she realized it had been a while since she felt like she was competing with a ghost. There were moments of course, when he was not thinking and let a memory slip past his lips, but she could't begrudge him that. She would never allow him to feel embarrassed or ashamed about discussing his family. After all, not talking about them, not having things out in the open would not make them go away. She was still keenly aware that Turner had goals and plans regarding the Red River Killer that she didn’t necessarily agree with, but she was trying something new now.
Instead of dwelling on everything that could go wrong, she chose to indulge in little moments of happiness, soak up all the joy she could, and not waste her energy fighting against an elusive future. She might be stupid about it, may be going about this completely the wrong way, but no one will ever call her an eternal optimist. Instead of fixing things that have yet to be broken, she decided on having a little hope, a little faith in the man currently cooking for her.
Besides, there are more immediate concerns on her mind, a situation that could break this little domestic oasis before anything else had the chance to.
"Okay that's it, I don't like the silence. Care to tell me what's going on?"
Turner knew instinctively that something was bothering his bedmate when she didn't fall asleep for a while after they laid down. On a regular day, she would be out almost as soon as her head hit the pillow. He loved that about her, that she could fall asleep and he could spend the whole night with her warm body pressed against his; a comfort even in his waking hours, keeping the nightmares at bay, and giving him a chance to relax when sleep didn’t come easily.
After the long day they had and the bath later on, he figured she would be sleeping as soon as he pulled the covers over their bodies. That did not happen.
Instead, the woman next to him kept tossing and turning for most of the night. When her stomach began to growl, he decided to make them both something to eat, and maybe get her to talk about what was keeping her up.
At first, Watson hesitated to explain, but it was brief and almost negligible, because she realized at once, now that she had let Eric Turner into her home, into her bed, and into her heart, there could be no secrets between them.
"It's Harper." She said, not missing the brief look of aversion on Turner's face, but she ignored it.
Some things just could't be helped and Turner's dislike of the older detective was not only reciprocated but also something she won't go near.
"What about him?" Turner asked, and Watson could't stifle the giggle that escaped as she watched him bite into the sandwich and grimace instantly, realizing it was too hot.
"Impatient much?" She teased, but Turner just narrowed his eyes at her and told her not to change the subject.
She took a bite, chewed, and sighed into her tea, "he's going to tell Rodrigues, and then he'll reassign you for sure."
Watson wasn't sure what she was expecting, but Turner's open mouthed, obnoxious cackle just made her roll her eyes and throw the sandwich at him.
"This isn't funny you know, no one else will tolerate you. They will petition your transfer to work with Hal Jones’ team the second the idea is even entertained and god, I could't even imagine what he would do. I bet he'd just put in his letter of resignation right away, especially after that stunt you pulled with the joint operation."
Through her rant, Turner couldn't contain his smile. He secretly loved when she got riled up about something, usually pertaining to him. Her cheeks flushed and she talked faster, but what got him most were her eyes. Those green orbs became luminous beacons of light, a variety of emotions flashed across her face as she tried to get her point across.
Still, he noticee that she was extremely tense, the slight frown on her face and the crease in her forehead were signs that this really concerned her. Turner reached across the table, running his thumb over her knuckles in a familiar soothing motion that he knows she liked, "Relax, he won't tell."
Watson raised an eyebrow, unconvinced, "Oh really? How could you be so sure?" When a sly smile spread over his features, Watson rolled her eyes, "And I swear if you tell me it's because he's in love with me, you'll be wearing this tea."
"That's not where I was going, but even if he is, which I'm certain of, there's nothing much he could do about it now." The overprotective inflection in his tone amused her.
"Oh yea? How come?"
''Because," Turner said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, "you're mine now and I don't share."
For emphasis, he leaned over across the table and kissed her playfully on her nose, that heart-melting grin intact. Normally, Watson was opposed to men acting so possessively, but it seemed Turner had taken down most of her barriers, made her act slightly out of character. It's that very thought that worried her. She knew she's been far too lenient with him at work ever since the file incident and far more so since they become involved. She knew that if for nothing else, Harper could make his concerns known to Rodrigues just on that basis.
Now that he knew about them, there was even more reason for him to voice his opinions.
"You're still worried", Turner assessed, catching her eye over the rim of his mug.
"Can you blame me?" Watson retorted, picking up her empty cup and heading to the sink, "I mean he already thinks you've corrupted me at work, could you imagine what he must think now that he knows we're together?"
