PHOEBE
Frankie took her full-to-the-brim Shreddies and hot milk out of the microwave and pigeon-stepped to the table so they didn’t spill. Negin and me were eating honey on toast.
‘I’m gonna leave it to dry for a bit,’ Frankie said. ‘I only like it when it’s turned into a kind of paste.’ She picked up a bag of sugar and started shaking it out over the top of the gloopy brown mixture. Negin wrinkled her nose slightly.
‘So, would you say Luke Taylor is your official boyfriend now?’ Frankie took an un-offered bite of Negin’s toast.
I shook my head. ‘As if. Would you say random-Freshers’-pull is your boyfriend? We’ve kissed. Once.’
Negin shook her head. ‘Come on, it’s different. You’ve had this really long build-up.’
Since it had happened I had felt permanently giddy. I had never had this feeling, about anything, ever. The closest was when I was so bored in GCSE study leave that I entered an online competition and won a luxury holiday to Disneyland, Florida for my whole family. It was the same kind of initial quake and then tremors of fuzzy, giggly aftershock that made me feel like some kind of epic hero.
‘Did you tell Flora?’ Negin asked.
‘Yup. She literally started hyperventilating. She acted as if we had achieved it together. Like a joint Oscar win.’ She had just kept saying, ‘You’ve fucking kissed Luke Taylor. You did it,’ over and over again. Which was pretty much what was going through my head, even in real time as it was actually happening. Like my subconscious was yelling, ’What the hell? This is cracked out. Is this even real?’
Frankie started to eat the congealed sugar crust on her Shreddies. ‘He obviously likes you. I mean, he messaged you “goodnight”. “Goodnight” is the most meaningful message you can send someone. It’s more than “I love you”. “Goodnight” actually incorporates “I love you”. Because you only message people you love “goodnight”. No one has ever messaged me “goodnight”. Literally, no one.’
‘I just really want to know what happened with him and Abbey,’ I said. ‘But it’s impossible to find out.’
‘Is there any way you could like . . . bring it up casually?’ Negin suggested.
‘No, because that will instantly make me seem like a crazy person who wants to marry him.’
‘Fair. Both ways. I mean, you do.’ Frankie poured another layer of sugar into her bowl. ‘I was telling my mum about it last night. Do you know the woman from Abba married her stalker?’
I snorted into my tea. ‘OK, stop saying stuff like that out loud. Although, you know, I only have about four memories before I saw Luke Taylor. I know because I counted them recently.’
Negin looked up from her toast. ‘You specifically counted the number of memories you have before you first saw him? That’s quite weird. No offence, but that is a bit stalkerish.’
‘I think it’s romantic,’ said Frankie. ‘But I have a really bad memory, so I don’t have a lot of memories pre the first time I met Ed yesterday.’
‘I didn’t specifically count them in relation to him. We’re doing memory on my course. Like how memory is what makes literature. How you can’t have the written word without memory.’
‘I have no clue what we do in Archaeology,’ Frankie yawned. ‘They keep talking about science. No one ever told me it had anything to do with science. I’m absolutely crap at science.’ She took another mouthful of Shreddies paste. ‘So, what is the deal with this Abbey, then?’
‘I can’t find anything out about her,’ I said. ‘As in she used to be social media obsessed and she has, like . . . disappeared.’
‘Oh my god, do you think Luke Taylor killed her?’ Frankie said.
‘He does play sport.’ Negin nodded. ‘More testosterone.’
’You play sport,’ I said.
‘Negin’s killed mad amounts of people,’ Frankie shouted. ‘With her resting bitch face alone.’
I got up and put more bread in the toaster. ‘Seriously, though, Abbey has vanished. Literally vanished. And now I have absolutely no way at all of finding out what happened between her and Luke.’
‘Except asking Luke . . .’ Negin shrugged. ‘Which would be fairly straightforward.’
‘Obviously, I’m not gonna do that.’
Becky walked in wrapped in a massive coat, carrying a pile of parcels.
