PHOEBE
None of us took our pyjamas off.
We did a sort of victory lap of Jutland. For Frankie, it was an actual victory lap. She ran in a circle around each college, clapping her hands at the bemused-looking people in the windows, like she had just won the Olympic 100m.
Bowl-Cut Mary did a backflip. She just casually did it, as if before she came to uni she had been a professional gymnast, as well as a singer in an electro band and a tattooed, pastel-haired siren.
‘I love Bowl-Cut,’ said Frankie, flopping down on the grass outside D Block.
‘She’s so hot,’ I sighed. ‘But still, she’s just a person. An unobtainably cool one, obviously, but still, a person.’
We watched her dancing by the lake with Jen and Wedding Veil and the rest of them. Her oversized nightie said ‘My Marxist feminist dialectic brings all the boys to the yard’ on it, and she was wearing leggings with cartoon David Bowies riding unicorns.
‘I kind of just want to admire her from a distance,’ Frankie said. ‘I’m worried if we get too close to her, the illusion will be shattered. It’s like, my mum used to be obsessed with Colin Firth – like, obsessed – and then she saw him in Peter Jones buying scales – kitchen ones not weight ones – and she spoke to him, and he was polite and everything, but he clearly just wanted her to fuck off. And I just feel like if I really get to know Bowl-Cut Mary she might not be everything I hoped and dreamt, you know.’
The sky cracked and it started to rain – big, heavy droplets – so all of us piled up into D Block, our pyjamas and hair dripping like crazy as we ran up the stairs.
Connor, Liberty, Nathan and Phillip were doing pre’s in the kitchen, and Connor marched straight up to me, Frankie and Negin and bundled us into a group hug.
‘Were you at the match?’ Negin laughed.
‘Course I was.’ He broke out of the hug, grinning broadly. ‘Never been so proud to be D Block. You lot were fucking amazing.’ He held up his vodka and Coke. ‘For the Beckster.’
‘The Beckster,’ Frankie shouted.
Liberty leant in to me: ‘God, I hope she’s OK.’
I nodded. ‘Me too. I just wish she’d reply to our messages.’
‘I’ve got an appointment to see her personal tutor this week,’ Negin said. ‘And I’m saving all her lecture notes.’
Connor put on some incredibly loud hip hop, and started pouring drinks for Bowl-Cut and the rest of the girls. The kitchen was already heaving, and the noise was so loud we were soon attracting people from all over Jutland. It was like a celebration. Within half an hour, it seemed like everyone on campus was stuffed into our corridor – every room was packed with people I’d never seen before. There were even randoms sat in the shower, drinking.
Connor waved his phone at us. ‘You know you’re famous? Everyone’s Story is just videos of you lot storming the pitch.’
It was raining so hard that you could hear it above the music, but it was so hot inside that the windows had steamed up. Liberty had made a kind of dance floor in the middle of the kitchen and was madly showing off routines she had invented to various Justin Bieber songs. Everyone seemed like they had been wound up and set off.
I went to the loo and saw I had a message from Flora: ‘What are your bday plans BEST ONE?’
I wrote back straight away: ‘I haven’t seen you in for ever. Can you come up for it next week? It’s the day before our Christmas Ball, but we can still GET ON IT’. She sent back: ‘YES YES YES!’
I came out to see Connor hauling his mattress off his bed and shoving Nathan and Phillip’s skateboards underneath it.
‘Right, clear the corridor,’ he shouted. ‘D Block chariot, coming through.’
Negin grabbed Liberty, Nathan and Frankie, and all of us ran as fast as we could and jumped on to the mattress, whooping like mad as it sped down the corridor, faster and faster and faster. People came out of their rooms and showered us with beer as we flew by.
The mattress crashed into the kitchen door, and we all fell off, screaming with laughter. ‘Again, again,’ Frankie was yelling. Then she looked up, and suddenly went pale.
‘Bagsy us next.’ Ed was there, scratching his damp curly hair and grinning down at us. And Luke Taylor was stood right beside him.
Ed hugged all of us, but Luke just nodded and leant awkwardly against the kitchen counter.
‘We could hear you lot from B Block,’ Ed said. ‘Although, to be fair, they can probably hear you in Scotland.’
I snuck a look at Luke, his hair still wet from the rain, and wondered if I would ever stop feeling stuff for him. Like, when I am fifty, will I still look at him and feel scared and excited and on edge? I feel like it will never go away. It got written into my DNA so long ago that my body doesn’t know how to undo it. If Luke Taylor murdered someone I’d probably end up marrying him in prison.
If Connor sensed any awkwardness, he didn’t show it. He just thumped beers into Ed and Luke’s hands, and then started dragging the mattress back up the corridor.
‘So, Luke Taylor . . .’ Negin said. ‘What are you actually doing here?’
Frankie nearly choked on her cocktail, and even Ed winced and clenched his teeth.