She turned on the faucet, watching as it filled the empty mug with water, then poured over into the sink. She was so focused, she jumped slightly when Turner came up behind her, arms wrapping around her waist, chin on her shoulder.
"I think you underestimate yourself."
His candid declaration filled with admiration made her shut off the water and turn around in his arms, giving him a quizzical stare, "What do you mean?"
"I think you don't realize how great a detective you are. I think you're constantly watching your back, worried someone will undermine you somehow, and I understand where you would be concerned. You should realize that Harper was the one who groomed you. He saw your potential and now sees what you've made of yourself and he respects you for it. He may not like me but he still thinks you're a straight arrow despite my horrible influence on you so at the very least, he'll come to you first before going to Rodrigues, which l still think he won’t."
Watson wasn't sure what to make of his words. They were certainly sweet, but she was not persuaded. She sighed against him, resting her forehead on his shoulder as she wrapped her arms around him, letting the heat from his body envelop and shield her momentarily from all her worries.
"You're not convinced, are you?" He murmured knowingly against her ear and she let out a weak laugh.
"No."
"Stubborn woman," Turner said affectionately, lips brushing against her forehead. She snuggled deeper into his embrace, suddenly feeling fatigue. The clock on the microwave read 4:00 and her body was apparently catching up on how late it really was.
''Tell you what. If Harper does go to Rodrigues, I'll make a huge show of it. I'll tell everyone I seduced you and blackmailed you into being with me with something wicked from your past.''
Watson looked up at him incredulously, but her green eyes were sparkling with amusement, a small smile stretched her pale pink lips.
"You're crazy," She murmured, as if she was still surprised that it was Eric Turner in her kitchen, grinning at her, holding her.
She reached up and gave him a very light kiss, before trying unsuccessfully to stifle a yawn, and Turner decided that her fears could wait until morning. They walk back up stairs and Turner settled into bed with her, feeling like he could actually manage a few hours of sleep himself. When Watson curled her body into his, leg draped over his thighs with her head tucked under his chin, a favorite position of hers as he came to learn, Turner found himself thinking about her worries.
He realized quickly that he never even once contemplated Harper outing them to Rodrigues, but the thought didn’t scare him as much as it should. He knew if he was off Watson's team, he would lose his link to the PPB and any actual connection to the Red River Killer, and although this should concern him, Turner didn't feel an impending sense of dread.
He's managed to survive the case being handed over to Harper, and he had no plans to stop his search, but there was a strange sense of relief when he thought about being unable to have access to the Red River Killer files. This strange liberation should distress him, but it didn’t, because in the deepest caverns of his mind, he knew something had changed. He had a glimpse into a life not consumed by revenge and he found that he could breathe more easily.
While Watson fell asleep concerned that their relationship will be exposed, Turner laid awake, smiling, thinking that it wouldn't be so bad not to hide his affection for the woman who was slowly chipping away at the shield vengeance had created around his heart.
Despite his complete assurance that nothing would happen, to give Watson peace of mind, Turner decided they should ride into work separately. He rose just a few hours later, sliding out of the warm bed reluctantly, then after scribbling her a note, he got dressed. He pressed a soft kiss to her bare shoulder and left the house, hoping she wouldn’t be too upset that he left without waking her up.
As it turned out, timing didn’t seem to work in his favor, and he could't help the smirk on his face when he pulled up into the PPB parking lot only to find Watson getting out of her SUV, obviously dreading what she thought would be a messy day at work.
When she looked up, he was already walking towards her with two portable cups in hand; a smile on his face that caused her to roll her eyes and sigh.
"Did you plan this?" Watson asked as soon as he approached, and he could't resist pulling her in for a quick, clandestine kiss. She swatted his arm in surprise.
"Turner, this is so not the place."
Turner handed her the coffee in his hand. Then he watched her take a sip and close her eyes contently, letting out a moan of appreciation that sent a shiver down his spine. The things she did to him without even knowing. Then the moment was gone and her eyes trained on his suspiciously.
"You know a part of me really wants Harper to tell Rodrigues just to prove you wrong, know it all." She appeared serious, but the way she jabbed his chest with her elbow and walked just a little ahead of him let Turner know she was just teasing.
Just before they get out of the elevator, he playfully pinched her side and whisperd in her ear, "You so do not want me to be wrong."
His baritone voice evoked images from the night before and she sucked in her breath, in disbelief that just the slight intonation in his words could have her body humming. She looked at him over her shoulder, eyebrow raised in question, "You sure about that?"
"You don't want me off your team; you'd miss me too much."