‘Beckster,’ Frankie shouted, even though she was about a metre away from her. She held up her hand and Becky put the parcels on the table and very gently high-fived her. ‘How come you’re back?’
Becky tucked her hair behind her ears. ‘Me and Aaron had a fight so I got an earlier train.’ I looked at her more closely. Her eyes were ever so slightly red.
I jumped up and pulled out a chair for her. ‘Are you OK?’
She nodded. ‘Yeah, I just . . . it’ll be fine. I’m gonna call him in a bit.’ She sounded tired. ‘I might go home again on Tuesday.’
Frankie shook her head. ‘Tuesday is Halloween. You have to come to the 999 thing. Pre’s here first. I’m making cocktails inspired by everyone’s personalities. You say vodka and Fanta to me, with a dash of green syrup.’ She picked her bowl up and tipped the last of the milk into her mouth.
‘All we have currently is vodka, Fanta and some green syrup,’ Negin said.
Frankie picked up one of the parcels and started unwrapping it. ‘Speaking of the 999 party . . .’ She tore open the plastic packaging with force and emptied the contents on to the table.
A weird white plasticky dress with a red cross on it fell out. We all looked at the cardboard insert with a stripper-type woman on that said ‘Sexy Nurse Costume’. Frankie sniffed it. ‘It smells really weird. Like marker pen. Shall we try them on?’
We traipsed back to my room and she immediately started flinging her clothes off. Becky zipped her up in the costume, and she turned around and threw her arms in the air like she was opening a show in Vegas.
‘It weirdly makes you look even taller,’ I said. ‘I think it’s because the dress is so tiny. Your legs look insanely long. Like they are three quarters of your body.’
‘Like a daddy-long-legs? Bitch.’ Frankie scowled, and changed model pose. ‘What am I supposed to do? Go to the giant’s costume emporium?’
‘If someone spills their drink on you, at least you can just wipe it off.’ Negin squinted at her. ‘Is it made of pencil-case material?’
‘No, Negin, I just look like an actual pencil.’ She tried to pull the suspender things up but they only reached a bit over her knees. ‘I thought the only people who actually wore suspenders were Victoria’s Secret models, so why are they so short?’
‘I’ll have the opposite problem,’ I said. ‘I bet mine are too long and go right up to my bum.’
‘And there is this gap for my boobs, but I have no boobs to put in it.’ Frankie swung round to Becky, who was sitting on my bed. ‘Becky, you aren’t a bitch like these two. Be honest, if you were Ed, would you find me in any way sexual in this outfit?’
Becky looked a bit overwhelmed by the question. ‘Um . . .’
Me and Negin burst out laughing. ‘Sorry, you are sexual,’ I said. ‘It was just Becky’s face . . . And the way you said “sexual”.’
‘Fuck you all,’ Frankie said, and one of the suspenders fell around her ankles. She plonked down next to Becky. ‘Do you know my mum is actually a nurse? And they don’t even wear this shit. They wear tunics like women on beauty counters. Maybe I should have got the £23.99 one. Did you get the £23.99 one? Come on, I want to see yours.’
Usually I would have felt a bit self-conscious showing people my body, but Frankie seemed so at home with hers that it kind of made me want to feel at home in mine. Even if I didn’t.
I think, in my whole life, Frankie was the only girl apart from Mum I had seen completely naked. In PE at school, everyone was so careful, wriggling around inside their Aertex tops. Even when I had been away with Flora, we had put our bikinis on in the bathroom. But the first night Frankie had stayed in my room, she had just stripped off, and it had kind of mesmerized me. Partly just seeing another person’s naked body and partly because she didn’t think it was weird. Like she had never got the memo about squirming around in your T-shirt to take your bra off at a sleepover.
I opened the plastic packet and started to get changed, trying to affect Frankie’s give-a-shit vibe.
‘You look way more like an actual nurse than Frankie does,’ Negin said. ‘I think the green colour helps.’
‘I feel like one of the fairies from Cinderella. It really poofs out at the waist.’
I sat on the bed and tried to work out how to put the suspenders on. In the end we had to watch a YouTube video to figure it out. I stood up and looked at myself. ‘They kind of funnel all my fat upwards and then it spills over the top of them. Like I’m a cupcake and my fat is buttercream icing.’