Luke shuffled against the counter, and took a swig of his beer. ‘I just wanted to say sorry, I guess. Because I really am sorry. I’ve felt so shit about it all term. So guilty. It’s not an excuse, or anything, I know. But it’s the truth.’
Everyone was looking at him, but he was looking at me. ‘I’ve been such a dickhead. I don’t know what else to say. I don’t know why I didn’t do anything earlier, but then when Becky left, it was just . . .’ He took another sip of his beer, and looked around at everyone this time – Negin and Frankie and Ed, and then back to me. ‘I’m so, so sorry,’ he said again, and I could feel how much he meant it.
Connor came smashing into the door again, with a whole new mattress-load of randoms falling off behind him. He stood up, dusted himself off and shouted: ‘Right . . . I Have Never.’
Suddenly there was only the scream of chairs scraping and glasses clinking and people cramming themselves frantically round the table.
‘Sorry, Luke Taylor,’ Frankie shouted, pouring herself another drink. ‘We’ll have to return to your soul-searching later. I Have Never takes priority.’
Luke looked quite relieved. He unwrinkled his brow and ran a hand through his hair. I saw Ed punch him on the arm, and grin.
‘I have never been in love,’ Liberty shouted. And I looked at Luke. I didn’t mean to; it was an insane, drunk, instantaneous reaction. He looked at me. And then we both looked away.
‘I have never vomited blue sick,’ Connor shouted, and he and Frankie both drank.
‘I have never sleepwalked,’ Liberty squealed.
Frankie held her glass up and looked around the table. ‘I have never lied about wanking.’ Then she drank. Everyone burst out laughing. ‘I literally don’t know why I lied about it before,’ she said.
And then, one by one, all the girls drank. And everyone was thumping the table and cheering.
Connor stood up on his chair. ‘To everyone wanking,’ he boomed. ‘We are all wankers. Everyone in D Block is a wanker!’
Ed frowned. ‘I’m not in D Block.’
‘It’s all right, mate.’ Connor smiled. ‘You’re still a wanker to me.’
Ed squeezed his shoulder. ‘Thanks, man. That means a lot.’
‘Let’s play Sardines,’ Liberty squealed, and suddenly everyone was charging down the stairs, out into the driving rain. It was pitch black and freezing, but it felt amazing to be out in the cold after how boiling hot the kitchen had been.
We ran to the clearing behind the blocks that was flanked by massive, manicured trees. It was so muddy. Loads of us had fallen on the way and looked like we had just swum through a bog. There was a trail of shoes that people had discarded in favour of going barefoot.
‘Phoebs is it,’ Liberty shouted, so I ran off, and they all started counting. I kept falling over and by the time I’d found a decent hiding place, inside a bush, my entire face was caked in mud. I sat there quietly, thinking how I wanted and really didn’t want Luke to be the first one to find me. But then Negin’s face poked through the leaves.
‘Fuck, you’re good at Sardines,’ I whispered. ‘Sardines and quidditch. Your two major life skills.’
She settled down beside me. ‘It’s so cold.’
‘I think my beer jacket’s wearing off,’ I moaned.
‘I don’t even have one of those,’ she said, wiping the wet mud off her forehead.
‘I’m so excited about our house,’ I said. ‘I’m so, so glad we all met.’ And because I was drunk I just threw my arms around her. ‘Sorry,’ I whispered. ‘I know you’re not a hugger.’
‘I think I’ve become more of a hugger.’ She smiled. ‘What can I say? Uni’s changed me. I still don’t like puke, though.’
Then Connor, Frankie and Liberty emerged through the leaves. ‘We could hear you lot laughing from three trees down,’ Connor hissed. ‘You might be good at feminism, but you’re shit at hiding.’
‘“Good at feminism”,’ Negin repeated. ‘I might get a T-shirt with that on.’
‘You could put “Shit at hiding” on the back,’ Connor suggested.
‘Can you lot shut up, I don’t want Ed to find us,’ Frankie whispered.
‘Why not?’ I said. ‘He’s your knight in shining armour.’
‘I know. But I’m too nervous to speak to him.’
‘You need to get over it, Frankie. He’s not gonna Colin Firth you, I promise.’
‘What’s Colin Firthing?’ whispered Connor. ‘Is that, like, a sex thing?’
Frankie shrieked, and suddenly Ed was clambering into the bush, too. ‘All right, who’s screaming in here?’ He was so big that his knees stuck out through the leaves. ‘I’m guessing that was you, Connor?’
Everybody got hysterical, and then suddenly Luke was peering into the bush, too.
‘Luke Taylor,’ said Frankie. ‘I’m not sure there’s room in this shrub for the likes of you.’
‘I’m not sure there’s room in this shrub for the likes of anyone,’ said Negin.
Luke looked uncomfortable. Almost shy, like we were at primary school and he was trying to join in our game, but not sure if we would let him. He took a step backwards and nodded, accepting that he wasn’t welcome. I scooched closer to Negin, and gestured at the little patch of mud beside me. Neither of us said anything as he smiled and sat down.