"Unlikely," she scoffed in response, but Turner just smirked beside her, pressing his body just that much closer, dropping a kiss to her exposed neck. Her involuntary gasp and the way she unconsciously leaned back against him are all the confirmation Turner needed to know that she would be thinking of him all day.
It was a little evil certainly, but seeing her blush as she moved away from him when the elevator door opened was just too priceless. There was nothing like a riled up Natalie Watson to brighten up his day. He caught up to her in the hallway.
"So eager to get to your office?" He asked and Watson rolled her eyes, murmuring something that sounded like, "pain in my ass."
Turner grinned, a retort at the tip of his tongue, but the two of them stopped next to her office to find Harper standing in front of them.
“Sam, good morning.”
Even though he caught her off guard, Watson remained courteous and Turner literally felt her body tense beside his, as if she was ready to move away from him at any moment.
"Natalie, Turner," The older detective nodded in greeting and Turner mumbled something resembling good morning to him.
He was certain that Harper wanted to speak to Watson alone and hoped Turner would leave, but for whatever reason, the advisor felt like being extremely obnoxious today. He saw how stiff Watson had become in Harper's presence and it unnerved him greatly that the older investigator had so much influence over her.
She was strong, capable, and very independent, but in front of her old mentor, Watson reverted back to the insecure, precocious rookie, ready to play by the rules and obey orders. It upset Turner, because Watson doubted herself in front of Harper and she shouldn't. It also made him feel like he could't reach out to her, like she pulled away from him, as if she was ashamed of being associated with him somehow.
He knew he was being irrational in his belief, but couldn't shake the feeling that if there was one person who could take Watson away from him, it was Harper. Despite the tension falling over the trio, Turner stood silently, sipping his tea, rolling back and forth on his heels and looking around, trying to appear as casual as possible. Finally, Watson broke the silence and looked over at him, "Turner, do you mind giving Harper and me a moment?"
Of course, it would be her who spoke first. It confirmed what Turner already knew. She was too proper, too embedded in the notion that she had to defend her career. Although those were the traits he loved most in her, particularly her dedication to her job and her loyalty to something as intangible as justice and fairness. In this moment, he wished she could be more rebellious, have more of a devil may care attitude.
Just to see her reaction, Turner wanted to lean over and brush his lips over hers, but he knew that would be crossing the line, so he settled for the gentle, barely perceptible brush of his hand over her lower back as he moved past them.
"I'll just be over on my couch if you need me," He said, a bit too polite, letting her know he was not very happy that she chose to give Harper the time of day. Watson nodded and unlocked her office and Sam walked in behind her and closed the door.
Turner laid down on the brown sofa, setting his tea on the table next to him, and closed his eyes. The bullpen was quiet, not even Cranston was in yet so he had a few moments of peace. Despite what Watson might think about Sam, how well she thought she knew him, Turner knew from the moment Harper met them in the hallway that he did not intend to go to Rodrigues at all.
At best he wanted to talk to Watson to warn her, caution her against any further entanglements with Turner, and Turner found himself more concerned that Watson would listen to Sam rather than any threat that he may get reassigned.
Watson really hoped that as soon as they walked into her office, Harper would start talking. Alas, the detective was way too polite and waited until she put her things down and was situated at her desk.
Only then did he take a tentative seat across from her as Watson tried very hard not to feel that unpleasant the pit of her stomach. She may be sitting on the other side of the desk, and her name may still be on the office door, but Harper's penetrating gaze was enough to make her feel like she was just a rookie cop again in for a stern reprimand.
The thought angered her not only because she wished she wouldn't feel this way around her old mentor, but also because she'd seen the flash of disappointment in Turner's eye when she dismissed him. His knowing how vulnerable she felt in front of Harper didn’t feel right, it made her doubt herself even more, but she put those thoughts to the back of her mind, saving them for later as she focused on Sam.
Harper watched her for a moment and when she clasped her hands over her desk and gave him a tight smile, he returned it, trying to relieve the apparent tension in the room.
"So what could I help you with?" Watson asked diplomatically and gave herself a pat on the back for containing her anxiety.
Harper cleared his throat and looked at her before speaking. He was not as good as Turner at reading people, but he's been in his fair share of interrogation rooms and could spot someone masking their discomfort from a mile away.
He's also known Watson for almost a decade, so when she could't resist twisting the ring on her finger, a nervous habit she'd picked up years prior, he knew she was anxious and that worried him. He disliked the situation, loathed it in fact, didn’t want to add to her anxiety or to be another reason she had to watch over her shoulder, or defend her professionalism. He didn’t want to be another Eric Turner for her.