‘Why are blokes so into them?’ Frankie said. ‘Can you ask Luke? Let’s get a picture. Do a nurse face.’
I stood up straight and did a sort of stern-but-kind face. Negin shook her head as she took the picture.
‘I think the suspender thing is because of olden-day prostitutes.’ Frankie undid her other stocking. ‘And maybe they fancy nurses because they’re . . . kind?’
‘I find boys really weird sometimes.’ I looked at myself in the mirror. ‘I will definitely sweat shitloads in this fabric. Fuck it. I’m not gonna wear it. It’s a joke. Who am I?’
Frankie flopped down on the bed. ‘Well if you’re not gonna wear it, then I’ll feel even more ridiculous. Do you think we can get the £12.99 back?’
‘Let’s just both not wear it. In fact, let’s just agree to never wear suspenders, ever. I’m not a prostitute from the olden days. Or any kind of health worker. So it would be false advertising.’
‘Agreed,’ said Frankie. ‘Let’s shake on it.’
‘Just wear scrubs like me and Becky.’ Negin shrugged. ‘We’re gonna steal them from M Block tomorrow. We’ll steal you some, too.’
My phone started flashing on the bed. I looked at the screen, then looked up. ‘Fuck.’
‘Who is it?’ Negin frowned. ‘Why do you look so scared?’
‘Oh my god, is it ISIS?’ Frankie yelled.
‘Yes, it’s ISIS,’ Negin yelled back. ‘They always phone Phoebe before they strike.’
Becky laughed. The phone was still flashing and I didn’t know what to do. ‘It’s Luke,’ I said.
‘Shut. Up.’ Before I could stop her, Frankie snatched it out of my hand.
‘Don’t be a twat, Frankie!’ I screamed. ‘This is my life.’
‘“This is my life,”’ Negin repeated, and she and Becky cracked up again. Frankie shushed them and hit answer. ‘Hi, Luke Taylor.’ She jumped up on to the bed and held the phone so high I couldn’t reach it.
‘Oh my god,’ I whisper-groaned and jumped on to the bed next to her, elbowing her in the stomach to try and get the phone back.
‘Yes, it’s Frankie. It was delightful to meet you yesterday. Top, top quidditching on your part . . . What . . . Oh, right . . . Oh, really?’
I mouthed, ‘What’s he saying?’ Her face changed and she nodded frantically at the window.
Standing on the grass outside, looking up at us with a slightly bemused expression, was Luke.
LUKE
‘Is that how you always dress for breakfast, then?’
Her mouth twitched, like she was trying to pin back a smile. ‘Yeah. Obviously. It’s D Block tradition. We wake up, put on our latex nurse outfits, have some Shreddies . . .’
I looked back at D Block as we headed up the walkway to our lecture. Frankie was still wearing the costume and dancing at us through the kitchen window.
‘So, were they for the 999 thing?’ I asked.
She tilted her head at me. ‘No, Luke, I just randomly bowl about the place dressed like a sexy nurse.’
I tilted back. ‘Well, you might do.’ I was slightly disappointed she hadn’t come downstairs still wearing it. I wondered how long I should wait before trying to kiss her again. It was pretty much all I’d thought about since we’d left the hall yesterday.
‘What are you going as?’ she asked.
I shrugged. ‘I’ll probably just borrow a lab coat off one of the chemists. Go as a doctor.’
She buttoned her jacket up against the wind. ‘It’s weird how people consider doctors and nurses inherently sexy. Like, why?’
‘Well . . . They do spend a lot of time around naked people.’
‘Yeah, but naked people who are either ill or dead.’
‘True. And no one finds undertakers sexy. To be honest, I reckon blokes just like any outfit that shows a lot of bare flesh.’ I put my hands up. ‘I apologize for my gender.’
She nodded. ‘Apology accepted. I should warn you that me and Frankie have decided to fuck the whole sexy nurse thing off, anyway. We’re just gonna wear scrubs with Negin and Becky.’
‘Good plan.’
‘Is your mate Ed gonna come? Frankie’s obsessed with him.’ She stopped and slapped her hand across her mouth. ‘Don’t tell Ed that, obviously. Unless he’s obsessed with her, too. Is he obsessed with her, too?’
We kept walking. ‘No idea. I’ll pump him for info next time I see him.’
‘No, Luke. You have to be subtle.’
I looked at her, mock-offended. ‘I am subtle, Phoebe. I’m super subtle. Don’t worry about that.’
She half glanced at me, her mouth twitching again.
We got to the lecture and found seats near the back of the hall. It was so packed that everyone was bunched right up together, like sardines on ridiculously uncomfortable folding seats. Because me and Phoebe were sat so close, our legs kept brushing under the desk, and after a while it became a sort of game. One of us would nudge the other, the other would nudge back harder, with both of us trying – not very successfully – to keep a straight face.
Because of all this, by the time the lecture finished, I had learnt literally nothing. I wondered as we walked out if I was ever going to take on any new knowledge during my three years here. If my parents knew my loan was being spent on nudging legs and obsessing over text messages, they’d be fucking furious.
We traipsed up the hill to the library and got the books we needed for the next seminar. When we were back outside, I suddenly realized that we had no more legitimate, scheduled reasons to keep hanging out.
‘Do you fancy a cup of tea, or something?’ I asked, hopefully.
‘Yeah, that’d be nice.’
We went into the vaguely litigious library cafe, ‘Starcups’ – which was half-heartedly decked out with rubber skeletons and pumpkins – and got teas and M&M cookies. Then we went and sat underneath the massive tree by the edge of the lake. It was jacket-and-gloves cold, but the air was fresh and the sky was clear blue. The ground was covered in conkers, and Phoebe picked one up. ‘I used to love playing conkers with my brother.’
A memory bumped me out of nowhere. ‘Hey, do you remember when Tom Gale got suspended for whacking Dhiraj on the head with a conker? When was that? Year Eight?’
‘Oh yeah. We had a whole assembly on “conker safety” the day after. But I thought it was Dhiraj who conkered Tom, after Tom shot him with a BB gun? Tom Gale was definitely a bit of a psycho.’
‘I still find it so weird that we have all these memories in common, but we didn’t even know each other until the start of this month.’ I handed her the biggest, glossiest conker I could see. ‘Here, this will definitely win any conker clash you’ll ever enter. You’d be able to knock Tom Gale out cold with this one.’
She smiled and put it in her jacket pocket, and I suddenly couldn’t wait any longer. I leant over and we were kissing again.
It felt even better than yesterday, but we definitely weren’t at that point yet where we could go straight back into post-kiss normal conversation. As soon as we broke apart, a slightly awkward silence settled.
I glanced across the lake and noticed a big group of people milling about on the other side. One of them broke away, and it seemed like he was looking at us, but he was too far away to tell. Suddenly, he stuck up a hand and waved, and I realized it was Will. We both waved back. It was impossible to read his expression. The silence felt heavier suddenly.
‘I might live with Will next year, actually,’ I said, without really knowing why. Just to break the silence, I guess. ‘I mean, it’s not definite, or anything . . .’
‘Oh, right.’ Phoebe nodded. ‘Cool.’ She picked up another conker.
I wondered again what she thought about Will. How serious their Freshers’ Week thing had actually been. I didn’t care that they’d probably hooked up, but I did care that he might have taken a photo of her. That she might be up there somewhere, on the Wall of Shame, with Dempers and everyone posting comments about her. Since I could only see the group from the day I’d been added, there was literally no way of knowing.
‘I’m freaking out about the whole house thing, to be honest,’ Phoebe said.
‘Surely you’ll live with Frankie and Negin?’
She shrugged and stared down at the conker. ‘We haven’t talked about it yet. Negin’s got loads of mates on her course, and Frankie knows literally everyone on campus. So, I dunno.’
‘Yeah, the whole thing’s really stressful.’
I looked across the lake and watched Will a second longer as he walked away.