He didn't like Eric when he first met him. He was far too pretentious, too much of a showman, a nicely wrapped package with nothing inside besides anger and a thirst for revenge, but Harper would be a fool not to notice the way Turner's entire demeanor changed whenever he was around Watson.
It was no wonder Watson was the only one who could restrain the consultant. Sometimes, the man was like her shadow, trailing beside her and always a little too close for comfort. His gaze was just a touch inappropriate, as if he was thinking wicked thoughts about the brunette detective.
That was why Harper shouldn't have been surprised when he saw the two outside of work, acting like a normal, happy couple just out for a bite while holiday shopping. He shouldn't have been so caught off guard by the genuine smile he'd seen on Natalie's face as Turner leaned in to kiss her, but he was. Harper had been genuinely shocked when he saw the two.
Later that night, as his wife chatted on and on about how lovely Eric was, Harper realized it didn't surprise him that Turner was smitten by Watson, but it was the fact that she let him in that bothered Sam so much.
It made him aware that the ambitious rookie he trained and shaped into the detective sitting across from him now is as much of a mystery to him as Turner. He could say with certainty that he knew who detective Natalie Watson had been but he had no idea who Natalie Watson is now and that worried him.
"I just thought I'd share with you some of my concerns." He began and he saw Watson's stoic demeanor falter just a little.
She must've been waiting for a confirmation that this is what he wanted to discuss and her calculated gaze was evidence that she was ready to rebut if need be.
"Concerns about what, exactly?" Her diplomacy was chipping away and she was powerless to stop it. Her trapped beast reaction was coming out slowly and she was ready to defend herself and others she needed to.
"You know about what, Natalie. I want you to know the only reason I am talking to you instead of Rodrigues is because your relationship with your advisor is not exactly against PPB protocol."
"Oh really?" Watson nodded, mostly for affect, "So if it was, you'd have tattled on me by now?"
Her scoff irritated him, but he didn’t show it, compensating for her emotional reaction with a stern, professional disposition.
"Let's not skirt the issue here. I had my reservations about Turner's methods of police work a long time before I realized you two were involved, but now I'm even more concerned."
The way he said 'involved' made Watson want to throw her paperweight at him, but instead she bit the inside of her cheek to deter a frown and continued to listen.
"I could understand more clearly now why you let him get away with more than other detectives here-..."
"Are you really implying that? For your information, Sam, my personal relationship with Turner is new and I let him "get away with more" way before that, and it's not like it hurt the unit's track record. We still close more cases with Turner than we ever did before."
"Although, that may be true-..," He began, but Watson cut him off, rubbing the bridge of her nose in exhaustion.
She wanted this to be a cordial conversation. Despite everything, she wanted to be okay with Sam, wanted the old relationship they had, but she realized that any hint of friendship was impossible with her former mentor, because he does not see her as his equal. While she wanted to move forward, he was still living in the past, still concerned for her, still trying to be somehow involved in her career, and her personal life. While his gesture was sweet and she knew that he meant well, his condescending tone and pedantic demeanor were too much for her.
Her relationship with Turner was personal and so far it had not affected her work or his for that matter. They still bickered like 12 year olds and he still managed to piss her off. He didn’t follow protocol and she still yelled at him for his antics, but they always got the job done, and everything else should be irrelevant.
Watson suddenly realized that she didn’t need to be here, didn’t need to be talked down to, and she understood that Harper had come here not as a warning, but because he knew there was nothing he could do to stop her relationship with Turner.
He admitted himself it was not against the rules, and since Rodrigues and he didn't usually see eye to eye, he knows the department director will most likely shrug at any suggestion of Harper's to separate her and Turner. So in essence, he came to talk to her as a last resort, because it was his only chance to ensure that Turner didn’t manipulate her too.
The thoughts ran through her mind so quickly, Watson didn’t even realize she interrupted Sam until she was speaking.
"There are no 'althoughs' here, Sam. You said yourself my personal relationship with Turner is not against PPB rules and until it starts to interfere with my unit's work to the point that my boss becomes concerned, then and only then will there be reason to discuss this. Otherwise, my personal life is off limits to you and you need to accept that."
She said it all in one breath, leaving them both bewildered. She took a tentative sip of her coffee and refused to tear her eyes away from Harper, even as he tried to process what she said. They both realized very quickly that since he had been back to the PPB, Harper and her have engaged in two very heated arguments, both of which were centered on Turner. Watson swallowed back her doubt, the same feeling of uncertainty she got around Harper when she thought about Turner.
She didn’t want to fight with Harper, didn’t want to have these drained talks but it seems like now their relationship had shifted. The power balance had tipped in her favor and Harper had a hard time understanding that she was not an inexperienced cop anymore. She worked her way up using her own wit, intelligence, and had made her own decisions.
Watson sincerely hoped that's all Harper was concerned about, that this wasn't some vain attempt to dissuade her from being with Turner for personal reasons. She didn't even want to venture there, entertain the thought that this could be a territorial thing.
She watched the flash of emotions on the other detective's face and reclined in her chair, taking a deep breath. She knew she should leave it at that, but she couldn't, she needed to say everything else because she will likely never to have the opportunity again.
"I'm not a rookie cop anymore, Sam. You need to realize that."
Her soft tone and the truth catch him off guard. He looked at her, gray eyes communicating his struggle with this very issue.
"I do understand that, Natalie. I just never thought…"
"You never thought what? That I could be capable of sticking to my principles and following rules and still have Turner on my team?"
She closed her eyes for a split second, hoping that's all Harper was concerned with, but his brief silence is too long, too indicative of the fact that it was not the entire reason he's worried.
"I just want you to be careful." Harper replied and when Watson caught his eye, her heart sank.
His vague response confirmed everything that she has been afraid of. This wasn't about her career and Turner's impact on her ability to do her job. This was about so much more and she didn’t want to believe it.
"I appreciate your concern, Sam, but I'm a grown woman, and I don't need you to be worried about me. I think I've proven that I could take care of myself."
She wanted to say more, but felt like anything else would cross the line, would be an inadvertent justification of her relationship with Turner, her rank and she was sick of it, didn’t want to fall into this trap.
The man in front of her represented every criticism she ever received and every sideways glance she got when people learned her rank or assumed that she and Turner were some how entwined beyond their working relationship. Therefore, the knock on her door had never sounded better than it did at that moment.
"Come in," Watson called out instinctively, her anger cooled when Ng stuck his head into the room. His glance danced between the two detectives.
"Sorry to interrupt, but we've got a case."
His words were music to her ears, granting her the escape she needed. Watson stood up right away, accepted the folder Ng gave her, as he tried very hard not to smirk at his boss's eagerness to get on the case.
After Watson perused the file and gave him directions to round up the team in the bullpen for a debriefing in five minutes, he nodded and slipped away, thinking he didn’t want to be in the middle of the rest of that conversation.
"We'll pick this up later?" Harper stood up and looked at her rather hopefully, and despite the anxiety Watson felt, she knew she had to make a decision now, consequences be damned.
"I don't think that will be a good idea." She said softly and Harper immediately narrowed his eyes at her, a brief flash of hurt crossing his features.
"Natalie."
"I think from now on our conversations should be strictly limited to anything work-related, everything else, any concerns you have, you could go to my superiors."
She was probably as shocked as Harper is that she even uttered those words, but it seemed to have the desired effect. The older detective straightened up, looks directly at her and nodded, then he wished her good luck and walked out of her office.
For a moment, Watson felt at a loss, defeated, and mad at herself for being so harsh. At the same time, she was angrier at her older mentor for not having faith in her. Isn't her current position enough proof that she was a competent police officer?
Apparently not, she thought with a bitterness that was new and unwanted. Watson knew she had a job to do and she began gathering her things, clipping her badge to her belt, and making sure her sidearm was secure.
Her mind was in disarray, she could't quite comprehend what had just happened, what her motivation was for practically severing ties with one of her oldest colleagues and friends. She sat down for a moment, trying to gather her wits before facing her team, but got the unusual feeling that she was being watched. Watson looked up then to find a pair of concerned sea-colored eyes looking at her through her open office door and she didn’t look away.
Turner gave her a small, discreet smile, aware that they have an office full of people separating them. That small gesture, just his little way of letting her know that he understood the unpleasant interaction she just had, made all her trepidation disappear.
Unlike Harper, who looked at her with thinly veiled doubt, she saw admiration in Turner's eyes, a look of respect and confidence that had nothing to do with their life outside PPB walls. A look that has been there since the first case they worked together.
She returned his smile and walked into the bullpen, realizing that all the respect she needed and wanted is that of her team and the incorrigible advisor who stood firmly behind her. A protective force that reminded her that above all else, inside this building, she was Senior Detective Natalie Watson and who she was at home, with him, was no reason for anyone to undermine her.